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How to react to a student proselytising during office hours?
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A few weeks ago, a student asked me during my office hours whether I was religious or not. More specifically, he asked whether I believed in his religion, and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively.
How should I react to a question such as this? Religion is a bit of a touchy subject, and even if I am a TA (i.e., not the instructor of the course - and more importantly, also a student), I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
edit: Some comments have pointed out that the student was never actually preaching, and I understand and somewhat agree. The reason I chose this phrasing over anything else was because he did try to make the conversation into something along the lines of "Do you want to learn about the ways of [religious figure]? There's always time, you know".
etiquette united-states university
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
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osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
A few weeks ago, a student asked me during my office hours whether I was religious or not. More specifically, he asked whether I believed in his religion, and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively.
How should I react to a question such as this? Religion is a bit of a touchy subject, and even if I am a TA (i.e., not the instructor of the course - and more importantly, also a student), I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
edit: Some comments have pointed out that the student was never actually preaching, and I understand and somewhat agree. The reason I chose this phrasing over anything else was because he did try to make the conversation into something along the lines of "Do you want to learn about the ways of [religious figure]? There's always time, you know".
etiquette united-states university
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
2
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
1
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
up vote
8
down vote
favorite
A few weeks ago, a student asked me during my office hours whether I was religious or not. More specifically, he asked whether I believed in his religion, and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively.
How should I react to a question such as this? Religion is a bit of a touchy subject, and even if I am a TA (i.e., not the instructor of the course - and more importantly, also a student), I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
edit: Some comments have pointed out that the student was never actually preaching, and I understand and somewhat agree. The reason I chose this phrasing over anything else was because he did try to make the conversation into something along the lines of "Do you want to learn about the ways of [religious figure]? There's always time, you know".
etiquette united-states university
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
A few weeks ago, a student asked me during my office hours whether I was religious or not. More specifically, he asked whether I believed in his religion, and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively.
How should I react to a question such as this? Religion is a bit of a touchy subject, and even if I am a TA (i.e., not the instructor of the course - and more importantly, also a student), I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
edit: Some comments have pointed out that the student was never actually preaching, and I understand and somewhat agree. The reason I chose this phrasing over anything else was because he did try to make the conversation into something along the lines of "Do you want to learn about the ways of [religious figure]? There's always time, you know".
etiquette united-states university
etiquette united-states university
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
edited 4 mins ago
Bryan Krause
10.6k13355
10.6k13355
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
asked 2 hours ago
osuka_
1444
1444
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
osuka_ is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
2
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
1
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
1
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
2
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
1
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago
1
1
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
2
2
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
1
1
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
up vote
19
down vote
You address this by stating directly
"I would prefer not to discuss this topic during office hours. Can I help you with any questions you have on the homework?"
If the issue persists, I would speak with the professor and perhaps also your dean of students (or something similar).
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
9
down vote
and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively
This is their problem, not yours.
How should I react to a question such as this?
If you feel uncomfortable defending your position when it comes to religion, politics or sex, or simply you don't want to discuss them with an extraneous person, recall that you don't have any obligation to: cut it short and answer that you're there to just answer questions about the subject you TA.
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
If that is indeed your main motivation, the best thing to do is to politely refuse to discuss the topic with the student, as suggested in @Vladhagen’s answer.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
Although Vladhagen’s suggested approach seems the best suited to avoid confrontation and minimize the extent to which the student may get upset without lying to them, I think it’s worth examining your premise that telling students things that may upset them (particularly in the current context) is something that necessarily needs to be avoided. Consider the fact that for many students, college is the first place where they start encountering many people whose cultural backgrounds and beliefs differ significantly from their own. So, “making the student upset†by showing them that there are interesting, intelligent people out there with beliefs different from theirs may actually be doing them a big favor. You are not making them upset, you are helping them grow up.
Moreover, a truthful answer promotes the general value of truth-telling, which is always a good thing. So, unless you have reason to fear that the student genuinely “can’t handle the truthâ€Â, answering truthfully seems to me like the course of action that leads to the best outcome for society, although it is a bit more unpleasant for you personally.
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
It is like a question about your political opinion or sexual preferences: It is your private matter!
If you want to tell the student, you can do so, but you'll have to face the discussions (which can be fruitful or stressful), but if you prefer not to share them (which many people will do in a professional context), tell the that this touches your private field and since this does not belong to the workplace, you do not want to answer this question.
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
In the US, you have done just the right thing. Tell him the truth and leave it at that. You can't avoid such situations as they are set up by others.
Of course, you can say, and it is perfectly valid, that such questions are very personal to you and you don't feel that you want to discuss them. Reasonable people will accept that, and if they aren't reasonable, they have no right to proselytize. You don't need to be harsh ("None of your business"), but you have no obligation to answer.
There are countries, of course, that have State Sponsored Religion in which the only accepted (safe) answer is the State Religion, but not here.
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
add a comment |Â
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
19
down vote
You address this by stating directly
"I would prefer not to discuss this topic during office hours. Can I help you with any questions you have on the homework?"
If the issue persists, I would speak with the professor and perhaps also your dean of students (or something similar).
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
19
down vote
You address this by stating directly
"I would prefer not to discuss this topic during office hours. Can I help you with any questions you have on the homework?"
If the issue persists, I would speak with the professor and perhaps also your dean of students (or something similar).
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
19
down vote
up vote
19
down vote
You address this by stating directly
"I would prefer not to discuss this topic during office hours. Can I help you with any questions you have on the homework?"
If the issue persists, I would speak with the professor and perhaps also your dean of students (or something similar).
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
You address this by stating directly
"I would prefer not to discuss this topic during office hours. Can I help you with any questions you have on the homework?"
If the issue persists, I would speak with the professor and perhaps also your dean of students (or something similar).
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
edited 1 hour ago
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
answered 2 hours ago
Vladhagen
6,70012753
6,70012753
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
add a comment |Â
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
@kingledion I agree with that assessment. I have adjusted accordingly.
– Vladhagen
1 hour ago
5
5
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
I personally would remove the "during office hours", or add a comma and "especially" just before it. I really don't like talking about religion, period. If OP is in a similar boat, they should probably emphasize that, rather than suggesting that outside of office hours it'd be fine
– Nic Hartley
36 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
9
down vote
and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively
This is their problem, not yours.
How should I react to a question such as this?
If you feel uncomfortable defending your position when it comes to religion, politics or sex, or simply you don't want to discuss them with an extraneous person, recall that you don't have any obligation to: cut it short and answer that you're there to just answer questions about the subject you TA.
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
9
down vote
and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively
This is their problem, not yours.
How should I react to a question such as this?
If you feel uncomfortable defending your position when it comes to religion, politics or sex, or simply you don't want to discuss them with an extraneous person, recall that you don't have any obligation to: cut it short and answer that you're there to just answer questions about the subject you TA.
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
9
down vote
up vote
9
down vote
and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively
This is their problem, not yours.
How should I react to a question such as this?
If you feel uncomfortable defending your position when it comes to religion, politics or sex, or simply you don't want to discuss them with an extraneous person, recall that you don't have any obligation to: cut it short and answer that you're there to just answer questions about the subject you TA.
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
and was visibly disappointed when I replied negatively
This is their problem, not yours.
How should I react to a question such as this?
If you feel uncomfortable defending your position when it comes to religion, politics or sex, or simply you don't want to discuss them with an extraneous person, recall that you don't have any obligation to: cut it short and answer that you're there to just answer questions about the subject you TA.
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
edited 1 hour ago
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
answered 2 hours ago
Massimo Ortolano
37.5k12111144
37.5k12111144
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
2
2
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
I don't think this is stated strongly enough; even if you feel comfortable defending your position and want to discuss it, you likely have an obligation not to (at least during office hours or otherwise as part of your job).
– Misha Lavrov
2 hours ago
2
2
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I find your claim implausible. Can you name the law or policy that forbids an instructor from discussing their religious beliefs with a student when prompted by a question from the student?
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
1
1
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
@DanRomik I can't name a specific policy, but as an instructor I have had to take "ethics training" which mentioned that I'm not allowed to express political or religious views while on the job. My impression is that this applies even when prompted by a student.
– Misha Lavrov
1 hour ago
3
3
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov ok, interesting. Well, since some people’s religions require them to express their religious beliefs through their outward appearance, clothes etc, I find it difficult to see how such a rule can be enforced without violating instructors’ religious freedom rights. But I agree it would be generally inadvisable for an instructor to discuss their religious beliefs with their students without being prompted to do so.
– Dan Romik
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
@MishaLavrov I think even more importantly, even if you didn't have an obligation not to; it's generally just a whole mess of a situation that it isn't worth getting into in the first place. If the other person wasn't disappointed looking, it probably wouldn't be as risky; but it can still create a lot of tension for no good reason. Just one of those "you should probably avoid me in professional settings" topics.
– JMac
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
If that is indeed your main motivation, the best thing to do is to politely refuse to discuss the topic with the student, as suggested in @Vladhagen’s answer.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
Although Vladhagen’s suggested approach seems the best suited to avoid confrontation and minimize the extent to which the student may get upset without lying to them, I think it’s worth examining your premise that telling students things that may upset them (particularly in the current context) is something that necessarily needs to be avoided. Consider the fact that for many students, college is the first place where they start encountering many people whose cultural backgrounds and beliefs differ significantly from their own. So, “making the student upset†by showing them that there are interesting, intelligent people out there with beliefs different from theirs may actually be doing them a big favor. You are not making them upset, you are helping them grow up.
Moreover, a truthful answer promotes the general value of truth-telling, which is always a good thing. So, unless you have reason to fear that the student genuinely “can’t handle the truthâ€Â, answering truthfully seems to me like the course of action that leads to the best outcome for society, although it is a bit more unpleasant for you personally.
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
If that is indeed your main motivation, the best thing to do is to politely refuse to discuss the topic with the student, as suggested in @Vladhagen’s answer.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
Although Vladhagen’s suggested approach seems the best suited to avoid confrontation and minimize the extent to which the student may get upset without lying to them, I think it’s worth examining your premise that telling students things that may upset them (particularly in the current context) is something that necessarily needs to be avoided. Consider the fact that for many students, college is the first place where they start encountering many people whose cultural backgrounds and beliefs differ significantly from their own. So, “making the student upset†by showing them that there are interesting, intelligent people out there with beliefs different from theirs may actually be doing them a big favor. You are not making them upset, you are helping them grow up.
Moreover, a truthful answer promotes the general value of truth-telling, which is always a good thing. So, unless you have reason to fear that the student genuinely “can’t handle the truthâ€Â, answering truthfully seems to me like the course of action that leads to the best outcome for society, although it is a bit more unpleasant for you personally.
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
up vote
5
down vote
I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
If that is indeed your main motivation, the best thing to do is to politely refuse to discuss the topic with the student, as suggested in @Vladhagen’s answer.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
Although Vladhagen’s suggested approach seems the best suited to avoid confrontation and minimize the extent to which the student may get upset without lying to them, I think it’s worth examining your premise that telling students things that may upset them (particularly in the current context) is something that necessarily needs to be avoided. Consider the fact that for many students, college is the first place where they start encountering many people whose cultural backgrounds and beliefs differ significantly from their own. So, “making the student upset†by showing them that there are interesting, intelligent people out there with beliefs different from theirs may actually be doing them a big favor. You are not making them upset, you are helping them grow up.
Moreover, a truthful answer promotes the general value of truth-telling, which is always a good thing. So, unless you have reason to fear that the student genuinely “can’t handle the truthâ€Â, answering truthfully seems to me like the course of action that leads to the best outcome for society, although it is a bit more unpleasant for you personally.
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
I don't want to be put in a similar situation again.
If that is indeed your main motivation, the best thing to do is to politely refuse to discuss the topic with the student, as suggested in @Vladhagen’s answer.
More generally speaking, how do I react to a situation in which I have to answer a question in a way that I know is likely to upset a student, without lying or making the situation worse?
Although Vladhagen’s suggested approach seems the best suited to avoid confrontation and minimize the extent to which the student may get upset without lying to them, I think it’s worth examining your premise that telling students things that may upset them (particularly in the current context) is something that necessarily needs to be avoided. Consider the fact that for many students, college is the first place where they start encountering many people whose cultural backgrounds and beliefs differ significantly from their own. So, “making the student upset†by showing them that there are interesting, intelligent people out there with beliefs different from theirs may actually be doing them a big favor. You are not making them upset, you are helping them grow up.
Moreover, a truthful answer promotes the general value of truth-telling, which is always a good thing. So, unless you have reason to fear that the student genuinely “can’t handle the truthâ€Â, answering truthfully seems to me like the course of action that leads to the best outcome for society, although it is a bit more unpleasant for you personally.
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
edited 5 mins ago
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
answered 1 hour ago
Dan Romik
78.7k20172265
78.7k20172265
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
It is like a question about your political opinion or sexual preferences: It is your private matter!
If you want to tell the student, you can do so, but you'll have to face the discussions (which can be fruitful or stressful), but if you prefer not to share them (which many people will do in a professional context), tell the that this touches your private field and since this does not belong to the workplace, you do not want to answer this question.
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
It is like a question about your political opinion or sexual preferences: It is your private matter!
If you want to tell the student, you can do so, but you'll have to face the discussions (which can be fruitful or stressful), but if you prefer not to share them (which many people will do in a professional context), tell the that this touches your private field and since this does not belong to the workplace, you do not want to answer this question.
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
It is like a question about your political opinion or sexual preferences: It is your private matter!
If you want to tell the student, you can do so, but you'll have to face the discussions (which can be fruitful or stressful), but if you prefer not to share them (which many people will do in a professional context), tell the that this touches your private field and since this does not belong to the workplace, you do not want to answer this question.
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
It is like a question about your political opinion or sexual preferences: It is your private matter!
If you want to tell the student, you can do so, but you'll have to face the discussions (which can be fruitful or stressful), but if you prefer not to share them (which many people will do in a professional context), tell the that this touches your private field and since this does not belong to the workplace, you do not want to answer this question.
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
answered 2 hours ago
OBu
10k22447
10k22447
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
In the US, you have done just the right thing. Tell him the truth and leave it at that. You can't avoid such situations as they are set up by others.
Of course, you can say, and it is perfectly valid, that such questions are very personal to you and you don't feel that you want to discuss them. Reasonable people will accept that, and if they aren't reasonable, they have no right to proselytize. You don't need to be harsh ("None of your business"), but you have no obligation to answer.
There are countries, of course, that have State Sponsored Religion in which the only accepted (safe) answer is the State Religion, but not here.
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
In the US, you have done just the right thing. Tell him the truth and leave it at that. You can't avoid such situations as they are set up by others.
Of course, you can say, and it is perfectly valid, that such questions are very personal to you and you don't feel that you want to discuss them. Reasonable people will accept that, and if they aren't reasonable, they have no right to proselytize. You don't need to be harsh ("None of your business"), but you have no obligation to answer.
There are countries, of course, that have State Sponsored Religion in which the only accepted (safe) answer is the State Religion, but not here.
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
In the US, you have done just the right thing. Tell him the truth and leave it at that. You can't avoid such situations as they are set up by others.
Of course, you can say, and it is perfectly valid, that such questions are very personal to you and you don't feel that you want to discuss them. Reasonable people will accept that, and if they aren't reasonable, they have no right to proselytize. You don't need to be harsh ("None of your business"), but you have no obligation to answer.
There are countries, of course, that have State Sponsored Religion in which the only accepted (safe) answer is the State Religion, but not here.
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
In the US, you have done just the right thing. Tell him the truth and leave it at that. You can't avoid such situations as they are set up by others.
Of course, you can say, and it is perfectly valid, that such questions are very personal to you and you don't feel that you want to discuss them. Reasonable people will accept that, and if they aren't reasonable, they have no right to proselytize. You don't need to be harsh ("None of your business"), but you have no obligation to answer.
There are countries, of course, that have State Sponsored Religion in which the only accepted (safe) answer is the State Religion, but not here.
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
answered 2 hours ago
Buffy
26.9k686143
26.9k686143
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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1
@SolarMike I've added an edit to the question to further clarify what I meant by "preaching". If you still think it's a bad descriptor, feel free to edit the title of the question.
– osuka_
37 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– ff524♦
10 mins ago
2
@osuka_ I think the edit is helpful. You could also use "proselytizing" which conveys more of an attempt at religious conversation, including one-on-one interaction, whereas "preach" suggests the audience is a larger group. You could also add "in office hours" to your title to make more clear this is a private, rather than public, overture.
– Bryan Krause
7 mins ago
1
@BryanKrause I agree - the fact that it was directed at me, and only me, was in fact the reason it took me a bit to decide on a word in the first place. I’ll edit the title when I get to a computer
– osuka_
6 mins ago