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How to tell a close friend they're being cheated on when the cheater is my good friend
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Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her.
I have two close friends, Bobby and Sarah, that I met together almost 3 years ago (we all met at the same place/time). Bobby and Sarah have been dating for almost two years now. Things are pretty serious between them. They both still have their own places, but there seems to always be an empty apartment.
At a party recently, while she was pretty drunk, Sarah admitted to me that she slept with another man about a month ago. I was shocked. Things (at least from the outside) seemed to be going well for them.
If I was only friends with either Bobby or Sarah, this would be easy. But I'm torn--I feel like no matter what I do I'm choosing a side and "betraying" one of them even though they're both close to me. That being said, I think that honesty is the best policy, so I've decided, as his friend, that this is something Bobby should know about. However, I know Sarah will likely be upset about a breach of trust.
How can I let Bobby know that he's been cheated on while minimizing the fallout for myself from Sarah? I love them both and I don't want to lose either of them to this.
friends united-states conflict-aversion
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her.
I have two close friends, Bobby and Sarah, that I met together almost 3 years ago (we all met at the same place/time). Bobby and Sarah have been dating for almost two years now. Things are pretty serious between them. They both still have their own places, but there seems to always be an empty apartment.
At a party recently, while she was pretty drunk, Sarah admitted to me that she slept with another man about a month ago. I was shocked. Things (at least from the outside) seemed to be going well for them.
If I was only friends with either Bobby or Sarah, this would be easy. But I'm torn--I feel like no matter what I do I'm choosing a side and "betraying" one of them even though they're both close to me. That being said, I think that honesty is the best policy, so I've decided, as his friend, that this is something Bobby should know about. However, I know Sarah will likely be upset about a breach of trust.
How can I let Bobby know that he's been cheated on while minimizing the fallout for myself from Sarah? I love them both and I don't want to lose either of them to this.
friends united-states conflict-aversion
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her.
I have two close friends, Bobby and Sarah, that I met together almost 3 years ago (we all met at the same place/time). Bobby and Sarah have been dating for almost two years now. Things are pretty serious between them. They both still have their own places, but there seems to always be an empty apartment.
At a party recently, while she was pretty drunk, Sarah admitted to me that she slept with another man about a month ago. I was shocked. Things (at least from the outside) seemed to be going well for them.
If I was only friends with either Bobby or Sarah, this would be easy. But I'm torn--I feel like no matter what I do I'm choosing a side and "betraying" one of them even though they're both close to me. That being said, I think that honesty is the best policy, so I've decided, as his friend, that this is something Bobby should know about. However, I know Sarah will likely be upset about a breach of trust.
How can I let Bobby know that he's been cheated on while minimizing the fallout for myself from Sarah? I love them both and I don't want to lose either of them to this.
friends united-states conflict-aversion
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
Note: one of my best friends is in this situation with her friends, so I'm asking this question for her.
I have two close friends, Bobby and Sarah, that I met together almost 3 years ago (we all met at the same place/time). Bobby and Sarah have been dating for almost two years now. Things are pretty serious between them. They both still have their own places, but there seems to always be an empty apartment.
At a party recently, while she was pretty drunk, Sarah admitted to me that she slept with another man about a month ago. I was shocked. Things (at least from the outside) seemed to be going well for them.
If I was only friends with either Bobby or Sarah, this would be easy. But I'm torn--I feel like no matter what I do I'm choosing a side and "betraying" one of them even though they're both close to me. That being said, I think that honesty is the best policy, so I've decided, as his friend, that this is something Bobby should know about. However, I know Sarah will likely be upset about a breach of trust.
How can I let Bobby know that he's been cheated on while minimizing the fallout for myself from Sarah? I love them both and I don't want to lose either of them to this.
friends united-states conflict-aversion
friends united-states conflict-aversion
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
edited 1 hour ago
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
asked 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
8,86262456
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
This is the initial advice I gave my friend. I'm posting it here as a benchmark. I'm excited to see what you interpersonal adepts come up with! :)
You're right to fear Sarah becoming upset about a breach of trust, because you would be breaching her trust. You'd be taking something she told you in confidence (even if she was inebriated) and going behind her back to spill her secrets to Bobby. Because of this I'd tell Sarah directly that you're planning on telling Bobby.
Sarah's probably feeling some kind of mix of guilt, self-loathing, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. Depending on her personality, she may be one step away from turning all of that toward you as hate and anger. As such, I'd try to play to her empathy to you as her close friend by emphasizing how much you care about Bobby and her and how much it would hurt you to have to keep this secret.
I'd bring up the party and have a conversation about what happened--letting her vent her feelings about the whole thing. After she's gotten it all out, I'd let her know what you're thinking:
I don't think it's fair to Bobby to keep hiding this from him. I love you both and I don't feel like I can look him in the eye and keep hanging out with him if I have to hide something like this from him. I think it'd be better for both of you if he heard it from you instead of me, so I wanted to give you time to talk to him before I see him next1. I don't want to go behind your back or betray your trust with telling me, but this isn't something I can keep from him.
She might be mad. She might yell at you. Or she might feel defeated and seem to deflate. Either way, make sure you stay as calm as you can and emphasize that the reason you need to tell Bobby is because it hurts you to hold this. If you think it'd be a good idea, you can offer to tell Bobby together with her if she needs the support.
1. Thanks to @JessK for this one!
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
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I feel you!
I understand perfectly what you are going through, but my advice is to stay out of it.
I know they both are your friends and you love them and care for them, but please don't choose sides and don't tell Bobby about Sarah, either Sarah about planning to tell Bobby what she did. It won't end well and for some reason maybe Bobby doesn't want to find something like that or maybe he won't believe you.
In the end you might lose them both in your way to make things right.
Just take a moment and think.
You said that from the outside their relationship seemed to be going really well, but what if they are not? What if Bobby doesn't make Sarah feel good ? Or what if their act is just too good that they don't realize how much tey are lying? What if Bobby is the one pushing Sarah over the edge? What if Bobby cheated on Sarah too? What if?
There might be a lot of scenarios so don't jump to conclusions.
Since Sarah told you about that, she might felt really bad about that and that secret might be eating her up from inside. And somehow she felt like telling someone s her deepest, darkest secret in order to free herself from the guilt. Maybe she tries to deal with the fact that she cheated on a good man.
If I were you, I'd stick with Sarah and make her see the truth before hurting Bobby more than she already did. But not trying to black-mail her with: I will tell Bobby everything. Try to highlight to her how much they both mean to you, and that by telling you that secret, she may it hard for you to look at Bobby. Repeat her how she means to you and that you want her best. Tell her that her secret is safe with you. But in the end Bobby will find out (karma) so she better tell him. Make her realize that her decision wasn't good and that if she misses something in her relationship she should end things before keep hurting Bobby. And try to make her tell you the real reason why she did that. Because there is always a reason behind every act!!!
Black-mailing someone even as a friend, is never ok. I know your intentions are good and pure, but she won't see it like that. She will see you as an act of betrayal. Be by her side and help her go through all of this. She trusted you with her deepest secret and that means you can't go simply to Bobby. As I said previously, there might be a chance that Bobby won't believe you or that he already knows.
Just trust the Universe and Karma and things will set the way they should. Just don't choose sides before knowing perfectly both sides and even then, you might not know the whole truth.
Take in consideration the fact that even after Bobby finds the truth , he might forgive Sarah, but not you. And in the end you don't want to lose them both.
Ps: Be by Sarah and make her turn herself to Bobby but not by pushing her or black mailing her. And be by Bobby's side too (by defeating him in front of Sarah).
Ps2: I am sorry if 'black mail' sounds awful, but is the best word I could find.
Best luck!
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
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2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
This is the initial advice I gave my friend. I'm posting it here as a benchmark. I'm excited to see what you interpersonal adepts come up with! :)
You're right to fear Sarah becoming upset about a breach of trust, because you would be breaching her trust. You'd be taking something she told you in confidence (even if she was inebriated) and going behind her back to spill her secrets to Bobby. Because of this I'd tell Sarah directly that you're planning on telling Bobby.
Sarah's probably feeling some kind of mix of guilt, self-loathing, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. Depending on her personality, she may be one step away from turning all of that toward you as hate and anger. As such, I'd try to play to her empathy to you as her close friend by emphasizing how much you care about Bobby and her and how much it would hurt you to have to keep this secret.
I'd bring up the party and have a conversation about what happened--letting her vent her feelings about the whole thing. After she's gotten it all out, I'd let her know what you're thinking:
I don't think it's fair to Bobby to keep hiding this from him. I love you both and I don't feel like I can look him in the eye and keep hanging out with him if I have to hide something like this from him. I think it'd be better for both of you if he heard it from you instead of me, so I wanted to give you time to talk to him before I see him next1. I don't want to go behind your back or betray your trust with telling me, but this isn't something I can keep from him.
She might be mad. She might yell at you. Or she might feel defeated and seem to deflate. Either way, make sure you stay as calm as you can and emphasize that the reason you need to tell Bobby is because it hurts you to hold this. If you think it'd be a good idea, you can offer to tell Bobby together with her if she needs the support.
1. Thanks to @JessK for this one!
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
This is the initial advice I gave my friend. I'm posting it here as a benchmark. I'm excited to see what you interpersonal adepts come up with! :)
You're right to fear Sarah becoming upset about a breach of trust, because you would be breaching her trust. You'd be taking something she told you in confidence (even if she was inebriated) and going behind her back to spill her secrets to Bobby. Because of this I'd tell Sarah directly that you're planning on telling Bobby.
Sarah's probably feeling some kind of mix of guilt, self-loathing, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. Depending on her personality, she may be one step away from turning all of that toward you as hate and anger. As such, I'd try to play to her empathy to you as her close friend by emphasizing how much you care about Bobby and her and how much it would hurt you to have to keep this secret.
I'd bring up the party and have a conversation about what happened--letting her vent her feelings about the whole thing. After she's gotten it all out, I'd let her know what you're thinking:
I don't think it's fair to Bobby to keep hiding this from him. I love you both and I don't feel like I can look him in the eye and keep hanging out with him if I have to hide something like this from him. I think it'd be better for both of you if he heard it from you instead of me, so I wanted to give you time to talk to him before I see him next1. I don't want to go behind your back or betray your trust with telling me, but this isn't something I can keep from him.
She might be mad. She might yell at you. Or she might feel defeated and seem to deflate. Either way, make sure you stay as calm as you can and emphasize that the reason you need to tell Bobby is because it hurts you to hold this. If you think it'd be a good idea, you can offer to tell Bobby together with her if she needs the support.
1. Thanks to @JessK for this one!
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
This is the initial advice I gave my friend. I'm posting it here as a benchmark. I'm excited to see what you interpersonal adepts come up with! :)
You're right to fear Sarah becoming upset about a breach of trust, because you would be breaching her trust. You'd be taking something she told you in confidence (even if she was inebriated) and going behind her back to spill her secrets to Bobby. Because of this I'd tell Sarah directly that you're planning on telling Bobby.
Sarah's probably feeling some kind of mix of guilt, self-loathing, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. Depending on her personality, she may be one step away from turning all of that toward you as hate and anger. As such, I'd try to play to her empathy to you as her close friend by emphasizing how much you care about Bobby and her and how much it would hurt you to have to keep this secret.
I'd bring up the party and have a conversation about what happened--letting her vent her feelings about the whole thing. After she's gotten it all out, I'd let her know what you're thinking:
I don't think it's fair to Bobby to keep hiding this from him. I love you both and I don't feel like I can look him in the eye and keep hanging out with him if I have to hide something like this from him. I think it'd be better for both of you if he heard it from you instead of me, so I wanted to give you time to talk to him before I see him next1. I don't want to go behind your back or betray your trust with telling me, but this isn't something I can keep from him.
She might be mad. She might yell at you. Or she might feel defeated and seem to deflate. Either way, make sure you stay as calm as you can and emphasize that the reason you need to tell Bobby is because it hurts you to hold this. If you think it'd be a good idea, you can offer to tell Bobby together with her if she needs the support.
1. Thanks to @JessK for this one!
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
This is the initial advice I gave my friend. I'm posting it here as a benchmark. I'm excited to see what you interpersonal adepts come up with! :)
You're right to fear Sarah becoming upset about a breach of trust, because you would be breaching her trust. You'd be taking something she told you in confidence (even if she was inebriated) and going behind her back to spill her secrets to Bobby. Because of this I'd tell Sarah directly that you're planning on telling Bobby.
Sarah's probably feeling some kind of mix of guilt, self-loathing, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. Depending on her personality, she may be one step away from turning all of that toward you as hate and anger. As such, I'd try to play to her empathy to you as her close friend by emphasizing how much you care about Bobby and her and how much it would hurt you to have to keep this secret.
I'd bring up the party and have a conversation about what happened--letting her vent her feelings about the whole thing. After she's gotten it all out, I'd let her know what you're thinking:
I don't think it's fair to Bobby to keep hiding this from him. I love you both and I don't feel like I can look him in the eye and keep hanging out with him if I have to hide something like this from him. I think it'd be better for both of you if he heard it from you instead of me, so I wanted to give you time to talk to him before I see him next1. I don't want to go behind your back or betray your trust with telling me, but this isn't something I can keep from him.
She might be mad. She might yell at you. Or she might feel defeated and seem to deflate. Either way, make sure you stay as calm as you can and emphasize that the reason you need to tell Bobby is because it hurts you to hold this. If you think it'd be a good idea, you can offer to tell Bobby together with her if she needs the support.
1. Thanks to @JessK for this one!
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
edited 22 mins ago
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
answered 1 hour ago
scohe001
8,86262456
8,86262456
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
add a comment |Â
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
Well, this line of action makes sure you loose your friendship with Sarah - and maybe with Bobby as well. We all say we value sincerity, but it's only about sincere compliments about us. When a friend of mine warned some common friend she was being cheated her reaction was going mad at him. It took a couple years to settle things down - after she broke up with the cheater - and I don't think the friendship will ever be the same that it was.
– Rekesoft
16 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@Rekesoft As a former "Bobby", it's entirely possible that not telling Bobby will destroy the friendship with Bobby once he learns the truth. I discovered that several friends of mine kept quiet about what they knew about my "Sarah" and it just wasn't possible for me to trust them again after I found out. Seems like different people react differently. It's possible no matter what the asker does, either or both friendship might be destroyed. The only defense seems to be to not know anything at all, and it's too late for that.
– Todd Wilcox
9 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
@ToddWilcox As you say, the only possible defense is not knowing, so when you are asked if you know, you say you didn't know anything. She was drunk when she told you, so were you. You remember nothing. The thing is, the OP did nothing wrong to get caught between this rock and that hard place, and the only thing he/she can do about it is pretending it never happened - to both Bobby and Sarah. The friends you keep from that time are the ones wise enough to not knowing anything about - even if at some point they knew.
– Rekesoft
4 mins ago
1
1
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
@Rekesoft that sounds like the beginning of a solid answer ;)
– scohe001
2 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I feel you!
I understand perfectly what you are going through, but my advice is to stay out of it.
I know they both are your friends and you love them and care for them, but please don't choose sides and don't tell Bobby about Sarah, either Sarah about planning to tell Bobby what she did. It won't end well and for some reason maybe Bobby doesn't want to find something like that or maybe he won't believe you.
In the end you might lose them both in your way to make things right.
Just take a moment and think.
You said that from the outside their relationship seemed to be going really well, but what if they are not? What if Bobby doesn't make Sarah feel good ? Or what if their act is just too good that they don't realize how much tey are lying? What if Bobby is the one pushing Sarah over the edge? What if Bobby cheated on Sarah too? What if?
There might be a lot of scenarios so don't jump to conclusions.
Since Sarah told you about that, she might felt really bad about that and that secret might be eating her up from inside. And somehow she felt like telling someone s her deepest, darkest secret in order to free herself from the guilt. Maybe she tries to deal with the fact that she cheated on a good man.
If I were you, I'd stick with Sarah and make her see the truth before hurting Bobby more than she already did. But not trying to black-mail her with: I will tell Bobby everything. Try to highlight to her how much they both mean to you, and that by telling you that secret, she may it hard for you to look at Bobby. Repeat her how she means to you and that you want her best. Tell her that her secret is safe with you. But in the end Bobby will find out (karma) so she better tell him. Make her realize that her decision wasn't good and that if she misses something in her relationship she should end things before keep hurting Bobby. And try to make her tell you the real reason why she did that. Because there is always a reason behind every act!!!
Black-mailing someone even as a friend, is never ok. I know your intentions are good and pure, but she won't see it like that. She will see you as an act of betrayal. Be by her side and help her go through all of this. She trusted you with her deepest secret and that means you can't go simply to Bobby. As I said previously, there might be a chance that Bobby won't believe you or that he already knows.
Just trust the Universe and Karma and things will set the way they should. Just don't choose sides before knowing perfectly both sides and even then, you might not know the whole truth.
Take in consideration the fact that even after Bobby finds the truth , he might forgive Sarah, but not you. And in the end you don't want to lose them both.
Ps: Be by Sarah and make her turn herself to Bobby but not by pushing her or black mailing her. And be by Bobby's side too (by defeating him in front of Sarah).
Ps2: I am sorry if 'black mail' sounds awful, but is the best word I could find.
Best luck!
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I feel you!
I understand perfectly what you are going through, but my advice is to stay out of it.
I know they both are your friends and you love them and care for them, but please don't choose sides and don't tell Bobby about Sarah, either Sarah about planning to tell Bobby what she did. It won't end well and for some reason maybe Bobby doesn't want to find something like that or maybe he won't believe you.
In the end you might lose them both in your way to make things right.
Just take a moment and think.
You said that from the outside their relationship seemed to be going really well, but what if they are not? What if Bobby doesn't make Sarah feel good ? Or what if their act is just too good that they don't realize how much tey are lying? What if Bobby is the one pushing Sarah over the edge? What if Bobby cheated on Sarah too? What if?
There might be a lot of scenarios so don't jump to conclusions.
Since Sarah told you about that, she might felt really bad about that and that secret might be eating her up from inside. And somehow she felt like telling someone s her deepest, darkest secret in order to free herself from the guilt. Maybe she tries to deal with the fact that she cheated on a good man.
If I were you, I'd stick with Sarah and make her see the truth before hurting Bobby more than she already did. But not trying to black-mail her with: I will tell Bobby everything. Try to highlight to her how much they both mean to you, and that by telling you that secret, she may it hard for you to look at Bobby. Repeat her how she means to you and that you want her best. Tell her that her secret is safe with you. But in the end Bobby will find out (karma) so she better tell him. Make her realize that her decision wasn't good and that if she misses something in her relationship she should end things before keep hurting Bobby. And try to make her tell you the real reason why she did that. Because there is always a reason behind every act!!!
Black-mailing someone even as a friend, is never ok. I know your intentions are good and pure, but she won't see it like that. She will see you as an act of betrayal. Be by her side and help her go through all of this. She trusted you with her deepest secret and that means you can't go simply to Bobby. As I said previously, there might be a chance that Bobby won't believe you or that he already knows.
Just trust the Universe and Karma and things will set the way they should. Just don't choose sides before knowing perfectly both sides and even then, you might not know the whole truth.
Take in consideration the fact that even after Bobby finds the truth , he might forgive Sarah, but not you. And in the end you don't want to lose them both.
Ps: Be by Sarah and make her turn herself to Bobby but not by pushing her or black mailing her. And be by Bobby's side too (by defeating him in front of Sarah).
Ps2: I am sorry if 'black mail' sounds awful, but is the best word I could find.
Best luck!
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
I feel you!
I understand perfectly what you are going through, but my advice is to stay out of it.
I know they both are your friends and you love them and care for them, but please don't choose sides and don't tell Bobby about Sarah, either Sarah about planning to tell Bobby what she did. It won't end well and for some reason maybe Bobby doesn't want to find something like that or maybe he won't believe you.
In the end you might lose them both in your way to make things right.
Just take a moment and think.
You said that from the outside their relationship seemed to be going really well, but what if they are not? What if Bobby doesn't make Sarah feel good ? Or what if their act is just too good that they don't realize how much tey are lying? What if Bobby is the one pushing Sarah over the edge? What if Bobby cheated on Sarah too? What if?
There might be a lot of scenarios so don't jump to conclusions.
Since Sarah told you about that, she might felt really bad about that and that secret might be eating her up from inside. And somehow she felt like telling someone s her deepest, darkest secret in order to free herself from the guilt. Maybe she tries to deal with the fact that she cheated on a good man.
If I were you, I'd stick with Sarah and make her see the truth before hurting Bobby more than she already did. But not trying to black-mail her with: I will tell Bobby everything. Try to highlight to her how much they both mean to you, and that by telling you that secret, she may it hard for you to look at Bobby. Repeat her how she means to you and that you want her best. Tell her that her secret is safe with you. But in the end Bobby will find out (karma) so she better tell him. Make her realize that her decision wasn't good and that if she misses something in her relationship she should end things before keep hurting Bobby. And try to make her tell you the real reason why she did that. Because there is always a reason behind every act!!!
Black-mailing someone even as a friend, is never ok. I know your intentions are good and pure, but she won't see it like that. She will see you as an act of betrayal. Be by her side and help her go through all of this. She trusted you with her deepest secret and that means you can't go simply to Bobby. As I said previously, there might be a chance that Bobby won't believe you or that he already knows.
Just trust the Universe and Karma and things will set the way they should. Just don't choose sides before knowing perfectly both sides and even then, you might not know the whole truth.
Take in consideration the fact that even after Bobby finds the truth , he might forgive Sarah, but not you. And in the end you don't want to lose them both.
Ps: Be by Sarah and make her turn herself to Bobby but not by pushing her or black mailing her. And be by Bobby's side too (by defeating him in front of Sarah).
Ps2: I am sorry if 'black mail' sounds awful, but is the best word I could find.
Best luck!
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
I feel you!
I understand perfectly what you are going through, but my advice is to stay out of it.
I know they both are your friends and you love them and care for them, but please don't choose sides and don't tell Bobby about Sarah, either Sarah about planning to tell Bobby what she did. It won't end well and for some reason maybe Bobby doesn't want to find something like that or maybe he won't believe you.
In the end you might lose them both in your way to make things right.
Just take a moment and think.
You said that from the outside their relationship seemed to be going really well, but what if they are not? What if Bobby doesn't make Sarah feel good ? Or what if their act is just too good that they don't realize how much tey are lying? What if Bobby is the one pushing Sarah over the edge? What if Bobby cheated on Sarah too? What if?
There might be a lot of scenarios so don't jump to conclusions.
Since Sarah told you about that, she might felt really bad about that and that secret might be eating her up from inside. And somehow she felt like telling someone s her deepest, darkest secret in order to free herself from the guilt. Maybe she tries to deal with the fact that she cheated on a good man.
If I were you, I'd stick with Sarah and make her see the truth before hurting Bobby more than she already did. But not trying to black-mail her with: I will tell Bobby everything. Try to highlight to her how much they both mean to you, and that by telling you that secret, she may it hard for you to look at Bobby. Repeat her how she means to you and that you want her best. Tell her that her secret is safe with you. But in the end Bobby will find out (karma) so she better tell him. Make her realize that her decision wasn't good and that if she misses something in her relationship she should end things before keep hurting Bobby. And try to make her tell you the real reason why she did that. Because there is always a reason behind every act!!!
Black-mailing someone even as a friend, is never ok. I know your intentions are good and pure, but she won't see it like that. She will see you as an act of betrayal. Be by her side and help her go through all of this. She trusted you with her deepest secret and that means you can't go simply to Bobby. As I said previously, there might be a chance that Bobby won't believe you or that he already knows.
Just trust the Universe and Karma and things will set the way they should. Just don't choose sides before knowing perfectly both sides and even then, you might not know the whole truth.
Take in consideration the fact that even after Bobby finds the truth , he might forgive Sarah, but not you. And in the end you don't want to lose them both.
Ps: Be by Sarah and make her turn herself to Bobby but not by pushing her or black mailing her. And be by Bobby's side too (by defeating him in front of Sarah).
Ps2: I am sorry if 'black mail' sounds awful, but is the best word I could find.
Best luck!
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
edited 12 mins ago
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
answered 27 mins ago
Eveleen
1946
1946
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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