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How to say no to an extremely pushy friend
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My friend, which is also my coworker, likes to organise events for his friends. He invites a lot of people, but always expects everyone to join him regardless of if they have already planned something for that day.
Since I'm one of his co-workers, but we work in different locations, he uses Skype to ask me. This is our conversation that started yesterday. We're Germans so the texts are loosely translated. (Edited to hide personal information)
Him: hey, want to go to the movie? I'm gathering some friends.
Me: maybe, what movie and when? :)
Him: To the new ***. Next Friday at 8. We might go for some food afterwards.
Me: ah, sorry man. Got something planned for then already.
Him: can't you reschedule that?
Me: nope, had it planned months before
About 2 hours later
Him: where would you like to get food after the movie?
Me: nowhere, I won't be there
Him: let me know if you change your mind
A bit later
Him: What do you think of **** restaurant?
Me: no idea, never been there
Him: here's the menu (URL). Choose something in advance so we can order ahead Friday.
Me: won't be necessary. I won't be there.
Next day, in the morning
Him: Don't forget to send in your order for Friday.
At this point I started ignoring him
Him: you'll be there right. I can count on you?
Me: I already promised others. I can't come with you guys and that won't change
Him: we're with 9 already. One more and we can get a discount.
Me: Don't expect me to help with that
Him: think a bit about it. I'll message you again.
I think I have made clear enough that I can't come and told him I was busy that night. Yet, he still doesn't seem to accept that as an answer. This happens every time he plans something, and I'm getting really tired of it.
How can I make clear to this person that I can't come and that he has to accept that?
friends saying-no germany coworkers
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
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asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
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up vote
2
down vote
favorite
My friend, which is also my coworker, likes to organise events for his friends. He invites a lot of people, but always expects everyone to join him regardless of if they have already planned something for that day.
Since I'm one of his co-workers, but we work in different locations, he uses Skype to ask me. This is our conversation that started yesterday. We're Germans so the texts are loosely translated. (Edited to hide personal information)
Him: hey, want to go to the movie? I'm gathering some friends.
Me: maybe, what movie and when? :)
Him: To the new ***. Next Friday at 8. We might go for some food afterwards.
Me: ah, sorry man. Got something planned for then already.
Him: can't you reschedule that?
Me: nope, had it planned months before
About 2 hours later
Him: where would you like to get food after the movie?
Me: nowhere, I won't be there
Him: let me know if you change your mind
A bit later
Him: What do you think of **** restaurant?
Me: no idea, never been there
Him: here's the menu (URL). Choose something in advance so we can order ahead Friday.
Me: won't be necessary. I won't be there.
Next day, in the morning
Him: Don't forget to send in your order for Friday.
At this point I started ignoring him
Him: you'll be there right. I can count on you?
Me: I already promised others. I can't come with you guys and that won't change
Him: we're with 9 already. One more and we can get a discount.
Me: Don't expect me to help with that
Him: think a bit about it. I'll message you again.
I think I have made clear enough that I can't come and told him I was busy that night. Yet, he still doesn't seem to accept that as an answer. This happens every time he plans something, and I'm getting really tired of it.
How can I make clear to this person that I can't come and that he has to accept that?
friends saying-no germany coworkers
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
My friend, which is also my coworker, likes to organise events for his friends. He invites a lot of people, but always expects everyone to join him regardless of if they have already planned something for that day.
Since I'm one of his co-workers, but we work in different locations, he uses Skype to ask me. This is our conversation that started yesterday. We're Germans so the texts are loosely translated. (Edited to hide personal information)
Him: hey, want to go to the movie? I'm gathering some friends.
Me: maybe, what movie and when? :)
Him: To the new ***. Next Friday at 8. We might go for some food afterwards.
Me: ah, sorry man. Got something planned for then already.
Him: can't you reschedule that?
Me: nope, had it planned months before
About 2 hours later
Him: where would you like to get food after the movie?
Me: nowhere, I won't be there
Him: let me know if you change your mind
A bit later
Him: What do you think of **** restaurant?
Me: no idea, never been there
Him: here's the menu (URL). Choose something in advance so we can order ahead Friday.
Me: won't be necessary. I won't be there.
Next day, in the morning
Him: Don't forget to send in your order for Friday.
At this point I started ignoring him
Him: you'll be there right. I can count on you?
Me: I already promised others. I can't come with you guys and that won't change
Him: we're with 9 already. One more and we can get a discount.
Me: Don't expect me to help with that
Him: think a bit about it. I'll message you again.
I think I have made clear enough that I can't come and told him I was busy that night. Yet, he still doesn't seem to accept that as an answer. This happens every time he plans something, and I'm getting really tired of it.
How can I make clear to this person that I can't come and that he has to accept that?
friends saying-no germany coworkers
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
My friend, which is also my coworker, likes to organise events for his friends. He invites a lot of people, but always expects everyone to join him regardless of if they have already planned something for that day.
Since I'm one of his co-workers, but we work in different locations, he uses Skype to ask me. This is our conversation that started yesterday. We're Germans so the texts are loosely translated. (Edited to hide personal information)
Him: hey, want to go to the movie? I'm gathering some friends.
Me: maybe, what movie and when? :)
Him: To the new ***. Next Friday at 8. We might go for some food afterwards.
Me: ah, sorry man. Got something planned for then already.
Him: can't you reschedule that?
Me: nope, had it planned months before
About 2 hours later
Him: where would you like to get food after the movie?
Me: nowhere, I won't be there
Him: let me know if you change your mind
A bit later
Him: What do you think of **** restaurant?
Me: no idea, never been there
Him: here's the menu (URL). Choose something in advance so we can order ahead Friday.
Me: won't be necessary. I won't be there.
Next day, in the morning
Him: Don't forget to send in your order for Friday.
At this point I started ignoring him
Him: you'll be there right. I can count on you?
Me: I already promised others. I can't come with you guys and that won't change
Him: we're with 9 already. One more and we can get a discount.
Me: Don't expect me to help with that
Him: think a bit about it. I'll message you again.
I think I have made clear enough that I can't come and told him I was busy that night. Yet, he still doesn't seem to accept that as an answer. This happens every time he plans something, and I'm getting really tired of it.
How can I make clear to this person that I can't come and that he has to accept that?
friends saying-no germany coworkers
friends saying-no germany coworkers
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
edited 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
6,33182845
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
asked 4 hours ago
Yuri D
111
111
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Yuri D is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
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4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
When you say no to other people, just say so without giving any further explanation because this leaves the door open for more discussion like it did in your case. It may sound rude and might make you hesitate to say, but it is fine. Just say no and don't give them any explanation.
From this Our Everyday Life article,
Refuse to give an explanation. When you say "no," you may feel the need to add "because I'll be busy that morning" or some other explanation. This give the other person an opportunity to say, "Oh, but if you're not busy in the afternoon, you can do it then." You don't owe anyone a justification when you refuse a request, so don't open the door to further discussion and negotiation by giving one.
If they try to change your answer or get an explanation, just say (taken from the same article),
I said 'no,' and that means I won't be able to do it at all.
If you have already given an explanation, then say
I've already given my answer, so please respect it.
Be as pushy as they're being and keep saying no. This is their nature and they might be wanting you to be there.
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like:
我ä¸Â会æÂÂ¥
When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other languages". Then you can proceed answering every other message about the meetup with the same phrase in a different language(yey, google translate) until he gives up.
Then as a joke you can message him in the language of your last message asking about something else as he apparently understood it the previous time.
Takes some time and effort on your part but you can both get a laugh out of it at the end of the day.
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
He is not respecting you, so you can be quite blunt.
I recommend writing something along the lines of:
Hey, I feel quite disrespected being ignored. I told you my decision, multiple times, and it's final. I'd like to be there, but I've got other plans, please respect that. I'm going to ignore that topic now if you bring it up again.
or in German (freely translated):
Hi, ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert (alternativ "fühle mich verarscht", thanks @Iris). Ich hab dir genau gesagt, dass ich nicht kann, und dass sich das nicht ändert. Ich hab an dem Abend bereits etwas vor, bitte akzeptier das. Falls du das Thema jetzt wieder ansprichst werd ich dich einfach ignorieren(, sorry).
If he now writes back, just ignore him. Don't ignore him else, but if he speaks about that topic, don't respond. You've made your stance clear, he can't just say "I now assume you will be there..." from now on. If he does, it's not your fault, and you might want to rethink if he really is a "friend".
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
Do you consider him a friend that you would like to keep or get rid off? If second, then you can apply the following strategy:
- when he asks for the first time, politely say thank you but say you won't go/ do the activity
- all further questions should be ignored, zero reaction from your side - you have already thanked him
- if nothing improves after three exchanges like above, stop reacting in any way to the first attempt
You will probably feel bad initially but you should put your well being first in this case.
If on the other hand you want to keep him as a friend and go out perhaps only sometimes, you have to be way, way more diplomatic. In all above cases, you were starting explaining yourself ending up in multiple answers, but one answer per conversation and only if there is an explicit question, is fine. If your friend makes a remark that is not a question, ignore it.
Good luck!
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
add a comment |Â
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
When you say no to other people, just say so without giving any further explanation because this leaves the door open for more discussion like it did in your case. It may sound rude and might make you hesitate to say, but it is fine. Just say no and don't give them any explanation.
From this Our Everyday Life article,
Refuse to give an explanation. When you say "no," you may feel the need to add "because I'll be busy that morning" or some other explanation. This give the other person an opportunity to say, "Oh, but if you're not busy in the afternoon, you can do it then." You don't owe anyone a justification when you refuse a request, so don't open the door to further discussion and negotiation by giving one.
If they try to change your answer or get an explanation, just say (taken from the same article),
I said 'no,' and that means I won't be able to do it at all.
If you have already given an explanation, then say
I've already given my answer, so please respect it.
Be as pushy as they're being and keep saying no. This is their nature and they might be wanting you to be there.
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
When you say no to other people, just say so without giving any further explanation because this leaves the door open for more discussion like it did in your case. It may sound rude and might make you hesitate to say, but it is fine. Just say no and don't give them any explanation.
From this Our Everyday Life article,
Refuse to give an explanation. When you say "no," you may feel the need to add "because I'll be busy that morning" or some other explanation. This give the other person an opportunity to say, "Oh, but if you're not busy in the afternoon, you can do it then." You don't owe anyone a justification when you refuse a request, so don't open the door to further discussion and negotiation by giving one.
If they try to change your answer or get an explanation, just say (taken from the same article),
I said 'no,' and that means I won't be able to do it at all.
If you have already given an explanation, then say
I've already given my answer, so please respect it.
Be as pushy as they're being and keep saying no. This is their nature and they might be wanting you to be there.
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
When you say no to other people, just say so without giving any further explanation because this leaves the door open for more discussion like it did in your case. It may sound rude and might make you hesitate to say, but it is fine. Just say no and don't give them any explanation.
From this Our Everyday Life article,
Refuse to give an explanation. When you say "no," you may feel the need to add "because I'll be busy that morning" or some other explanation. This give the other person an opportunity to say, "Oh, but if you're not busy in the afternoon, you can do it then." You don't owe anyone a justification when you refuse a request, so don't open the door to further discussion and negotiation by giving one.
If they try to change your answer or get an explanation, just say (taken from the same article),
I said 'no,' and that means I won't be able to do it at all.
If you have already given an explanation, then say
I've already given my answer, so please respect it.
Be as pushy as they're being and keep saying no. This is their nature and they might be wanting you to be there.
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
When you say no to other people, just say so without giving any further explanation because this leaves the door open for more discussion like it did in your case. It may sound rude and might make you hesitate to say, but it is fine. Just say no and don't give them any explanation.
From this Our Everyday Life article,
Refuse to give an explanation. When you say "no," you may feel the need to add "because I'll be busy that morning" or some other explanation. This give the other person an opportunity to say, "Oh, but if you're not busy in the afternoon, you can do it then." You don't owe anyone a justification when you refuse a request, so don't open the door to further discussion and negotiation by giving one.
If they try to change your answer or get an explanation, just say (taken from the same article),
I said 'no,' and that means I won't be able to do it at all.
If you have already given an explanation, then say
I've already given my answer, so please respect it.
Be as pushy as they're being and keep saying no. This is their nature and they might be wanting you to be there.
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
answered 3 hours ago
A J♦
6,33182845
6,33182845
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
Indeed. Only give a reason if you want someone to work with you to find an alternative!
– Euchris
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like:
我ä¸Â会æÂÂ¥
When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other languages". Then you can proceed answering every other message about the meetup with the same phrase in a different language(yey, google translate) until he gives up.
Then as a joke you can message him in the language of your last message asking about something else as he apparently understood it the previous time.
Takes some time and effort on your part but you can both get a laugh out of it at the end of the day.
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like:
我ä¸Â会æÂÂ¥
When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other languages". Then you can proceed answering every other message about the meetup with the same phrase in a different language(yey, google translate) until he gives up.
Then as a joke you can message him in the language of your last message asking about something else as he apparently understood it the previous time.
Takes some time and effort on your part but you can both get a laugh out of it at the end of the day.
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like:
我ä¸Â会æÂÂ¥
When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other languages". Then you can proceed answering every other message about the meetup with the same phrase in a different language(yey, google translate) until he gives up.
Then as a joke you can message him in the language of your last message asking about something else as he apparently understood it the previous time.
Takes some time and effort on your part but you can both get a laugh out of it at the end of the day.
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like:
我ä¸Â会æÂÂ¥
When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other languages". Then you can proceed answering every other message about the meetup with the same phrase in a different language(yey, google translate) until he gives up.
Then as a joke you can message him in the language of your last message asking about something else as he apparently understood it the previous time.
Takes some time and effort on your part but you can both get a laugh out of it at the end of the day.
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
answered 1 hour ago
Ontamu
3,41121031
3,41121031
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
He is not respecting you, so you can be quite blunt.
I recommend writing something along the lines of:
Hey, I feel quite disrespected being ignored. I told you my decision, multiple times, and it's final. I'd like to be there, but I've got other plans, please respect that. I'm going to ignore that topic now if you bring it up again.
or in German (freely translated):
Hi, ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert (alternativ "fühle mich verarscht", thanks @Iris). Ich hab dir genau gesagt, dass ich nicht kann, und dass sich das nicht ändert. Ich hab an dem Abend bereits etwas vor, bitte akzeptier das. Falls du das Thema jetzt wieder ansprichst werd ich dich einfach ignorieren(, sorry).
If he now writes back, just ignore him. Don't ignore him else, but if he speaks about that topic, don't respond. You've made your stance clear, he can't just say "I now assume you will be there..." from now on. If he does, it's not your fault, and you might want to rethink if he really is a "friend".
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
He is not respecting you, so you can be quite blunt.
I recommend writing something along the lines of:
Hey, I feel quite disrespected being ignored. I told you my decision, multiple times, and it's final. I'd like to be there, but I've got other plans, please respect that. I'm going to ignore that topic now if you bring it up again.
or in German (freely translated):
Hi, ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert (alternativ "fühle mich verarscht", thanks @Iris). Ich hab dir genau gesagt, dass ich nicht kann, und dass sich das nicht ändert. Ich hab an dem Abend bereits etwas vor, bitte akzeptier das. Falls du das Thema jetzt wieder ansprichst werd ich dich einfach ignorieren(, sorry).
If he now writes back, just ignore him. Don't ignore him else, but if he speaks about that topic, don't respond. You've made your stance clear, he can't just say "I now assume you will be there..." from now on. If he does, it's not your fault, and you might want to rethink if he really is a "friend".
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
He is not respecting you, so you can be quite blunt.
I recommend writing something along the lines of:
Hey, I feel quite disrespected being ignored. I told you my decision, multiple times, and it's final. I'd like to be there, but I've got other plans, please respect that. I'm going to ignore that topic now if you bring it up again.
or in German (freely translated):
Hi, ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert (alternativ "fühle mich verarscht", thanks @Iris). Ich hab dir genau gesagt, dass ich nicht kann, und dass sich das nicht ändert. Ich hab an dem Abend bereits etwas vor, bitte akzeptier das. Falls du das Thema jetzt wieder ansprichst werd ich dich einfach ignorieren(, sorry).
If he now writes back, just ignore him. Don't ignore him else, but if he speaks about that topic, don't respond. You've made your stance clear, he can't just say "I now assume you will be there..." from now on. If he does, it's not your fault, and you might want to rethink if he really is a "friend".
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
He is not respecting you, so you can be quite blunt.
I recommend writing something along the lines of:
Hey, I feel quite disrespected being ignored. I told you my decision, multiple times, and it's final. I'd like to be there, but I've got other plans, please respect that. I'm going to ignore that topic now if you bring it up again.
or in German (freely translated):
Hi, ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert (alternativ "fühle mich verarscht", thanks @Iris). Ich hab dir genau gesagt, dass ich nicht kann, und dass sich das nicht ändert. Ich hab an dem Abend bereits etwas vor, bitte akzeptier das. Falls du das Thema jetzt wieder ansprichst werd ich dich einfach ignorieren(, sorry).
If he now writes back, just ignore him. Don't ignore him else, but if he speaks about that topic, don't respond. You've made your stance clear, he can't just say "I now assume you will be there..." from now on. If he does, it's not your fault, and you might want to rethink if he really is a "friend".
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
edited 10 mins ago
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
answered 3 hours ago
Mafii
1,6291613
1,6291613
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
add a comment |Â
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
I wouldn't say "ich fühle mich von dir ignoriert.", because ignoring is not the same as being disrespectful, but would ask "hast meine Antworten überhaupt gelesen/ hast du mir überhaupt zugehört?" or being really blunt with "ich fühle mich verarscht". And I wouldn't write "sorry" in the end. There is absolutely no reason to be sorry in such an situation!
– Iris
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
@Iris this might be the Swiss German influence in me, but for me saying sorry after such a statement is not really "being sorry", but rather, blunt, passive agressive.
– Mafii
1 hour ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
it may be also a gender issue? I see this behaviour a lot with women "No, I don't want to go on a date with you, sorry" and for me, it always feels like it takes away some of the determination of the original decision.
– Iris
50 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
@Iris fair point - good to know it can be perceived that way! I'm male, tho :)
– Mafii
10 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
Do you consider him a friend that you would like to keep or get rid off? If second, then you can apply the following strategy:
- when he asks for the first time, politely say thank you but say you won't go/ do the activity
- all further questions should be ignored, zero reaction from your side - you have already thanked him
- if nothing improves after three exchanges like above, stop reacting in any way to the first attempt
You will probably feel bad initially but you should put your well being first in this case.
If on the other hand you want to keep him as a friend and go out perhaps only sometimes, you have to be way, way more diplomatic. In all above cases, you were starting explaining yourself ending up in multiple answers, but one answer per conversation and only if there is an explicit question, is fine. If your friend makes a remark that is not a question, ignore it.
Good luck!
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
Do you consider him a friend that you would like to keep or get rid off? If second, then you can apply the following strategy:
- when he asks for the first time, politely say thank you but say you won't go/ do the activity
- all further questions should be ignored, zero reaction from your side - you have already thanked him
- if nothing improves after three exchanges like above, stop reacting in any way to the first attempt
You will probably feel bad initially but you should put your well being first in this case.
If on the other hand you want to keep him as a friend and go out perhaps only sometimes, you have to be way, way more diplomatic. In all above cases, you were starting explaining yourself ending up in multiple answers, but one answer per conversation and only if there is an explicit question, is fine. If your friend makes a remark that is not a question, ignore it.
Good luck!
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
Do you consider him a friend that you would like to keep or get rid off? If second, then you can apply the following strategy:
- when he asks for the first time, politely say thank you but say you won't go/ do the activity
- all further questions should be ignored, zero reaction from your side - you have already thanked him
- if nothing improves after three exchanges like above, stop reacting in any way to the first attempt
You will probably feel bad initially but you should put your well being first in this case.
If on the other hand you want to keep him as a friend and go out perhaps only sometimes, you have to be way, way more diplomatic. In all above cases, you were starting explaining yourself ending up in multiple answers, but one answer per conversation and only if there is an explicit question, is fine. If your friend makes a remark that is not a question, ignore it.
Good luck!
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
Do you consider him a friend that you would like to keep or get rid off? If second, then you can apply the following strategy:
- when he asks for the first time, politely say thank you but say you won't go/ do the activity
- all further questions should be ignored, zero reaction from your side - you have already thanked him
- if nothing improves after three exchanges like above, stop reacting in any way to the first attempt
You will probably feel bad initially but you should put your well being first in this case.
If on the other hand you want to keep him as a friend and go out perhaps only sometimes, you have to be way, way more diplomatic. In all above cases, you were starting explaining yourself ending up in multiple answers, but one answer per conversation and only if there is an explicit question, is fine. If your friend makes a remark that is not a question, ignore it.
Good luck!
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
answered 3 hours ago
Nat
5423
5423
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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