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How do you tell a Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum?
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TL;DR
How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive?
Background
I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact often.
This person cares a lot and is very compassionate. They don't know it but all the links and messages they posted really helped me and changed me a lot. And, today, I believe I am a better person because of them.
It's also this person that helped me realize (thanks to the article about autism they posted) that I'm on the autism spectrum. And, I believe that, at the time they were posting those links, they were wondering if they were on the spectrum themselves.
They never posted that they discovered that they were in the spectrum and, giving that they share a lot about really personal matter on Facebook, I believe they would have posted that.
The Problem
Not knowing that you are on the autism spectrum is fine unless it makes you suffer. Two days ago, this person posted:
I didn't understand what he was saying [..] I see that he thinks I'm stupid. Maybe I'm stupid.
It's usual for people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking. It's like speaking in a foreign language where there are cultural differences involved.
I believe that, if my Facebook friend knew that they were on the spectrum, they wouldn't have thought they were stupid. It's easier to accept oneself when you know why you are so different. At least, it was easier for me.
That is the reason why I want to suggest to this person that they might be on the spectrum.
What I have tried
Nothing (yet).
Question
How do I suggest to this Facebook friend that they might be on the spectrum?
Note and clarification
I never saw this person "in real life" and don't plan to but, based on what they have been posting for the last 5 years, I think there is a really good chance that they are on the autism spectrum.
Wondering if you are on the autism spectrum isn't the same thing as taking it seriously enough to ask for a professional diagnostic. And I know from experience that having someone apart for yourself who also believe you are on the spectrum can help take this possibility more seriously (it helped me, even if I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic).
We don't have any mutual friend.
friends autism
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
TL;DR
How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive?
Background
I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact often.
This person cares a lot and is very compassionate. They don't know it but all the links and messages they posted really helped me and changed me a lot. And, today, I believe I am a better person because of them.
It's also this person that helped me realize (thanks to the article about autism they posted) that I'm on the autism spectrum. And, I believe that, at the time they were posting those links, they were wondering if they were on the spectrum themselves.
They never posted that they discovered that they were in the spectrum and, giving that they share a lot about really personal matter on Facebook, I believe they would have posted that.
The Problem
Not knowing that you are on the autism spectrum is fine unless it makes you suffer. Two days ago, this person posted:
I didn't understand what he was saying [..] I see that he thinks I'm stupid. Maybe I'm stupid.
It's usual for people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking. It's like speaking in a foreign language where there are cultural differences involved.
I believe that, if my Facebook friend knew that they were on the spectrum, they wouldn't have thought they were stupid. It's easier to accept oneself when you know why you are so different. At least, it was easier for me.
That is the reason why I want to suggest to this person that they might be on the spectrum.
What I have tried
Nothing (yet).
Question
How do I suggest to this Facebook friend that they might be on the spectrum?
Note and clarification
I never saw this person "in real life" and don't plan to but, based on what they have been posting for the last 5 years, I think there is a really good chance that they are on the autism spectrum.
Wondering if you are on the autism spectrum isn't the same thing as taking it seriously enough to ask for a professional diagnostic. And I know from experience that having someone apart for yourself who also believe you are on the spectrum can help take this possibility more seriously (it helped me, even if I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic).
We don't have any mutual friend.
friends autism
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
TL;DR
How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive?
Background
I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact often.
This person cares a lot and is very compassionate. They don't know it but all the links and messages they posted really helped me and changed me a lot. And, today, I believe I am a better person because of them.
It's also this person that helped me realize (thanks to the article about autism they posted) that I'm on the autism spectrum. And, I believe that, at the time they were posting those links, they were wondering if they were on the spectrum themselves.
They never posted that they discovered that they were in the spectrum and, giving that they share a lot about really personal matter on Facebook, I believe they would have posted that.
The Problem
Not knowing that you are on the autism spectrum is fine unless it makes you suffer. Two days ago, this person posted:
I didn't understand what he was saying [..] I see that he thinks I'm stupid. Maybe I'm stupid.
It's usual for people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking. It's like speaking in a foreign language where there are cultural differences involved.
I believe that, if my Facebook friend knew that they were on the spectrum, they wouldn't have thought they were stupid. It's easier to accept oneself when you know why you are so different. At least, it was easier for me.
That is the reason why I want to suggest to this person that they might be on the spectrum.
What I have tried
Nothing (yet).
Question
How do I suggest to this Facebook friend that they might be on the spectrum?
Note and clarification
I never saw this person "in real life" and don't plan to but, based on what they have been posting for the last 5 years, I think there is a really good chance that they are on the autism spectrum.
Wondering if you are on the autism spectrum isn't the same thing as taking it seriously enough to ask for a professional diagnostic. And I know from experience that having someone apart for yourself who also believe you are on the spectrum can help take this possibility more seriously (it helped me, even if I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic).
We don't have any mutual friend.
friends autism
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
TL;DR
How do I tell this Facebook friend that they might be on the autism spectrum without being too intrusive?
Background
I have this Facebook friend that I care deeply about and with whom I interact often.
This person cares a lot and is very compassionate. They don't know it but all the links and messages they posted really helped me and changed me a lot. And, today, I believe I am a better person because of them.
It's also this person that helped me realize (thanks to the article about autism they posted) that I'm on the autism spectrum. And, I believe that, at the time they were posting those links, they were wondering if they were on the spectrum themselves.
They never posted that they discovered that they were in the spectrum and, giving that they share a lot about really personal matter on Facebook, I believe they would have posted that.
The Problem
Not knowing that you are on the autism spectrum is fine unless it makes you suffer. Two days ago, this person posted:
I didn't understand what he was saying [..] I see that he thinks I'm stupid. Maybe I'm stupid.
It's usual for people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking. It's like speaking in a foreign language where there are cultural differences involved.
I believe that, if my Facebook friend knew that they were on the spectrum, they wouldn't have thought they were stupid. It's easier to accept oneself when you know why you are so different. At least, it was easier for me.
That is the reason why I want to suggest to this person that they might be on the spectrum.
What I have tried
Nothing (yet).
Question
How do I suggest to this Facebook friend that they might be on the spectrum?
Note and clarification
I never saw this person "in real life" and don't plan to but, based on what they have been posting for the last 5 years, I think there is a really good chance that they are on the autism spectrum.
Wondering if you are on the autism spectrum isn't the same thing as taking it seriously enough to ask for a professional diagnostic. And I know from experience that having someone apart for yourself who also believe you are on the spectrum can help take this possibility more seriously (it helped me, even if I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic).
We don't have any mutual friend.
friends autism
friends autism
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
edited 2 hours ago
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
asked 3 hours ago
Noon
3,21931133
3,21931133
You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago
You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
You don't
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can do instead.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ok, so a bit about ASD. As is mentioned in the name, it is a spectrum. Not everybody will be equally affected by it. Some (more than you might expect) people have it and live their lives normally, as they would, without caring too much about it. A few quirks here and there, a bit awkward in communication and interaction maybe, but nothing too severe.
People with ASD struggle with things like (new) social situations, deviations from daily routine, reading between the lines, and so forth. Not necessarily all these things, maybe only a few; it is a spectrum after all.
So there are a few things to note here:
Most people with ASD learn to live with it, quite often in such a way that they don't necessarily realise they have it in the first place.
The term ASD is very broad.
Telling someone they might have ASD.
What good is that going to do? A diagnosis in itself isn't worth much. When I received my diagnosis, it didn't mean anything. I didn't learn new things, it's just a label psychiatrists use. What does matter is that the diagnosis might unlock counseling or other means of helping with the problems.
Remember that for many people, having ASD isn't a problem. If it is not affecting their daily life in a way that they would need help with dealing with ASD, what good is a diagnosis. This is a big part of the reason you shouldn't offer your opinion to "strangers over the internet". You don't know whether:
They are aware of their ASD
They struggle with their ASD
They want to seek help with their ASD
And frankly, unless they make it so, these are none of your business.
So how can you help?
You see the person and their symptoms. Try to address those, instead of the diagnosis.
Be helpful by aiding with their struggles, don't label for the sake of labeling.
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Autism is understood today in a way that it never was in the past, which is why so many kids are getting a diagnosis, but also why so many adults that may be on the autism spectrum were never diagnosed.
You point out that there is a clear difference between thinking you are on the autism spectrum and actually getting a professional diagnosis, so presumably your goal is to encourage your friend to get a proper diganosis, not just think it of themselves. But you also say that this friend gave you the information and tools to discover this about yourself, so the likelihood is that your friend already suspects it of their self.
Some adults have found it beneficial to get a professional diagnosis later in life because it helps them understand themselves better, explain themselves to others, and even get some support if needed. Others, however, prefer not to seek a late diagnosis. Even if they suspect they might be on the spectrum, they may feel that they have learned how to deal with life, found their place in society, are happy with their friends, job etc, and do not require a label at this stage in their life.
If you do talk to them about it you are likely going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have to convince them that they might be, but rather talking about whether or not they should get a professional diagnosis. This may or may not be helpful for your friend and is their personal decision.
So, by all means, have the conversation, but don't tell anyone directly that they are definitely autistic unless you are qualified to do so. Neither should you force anyone to get a professional diagnosis if they don't really need or want it.
You could perhaps just say:
I really want to thank you for the information about autism that you sent to me. It helped me understand myself. I think that getting a diagnosis might be beneficial to me because I have a need to understand myself better.
This might just encourage your friend who may suspect the same about their self to do the same thing.
If you really want to force the subject, the most gentle way might be:
Have you ever thought that you might be on the autism spectrum yourself?
This is less direct than saying you think they are autistic, and less likely to cause offence if they do not believe they are.
Just one final point, and I hope you feel this is fair - you say yourself that it is usual for "people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking". So with this in mind, would it be fair to say that someone with autism could misinterpret the words or actions of a neurotypical person to be autism? You might actually be the least qualified person to say someone else is autistic or not.
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
You don't
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can do instead.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ok, so a bit about ASD. As is mentioned in the name, it is a spectrum. Not everybody will be equally affected by it. Some (more than you might expect) people have it and live their lives normally, as they would, without caring too much about it. A few quirks here and there, a bit awkward in communication and interaction maybe, but nothing too severe.
People with ASD struggle with things like (new) social situations, deviations from daily routine, reading between the lines, and so forth. Not necessarily all these things, maybe only a few; it is a spectrum after all.
So there are a few things to note here:
Most people with ASD learn to live with it, quite often in such a way that they don't necessarily realise they have it in the first place.
The term ASD is very broad.
Telling someone they might have ASD.
What good is that going to do? A diagnosis in itself isn't worth much. When I received my diagnosis, it didn't mean anything. I didn't learn new things, it's just a label psychiatrists use. What does matter is that the diagnosis might unlock counseling or other means of helping with the problems.
Remember that for many people, having ASD isn't a problem. If it is not affecting their daily life in a way that they would need help with dealing with ASD, what good is a diagnosis. This is a big part of the reason you shouldn't offer your opinion to "strangers over the internet". You don't know whether:
They are aware of their ASD
They struggle with their ASD
They want to seek help with their ASD
And frankly, unless they make it so, these are none of your business.
So how can you help?
You see the person and their symptoms. Try to address those, instead of the diagnosis.
Be helpful by aiding with their struggles, don't label for the sake of labeling.
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
You don't
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can do instead.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ok, so a bit about ASD. As is mentioned in the name, it is a spectrum. Not everybody will be equally affected by it. Some (more than you might expect) people have it and live their lives normally, as they would, without caring too much about it. A few quirks here and there, a bit awkward in communication and interaction maybe, but nothing too severe.
People with ASD struggle with things like (new) social situations, deviations from daily routine, reading between the lines, and so forth. Not necessarily all these things, maybe only a few; it is a spectrum after all.
So there are a few things to note here:
Most people with ASD learn to live with it, quite often in such a way that they don't necessarily realise they have it in the first place.
The term ASD is very broad.
Telling someone they might have ASD.
What good is that going to do? A diagnosis in itself isn't worth much. When I received my diagnosis, it didn't mean anything. I didn't learn new things, it's just a label psychiatrists use. What does matter is that the diagnosis might unlock counseling or other means of helping with the problems.
Remember that for many people, having ASD isn't a problem. If it is not affecting their daily life in a way that they would need help with dealing with ASD, what good is a diagnosis. This is a big part of the reason you shouldn't offer your opinion to "strangers over the internet". You don't know whether:
They are aware of their ASD
They struggle with their ASD
They want to seek help with their ASD
And frankly, unless they make it so, these are none of your business.
So how can you help?
You see the person and their symptoms. Try to address those, instead of the diagnosis.
Be helpful by aiding with their struggles, don't label for the sake of labeling.
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
You don't
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can do instead.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ok, so a bit about ASD. As is mentioned in the name, it is a spectrum. Not everybody will be equally affected by it. Some (more than you might expect) people have it and live their lives normally, as they would, without caring too much about it. A few quirks here and there, a bit awkward in communication and interaction maybe, but nothing too severe.
People with ASD struggle with things like (new) social situations, deviations from daily routine, reading between the lines, and so forth. Not necessarily all these things, maybe only a few; it is a spectrum after all.
So there are a few things to note here:
Most people with ASD learn to live with it, quite often in such a way that they don't necessarily realise they have it in the first place.
The term ASD is very broad.
Telling someone they might have ASD.
What good is that going to do? A diagnosis in itself isn't worth much. When I received my diagnosis, it didn't mean anything. I didn't learn new things, it's just a label psychiatrists use. What does matter is that the diagnosis might unlock counseling or other means of helping with the problems.
Remember that for many people, having ASD isn't a problem. If it is not affecting their daily life in a way that they would need help with dealing with ASD, what good is a diagnosis. This is a big part of the reason you shouldn't offer your opinion to "strangers over the internet". You don't know whether:
They are aware of their ASD
They struggle with their ASD
They want to seek help with their ASD
And frankly, unless they make it so, these are none of your business.
So how can you help?
You see the person and their symptoms. Try to address those, instead of the diagnosis.
Be helpful by aiding with their struggles, don't label for the sake of labeling.
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
You don't
As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can do instead.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Ok, so a bit about ASD. As is mentioned in the name, it is a spectrum. Not everybody will be equally affected by it. Some (more than you might expect) people have it and live their lives normally, as they would, without caring too much about it. A few quirks here and there, a bit awkward in communication and interaction maybe, but nothing too severe.
People with ASD struggle with things like (new) social situations, deviations from daily routine, reading between the lines, and so forth. Not necessarily all these things, maybe only a few; it is a spectrum after all.
So there are a few things to note here:
Most people with ASD learn to live with it, quite often in such a way that they don't necessarily realise they have it in the first place.
The term ASD is very broad.
Telling someone they might have ASD.
What good is that going to do? A diagnosis in itself isn't worth much. When I received my diagnosis, it didn't mean anything. I didn't learn new things, it's just a label psychiatrists use. What does matter is that the diagnosis might unlock counseling or other means of helping with the problems.
Remember that for many people, having ASD isn't a problem. If it is not affecting their daily life in a way that they would need help with dealing with ASD, what good is a diagnosis. This is a big part of the reason you shouldn't offer your opinion to "strangers over the internet". You don't know whether:
They are aware of their ASD
They struggle with their ASD
They want to seek help with their ASD
And frankly, unless they make it so, these are none of your business.
So how can you help?
You see the person and their symptoms. Try to address those, instead of the diagnosis.
Be helpful by aiding with their struggles, don't label for the sake of labeling.
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
answered 2 hours ago
JAD
5,93752444
5,93752444
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
1
1
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
While I do agree that he should not diagnose him in detail, but I didn't get from the question that he attempts to do that. He is quite certain the other one might be thinking they are on the spectrum and might benefit from an outside source with experience on the topic to throw their cent in. OP does not act like they are a professional and merely wants to suggest the friend might suffer from the same condition (?) as they do.
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Autism is understood today in a way that it never was in the past, which is why so many kids are getting a diagnosis, but also why so many adults that may be on the autism spectrum were never diagnosed.
You point out that there is a clear difference between thinking you are on the autism spectrum and actually getting a professional diagnosis, so presumably your goal is to encourage your friend to get a proper diganosis, not just think it of themselves. But you also say that this friend gave you the information and tools to discover this about yourself, so the likelihood is that your friend already suspects it of their self.
Some adults have found it beneficial to get a professional diagnosis later in life because it helps them understand themselves better, explain themselves to others, and even get some support if needed. Others, however, prefer not to seek a late diagnosis. Even if they suspect they might be on the spectrum, they may feel that they have learned how to deal with life, found their place in society, are happy with their friends, job etc, and do not require a label at this stage in their life.
If you do talk to them about it you are likely going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have to convince them that they might be, but rather talking about whether or not they should get a professional diagnosis. This may or may not be helpful for your friend and is their personal decision.
So, by all means, have the conversation, but don't tell anyone directly that they are definitely autistic unless you are qualified to do so. Neither should you force anyone to get a professional diagnosis if they don't really need or want it.
You could perhaps just say:
I really want to thank you for the information about autism that you sent to me. It helped me understand myself. I think that getting a diagnosis might be beneficial to me because I have a need to understand myself better.
This might just encourage your friend who may suspect the same about their self to do the same thing.
If you really want to force the subject, the most gentle way might be:
Have you ever thought that you might be on the autism spectrum yourself?
This is less direct than saying you think they are autistic, and less likely to cause offence if they do not believe they are.
Just one final point, and I hope you feel this is fair - you say yourself that it is usual for "people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking". So with this in mind, would it be fair to say that someone with autism could misinterpret the words or actions of a neurotypical person to be autism? You might actually be the least qualified person to say someone else is autistic or not.
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Autism is understood today in a way that it never was in the past, which is why so many kids are getting a diagnosis, but also why so many adults that may be on the autism spectrum were never diagnosed.
You point out that there is a clear difference between thinking you are on the autism spectrum and actually getting a professional diagnosis, so presumably your goal is to encourage your friend to get a proper diganosis, not just think it of themselves. But you also say that this friend gave you the information and tools to discover this about yourself, so the likelihood is that your friend already suspects it of their self.
Some adults have found it beneficial to get a professional diagnosis later in life because it helps them understand themselves better, explain themselves to others, and even get some support if needed. Others, however, prefer not to seek a late diagnosis. Even if they suspect they might be on the spectrum, they may feel that they have learned how to deal with life, found their place in society, are happy with their friends, job etc, and do not require a label at this stage in their life.
If you do talk to them about it you are likely going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have to convince them that they might be, but rather talking about whether or not they should get a professional diagnosis. This may or may not be helpful for your friend and is their personal decision.
So, by all means, have the conversation, but don't tell anyone directly that they are definitely autistic unless you are qualified to do so. Neither should you force anyone to get a professional diagnosis if they don't really need or want it.
You could perhaps just say:
I really want to thank you for the information about autism that you sent to me. It helped me understand myself. I think that getting a diagnosis might be beneficial to me because I have a need to understand myself better.
This might just encourage your friend who may suspect the same about their self to do the same thing.
If you really want to force the subject, the most gentle way might be:
Have you ever thought that you might be on the autism spectrum yourself?
This is less direct than saying you think they are autistic, and less likely to cause offence if they do not believe they are.
Just one final point, and I hope you feel this is fair - you say yourself that it is usual for "people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking". So with this in mind, would it be fair to say that someone with autism could misinterpret the words or actions of a neurotypical person to be autism? You might actually be the least qualified person to say someone else is autistic or not.
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
Autism is understood today in a way that it never was in the past, which is why so many kids are getting a diagnosis, but also why so many adults that may be on the autism spectrum were never diagnosed.
You point out that there is a clear difference between thinking you are on the autism spectrum and actually getting a professional diagnosis, so presumably your goal is to encourage your friend to get a proper diganosis, not just think it of themselves. But you also say that this friend gave you the information and tools to discover this about yourself, so the likelihood is that your friend already suspects it of their self.
Some adults have found it beneficial to get a professional diagnosis later in life because it helps them understand themselves better, explain themselves to others, and even get some support if needed. Others, however, prefer not to seek a late diagnosis. Even if they suspect they might be on the spectrum, they may feel that they have learned how to deal with life, found their place in society, are happy with their friends, job etc, and do not require a label at this stage in their life.
If you do talk to them about it you are likely going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have to convince them that they might be, but rather talking about whether or not they should get a professional diagnosis. This may or may not be helpful for your friend and is their personal decision.
So, by all means, have the conversation, but don't tell anyone directly that they are definitely autistic unless you are qualified to do so. Neither should you force anyone to get a professional diagnosis if they don't really need or want it.
You could perhaps just say:
I really want to thank you for the information about autism that you sent to me. It helped me understand myself. I think that getting a diagnosis might be beneficial to me because I have a need to understand myself better.
This might just encourage your friend who may suspect the same about their self to do the same thing.
If you really want to force the subject, the most gentle way might be:
Have you ever thought that you might be on the autism spectrum yourself?
This is less direct than saying you think they are autistic, and less likely to cause offence if they do not believe they are.
Just one final point, and I hope you feel this is fair - you say yourself that it is usual for "people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking". So with this in mind, would it be fair to say that someone with autism could misinterpret the words or actions of a neurotypical person to be autism? You might actually be the least qualified person to say someone else is autistic or not.
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
Autism is understood today in a way that it never was in the past, which is why so many kids are getting a diagnosis, but also why so many adults that may be on the autism spectrum were never diagnosed.
You point out that there is a clear difference between thinking you are on the autism spectrum and actually getting a professional diagnosis, so presumably your goal is to encourage your friend to get a proper diganosis, not just think it of themselves. But you also say that this friend gave you the information and tools to discover this about yourself, so the likelihood is that your friend already suspects it of their self.
Some adults have found it beneficial to get a professional diagnosis later in life because it helps them understand themselves better, explain themselves to others, and even get some support if needed. Others, however, prefer not to seek a late diagnosis. Even if they suspect they might be on the spectrum, they may feel that they have learned how to deal with life, found their place in society, are happy with their friends, job etc, and do not require a label at this stage in their life.
If you do talk to them about it you are likely going to find yourself in a situation where you don't have to convince them that they might be, but rather talking about whether or not they should get a professional diagnosis. This may or may not be helpful for your friend and is their personal decision.
So, by all means, have the conversation, but don't tell anyone directly that they are definitely autistic unless you are qualified to do so. Neither should you force anyone to get a professional diagnosis if they don't really need or want it.
You could perhaps just say:
I really want to thank you for the information about autism that you sent to me. It helped me understand myself. I think that getting a diagnosis might be beneficial to me because I have a need to understand myself better.
This might just encourage your friend who may suspect the same about their self to do the same thing.
If you really want to force the subject, the most gentle way might be:
Have you ever thought that you might be on the autism spectrum yourself?
This is less direct than saying you think they are autistic, and less likely to cause offence if they do not believe they are.
Just one final point, and I hope you feel this is fair - you say yourself that it is usual for "people on the autism spectrum to not understand what a neurotypical person is saying because we (people on the autism spectrum) don't have the same way of thinking". So with this in mind, would it be fair to say that someone with autism could misinterpret the words or actions of a neurotypical person to be autism? You might actually be the least qualified person to say someone else is autistic or not.
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
edited 1 hour ago
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
answered 2 hours ago
Astralbee
20.6k35085
20.6k35085
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
'don't tell anyone that they are definitely autistic' Isn't that a slightly unfair comment on a question which is specifically asking how they can tell someone that they 'might' be on the spectrum? Also, the OP says ' I still waited two years after that before asking for an actual diagnostic' which certainly suggests the OP has a professional diagnosis. Also from previous posts the OP appears to have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.
– Spagirl
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
@Spagirl Fair comment on the diagnosis - I had missed that detail in the lengthy question and have edited accordingly. I don't think anything I have said is unfair however - nobody but a healthcare professional should be telling anyone they are autistic. I wouldn't call this a reframe challenge because I have gone on to show how they can "tell" their friend in an indirect way which I feel better respects the friend's own feelings on whether or not they should seek a diagnosis.
– Astralbee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
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You say your friend posts a lot about personal matters on Facebook. Have any mutual friends voiced concerns over him before (to him or to you)? Not necessarily about autism but in general.
– Kozaky
2 hours ago
Could you elaborate on how he helped you realise you were on the spectrum? Maybe it might work out to use a similar approach to his. At least it sounds like you are somewhat similar. (Although the spectrum is wide and personalities can still differ.)
– ArtificialSoul
2 hours ago
@Kozaky We don't have mutual friends so, no (I edited)
– Noon
2 hours ago
@ArtificialSoul They just posted a lot of link to article about autism (a lot of testimony from adults who were diagnosed late in life and, at one occasion, a quizz to know if you are neurotypical or not)
– Noon
2 hours ago