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Coworker getting demoralized and quitting, should I speak out?
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I am friends with a coworker who has confided in me that she and several other members of her team are being completely demoralized by another team member. I will call my friend Alice and the other team member Bob.
Alice is a tester in the group and Bob is a developer. Bob refuses to use the processes that have been put in place which prevents Alice from knowing what work needs to be done. When Alice tries to find other ways to be productive, Bob gets mad that she isn't doing tasks that he hasn't given her the resources to do. He slows down the project, causes errors, and generally prevents her and everyone else on the team from getting their work done. And to top it off he is long time friends with the team manager (lets say Eve), and so he tells Eve that everyone else is slacking. Eve is either too blind to see what is happening or doesn't care. Alice is so stressed out that she dreads coming into work because she will have to deal with Bob. This has been going on for almost a year.
Alice and one of the other members on her team have decided to look for new jobs. I totally support them on this, because they shouldn't have to work in such an environment. But it feels wrong to not fight back. Alice and her team members have contacted an ombudsman who advised them to A) speak to Eve, B) speak to the local ethics officer, or C) meet with HR. Alice doesn't feel that any of those people will be able to help, and has decided to just give up and get out.
My question is, should I contact HR/the ethics officer before they leave? I know if I told her I was going to do that, she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation. I don't worry about retaliation from those two people, but I worry that their actions will let Bob know that Alice told and he will just make life for her even worse.
The reason I want to speak out is that it doesn't seem fair that Alice and others leave because Bob sucks. I feel that it's bad for the company if a team like this dissolves. And I feel like if they leave without letting people know why, Bob will just continue to be awful to the next people who get hired.
I also don't know how much I should say. I would like to tell HR/ethics officer that the situation is serious enough that most of the team is going to jump ship, but I feel like that could again cause problems for Alice. How much should I reveal to cause action, without getting someone in trouble?
I would ask my mentor, but she is also long time friends with Bob and I don't know if I can trust it not to get back to Bob.
For context I am in a large company in the US. My team has never had issues like this and generally most people say they love working at this company and have been doing so for 30+ years. That's part of what makes this situation so upsetting.
united-states ethics unprofessional-behavior
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
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I am friends with a coworker who has confided in me that she and several other members of her team are being completely demoralized by another team member. I will call my friend Alice and the other team member Bob.
Alice is a tester in the group and Bob is a developer. Bob refuses to use the processes that have been put in place which prevents Alice from knowing what work needs to be done. When Alice tries to find other ways to be productive, Bob gets mad that she isn't doing tasks that he hasn't given her the resources to do. He slows down the project, causes errors, and generally prevents her and everyone else on the team from getting their work done. And to top it off he is long time friends with the team manager (lets say Eve), and so he tells Eve that everyone else is slacking. Eve is either too blind to see what is happening or doesn't care. Alice is so stressed out that she dreads coming into work because she will have to deal with Bob. This has been going on for almost a year.
Alice and one of the other members on her team have decided to look for new jobs. I totally support them on this, because they shouldn't have to work in such an environment. But it feels wrong to not fight back. Alice and her team members have contacted an ombudsman who advised them to A) speak to Eve, B) speak to the local ethics officer, or C) meet with HR. Alice doesn't feel that any of those people will be able to help, and has decided to just give up and get out.
My question is, should I contact HR/the ethics officer before they leave? I know if I told her I was going to do that, she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation. I don't worry about retaliation from those two people, but I worry that their actions will let Bob know that Alice told and he will just make life for her even worse.
The reason I want to speak out is that it doesn't seem fair that Alice and others leave because Bob sucks. I feel that it's bad for the company if a team like this dissolves. And I feel like if they leave without letting people know why, Bob will just continue to be awful to the next people who get hired.
I also don't know how much I should say. I would like to tell HR/ethics officer that the situation is serious enough that most of the team is going to jump ship, but I feel like that could again cause problems for Alice. How much should I reveal to cause action, without getting someone in trouble?
I would ask my mentor, but she is also long time friends with Bob and I don't know if I can trust it not to get back to Bob.
For context I am in a large company in the US. My team has never had issues like this and generally most people say they love working at this company and have been doing so for 30+ years. That's part of what makes this situation so upsetting.
united-states ethics unprofessional-behavior
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
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anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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1
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
I am friends with a coworker who has confided in me that she and several other members of her team are being completely demoralized by another team member. I will call my friend Alice and the other team member Bob.
Alice is a tester in the group and Bob is a developer. Bob refuses to use the processes that have been put in place which prevents Alice from knowing what work needs to be done. When Alice tries to find other ways to be productive, Bob gets mad that she isn't doing tasks that he hasn't given her the resources to do. He slows down the project, causes errors, and generally prevents her and everyone else on the team from getting their work done. And to top it off he is long time friends with the team manager (lets say Eve), and so he tells Eve that everyone else is slacking. Eve is either too blind to see what is happening or doesn't care. Alice is so stressed out that she dreads coming into work because she will have to deal with Bob. This has been going on for almost a year.
Alice and one of the other members on her team have decided to look for new jobs. I totally support them on this, because they shouldn't have to work in such an environment. But it feels wrong to not fight back. Alice and her team members have contacted an ombudsman who advised them to A) speak to Eve, B) speak to the local ethics officer, or C) meet with HR. Alice doesn't feel that any of those people will be able to help, and has decided to just give up and get out.
My question is, should I contact HR/the ethics officer before they leave? I know if I told her I was going to do that, she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation. I don't worry about retaliation from those two people, but I worry that their actions will let Bob know that Alice told and he will just make life for her even worse.
The reason I want to speak out is that it doesn't seem fair that Alice and others leave because Bob sucks. I feel that it's bad for the company if a team like this dissolves. And I feel like if they leave without letting people know why, Bob will just continue to be awful to the next people who get hired.
I also don't know how much I should say. I would like to tell HR/ethics officer that the situation is serious enough that most of the team is going to jump ship, but I feel like that could again cause problems for Alice. How much should I reveal to cause action, without getting someone in trouble?
I would ask my mentor, but she is also long time friends with Bob and I don't know if I can trust it not to get back to Bob.
For context I am in a large company in the US. My team has never had issues like this and generally most people say they love working at this company and have been doing so for 30+ years. That's part of what makes this situation so upsetting.
united-states ethics unprofessional-behavior
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I am friends with a coworker who has confided in me that she and several other members of her team are being completely demoralized by another team member. I will call my friend Alice and the other team member Bob.
Alice is a tester in the group and Bob is a developer. Bob refuses to use the processes that have been put in place which prevents Alice from knowing what work needs to be done. When Alice tries to find other ways to be productive, Bob gets mad that she isn't doing tasks that he hasn't given her the resources to do. He slows down the project, causes errors, and generally prevents her and everyone else on the team from getting their work done. And to top it off he is long time friends with the team manager (lets say Eve), and so he tells Eve that everyone else is slacking. Eve is either too blind to see what is happening or doesn't care. Alice is so stressed out that she dreads coming into work because she will have to deal with Bob. This has been going on for almost a year.
Alice and one of the other members on her team have decided to look for new jobs. I totally support them on this, because they shouldn't have to work in such an environment. But it feels wrong to not fight back. Alice and her team members have contacted an ombudsman who advised them to A) speak to Eve, B) speak to the local ethics officer, or C) meet with HR. Alice doesn't feel that any of those people will be able to help, and has decided to just give up and get out.
My question is, should I contact HR/the ethics officer before they leave? I know if I told her I was going to do that, she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation. I don't worry about retaliation from those two people, but I worry that their actions will let Bob know that Alice told and he will just make life for her even worse.
The reason I want to speak out is that it doesn't seem fair that Alice and others leave because Bob sucks. I feel that it's bad for the company if a team like this dissolves. And I feel like if they leave without letting people know why, Bob will just continue to be awful to the next people who get hired.
I also don't know how much I should say. I would like to tell HR/ethics officer that the situation is serious enough that most of the team is going to jump ship, but I feel like that could again cause problems for Alice. How much should I reveal to cause action, without getting someone in trouble?
I would ask my mentor, but she is also long time friends with Bob and I don't know if I can trust it not to get back to Bob.
For context I am in a large company in the US. My team has never had issues like this and generally most people say they love working at this company and have been doing so for 30+ years. That's part of what makes this situation so upsetting.
united-states ethics unprofessional-behavior
united-states ethics unprofessional-behavior
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
asked 11 mins ago
anonForPrivacyReasons
6
6
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago
add a comment |Â
1
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago
1
1
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
Well, let's start by getting this out of the way:
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
The matter is already resolving itself and if you go to HR, you will achieve NOTHING other than earning the ire of Bob, Eve, HR and your mentor. It will look like you were the one who instigated the exodus of Alice and her coworker.
You will be slapped with the labels of "not a team player", and "instigator".
Honestly, if something like that happened anywhere I had influence, I'd be pushing to find reasons to let you go, and I'd find one. Employee handbooks are huge for a reason.
Everyone involved is presumably an adult. It is not your job to play hall monitor and report on your coworkers. Let the matter drop and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, it's unfair. So is life.
Don't meddle in the affairs of others.
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
Not your problem
Alice is an adult. She has spoken with an ombudsman, who appears to have given her good advice.
Whether she acts on that advice is her problem, not yours.
Bob is Eve's problem, not yours. If Eve isn't doing her job, that's her boss's problem (again, not your problem).
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
Well, let's start by getting this out of the way:
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
The matter is already resolving itself and if you go to HR, you will achieve NOTHING other than earning the ire of Bob, Eve, HR and your mentor. It will look like you were the one who instigated the exodus of Alice and her coworker.
You will be slapped with the labels of "not a team player", and "instigator".
Honestly, if something like that happened anywhere I had influence, I'd be pushing to find reasons to let you go, and I'd find one. Employee handbooks are huge for a reason.
Everyone involved is presumably an adult. It is not your job to play hall monitor and report on your coworkers. Let the matter drop and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, it's unfair. So is life.
Don't meddle in the affairs of others.
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
Well, let's start by getting this out of the way:
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
The matter is already resolving itself and if you go to HR, you will achieve NOTHING other than earning the ire of Bob, Eve, HR and your mentor. It will look like you were the one who instigated the exodus of Alice and her coworker.
You will be slapped with the labels of "not a team player", and "instigator".
Honestly, if something like that happened anywhere I had influence, I'd be pushing to find reasons to let you go, and I'd find one. Employee handbooks are huge for a reason.
Everyone involved is presumably an adult. It is not your job to play hall monitor and report on your coworkers. Let the matter drop and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, it's unfair. So is life.
Don't meddle in the affairs of others.
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
Well, let's start by getting this out of the way:
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
The matter is already resolving itself and if you go to HR, you will achieve NOTHING other than earning the ire of Bob, Eve, HR and your mentor. It will look like you were the one who instigated the exodus of Alice and her coworker.
You will be slapped with the labels of "not a team player", and "instigator".
Honestly, if something like that happened anywhere I had influence, I'd be pushing to find reasons to let you go, and I'd find one. Employee handbooks are huge for a reason.
Everyone involved is presumably an adult. It is not your job to play hall monitor and report on your coworkers. Let the matter drop and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, it's unfair. So is life.
Don't meddle in the affairs of others.
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
Well, let's start by getting this out of the way:
HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
The matter is already resolving itself and if you go to HR, you will achieve NOTHING other than earning the ire of Bob, Eve, HR and your mentor. It will look like you were the one who instigated the exodus of Alice and her coworker.
You will be slapped with the labels of "not a team player", and "instigator".
Honestly, if something like that happened anywhere I had influence, I'd be pushing to find reasons to let you go, and I'd find one. Employee handbooks are huge for a reason.
Everyone involved is presumably an adult. It is not your job to play hall monitor and report on your coworkers. Let the matter drop and let the chips fall where they may.
Yes, it's unfair. So is life.
Don't meddle in the affairs of others.
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
answered 2 mins ago
Richard U
80.2k59206322
80.2k59206322
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
Not your problem
Alice is an adult. She has spoken with an ombudsman, who appears to have given her good advice.
Whether she acts on that advice is her problem, not yours.
Bob is Eve's problem, not yours. If Eve isn't doing her job, that's her boss's problem (again, not your problem).
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
Not your problem
Alice is an adult. She has spoken with an ombudsman, who appears to have given her good advice.
Whether she acts on that advice is her problem, not yours.
Bob is Eve's problem, not yours. If Eve isn't doing her job, that's her boss's problem (again, not your problem).
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
up vote
-1
down vote
Not your problem
Alice is an adult. She has spoken with an ombudsman, who appears to have given her good advice.
Whether she acts on that advice is her problem, not yours.
Bob is Eve's problem, not yours. If Eve isn't doing her job, that's her boss's problem (again, not your problem).
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
Not your problem
Alice is an adult. She has spoken with an ombudsman, who appears to have given her good advice.
Whether she acts on that advice is her problem, not yours.
Bob is Eve's problem, not yours. If Eve isn't doing her job, that's her boss's problem (again, not your problem).
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
answered 3 mins ago
Dan Pichelman
26.1k127386
26.1k127386
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
anonForPrivacyReasons is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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1
" she would ask me not to for fear of retaliation" - there's your answer. You either respect her decision enough to do what she asks, or you care more about your own opinions and feelings. But its a hypothetical - so go ahead and ask her what she wants. Certainly after she leaves you are free to tell the management what happened as you saw / heard it
– NKCampbell
4 mins ago