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How to approach a friend about his girlfriend asking to sleep with me?
Clash Royale CLAN TAG#URR8PPP
up vote
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Context
My girlfriend (let's name her Claire) share a flat with a couple (let's name them Bob and Alice). Bob is a close friend of mine, and I get along pretty well with Alice. The three of them used to sleep all together, in open relationship, things were fine (that was before bonds between Alice and Bob tightened and Claire and I started our relationship).
What happened
Bob was away for the week-end, and one night, Claire, Alice and I went to have some drinks. Things were going smoothly up until the moment Alice told us that I could be cool if the three of us could sleep together that night, and that she sent a text to her boyfriend to ask if he was cool with that. Answer was no, of course.
The problem
The "problem" comes with the fact that, even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob. I couldn't expose my point of view at that moment because the text had already departed. I now fear that Bob could hold some grudge, or that those events could alter the relationship Bob and I constructed.
The question
How can I approach Bob to clarify things, and explain to him I wasn't cool with all that was said and that I didn't played any role in all of this ?
relationships awkward-situations approach
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
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up vote
4
down vote
favorite
Context
My girlfriend (let's name her Claire) share a flat with a couple (let's name them Bob and Alice). Bob is a close friend of mine, and I get along pretty well with Alice. The three of them used to sleep all together, in open relationship, things were fine (that was before bonds between Alice and Bob tightened and Claire and I started our relationship).
What happened
Bob was away for the week-end, and one night, Claire, Alice and I went to have some drinks. Things were going smoothly up until the moment Alice told us that I could be cool if the three of us could sleep together that night, and that she sent a text to her boyfriend to ask if he was cool with that. Answer was no, of course.
The problem
The "problem" comes with the fact that, even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob. I couldn't expose my point of view at that moment because the text had already departed. I now fear that Bob could hold some grudge, or that those events could alter the relationship Bob and I constructed.
The question
How can I approach Bob to clarify things, and explain to him I wasn't cool with all that was said and that I didn't played any role in all of this ?
relationships awkward-situations approach
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
favorite
up vote
4
down vote
favorite
Context
My girlfriend (let's name her Claire) share a flat with a couple (let's name them Bob and Alice). Bob is a close friend of mine, and I get along pretty well with Alice. The three of them used to sleep all together, in open relationship, things were fine (that was before bonds between Alice and Bob tightened and Claire and I started our relationship).
What happened
Bob was away for the week-end, and one night, Claire, Alice and I went to have some drinks. Things were going smoothly up until the moment Alice told us that I could be cool if the three of us could sleep together that night, and that she sent a text to her boyfriend to ask if he was cool with that. Answer was no, of course.
The problem
The "problem" comes with the fact that, even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob. I couldn't expose my point of view at that moment because the text had already departed. I now fear that Bob could hold some grudge, or that those events could alter the relationship Bob and I constructed.
The question
How can I approach Bob to clarify things, and explain to him I wasn't cool with all that was said and that I didn't played any role in all of this ?
relationships awkward-situations approach
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Context
My girlfriend (let's name her Claire) share a flat with a couple (let's name them Bob and Alice). Bob is a close friend of mine, and I get along pretty well with Alice. The three of them used to sleep all together, in open relationship, things were fine (that was before bonds between Alice and Bob tightened and Claire and I started our relationship).
What happened
Bob was away for the week-end, and one night, Claire, Alice and I went to have some drinks. Things were going smoothly up until the moment Alice told us that I could be cool if the three of us could sleep together that night, and that she sent a text to her boyfriend to ask if he was cool with that. Answer was no, of course.
The problem
The "problem" comes with the fact that, even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob. I couldn't expose my point of view at that moment because the text had already departed. I now fear that Bob could hold some grudge, or that those events could alter the relationship Bob and I constructed.
The question
How can I approach Bob to clarify things, and explain to him I wasn't cool with all that was said and that I didn't played any role in all of this ?
relationships awkward-situations approach
relationships awkward-situations approach
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 2 hours ago
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
asked 2 hours ago
faflo10
1215
1215
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
faflo10 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago
add a comment |Â
How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago
How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago
How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob.
I believe that here lies the problem, as you're putting your conception of what a "right thing" is in the equation, rather than let Alice and Bob discuss it between themselves.
Would you change your mind if the both of them were cool with that ?
Of course, if you are uncomfortable with having sex with anyone, whatever the reason, don't do it.
As for your question, there may not be necessary to over-stress it. Since your relation with Bob visibly permits it, just casually say something along the lines of :
Hey Bob, just so you know, Alice asked you first about she, Claire and me sleeping together. I did not even get to say something.
If appropriate, you may follow with a joke about submissiveness. :-)
This way, you'll highlight two things :
- You did not initiate the idea.
- Alice thought of Bob first. That may help keep their relationship healthy.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
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breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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up vote
1
down vote
First, I think, you should address or clarify the topic with your girlfriend. Not only this particular case but as a whole "open relationship" one. I don't know if you are in open to meeting new people or just Clarice was ok because of her previous status with Alice.
Only after having things clear between you two you should talk with Bob.
Ask him if he and Alice are in open relationship. Explain that he is your close friend, what is your relationship status with Clarice and say that this made you uncomfortable and explain the reasons why.
You should also explain to Clarice that you are not interested in this type of relationship between four of you.
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob.
I believe that here lies the problem, as you're putting your conception of what a "right thing" is in the equation, rather than let Alice and Bob discuss it between themselves.
Would you change your mind if the both of them were cool with that ?
Of course, if you are uncomfortable with having sex with anyone, whatever the reason, don't do it.
As for your question, there may not be necessary to over-stress it. Since your relation with Bob visibly permits it, just casually say something along the lines of :
Hey Bob, just so you know, Alice asked you first about she, Claire and me sleeping together. I did not even get to say something.
If appropriate, you may follow with a joke about submissiveness. :-)
This way, you'll highlight two things :
- You did not initiate the idea.
- Alice thought of Bob first. That may help keep their relationship healthy.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob.
I believe that here lies the problem, as you're putting your conception of what a "right thing" is in the equation, rather than let Alice and Bob discuss it between themselves.
Would you change your mind if the both of them were cool with that ?
Of course, if you are uncomfortable with having sex with anyone, whatever the reason, don't do it.
As for your question, there may not be necessary to over-stress it. Since your relation with Bob visibly permits it, just casually say something along the lines of :
Hey Bob, just so you know, Alice asked you first about she, Claire and me sleeping together. I did not even get to say something.
If appropriate, you may follow with a joke about submissiveness. :-)
This way, you'll highlight two things :
- You did not initiate the idea.
- Alice thought of Bob first. That may help keep their relationship healthy.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob.
I believe that here lies the problem, as you're putting your conception of what a "right thing" is in the equation, rather than let Alice and Bob discuss it between themselves.
Would you change your mind if the both of them were cool with that ?
Of course, if you are uncomfortable with having sex with anyone, whatever the reason, don't do it.
As for your question, there may not be necessary to over-stress it. Since your relation with Bob visibly permits it, just casually say something along the lines of :
Hey Bob, just so you know, Alice asked you first about she, Claire and me sleeping together. I did not even get to say something.
If appropriate, you may follow with a joke about submissiveness. :-)
This way, you'll highlight two things :
- You did not initiate the idea.
- Alice thought of Bob first. That may help keep their relationship healthy.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
even if my girlfriend was cool with that, I wasn't, because Alice is the girlfriend of a close friend, and I have the feeling that it isn't a right thing to do regarding Bob.
I believe that here lies the problem, as you're putting your conception of what a "right thing" is in the equation, rather than let Alice and Bob discuss it between themselves.
Would you change your mind if the both of them were cool with that ?
Of course, if you are uncomfortable with having sex with anyone, whatever the reason, don't do it.
As for your question, there may not be necessary to over-stress it. Since your relation with Bob visibly permits it, just casually say something along the lines of :
Hey Bob, just so you know, Alice asked you first about she, Claire and me sleeping together. I did not even get to say something.
If appropriate, you may follow with a joke about submissiveness. :-)
This way, you'll highlight two things :
- You did not initiate the idea.
- Alice thought of Bob first. That may help keep their relationship healthy.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
answered 25 mins ago
breversa
356
356
New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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New contributor
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
breversa is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
First, I think, you should address or clarify the topic with your girlfriend. Not only this particular case but as a whole "open relationship" one. I don't know if you are in open to meeting new people or just Clarice was ok because of her previous status with Alice.
Only after having things clear between you two you should talk with Bob.
Ask him if he and Alice are in open relationship. Explain that he is your close friend, what is your relationship status with Clarice and say that this made you uncomfortable and explain the reasons why.
You should also explain to Clarice that you are not interested in this type of relationship between four of you.
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
First, I think, you should address or clarify the topic with your girlfriend. Not only this particular case but as a whole "open relationship" one. I don't know if you are in open to meeting new people or just Clarice was ok because of her previous status with Alice.
Only after having things clear between you two you should talk with Bob.
Ask him if he and Alice are in open relationship. Explain that he is your close friend, what is your relationship status with Clarice and say that this made you uncomfortable and explain the reasons why.
You should also explain to Clarice that you are not interested in this type of relationship between four of you.
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
First, I think, you should address or clarify the topic with your girlfriend. Not only this particular case but as a whole "open relationship" one. I don't know if you are in open to meeting new people or just Clarice was ok because of her previous status with Alice.
Only after having things clear between you two you should talk with Bob.
Ask him if he and Alice are in open relationship. Explain that he is your close friend, what is your relationship status with Clarice and say that this made you uncomfortable and explain the reasons why.
You should also explain to Clarice that you are not interested in this type of relationship between four of you.
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
First, I think, you should address or clarify the topic with your girlfriend. Not only this particular case but as a whole "open relationship" one. I don't know if you are in open to meeting new people or just Clarice was ok because of her previous status with Alice.
Only after having things clear between you two you should talk with Bob.
Ask him if he and Alice are in open relationship. Explain that he is your close friend, what is your relationship status with Clarice and say that this made you uncomfortable and explain the reasons why.
You should also explain to Clarice that you are not interested in this type of relationship between four of you.
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
answered 27 mins ago
SZCZERZO KÃ…ÂY
92016
92016
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
faflo10 is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
faflo10 is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
faflo10 is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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How did Claire react to Alice's suggestion? Is your current relationship with Claire strictly monogamous? Having Bob understand what your relationship with Claire is like (where the boundaries are) might help if you need to discuss this.
– Kozaky
47 mins ago