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Dealing with in-game love interests between PCs
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So, following a previous question about dealing with love interests in a 1-on-1 game this has been brought into our current game.
It was one thing to have it in our one-on-one game, but now we have 2 other players, and a new DM (I am now one of the players), and this relationship between our PCs has continued. This has gone on for some time, and I have responded to it in several ways - anywhere from ignoring it (depending on the situation, the focus might need to be elsewhere so the "hint" goes overlooked); to entertaining it for a few good minutes, up to 20 minutes of roleplay.
The thing is that the player really does get drawn in to the roleplay aspect of the game in general - she has developed a connection with all of the PCs, and spends a lot of effort on her roleplay. That much we all enjoy. It really makes for a captivating experience. Obviously though, the downside is that whenever the love-interest comes into play, everyone basically has to sit back and watch, until someone (either myself or someone else) jams a wedge into the middle of it to get the game moving again.
I know that I should probably talk to the player about this, but I'm not sure how to approach the topic. It is tied in with her RP, which in general is not a problem (as stated above, is actually the opposite). And I don't know if I should talk to just them, or if I should approach the DM at the same time?
Edit: For clarification, this "love interest" is only between the PCs. The players (she and I) do not have any relationship outside of this situation.
dnd-5e roleplaying problem-players romance
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
So, following a previous question about dealing with love interests in a 1-on-1 game this has been brought into our current game.
It was one thing to have it in our one-on-one game, but now we have 2 other players, and a new DM (I am now one of the players), and this relationship between our PCs has continued. This has gone on for some time, and I have responded to it in several ways - anywhere from ignoring it (depending on the situation, the focus might need to be elsewhere so the "hint" goes overlooked); to entertaining it for a few good minutes, up to 20 minutes of roleplay.
The thing is that the player really does get drawn in to the roleplay aspect of the game in general - she has developed a connection with all of the PCs, and spends a lot of effort on her roleplay. That much we all enjoy. It really makes for a captivating experience. Obviously though, the downside is that whenever the love-interest comes into play, everyone basically has to sit back and watch, until someone (either myself or someone else) jams a wedge into the middle of it to get the game moving again.
I know that I should probably talk to the player about this, but I'm not sure how to approach the topic. It is tied in with her RP, which in general is not a problem (as stated above, is actually the opposite). And I don't know if I should talk to just them, or if I should approach the DM at the same time?
Edit: For clarification, this "love interest" is only between the PCs. The players (she and I) do not have any relationship outside of this situation.
dnd-5e roleplaying problem-players romance
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
1
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
So, following a previous question about dealing with love interests in a 1-on-1 game this has been brought into our current game.
It was one thing to have it in our one-on-one game, but now we have 2 other players, and a new DM (I am now one of the players), and this relationship between our PCs has continued. This has gone on for some time, and I have responded to it in several ways - anywhere from ignoring it (depending on the situation, the focus might need to be elsewhere so the "hint" goes overlooked); to entertaining it for a few good minutes, up to 20 minutes of roleplay.
The thing is that the player really does get drawn in to the roleplay aspect of the game in general - she has developed a connection with all of the PCs, and spends a lot of effort on her roleplay. That much we all enjoy. It really makes for a captivating experience. Obviously though, the downside is that whenever the love-interest comes into play, everyone basically has to sit back and watch, until someone (either myself or someone else) jams a wedge into the middle of it to get the game moving again.
I know that I should probably talk to the player about this, but I'm not sure how to approach the topic. It is tied in with her RP, which in general is not a problem (as stated above, is actually the opposite). And I don't know if I should talk to just them, or if I should approach the DM at the same time?
Edit: For clarification, this "love interest" is only between the PCs. The players (she and I) do not have any relationship outside of this situation.
dnd-5e roleplaying problem-players romance
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
So, following a previous question about dealing with love interests in a 1-on-1 game this has been brought into our current game.
It was one thing to have it in our one-on-one game, but now we have 2 other players, and a new DM (I am now one of the players), and this relationship between our PCs has continued. This has gone on for some time, and I have responded to it in several ways - anywhere from ignoring it (depending on the situation, the focus might need to be elsewhere so the "hint" goes overlooked); to entertaining it for a few good minutes, up to 20 minutes of roleplay.
The thing is that the player really does get drawn in to the roleplay aspect of the game in general - she has developed a connection with all of the PCs, and spends a lot of effort on her roleplay. That much we all enjoy. It really makes for a captivating experience. Obviously though, the downside is that whenever the love-interest comes into play, everyone basically has to sit back and watch, until someone (either myself or someone else) jams a wedge into the middle of it to get the game moving again.
I know that I should probably talk to the player about this, but I'm not sure how to approach the topic. It is tied in with her RP, which in general is not a problem (as stated above, is actually the opposite). And I don't know if I should talk to just them, or if I should approach the DM at the same time?
Edit: For clarification, this "love interest" is only between the PCs. The players (she and I) do not have any relationship outside of this situation.
dnd-5e roleplaying problem-players romance
dnd-5e roleplaying problem-players romance
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
edited 2 hours ago
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
asked 4 hours ago
Ben
8,1891351122
8,1891351122
Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
1
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago
add a comment |Â
Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
1
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago
Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
1
1
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
If you are not in a relationship, this is not an RPG issue, it's a relationship issue.
Being in a relationship in-character is a heavy emotional romantic thing for many people. It seems that this woman is one of them... and she's using the IC relationship between your characters to be halfway in, halfway out. Almost-relationships of all sorts are really very tempting for people who know that they can't be together with the object of their affections (because it's a terrible idea, or the other person won't agree, or parental disapproval or whatever) and they are emotionally super-complicated and they're basically a relationship in disguise. You're not enjoying the in-between state, and she's clinging to it. You need to work this out one way or the other. The process is likely to be messy. I suggest you get some advice from the interpersonal skills stack first, as they're the specialists at this sort of thing. Aside from that piece of useful clue, though, your underlying issue here is out-of-scope for the RPG stack.
If you are in a relationship, take it offline.
You are in an actual relationship with a woman who apparently really likes roleplaying as a character who's in a relationship with a character you are playing. That doesn't have to be bad. It can be fun. The core RPG problem that you've described that it's distracting from play at the table. That doesn't have to be an issue, though - you're in a relationship already. Presumably you're interacting romantically at times where you're not gaming, and "your characters roleplay having a relationship" is the sort of thing that doesn't generally require DM adjudication.
So talk with her about it, presenting the issue as one of not wanting to be rude. Suggest that you take it mostly offline. When you're around the table, it's time to game in a way that everyone can be involved in. You can indulge in "couples roleplay" in your own time when no one else is waiting on you.
If it's not so much a matter of "This is interfering with Game." and more a "I don't enjoy this activity." then the issue is that you're in a relationship with someone who really enjoys a couples activity that you're not so into. At that point, it's a question for the interpersonal skills stack.
Alternately/Additionally, consider getting involved in some sort of Larping scene, where two people pausing for in-character romantic interludes doesn't interfere with other ongoing stories in nearly the same way.
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
The DM should be handling this.
Part of the DM's job is to keep the story moving forward. If the characters seem to be getting distracted, the DM needs to step in with a reminder of where the story should be going.
As a player, if you say something like "we probably shouldn't get into that right now, we should focus on the plot", that could be seen as rude. If the DM says something like that, it's expected.
I think a good first step would be to tell the DM that you understand that romantic roleplaying isn't a good experience for the table, and if it starts happening you will usually welcome an interruption.
As a DM, if two of my players seem to be getting bogged down or trying to monopolize too much of my time, one thing I often do is I'll turn to the rest of my group and I'll say: "okay, so we know what those characters are doing. What's your character up to?" Sometimes this leads to the players continuing the conversation between themselves in the background; usually they'll take the hint and stop being distracting.
Running with it for a few minutes is also fine.
In an ideal world, all the players would be engaged with the story all the time. But in my games I'm usually okay with brief roleplaying interruptions, especially if (as in your case) it's fun to watch. I recommend not feeling guilty about it for at least the first five minutes.
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
If you are not in a relationship, this is not an RPG issue, it's a relationship issue.
Being in a relationship in-character is a heavy emotional romantic thing for many people. It seems that this woman is one of them... and she's using the IC relationship between your characters to be halfway in, halfway out. Almost-relationships of all sorts are really very tempting for people who know that they can't be together with the object of their affections (because it's a terrible idea, or the other person won't agree, or parental disapproval or whatever) and they are emotionally super-complicated and they're basically a relationship in disguise. You're not enjoying the in-between state, and she's clinging to it. You need to work this out one way or the other. The process is likely to be messy. I suggest you get some advice from the interpersonal skills stack first, as they're the specialists at this sort of thing. Aside from that piece of useful clue, though, your underlying issue here is out-of-scope for the RPG stack.
If you are in a relationship, take it offline.
You are in an actual relationship with a woman who apparently really likes roleplaying as a character who's in a relationship with a character you are playing. That doesn't have to be bad. It can be fun. The core RPG problem that you've described that it's distracting from play at the table. That doesn't have to be an issue, though - you're in a relationship already. Presumably you're interacting romantically at times where you're not gaming, and "your characters roleplay having a relationship" is the sort of thing that doesn't generally require DM adjudication.
So talk with her about it, presenting the issue as one of not wanting to be rude. Suggest that you take it mostly offline. When you're around the table, it's time to game in a way that everyone can be involved in. You can indulge in "couples roleplay" in your own time when no one else is waiting on you.
If it's not so much a matter of "This is interfering with Game." and more a "I don't enjoy this activity." then the issue is that you're in a relationship with someone who really enjoys a couples activity that you're not so into. At that point, it's a question for the interpersonal skills stack.
Alternately/Additionally, consider getting involved in some sort of Larping scene, where two people pausing for in-character romantic interludes doesn't interfere with other ongoing stories in nearly the same way.
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
If you are not in a relationship, this is not an RPG issue, it's a relationship issue.
Being in a relationship in-character is a heavy emotional romantic thing for many people. It seems that this woman is one of them... and she's using the IC relationship between your characters to be halfway in, halfway out. Almost-relationships of all sorts are really very tempting for people who know that they can't be together with the object of their affections (because it's a terrible idea, or the other person won't agree, or parental disapproval or whatever) and they are emotionally super-complicated and they're basically a relationship in disguise. You're not enjoying the in-between state, and she's clinging to it. You need to work this out one way or the other. The process is likely to be messy. I suggest you get some advice from the interpersonal skills stack first, as they're the specialists at this sort of thing. Aside from that piece of useful clue, though, your underlying issue here is out-of-scope for the RPG stack.
If you are in a relationship, take it offline.
You are in an actual relationship with a woman who apparently really likes roleplaying as a character who's in a relationship with a character you are playing. That doesn't have to be bad. It can be fun. The core RPG problem that you've described that it's distracting from play at the table. That doesn't have to be an issue, though - you're in a relationship already. Presumably you're interacting romantically at times where you're not gaming, and "your characters roleplay having a relationship" is the sort of thing that doesn't generally require DM adjudication.
So talk with her about it, presenting the issue as one of not wanting to be rude. Suggest that you take it mostly offline. When you're around the table, it's time to game in a way that everyone can be involved in. You can indulge in "couples roleplay" in your own time when no one else is waiting on you.
If it's not so much a matter of "This is interfering with Game." and more a "I don't enjoy this activity." then the issue is that you're in a relationship with someone who really enjoys a couples activity that you're not so into. At that point, it's a question for the interpersonal skills stack.
Alternately/Additionally, consider getting involved in some sort of Larping scene, where two people pausing for in-character romantic interludes doesn't interfere with other ongoing stories in nearly the same way.
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
up vote
4
down vote
If you are not in a relationship, this is not an RPG issue, it's a relationship issue.
Being in a relationship in-character is a heavy emotional romantic thing for many people. It seems that this woman is one of them... and she's using the IC relationship between your characters to be halfway in, halfway out. Almost-relationships of all sorts are really very tempting for people who know that they can't be together with the object of their affections (because it's a terrible idea, or the other person won't agree, or parental disapproval or whatever) and they are emotionally super-complicated and they're basically a relationship in disguise. You're not enjoying the in-between state, and she's clinging to it. You need to work this out one way or the other. The process is likely to be messy. I suggest you get some advice from the interpersonal skills stack first, as they're the specialists at this sort of thing. Aside from that piece of useful clue, though, your underlying issue here is out-of-scope for the RPG stack.
If you are in a relationship, take it offline.
You are in an actual relationship with a woman who apparently really likes roleplaying as a character who's in a relationship with a character you are playing. That doesn't have to be bad. It can be fun. The core RPG problem that you've described that it's distracting from play at the table. That doesn't have to be an issue, though - you're in a relationship already. Presumably you're interacting romantically at times where you're not gaming, and "your characters roleplay having a relationship" is the sort of thing that doesn't generally require DM adjudication.
So talk with her about it, presenting the issue as one of not wanting to be rude. Suggest that you take it mostly offline. When you're around the table, it's time to game in a way that everyone can be involved in. You can indulge in "couples roleplay" in your own time when no one else is waiting on you.
If it's not so much a matter of "This is interfering with Game." and more a "I don't enjoy this activity." then the issue is that you're in a relationship with someone who really enjoys a couples activity that you're not so into. At that point, it's a question for the interpersonal skills stack.
Alternately/Additionally, consider getting involved in some sort of Larping scene, where two people pausing for in-character romantic interludes doesn't interfere with other ongoing stories in nearly the same way.
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
If you are not in a relationship, this is not an RPG issue, it's a relationship issue.
Being in a relationship in-character is a heavy emotional romantic thing for many people. It seems that this woman is one of them... and she's using the IC relationship between your characters to be halfway in, halfway out. Almost-relationships of all sorts are really very tempting for people who know that they can't be together with the object of their affections (because it's a terrible idea, or the other person won't agree, or parental disapproval or whatever) and they are emotionally super-complicated and they're basically a relationship in disguise. You're not enjoying the in-between state, and she's clinging to it. You need to work this out one way or the other. The process is likely to be messy. I suggest you get some advice from the interpersonal skills stack first, as they're the specialists at this sort of thing. Aside from that piece of useful clue, though, your underlying issue here is out-of-scope for the RPG stack.
If you are in a relationship, take it offline.
You are in an actual relationship with a woman who apparently really likes roleplaying as a character who's in a relationship with a character you are playing. That doesn't have to be bad. It can be fun. The core RPG problem that you've described that it's distracting from play at the table. That doesn't have to be an issue, though - you're in a relationship already. Presumably you're interacting romantically at times where you're not gaming, and "your characters roleplay having a relationship" is the sort of thing that doesn't generally require DM adjudication.
So talk with her about it, presenting the issue as one of not wanting to be rude. Suggest that you take it mostly offline. When you're around the table, it's time to game in a way that everyone can be involved in. You can indulge in "couples roleplay" in your own time when no one else is waiting on you.
If it's not so much a matter of "This is interfering with Game." and more a "I don't enjoy this activity." then the issue is that you're in a relationship with someone who really enjoys a couples activity that you're not so into. At that point, it's a question for the interpersonal skills stack.
Alternately/Additionally, consider getting involved in some sort of Larping scene, where two people pausing for in-character romantic interludes doesn't interfere with other ongoing stories in nearly the same way.
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
edited 1 hour ago
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
answered 2 hours ago
Ben Barden
7,1751948
7,1751948
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
@Ben have edited to provide advice for your actual situation.
– Ben Barden
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
The DM should be handling this.
Part of the DM's job is to keep the story moving forward. If the characters seem to be getting distracted, the DM needs to step in with a reminder of where the story should be going.
As a player, if you say something like "we probably shouldn't get into that right now, we should focus on the plot", that could be seen as rude. If the DM says something like that, it's expected.
I think a good first step would be to tell the DM that you understand that romantic roleplaying isn't a good experience for the table, and if it starts happening you will usually welcome an interruption.
As a DM, if two of my players seem to be getting bogged down or trying to monopolize too much of my time, one thing I often do is I'll turn to the rest of my group and I'll say: "okay, so we know what those characters are doing. What's your character up to?" Sometimes this leads to the players continuing the conversation between themselves in the background; usually they'll take the hint and stop being distracting.
Running with it for a few minutes is also fine.
In an ideal world, all the players would be engaged with the story all the time. But in my games I'm usually okay with brief roleplaying interruptions, especially if (as in your case) it's fun to watch. I recommend not feeling guilty about it for at least the first five minutes.
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
The DM should be handling this.
Part of the DM's job is to keep the story moving forward. If the characters seem to be getting distracted, the DM needs to step in with a reminder of where the story should be going.
As a player, if you say something like "we probably shouldn't get into that right now, we should focus on the plot", that could be seen as rude. If the DM says something like that, it's expected.
I think a good first step would be to tell the DM that you understand that romantic roleplaying isn't a good experience for the table, and if it starts happening you will usually welcome an interruption.
As a DM, if two of my players seem to be getting bogged down or trying to monopolize too much of my time, one thing I often do is I'll turn to the rest of my group and I'll say: "okay, so we know what those characters are doing. What's your character up to?" Sometimes this leads to the players continuing the conversation between themselves in the background; usually they'll take the hint and stop being distracting.
Running with it for a few minutes is also fine.
In an ideal world, all the players would be engaged with the story all the time. But in my games I'm usually okay with brief roleplaying interruptions, especially if (as in your case) it's fun to watch. I recommend not feeling guilty about it for at least the first five minutes.
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
The DM should be handling this.
Part of the DM's job is to keep the story moving forward. If the characters seem to be getting distracted, the DM needs to step in with a reminder of where the story should be going.
As a player, if you say something like "we probably shouldn't get into that right now, we should focus on the plot", that could be seen as rude. If the DM says something like that, it's expected.
I think a good first step would be to tell the DM that you understand that romantic roleplaying isn't a good experience for the table, and if it starts happening you will usually welcome an interruption.
As a DM, if two of my players seem to be getting bogged down or trying to monopolize too much of my time, one thing I often do is I'll turn to the rest of my group and I'll say: "okay, so we know what those characters are doing. What's your character up to?" Sometimes this leads to the players continuing the conversation between themselves in the background; usually they'll take the hint and stop being distracting.
Running with it for a few minutes is also fine.
In an ideal world, all the players would be engaged with the story all the time. But in my games I'm usually okay with brief roleplaying interruptions, especially if (as in your case) it's fun to watch. I recommend not feeling guilty about it for at least the first five minutes.
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
The DM should be handling this.
Part of the DM's job is to keep the story moving forward. If the characters seem to be getting distracted, the DM needs to step in with a reminder of where the story should be going.
As a player, if you say something like "we probably shouldn't get into that right now, we should focus on the plot", that could be seen as rude. If the DM says something like that, it's expected.
I think a good first step would be to tell the DM that you understand that romantic roleplaying isn't a good experience for the table, and if it starts happening you will usually welcome an interruption.
As a DM, if two of my players seem to be getting bogged down or trying to monopolize too much of my time, one thing I often do is I'll turn to the rest of my group and I'll say: "okay, so we know what those characters are doing. What's your character up to?" Sometimes this leads to the players continuing the conversation between themselves in the background; usually they'll take the hint and stop being distracting.
Running with it for a few minutes is also fine.
In an ideal world, all the players would be engaged with the story all the time. But in my games I'm usually okay with brief roleplaying interruptions, especially if (as in your case) it's fun to watch. I recommend not feeling guilty about it for at least the first five minutes.
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
answered 2 hours ago
Dan B
31.8k755121
31.8k755121
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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Is this also in D&D 5e?
– V2Blast
3 hours ago
1
It is, but I don't feel that really has any impact on the situation haha.
– Ben
3 hours ago