Mixing
Should I go to my boss about a disrespectful coworker?
Clash Royale CLAN TAG#URR8PPP
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
I’m looking for advice on what to do about a coworker who has been treating me unprofessionally and is not responding to feedback that the way he communicates is not workplace-appropriate.
This is someone I’ve worked with in the past but not closely. At our last job he had a reputation for being very technically skilled, but arrogant and difficult to work with.
After we both quit our jobs several months ago (for independent reasons), he reached out to me to offer a contract job at a startup he was working with. Eager for work, I accepted.
We’ve been working together for about a month and are running into some communication issues. When I try to engage with him on projects, he often responds in a way that comes across as dismissive or condescending. (Note that we’re peers on the team and expected to be working together.)
For example, we were recently designing a table in a database to store a type of transaction. When I asked for clarification on a detail he said, “have you ever seen a transaction tableâ€� Not only was his response not helpful, but I felt belittled by the question. It’s not uncommon for him to take that kind of tone with me.
I asked him to please treat me with a little more respect in conversation and suggested being a bit gentler when offering feedback. He apologized, but went on to tell me in great detail what my deficiencies are as a colleague. For instance, that I “have a lot to learn about schema design, databases, and working on an engineering teamâ€Â. He said he’s also frustrated by my inability to articulate my thoughts, and recommended “using the Internet†to educate myself. Coming from someone who has less work experience than I do and is not my superior, I found those statements to be a little out of bounds.
At this point I’ve tried to resolve the issue with him personally and I’m considering taking it to our supervisor. The dilemma is — is it worth potentially burning the bridge and “throwing him under the busâ€� I’d prefer not to, especially since he connected me with the company in the first place, but our dynamic is making it hard for me to get my work done.
professionalism software-industry communication colleagues
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
I’m looking for advice on what to do about a coworker who has been treating me unprofessionally and is not responding to feedback that the way he communicates is not workplace-appropriate.
This is someone I’ve worked with in the past but not closely. At our last job he had a reputation for being very technically skilled, but arrogant and difficult to work with.
After we both quit our jobs several months ago (for independent reasons), he reached out to me to offer a contract job at a startup he was working with. Eager for work, I accepted.
We’ve been working together for about a month and are running into some communication issues. When I try to engage with him on projects, he often responds in a way that comes across as dismissive or condescending. (Note that we’re peers on the team and expected to be working together.)
For example, we were recently designing a table in a database to store a type of transaction. When I asked for clarification on a detail he said, “have you ever seen a transaction tableâ€� Not only was his response not helpful, but I felt belittled by the question. It’s not uncommon for him to take that kind of tone with me.
I asked him to please treat me with a little more respect in conversation and suggested being a bit gentler when offering feedback. He apologized, but went on to tell me in great detail what my deficiencies are as a colleague. For instance, that I “have a lot to learn about schema design, databases, and working on an engineering teamâ€Â. He said he’s also frustrated by my inability to articulate my thoughts, and recommended “using the Internet†to educate myself. Coming from someone who has less work experience than I do and is not my superior, I found those statements to be a little out of bounds.
At this point I’ve tried to resolve the issue with him personally and I’m considering taking it to our supervisor. The dilemma is — is it worth potentially burning the bridge and “throwing him under the busâ€� I’d prefer not to, especially since he connected me with the company in the first place, but our dynamic is making it hard for me to get my work done.
professionalism software-industry communication colleagues
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
I’m looking for advice on what to do about a coworker who has been treating me unprofessionally and is not responding to feedback that the way he communicates is not workplace-appropriate.
This is someone I’ve worked with in the past but not closely. At our last job he had a reputation for being very technically skilled, but arrogant and difficult to work with.
After we both quit our jobs several months ago (for independent reasons), he reached out to me to offer a contract job at a startup he was working with. Eager for work, I accepted.
We’ve been working together for about a month and are running into some communication issues. When I try to engage with him on projects, he often responds in a way that comes across as dismissive or condescending. (Note that we’re peers on the team and expected to be working together.)
For example, we were recently designing a table in a database to store a type of transaction. When I asked for clarification on a detail he said, “have you ever seen a transaction tableâ€� Not only was his response not helpful, but I felt belittled by the question. It’s not uncommon for him to take that kind of tone with me.
I asked him to please treat me with a little more respect in conversation and suggested being a bit gentler when offering feedback. He apologized, but went on to tell me in great detail what my deficiencies are as a colleague. For instance, that I “have a lot to learn about schema design, databases, and working on an engineering teamâ€Â. He said he’s also frustrated by my inability to articulate my thoughts, and recommended “using the Internet†to educate myself. Coming from someone who has less work experience than I do and is not my superior, I found those statements to be a little out of bounds.
At this point I’ve tried to resolve the issue with him personally and I’m considering taking it to our supervisor. The dilemma is — is it worth potentially burning the bridge and “throwing him under the busâ€� I’d prefer not to, especially since he connected me with the company in the first place, but our dynamic is making it hard for me to get my work done.
professionalism software-industry communication colleagues
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I’m looking for advice on what to do about a coworker who has been treating me unprofessionally and is not responding to feedback that the way he communicates is not workplace-appropriate.
This is someone I’ve worked with in the past but not closely. At our last job he had a reputation for being very technically skilled, but arrogant and difficult to work with.
After we both quit our jobs several months ago (for independent reasons), he reached out to me to offer a contract job at a startup he was working with. Eager for work, I accepted.
We’ve been working together for about a month and are running into some communication issues. When I try to engage with him on projects, he often responds in a way that comes across as dismissive or condescending. (Note that we’re peers on the team and expected to be working together.)
For example, we were recently designing a table in a database to store a type of transaction. When I asked for clarification on a detail he said, “have you ever seen a transaction tableâ€� Not only was his response not helpful, but I felt belittled by the question. It’s not uncommon for him to take that kind of tone with me.
I asked him to please treat me with a little more respect in conversation and suggested being a bit gentler when offering feedback. He apologized, but went on to tell me in great detail what my deficiencies are as a colleague. For instance, that I “have a lot to learn about schema design, databases, and working on an engineering teamâ€Â. He said he’s also frustrated by my inability to articulate my thoughts, and recommended “using the Internet†to educate myself. Coming from someone who has less work experience than I do and is not my superior, I found those statements to be a little out of bounds.
At this point I’ve tried to resolve the issue with him personally and I’m considering taking it to our supervisor. The dilemma is — is it worth potentially burning the bridge and “throwing him under the busâ€� I’d prefer not to, especially since he connected me with the company in the first place, but our dynamic is making it hard for me to get my work done.
professionalism software-industry communication colleagues
professionalism software-industry communication colleagues
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 3 mins ago
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
asked 12 mins ago
Rob
1012
1012
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Rob is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
1
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago
1
1
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
Rob is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Rob is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Rob is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Rob is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
StackExchange.ready(
function ()
StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f122137%2fshould-i-go-to-my-boss-about-a-disrespectful-coworker%23new-answer', 'question_page');
);
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
1
You are getting blunt feedback, which might be slightly inappropriate but could still be very useful. I think an answer should take into account if that feedback might be accurate.I can't judge that from what you write, but personally I would first consider what he is trying to tell you and how you could improve before complaining about his tone as long as it is not a public conversation. He seems to be as frustrated about you as you about him. His frustration is probably more about hard skills whereas yours seems to be about soft skills. You both could probably learn so much from each other.
– Roland
3 mins ago