Iyfjky

Question

My SO and me like to play card and boardgames from time to time. The problem is, she always throws a tantrum when losing(crying, being mad).

When she gets the slightest bit behind in any game she gets apathic and says the game is stupid or there is no sense in playing, its over anyways(but it's more like losing 1 point in tennis, than a 7-0 in football). But when she is winning she is super happy and has fun. I really like to see her win and have fun, but it takes the fun out of playing when she wants to stop if I get ahead a bit. I talked about it with her, but she always says she can't help it that's just the way she reacts to losing. When I say but then it's not fun for me she says we should just stop playing. But I clearly see that she is having fun and enjoying the games too when winning and it would be a pity to give that up. How can I help her to not ged sad/mad when being behind or losing? I tried to explain her that it is just a game and it's more about fun and being together but this didn't help. I'm 24 and she is 29, so it's no teenage problem. Any advice?

When she says "it's over anyways", do you keep playing? How often does she actually end up catching up and winning from there? — 14 hours ago
Yes we do keep playing and she actually wins then about 30-40% of the time, depending how big of an advantage i got. — 5 hours ago
May I ask how old you two are? Does she show other egocentric qirks? — 3 hours ago
Yes she has some other egocentric qirks, but nothing too bad. But so do I and I think that's just normal ;) I think games are just unfortunately a very delicate topic. — 3 hours ago

jcmack 9647 · Answer 1 · 2018-09-17 22:52:59Z

up vote
5
down vote

Try cooperative board games where you have to work together to win instead of competing against each other. I personally recommend Forbidden Island and Arkham Horror.

answered 13 hours ago

jcmack

9647

2

Hi jcmack, we prefer answers here to have some explanation of why you expect this to work and relate specifically to interpersonal skills. Can you edit your answer to explain why this is a good option? (I can guess since I've played these games, but remember that not everyone has this experience!) It would also be helpful to call out why you are suggesting this instead of directly addressing the girlfriend's behavior in non-cooperative games.
â€“Â Em Câ™¦
11 hours ago

1

@EmC This does directly address the OP's question. He wants to play games with his GF and have fun. Playing a coop game addresses that directly.
â€“Â DaveG
11 hours ago

5

@DaveG Sure, and I'm asking them to write down why that is, as per the meta. Like I said, I can guess why this would work well because I have the experience, but it needs to be made explicit. Either OP didn't think of this because he doesn't know about such games - so he would benefit from the explanation - or he has thought of it and not tried it for some reason, so jcmack needs to provide a persuasive argument.
â€“Â Em Câ™¦
11 hours ago

1

We do play coop games sometimes, but the issue is similar there. Not same magnitude but definitely present. Plus I would also like to be able to play non coop games.
â€“Â Hakaishin
5 hours ago

add a commentÂ |Â

peufeu 12.4k42952 · Answer 2 · 2018-09-18 10:06:34Z

Why not invite more people to play?

Having 4 players instead of 2 means even if she's 2nd or 3rd, she still wins over the last one. The result would depend on whether she wants to win over someone, or finish first though...

If the 3 other players are having fun, she will feel more pressure to not leave and spoil the game (ie, exploit peer pressure). Having only 2 players allows her to control the game: if she leaves, the game ends. Having 3-4 players prevents this. Even if she leaves, you can finish the game with the others while she sulks and pouts and feels like the sore loser. That should be educational ;)

Good advice, that was also her suggestion. We will definitely try that more often. Just sometimes you want to come home in the evening drink a cold beverage and have a little calm card game, without many people or advanced preparation :) — 1 hour ago

delinear 1212 · Answer 3 · 2018-09-18 10:50:37Z

As I mentioned in the comments elsewhere, it could be that you need to spend some time investigating other types of games. Perhaps your SO feels that the games you are playing are tailored more towards your own particular strengths, and so it's not that she is particularly bad, but that she has a natural disadvantage before the game even begins.

As an example, my own SO is dyslexic/dyscalculic. As a result, she tends to not like games that are overly focused on maths or have lots of text - even though she's more than smart enough to play such games, she feels she is at a disadvantage before the game even begins, and it's not one she can overcome simply by playing more or getting better at the game.

Instead, she's creative and enjoys games that are focused more on story-telling, or art. We enjoy Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective because it's story based, working co-operatively to solve a mystery, while allowing me to do most of the reading and not disadvantaging her as a result (and while it's co-operative, it still allows each person to shine by figuring out different parts of the mystery and feeling smart about it). We also enjoy games like Mysterium, which revolve more around social deduction and again there's no reading, just lots of gorgeous art. Dexterity games, such as Flick 'Em Up or Catacombs also go down really well (additionally if one person is unnaturally good at such games, they're easy to houserule handicap rules for).

Try to figure out which aspects of the games you have played with your SO she has enjoyed the most, and which aspects she has enjoyed the least (I know you said losing in general, but does it seem more like she dislikes losing due to an aspect of the game she finds personally challenging, or an aspect of the game that's luck-based and outside of her control, etc), this could tell you a lot.

Additionally, perhaps it's the type of game, or perhaps she doesn't like that the game itself places you both in direct conflict. Again, while you have said you don't necessarily want to play co-operative games, you might find some success playing so called semi-co-operative games (games where you are ostensibly both playing on the same side against the game's mechanics, but you still have your own individual victory conditions, so that there's still an overall winner but minus the direct confrontation aspect).

I'm the kind of person who doesn't necessarily enjoy confrontational games, and while I really enjoy co-op games as a result (for me the experience is worth more than the win), semi-co-ops are a good compromise if you want to keep things a little competitive without necessarily feeling like you're deliberately attacking the other player for the duration of the game.

score 1 · Answer 4 · 2018-09-18 09:19:01Z

There isn't anything that can completely solve your issue as it just comes down to personality. Some people just don't take losing well.

Except for the already suggested Co-Op games that should work well because you are not competing with each other I would suggest getting some more Euro Style games where there are multiple strategies for victory and it isn't very clear who is ahead before the final scoring.7 Wonders is a good example and recently I got Endevor: Age of Sail that I think would work very well. Both don't even have a scoreboard they are just scored at the end of the game and require a decent amount of strategy. Also there are games that are competitive but have some co-op elements that should work beautifully in your case. Between Two Cities comes to mind.

To sum it up just buy games without scoreboards, there are plenty.

What are Euro Style games? But yes thinking about it I just realized that when we played a game where you score points, but they are hidden until the end she plays with less complaining. The last time she got sad we played a card game with specific life points. She kinda failed to understand that life in these games is a resource and being behind on it is not always bad. So she felt the low life/score was indicating her being behind way more than she actually was, because she played a deck that invests life at the beginning by design. — 3 hours ago
@Hakaishin I pretty much explained it. Take for example the 7 Wonders game. One person might try to buy Culture buildings that give only points, another might try to go for Science building that work well only if you get a lot of them, a different person could try going for military strategy and score a bunch of points because of his strong armies. Another could mix and match all strategies depending what is efficient for him at that point. You can't really tell who is ahead until everything is scored. Also there is no direct negative interaction, you don't destroy each other's building or smt — 3 hours ago
@Hakaishin "euro style" is a category of games that are popular in Europe, many of which are from Germany, that tend to focus on mechanics/strategy over story/looks, and often involve a hidden score mechanic and no way to eliminate players. They often also have reduced ability to screw over other players during the game. Ask a local game-shop, they should know the term and give you plenty of advice/suggestions. — 1 hour ago

Astralbee 18.4k34278 · Answer 5 · 2018-09-18 10:04:58Z

Try and think why she might behave this way. Everybody thinks differently and not everyone finds enjoyment in the same things. I think perhaps the thing some people don't enjoy about board games and card games is that, while there is a small amount of "skill" in understanding the rules and strategies, they are mostly dependent on random chance - the order into which the cards are shuffled, or the roll of the dice. To some that can seem exciting or fun, but to others it is just frustrating. Does perhaps your SO think this way?

It may also be possible that your SO has some insecurities that surface when she loses at games like this? I don't want to make assumptions, but most people in relationships want to feel equal, yet have a hard time accepting that two people can be different in skill sets and abilities but still be "equal". For example one person in a relationship may earn slightly more than the other, or have slightly more academic qualifications. Things like this can cause insecurities in some. It may be that the imbalance she sees in the number of games she wins to you (you suggested in a comment that you win 60-70% of the time) makes her feel less of an equal, or plays on an insecurity she already has about something else.

One way you could try and adjust her thinking without a confrontation would be to set the example when losing yourself. Rather than "let her win", which is frankly patronising and something you would do to pacify a child, why not look for some kind of recreational activity in which you think she would legitimately kick your backside. There must be something in which you think her skills or ability, be it athletic, mental, whatever, would beat you. See, if you believe that the fun in playing games is in the playing, not the winning, then this won't matter to you. And after she's trounced you, have a laugh about it. Big her up without patronising her, but most importantly show that you enjoyed the activity. Set the example for being a good sport and a gracious loser.

You may want to talk to your SO about it at a time when she hasn't just lost a game to you. Perhaps before you begin a game.

You might say something like:

Before we begin, I just want to say that I like playing games, and I like being with you. I don't care who wins or loses, it doesn't mean anything.

I think this will reassure her in two ways - firstly that there isn't any meaning attached to winning a game, but secondly that you play games with her because you want to spend time with her.

score 1 · Answer 6 · 2018-09-18 10:32:23Z

I've been a bad loser. I've thrown tantrums like you describe your girlfriend does. I have recovered (reasonably), but it took me years. Your girlfriend may have different variables during her recovery, so it may take longer or shorter, but it will far from instant.

This is something you can't solve for your girlfriend. She has to learn to accept that losing is okay. This is something she has to do and you can only support her, so don't blame yourself if you don't succeed. Let's outline a few steps you can take. There are two sides to this answer, but they are tightly interwoven. An interpersonal one for you and an intrapersonal one for your girlfriend. This site is called Interpersonal skills, so I'll focus on your interpersonal skills, but I think focusing on her intrapersonal skills is important here too.

Most importantly, don't judge. Not in the moment, not afterward. The feeling of losing is not a fun one, to no one. We can learn to cope with it, but it will never be fun. Judging her for feeling bad won't make her feel better.

Do not try to provide criticism in the moment. Someone who is experiencing strong negative emotions is rarely receptive to criticism. Instead show support. Relate to her. Losing does suck, but it's also part of life. Don't rub the "it's part of life in", but don't leave it out either. You don't want to make her feel worse, but at the same time you don't want to reward her for throwing a fit.

Help her figure out why she hates losing. You can try a little mind game with her, this one worked with me. (When she's feeling happy or neutral, not after she has just lost or is feeling tired)

Why do we play games? Are games fun if we always win? Your first answer may be "of course!". But is that the case? Imagine a computer game for a moment. The moment you start it, 5 seconds in, it shows the screen "you win!". You won. Does that game sound fun to you? Winning is fun if we overcome a challenge. A game needs a challenge. More difficult challenges that we can still win are often most fun. Ever played this really difficult game of chess that you barely won? That is a great feeling.

Games are most fun when we play it in a level that is close to our skill level. To be able to have a meaningful win, we must have losses sometimes. Wins don't mean anything without a loss.

A loss allows us to reflect on how we can improve and to get better. A loss is a game on it's own. Losing is just an opportunity to improve. Getting back up, getting better and learning, that's the goal. Maybe it's the journey, not the destination?

This is a mindset, some people have it naturally (like you, it seems), others can be taught (like me and your girlfriend). Changing a mindset is not easy. As I said earier, you can only support her, but she needs your support. Be gentle and don't force your opinions on her (yes, I share your opinion on winning/losing now, but don't forget that a mindset is still an opinion!) or you will be met with stubbornness. Be her ally, not her enemy.

That can be a tactic even. Challenge a game together or even other players. I love 2v2 matches with my boyfriend in World of Warcraft, for example. We fight a common enemy. If we lose, we'll talk about how we can improve. Not blaming the other person is something I had to work on here.

For working together, I can recommend Minecraft (preferably a quest pack with goals) for a computer game or Pandemic and Arkham Horror for board games.

A final note: games have a degree of chance and a degree of skill. Some games are 100% chance (roulette) and other games are 100% skill (chess), but most games are inbetween. Dealing with losses in chance games is different than dealing with losses in skill games, but it sometimes gets difficult when a game has both elements. I dealt with games with mainly skill elements in my answer. Chance elements require a different but similar approach. In the first stages of recovering, I found it difficult to deal with losses in games that had both elements, even if I could handle the elements seperately.

JCJ 1994 · Answer 7 · 2018-09-18 08:42:21Z

up vote
0
down vote

Others suggest that you focus on cooperative games to avoid the situation altogether but my approach is different -- I would try to communicate with her to find out why she feels so strongly about losing. Either through discussions and plain introspection or a couple of therapy sessions to help her. My nephew was also a very sore loser (anger to the point of breaking things), and he has calmed down significantly after sitting down with him, working out why he feels so strongly about losing in a friendly competitive game.

answered 3 hours ago

JCJ

1994

New contributor

This is in general a good advice and we did this after I posted this question and she understands that her behaviour is an issue. The problem is more that she is in the moment unable to stay cheerful, of course talking about it helps, but I was looking for other methods that could help her stay happy during play.
â€“Â Hakaishin
3 hours ago

Another point is that she feels like I always win, which is not true, but I do win more often, because I try to win. The problem is I see her making mistakes I will tell her from time to time, but then she gets mad that I told her what to do. But at the same time she is mad when losing. So basically yesterday we reached a compromise of me not giving any advice but her not complaining about losing.
â€“Â Hakaishin
3 hours ago

1

If I were in your shoes I would focus on making it more lively, for example reacting stronger to a play by her that puts her at an advantage. This is what I have started doing when I play with my SO and it becomes more fun for her (and me, inadvertently) as she feels smaller "wins" throughout the game, despite the outcome.
â€“Â JCJ
3 hours ago

1

Trying to teach others how to improve can often come across as you pointing out flaws and mistakes in their own gameplay, which can be very hard to take, and an entirely different beast to tackle; one we haven't been able to solve either.
â€“Â JCJ
3 hours ago

1

You might also try to play more games that play to her strengths, or where you have specific weaknesses. For instance, if she's more artistic/visually-minded she might not enjoy games that are very mathy or vice versa, or perhaps she'd prefer word games, or dexterity games. There are almost as many types of game as there are types of person, you might just not have found the best fit yet.
â€“Â delinear
2 hours ago

Â |Â
show 3 more comments

jcmack 9647 · Answer 8 · 2018-09-17 22:52:59Z

up vote
5
down vote

Try cooperative board games where you have to work together to win instead of competing against each other. I personally recommend Forbidden Island and Arkham Horror.

answered 13 hours ago

jcmack

9647

2

Hi jcmack, we prefer answers here to have some explanation of why you expect this to work and relate specifically to interpersonal skills. Can you edit your answer to explain why this is a good option? (I can guess since I've played these games, but remember that not everyone has this experience!) It would also be helpful to call out why you are suggesting this instead of directly addressing the girlfriend's behavior in non-cooperative games.
â€“Â Em Câ™¦
11 hours ago

1

@EmC This does directly address the OP's question. He wants to play games with his GF and have fun. Playing a coop game addresses that directly.
â€“Â DaveG
11 hours ago

5

@DaveG Sure, and I'm asking them to write down why that is, as per the meta. Like I said, I can guess why this would work well because I have the experience, but it needs to be made explicit. Either OP didn't think of this because he doesn't know about such games - so he would benefit from the explanation - or he has thought of it and not tried it for some reason, so jcmack needs to provide a persuasive argument.
â€“Â Em Câ™¦
11 hours ago

1

We do play coop games sometimes, but the issue is similar there. Not same magnitude but definitely present. Plus I would also like to be able to play non coop games.
â€“Â Hakaishin
5 hours ago

add a commentÂ |Â

peufeu 12.4k42952 · Answer 9 · 2018-09-18 10:06:34Z

Why not invite more people to play?

Having 4 players instead of 2 means even if she's 2nd or 3rd, she still wins over the last one. The result would depend on whether she wants to win over someone, or finish first though...

If the 3 other players are having fun, she will feel more pressure to not leave and spoil the game (ie, exploit peer pressure). Having only 2 players allows her to control the game: if she leaves, the game ends. Having 3-4 players prevents this. Even if she leaves, you can finish the game with the others while she sulks and pouts and feels like the sore loser. That should be educational ;)

Good advice, that was also her suggestion. We will definitely try that more often. Just sometimes you want to come home in the evening drink a cold beverage and have a little calm card game, without many people or advanced preparation :) — 1 hour ago

delinear 1212 · Answer 10 · 2018-09-18 10:50:37Z

As I mentioned in the comments elsewhere, it could be that you need to spend some time investigating other types of games. Perhaps your SO feels that the games you are playing are tailored more towards your own particular strengths, and so it's not that she is particularly bad, but that she has a natural disadvantage before the game even begins.

As an example, my own SO is dyslexic/dyscalculic. As a result, she tends to not like games that are overly focused on maths or have lots of text - even though she's more than smart enough to play such games, she feels she is at a disadvantage before the game even begins, and it's not one she can overcome simply by playing more or getting better at the game.

Instead, she's creative and enjoys games that are focused more on story-telling, or art. We enjoy Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective because it's story based, working co-operatively to solve a mystery, while allowing me to do most of the reading and not disadvantaging her as a result (and while it's co-operative, it still allows each person to shine by figuring out different parts of the mystery and feeling smart about it). We also enjoy games like Mysterium, which revolve more around social deduction and again there's no reading, just lots of gorgeous art. Dexterity games, such as Flick 'Em Up or Catacombs also go down really well (additionally if one person is unnaturally good at such games, they're easy to houserule handicap rules for).

Try to figure out which aspects of the games you have played with your SO she has enjoyed the most, and which aspects she has enjoyed the least (I know you said losing in general, but does it seem more like she dislikes losing due to an aspect of the game she finds personally challenging, or an aspect of the game that's luck-based and outside of her control, etc), this could tell you a lot.

Additionally, perhaps it's the type of game, or perhaps she doesn't like that the game itself places you both in direct conflict. Again, while you have said you don't necessarily want to play co-operative games, you might find some success playing so called semi-co-operative games (games where you are ostensibly both playing on the same side against the game's mechanics, but you still have your own individual victory conditions, so that there's still an overall winner but minus the direct confrontation aspect).

I'm the kind of person who doesn't necessarily enjoy confrontational games, and while I really enjoy co-op games as a result (for me the experience is worth more than the win), semi-co-ops are a good compromise if you want to keep things a little competitive without necessarily feeling like you're deliberately attacking the other player for the duration of the game.

score 1 · Answer 11 · 2018-09-18 09:19:01Z

There isn't anything that can completely solve your issue as it just comes down to personality. Some people just don't take losing well.

Except for the already suggested Co-Op games that should work well because you are not competing with each other I would suggest getting some more Euro Style games where there are multiple strategies for victory and it isn't very clear who is ahead before the final scoring.7 Wonders is a good example and recently I got Endevor: Age of Sail that I think would work very well. Both don't even have a scoreboard they are just scored at the end of the game and require a decent amount of strategy. Also there are games that are competitive but have some co-op elements that should work beautifully in your case. Between Two Cities comes to mind.

To sum it up just buy games without scoreboards, there are plenty.

What are Euro Style games? But yes thinking about it I just realized that when we played a game where you score points, but they are hidden until the end she plays with less complaining. The last time she got sad we played a card game with specific life points. She kinda failed to understand that life in these games is a resource and being behind on it is not always bad. So she felt the low life/score was indicating her being behind way more than she actually was, because she played a deck that invests life at the beginning by design. — 3 hours ago
@Hakaishin I pretty much explained it. Take for example the 7 Wonders game. One person might try to buy Culture buildings that give only points, another might try to go for Science building that work well only if you get a lot of them, a different person could try going for military strategy and score a bunch of points because of his strong armies. Another could mix and match all strategies depending what is efficient for him at that point. You can't really tell who is ahead until everything is scored. Also there is no direct negative interaction, you don't destroy each other's building or smt — 3 hours ago
@Hakaishin "euro style" is a category of games that are popular in Europe, many of which are from Germany, that tend to focus on mechanics/strategy over story/looks, and often involve a hidden score mechanic and no way to eliminate players. They often also have reduced ability to screw over other players during the game. Ask a local game-shop, they should know the term and give you plenty of advice/suggestions. — 1 hour ago

Astralbee 18.4k34278 · Answer 12 · 2018-09-18 10:04:58Z

Try and think why she might behave this way. Everybody thinks differently and not everyone finds enjoyment in the same things. I think perhaps the thing some people don't enjoy about board games and card games is that, while there is a small amount of "skill" in understanding the rules and strategies, they are mostly dependent on random chance - the order into which the cards are shuffled, or the roll of the dice. To some that can seem exciting or fun, but to others it is just frustrating. Does perhaps your SO think this way?

It may also be possible that your SO has some insecurities that surface when she loses at games like this? I don't want to make assumptions, but most people in relationships want to feel equal, yet have a hard time accepting that two people can be different in skill sets and abilities but still be "equal". For example one person in a relationship may earn slightly more than the other, or have slightly more academic qualifications. Things like this can cause insecurities in some. It may be that the imbalance she sees in the number of games she wins to you (you suggested in a comment that you win 60-70% of the time) makes her feel less of an equal, or plays on an insecurity she already has about something else.

One way you could try and adjust her thinking without a confrontation would be to set the example when losing yourself. Rather than "let her win", which is frankly patronising and something you would do to pacify a child, why not look for some kind of recreational activity in which you think she would legitimately kick your backside. There must be something in which you think her skills or ability, be it athletic, mental, whatever, would beat you. See, if you believe that the fun in playing games is in the playing, not the winning, then this won't matter to you. And after she's trounced you, have a laugh about it. Big her up without patronising her, but most importantly show that you enjoyed the activity. Set the example for being a good sport and a gracious loser.

You may want to talk to your SO about it at a time when she hasn't just lost a game to you. Perhaps before you begin a game.

You might say something like:

Before we begin, I just want to say that I like playing games, and I like being with you. I don't care who wins or loses, it doesn't mean anything.

I think this will reassure her in two ways - firstly that there isn't any meaning attached to winning a game, but secondly that you play games with her because you want to spend time with her.

score 1 · Answer 13 · 2018-09-18 10:32:23Z

I've been a bad loser. I've thrown tantrums like you describe your girlfriend does. I have recovered (reasonably), but it took me years. Your girlfriend may have different variables during her recovery, so it may take longer or shorter, but it will far from instant.

This is something you can't solve for your girlfriend. She has to learn to accept that losing is okay. This is something she has to do and you can only support her, so don't blame yourself if you don't succeed. Let's outline a few steps you can take. There are two sides to this answer, but they are tightly interwoven. An interpersonal one for you and an intrapersonal one for your girlfriend. This site is called Interpersonal skills, so I'll focus on your interpersonal skills, but I think focusing on her intrapersonal skills is important here too.

Most importantly, don't judge. Not in the moment, not afterward. The feeling of losing is not a fun one, to no one. We can learn to cope with it, but it will never be fun. Judging her for feeling bad won't make her feel better.

Do not try to provide criticism in the moment. Someone who is experiencing strong negative emotions is rarely receptive to criticism. Instead show support. Relate to her. Losing does suck, but it's also part of life. Don't rub the "it's part of life in", but don't leave it out either. You don't want to make her feel worse, but at the same time you don't want to reward her for throwing a fit.

Help her figure out why she hates losing. You can try a little mind game with her, this one worked with me. (When she's feeling happy or neutral, not after she has just lost or is feeling tired)

Why do we play games? Are games fun if we always win? Your first answer may be "of course!". But is that the case? Imagine a computer game for a moment. The moment you start it, 5 seconds in, it shows the screen "you win!". You won. Does that game sound fun to you? Winning is fun if we overcome a challenge. A game needs a challenge. More difficult challenges that we can still win are often most fun. Ever played this really difficult game of chess that you barely won? That is a great feeling.

Games are most fun when we play it in a level that is close to our skill level. To be able to have a meaningful win, we must have losses sometimes. Wins don't mean anything without a loss.

A loss allows us to reflect on how we can improve and to get better. A loss is a game on it's own. Losing is just an opportunity to improve. Getting back up, getting better and learning, that's the goal. Maybe it's the journey, not the destination?

This is a mindset, some people have it naturally (like you, it seems), others can be taught (like me and your girlfriend). Changing a mindset is not easy. As I said earier, you can only support her, but she needs your support. Be gentle and don't force your opinions on her (yes, I share your opinion on winning/losing now, but don't forget that a mindset is still an opinion!) or you will be met with stubbornness. Be her ally, not her enemy.

That can be a tactic even. Challenge a game together or even other players. I love 2v2 matches with my boyfriend in World of Warcraft, for example. We fight a common enemy. If we lose, we'll talk about how we can improve. Not blaming the other person is something I had to work on here.

For working together, I can recommend Minecraft (preferably a quest pack with goals) for a computer game or Pandemic and Arkham Horror for board games.

A final note: games have a degree of chance and a degree of skill. Some games are 100% chance (roulette) and other games are 100% skill (chess), but most games are inbetween. Dealing with losses in chance games is different than dealing with losses in skill games, but it sometimes gets difficult when a game has both elements. I dealt with games with mainly skill elements in my answer. Chance elements require a different but similar approach. In the first stages of recovering, I found it difficult to deal with losses in games that had both elements, even if I could handle the elements seperately.

JCJ 1994 · Answer 14 · 2018-09-18 08:42:21Z

up vote
0
down vote

Others suggest that you focus on cooperative games to avoid the situation altogether but my approach is different -- I would try to communicate with her to find out why she feels so strongly about losing. Either through discussions and plain introspection or a couple of therapy sessions to help her. My nephew was also a very sore loser (anger to the point of breaking things), and he has calmed down significantly after sitting down with him, working out why he feels so strongly about losing in a friendly competitive game.

answered 3 hours ago

JCJ

1994

New contributor

This is in general a good advice and we did this after I posted this question and she understands that her behaviour is an issue. The problem is more that she is in the moment unable to stay cheerful, of course talking about it helps, but I was looking for other methods that could help her stay happy during play.
â€“Â Hakaishin
3 hours ago

Another point is that she feels like I always win, which is not true, but I do win more often, because I try to win. The problem is I see her making mistakes I will tell her from time to time, but then she gets mad that I told her what to do. But at the same time she is mad when losing. So basically yesterday we reached a compromise of me not giving any advice but her not complaining about losing.
â€“Â Hakaishin
3 hours ago

1

If I were in your shoes I would focus on making it more lively, for example reacting stronger to a play by her that puts her at an advantage. This is what I have started doing when I play with my SO and it becomes more fun for her (and me, inadvertently) as she feels smaller "wins" throughout the game, despite the outcome.
â€“Â JCJ
3 hours ago

1

Trying to teach others how to improve can often come across as you pointing out flaws and mistakes in their own gameplay, which can be very hard to take, and an entirely different beast to tackle; one we haven't been able to solve either.
â€“Â JCJ
3 hours ago

1

You might also try to play more games that play to her strengths, or where you have specific weaknesses. For instance, if she's more artistic/visually-minded she might not enjoy games that are very mathy or vice versa, or perhaps she'd prefer word games, or dexterity games. There are almost as many types of game as there are types of person, you might just not have found the best fit yet.
â€“Â delinear
2 hours ago

Â |Â
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