Mixing
Inappropriate touching by a colleague
Clash Royale CLAN TAG#URR8PPP
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
I am 25 year-old female and I am facing a difficult situation with a male colleague. He has been inappropriately touching me and I am confused on how to deal with it.
It all started one day as he was teasing another colleague and he pinched me descreetly on my arm, I thought it was odd but I said to myself he maybe wanted me to get the joke. Some sort of accomplice gesture. I was not feeling comfortable about it though.
The second time, I was in the office cafeteria getting my lunch out of the lunch box and he passed behind me and grabbed me by the waist but he did this so swiftly. I felt reaaally uncomfortable about it and it shocked me but yet again as he was behind me, I thought he might have just done this as a way to pass as he lacked space and did not want to push me.
The third time, he repeated the same grabbing of the waist but he squeezed me twice. I could definitely feel his hands squeezing me. At this point I am pretty sure this is not normal and I should speak about it. I just want to know if this can be considered sexual harassment? And what is the best way to deal with it? Should it be reported?
I also am a very shy person, I hate confronting people and to be honest I am afraid of retaliation.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
sexual-harassment
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
I am 25 year-old female and I am facing a difficult situation with a male colleague. He has been inappropriately touching me and I am confused on how to deal with it.
It all started one day as he was teasing another colleague and he pinched me descreetly on my arm, I thought it was odd but I said to myself he maybe wanted me to get the joke. Some sort of accomplice gesture. I was not feeling comfortable about it though.
The second time, I was in the office cafeteria getting my lunch out of the lunch box and he passed behind me and grabbed me by the waist but he did this so swiftly. I felt reaaally uncomfortable about it and it shocked me but yet again as he was behind me, I thought he might have just done this as a way to pass as he lacked space and did not want to push me.
The third time, he repeated the same grabbing of the waist but he squeezed me twice. I could definitely feel his hands squeezing me. At this point I am pretty sure this is not normal and I should speak about it. I just want to know if this can be considered sexual harassment? And what is the best way to deal with it? Should it be reported?
I also am a very shy person, I hate confronting people and to be honest I am afraid of retaliation.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
sexual-harassment
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
16
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
5
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
3
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
1
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
4
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
I am 25 year-old female and I am facing a difficult situation with a male colleague. He has been inappropriately touching me and I am confused on how to deal with it.
It all started one day as he was teasing another colleague and he pinched me descreetly on my arm, I thought it was odd but I said to myself he maybe wanted me to get the joke. Some sort of accomplice gesture. I was not feeling comfortable about it though.
The second time, I was in the office cafeteria getting my lunch out of the lunch box and he passed behind me and grabbed me by the waist but he did this so swiftly. I felt reaaally uncomfortable about it and it shocked me but yet again as he was behind me, I thought he might have just done this as a way to pass as he lacked space and did not want to push me.
The third time, he repeated the same grabbing of the waist but he squeezed me twice. I could definitely feel his hands squeezing me. At this point I am pretty sure this is not normal and I should speak about it. I just want to know if this can be considered sexual harassment? And what is the best way to deal with it? Should it be reported?
I also am a very shy person, I hate confronting people and to be honest I am afraid of retaliation.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
sexual-harassment
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
I am 25 year-old female and I am facing a difficult situation with a male colleague. He has been inappropriately touching me and I am confused on how to deal with it.
It all started one day as he was teasing another colleague and he pinched me descreetly on my arm, I thought it was odd but I said to myself he maybe wanted me to get the joke. Some sort of accomplice gesture. I was not feeling comfortable about it though.
The second time, I was in the office cafeteria getting my lunch out of the lunch box and he passed behind me and grabbed me by the waist but he did this so swiftly. I felt reaaally uncomfortable about it and it shocked me but yet again as he was behind me, I thought he might have just done this as a way to pass as he lacked space and did not want to push me.
The third time, he repeated the same grabbing of the waist but he squeezed me twice. I could definitely feel his hands squeezing me. At this point I am pretty sure this is not normal and I should speak about it. I just want to know if this can be considered sexual harassment? And what is the best way to deal with it? Should it be reported?
I also am a very shy person, I hate confronting people and to be honest I am afraid of retaliation.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
sexual-harassment
sexual-harassment
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
edited 16 mins ago
Laconic Droid
2,1112813
2,1112813
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
asked Feb 25 at 5:42
Maria
673
673
16
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
5
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
3
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
1
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
4
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00
 |Â
show 1 more comment
16
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
5
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
3
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
1
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
4
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00
16
16
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
5
5
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
3
3
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
1
1
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
4
4
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00
 |Â
show 1 more comment
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
up vote
21
down vote
The first step you should take is to tell him directly, and the best moment is when he does it again. Tell him something simple like
Don't touch me
If for some reason you don't manage to tell him at the moment, you can tell him later. As an example:
I don't appreciate it when you touch me each time you walk past me, so stop it.
A good preparation to manage to do this while sounding self confident is to practice saying this at home. If you are not used to set your boundaries, once you do so you might feel guilty. I don't know if this works for everyone, but what might help is to go to some private place and to praise yourself. "I am smart, I am funny, I am proud on X, I was brave enough to set boundaries, etc".
If he still continues, you can tell your boss about the situation. Make sure to also tell him you already made clear he should not touch you.
Whatever happens, document all these incidents, with exact situation and time (as far as possible). Maybe you will need it for your boss, or your boss's boss if you are unlucky.
And last thing, and I want to make clear this is only for an extreme case, keep an eye on new job chances. If you are really unlucky and your company is fine with allowing harassment, you will probably want to get another job.
I wish you lots of success :)
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
Whenever something like that happens tell the guy right away that you don't like it. And in many cases that will solve the problem.
The problem with some (many?) guys is that they consider no reaction is a good reaction. They think if you don't say no this means yes. You didn't say no the first time(s) so the guy thinks something like "It seems she liked it. If she wouldn't like it she would have told me so". And with this "positive reaction" in mind the guy thinks about what he should/could do next. It will be something more and he will look at your reaction. And if you don't react (he thinks you like it) then there will be more and more...
You have to stop it as soon as possible. If a guy does anything to make you uncomfortable then tell him you don't like it and he should stop it. Or if it's bad then slap him in his face. He will understand that and likely he won't do it again.
Obviously it would be good if guys would see on your reaction that you don't like what they do. But some guys (or maybe many) are blind in that way. They don't see what they don't want to see.
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You don't have to be nice to people all the time. You need to stand up for yourself and maintain your dignity. You were shy until now. But, going forward you don't have to be. You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them. Complain about their behavior.
In a workplace, managers and HR are trained to handle these kind of situations. Complain to them. Also, be clear in what are the desired outcomes.
- Do you just need an apology?
- Do you want to be moved out of the team?
- Do you want him to be moved out of the team?
Whatever outcome is that you want to be, don't be apologetic for that.
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I guess the direct approach is the best option, but if you are shy, you could simply underline the gesture by looking at his hands or the point he touched.
Let's say he touch your arm, just look at his hand, or your arm, then look straight at him (like you are asking "what is this?").
I found this way a bit better than vocalize a "stop touching me" as the glance will transport the guilty sensation to him, once you stare at him speechless, he must question himself about "what I've done wrong?".
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You should be very serious with him, don't joke or smile and avoid him, avoid looking at his eyes and take care of your movements, talk, the way you dress etc perhaps you flirt with him unconsciously. He is testing you, he looks at you sexually and wants to know your limits. Sometimes direct approach doesn't work, he could continue to do it even if you tell him to stop. You need to tell him NO with your body language, with your behavior, with your actions. To really mean it.
But be careful, he could be even more persistent and sexual with you, so you must have patience and be even more persistent than him.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
StackExchange.ready(function ()
$("#show-editor-button input, #show-editor-button button").click(function ()
var showEditor = function()
$("#show-editor-button").hide();
$("#post-form").removeClass("dno");
StackExchange.editor.finallyInit();
;
var useFancy = $(this).data('confirm-use-fancy');
if(useFancy == 'True')
var popupTitle = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-title');
var popupBody = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-body');
var popupAccept = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-accept-button');
$(this).loadPopup(
url: '/post/self-answer-popup',
loaded: function(popup)
var pTitle = $(popup).find('h2');
var pBody = $(popup).find('.popup-body');
var pSubmit = $(popup).find('.popup-submit');
pTitle.text(popupTitle);
pBody.html(popupBody);
pSubmit.val(popupAccept).click(showEditor);
)
else
var confirmText = $(this).data('confirm-text');
if (confirmText ? confirm(confirmText) : true)
showEditor();
);
);
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
21
down vote
The first step you should take is to tell him directly, and the best moment is when he does it again. Tell him something simple like
Don't touch me
If for some reason you don't manage to tell him at the moment, you can tell him later. As an example:
I don't appreciate it when you touch me each time you walk past me, so stop it.
A good preparation to manage to do this while sounding self confident is to practice saying this at home. If you are not used to set your boundaries, once you do so you might feel guilty. I don't know if this works for everyone, but what might help is to go to some private place and to praise yourself. "I am smart, I am funny, I am proud on X, I was brave enough to set boundaries, etc".
If he still continues, you can tell your boss about the situation. Make sure to also tell him you already made clear he should not touch you.
Whatever happens, document all these incidents, with exact situation and time (as far as possible). Maybe you will need it for your boss, or your boss's boss if you are unlucky.
And last thing, and I want to make clear this is only for an extreme case, keep an eye on new job chances. If you are really unlucky and your company is fine with allowing harassment, you will probably want to get another job.
I wish you lots of success :)
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
add a comment |Â
up vote
21
down vote
The first step you should take is to tell him directly, and the best moment is when he does it again. Tell him something simple like
Don't touch me
If for some reason you don't manage to tell him at the moment, you can tell him later. As an example:
I don't appreciate it when you touch me each time you walk past me, so stop it.
A good preparation to manage to do this while sounding self confident is to practice saying this at home. If you are not used to set your boundaries, once you do so you might feel guilty. I don't know if this works for everyone, but what might help is to go to some private place and to praise yourself. "I am smart, I am funny, I am proud on X, I was brave enough to set boundaries, etc".
If he still continues, you can tell your boss about the situation. Make sure to also tell him you already made clear he should not touch you.
Whatever happens, document all these incidents, with exact situation and time (as far as possible). Maybe you will need it for your boss, or your boss's boss if you are unlucky.
And last thing, and I want to make clear this is only for an extreme case, keep an eye on new job chances. If you are really unlucky and your company is fine with allowing harassment, you will probably want to get another job.
I wish you lots of success :)
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
add a comment |Â
up vote
21
down vote
up vote
21
down vote
The first step you should take is to tell him directly, and the best moment is when he does it again. Tell him something simple like
Don't touch me
If for some reason you don't manage to tell him at the moment, you can tell him later. As an example:
I don't appreciate it when you touch me each time you walk past me, so stop it.
A good preparation to manage to do this while sounding self confident is to practice saying this at home. If you are not used to set your boundaries, once you do so you might feel guilty. I don't know if this works for everyone, but what might help is to go to some private place and to praise yourself. "I am smart, I am funny, I am proud on X, I was brave enough to set boundaries, etc".
If he still continues, you can tell your boss about the situation. Make sure to also tell him you already made clear he should not touch you.
Whatever happens, document all these incidents, with exact situation and time (as far as possible). Maybe you will need it for your boss, or your boss's boss if you are unlucky.
And last thing, and I want to make clear this is only for an extreme case, keep an eye on new job chances. If you are really unlucky and your company is fine with allowing harassment, you will probably want to get another job.
I wish you lots of success :)
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
The first step you should take is to tell him directly, and the best moment is when he does it again. Tell him something simple like
Don't touch me
If for some reason you don't manage to tell him at the moment, you can tell him later. As an example:
I don't appreciate it when you touch me each time you walk past me, so stop it.
A good preparation to manage to do this while sounding self confident is to practice saying this at home. If you are not used to set your boundaries, once you do so you might feel guilty. I don't know if this works for everyone, but what might help is to go to some private place and to praise yourself. "I am smart, I am funny, I am proud on X, I was brave enough to set boundaries, etc".
If he still continues, you can tell your boss about the situation. Make sure to also tell him you already made clear he should not touch you.
Whatever happens, document all these incidents, with exact situation and time (as far as possible). Maybe you will need it for your boss, or your boss's boss if you are unlucky.
And last thing, and I want to make clear this is only for an extreme case, keep an eye on new job chances. If you are really unlucky and your company is fine with allowing harassment, you will probably want to get another job.
I wish you lots of success :)
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
edited Feb 25 at 15:51
Anne Daunted
6901618
6901618
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
answered Feb 25 at 15:14
DarkPurpleShadow
1,343420
1,343420
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
add a comment |Â
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
3
3
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
Definitely agree with this, but would add to keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. You don't need to justify why someone has to stop touching you - they just need to stop. Also, don't give them an opportunity to argue their point.
– corsiKa
Feb 25 at 17:04
1
1
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
If her company "is fine with allowing harassment" she may want to speak with a lawyer (which I am not) and file a police report... but most likely a lawyer first is a safer bet.
– kleineg
Apr 3 at 16:51
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
Whenever something like that happens tell the guy right away that you don't like it. And in many cases that will solve the problem.
The problem with some (many?) guys is that they consider no reaction is a good reaction. They think if you don't say no this means yes. You didn't say no the first time(s) so the guy thinks something like "It seems she liked it. If she wouldn't like it she would have told me so". And with this "positive reaction" in mind the guy thinks about what he should/could do next. It will be something more and he will look at your reaction. And if you don't react (he thinks you like it) then there will be more and more...
You have to stop it as soon as possible. If a guy does anything to make you uncomfortable then tell him you don't like it and he should stop it. Or if it's bad then slap him in his face. He will understand that and likely he won't do it again.
Obviously it would be good if guys would see on your reaction that you don't like what they do. But some guys (or maybe many) are blind in that way. They don't see what they don't want to see.
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
Whenever something like that happens tell the guy right away that you don't like it. And in many cases that will solve the problem.
The problem with some (many?) guys is that they consider no reaction is a good reaction. They think if you don't say no this means yes. You didn't say no the first time(s) so the guy thinks something like "It seems she liked it. If she wouldn't like it she would have told me so". And with this "positive reaction" in mind the guy thinks about what he should/could do next. It will be something more and he will look at your reaction. And if you don't react (he thinks you like it) then there will be more and more...
You have to stop it as soon as possible. If a guy does anything to make you uncomfortable then tell him you don't like it and he should stop it. Or if it's bad then slap him in his face. He will understand that and likely he won't do it again.
Obviously it would be good if guys would see on your reaction that you don't like what they do. But some guys (or maybe many) are blind in that way. They don't see what they don't want to see.
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
8
down vote
up vote
8
down vote
Whenever something like that happens tell the guy right away that you don't like it. And in many cases that will solve the problem.
The problem with some (many?) guys is that they consider no reaction is a good reaction. They think if you don't say no this means yes. You didn't say no the first time(s) so the guy thinks something like "It seems she liked it. If she wouldn't like it she would have told me so". And with this "positive reaction" in mind the guy thinks about what he should/could do next. It will be something more and he will look at your reaction. And if you don't react (he thinks you like it) then there will be more and more...
You have to stop it as soon as possible. If a guy does anything to make you uncomfortable then tell him you don't like it and he should stop it. Or if it's bad then slap him in his face. He will understand that and likely he won't do it again.
Obviously it would be good if guys would see on your reaction that you don't like what they do. But some guys (or maybe many) are blind in that way. They don't see what they don't want to see.
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
Whenever something like that happens tell the guy right away that you don't like it. And in many cases that will solve the problem.
The problem with some (many?) guys is that they consider no reaction is a good reaction. They think if you don't say no this means yes. You didn't say no the first time(s) so the guy thinks something like "It seems she liked it. If she wouldn't like it she would have told me so". And with this "positive reaction" in mind the guy thinks about what he should/could do next. It will be something more and he will look at your reaction. And if you don't react (he thinks you like it) then there will be more and more...
You have to stop it as soon as possible. If a guy does anything to make you uncomfortable then tell him you don't like it and he should stop it. Or if it's bad then slap him in his face. He will understand that and likely he won't do it again.
Obviously it would be good if guys would see on your reaction that you don't like what they do. But some guys (or maybe many) are blind in that way. They don't see what they don't want to see.
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
answered Feb 25 at 12:01
Edgar
3,8012718
3,8012718
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
add a comment |Â
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
12
12
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
Slapping him in the face will just give him an opportunity to turn it around and make OP look like the aggressor. I strongly recommend against doing this.
– Joker28322
Feb 26 at 5:58
1
1
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
@Joker28322: I guess it depends a lot on what the guy does. In the above case I also think slapping him would be too much. But if he or another guy would i.e. touch her bum or breasts then then I think slapping him would be appropriate.
– Edgar
Feb 26 at 9:43
2
2
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
Physical violence in the workplace isn't ever justified, nor is harassment of any form, slapping even the harasser can be grounds for both individuals being released.
– Ramhound
Feb 26 at 16:38
1
1
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Ramhound: I guess you remember the infamous Trump "grab her by the p...". In my opinion there are about two possible reactions to that. Option a is a slap in the face and option b is a kick to where it hurts. And I don't think any employer would dare to fire a woman who would react like that.
– Edgar
Feb 27 at 0:10
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
@Edgar If I remember right then the slapping has happened to Trump.
– gnasher729
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You don't have to be nice to people all the time. You need to stand up for yourself and maintain your dignity. You were shy until now. But, going forward you don't have to be. You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them. Complain about their behavior.
In a workplace, managers and HR are trained to handle these kind of situations. Complain to them. Also, be clear in what are the desired outcomes.
- Do you just need an apology?
- Do you want to be moved out of the team?
- Do you want him to be moved out of the team?
Whatever outcome is that you want to be, don't be apologetic for that.
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You don't have to be nice to people all the time. You need to stand up for yourself and maintain your dignity. You were shy until now. But, going forward you don't have to be. You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them. Complain about their behavior.
In a workplace, managers and HR are trained to handle these kind of situations. Complain to them. Also, be clear in what are the desired outcomes.
- Do you just need an apology?
- Do you want to be moved out of the team?
- Do you want him to be moved out of the team?
Whatever outcome is that you want to be, don't be apologetic for that.
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
You don't have to be nice to people all the time. You need to stand up for yourself and maintain your dignity. You were shy until now. But, going forward you don't have to be. You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them. Complain about their behavior.
In a workplace, managers and HR are trained to handle these kind of situations. Complain to them. Also, be clear in what are the desired outcomes.
- Do you just need an apology?
- Do you want to be moved out of the team?
- Do you want him to be moved out of the team?
Whatever outcome is that you want to be, don't be apologetic for that.
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
You don't have to be nice to people all the time. You need to stand up for yourself and maintain your dignity. You were shy until now. But, going forward you don't have to be. You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them. Complain about their behavior.
In a workplace, managers and HR are trained to handle these kind of situations. Complain to them. Also, be clear in what are the desired outcomes.
- Do you just need an apology?
- Do you want to be moved out of the team?
- Do you want him to be moved out of the team?
Whatever outcome is that you want to be, don't be apologetic for that.
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
answered Feb 25 at 7:13
user149332
615
615
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
add a comment |Â
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
2
2
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
Obviously she can complain to HR and the management. But I think it would be even better if she tell the touching guy right away in his face before it goes to HR and the management. Is she complains to HR some people might think this is an overreaction. If she tell the touching guy to his face that problem can't occur and there is a good chance he will stop it.
– Edgar
Feb 25 at 12:42
2
2
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
Since the OP has indicated that she wants to avoid confrontation and retaliation, going straight to HR/management is a bad idea for the first action. As much as HR departments will pretend to care about harassment, they exist strictly to service the well-being of the organization/owners. Going to HR should be a last resort. Much better approach this problem with @DarkPurpleShadow's answer.
– teego1967
Feb 25 at 15:34
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@teego1967 I have stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them." Telling the offender is important and so is complaining about this kind of behaviour.
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:24
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@Edgar Complaining to the HR about sexual advancements can never be an overreaction. Many (wo)men really do not know how to express themselves clearly about these issues, irrespective of their age. If they fear about the reactions of the people, then they might always have a regret that they gave importance to others' opinions rather than their own problem. Also, I have clearly stated that "You need to express your views clearly. You don't like someone touching you, tell them."
– user149332
Feb 26 at 13:27
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
@user149332, HR should be a "last resort" option, before the next step which is either quitting or filing a police report. Don't be gullible in believing whatever is written in the employee manual. HR is trained to put the interests of their employer above all else and that often means getting rid of the whistleblower in due course.
– teego1967
Feb 26 at 15:37
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I guess the direct approach is the best option, but if you are shy, you could simply underline the gesture by looking at his hands or the point he touched.
Let's say he touch your arm, just look at his hand, or your arm, then look straight at him (like you are asking "what is this?").
I found this way a bit better than vocalize a "stop touching me" as the glance will transport the guilty sensation to him, once you stare at him speechless, he must question himself about "what I've done wrong?".
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I guess the direct approach is the best option, but if you are shy, you could simply underline the gesture by looking at his hands or the point he touched.
Let's say he touch your arm, just look at his hand, or your arm, then look straight at him (like you are asking "what is this?").
I found this way a bit better than vocalize a "stop touching me" as the glance will transport the guilty sensation to him, once you stare at him speechless, he must question himself about "what I've done wrong?".
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
I guess the direct approach is the best option, but if you are shy, you could simply underline the gesture by looking at his hands or the point he touched.
Let's say he touch your arm, just look at his hand, or your arm, then look straight at him (like you are asking "what is this?").
I found this way a bit better than vocalize a "stop touching me" as the glance will transport the guilty sensation to him, once you stare at him speechless, he must question himself about "what I've done wrong?".
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
I guess the direct approach is the best option, but if you are shy, you could simply underline the gesture by looking at his hands or the point he touched.
Let's say he touch your arm, just look at his hand, or your arm, then look straight at him (like you are asking "what is this?").
I found this way a bit better than vocalize a "stop touching me" as the glance will transport the guilty sensation to him, once you stare at him speechless, he must question himself about "what I've done wrong?".
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
edited yesterday
Jim G.
11.9k105573
11.9k105573
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
answered Feb 26 at 11:43
Matteo Bononi 'peorthyr'
1091
1091
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
add a comment |Â
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
You only mention one possible outcome, the other is the one where he thinks: "She's making contact, she questionably looks at my hand, do I see disappointment in her eyes because I let go, maybe it's time to hug her and finally find out if the affection is mutual!". Just tell what you think, leading him on by not telling him to stop didn't work in the past, why would it work now?
– Geliormth
yesterday
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You should be very serious with him, don't joke or smile and avoid him, avoid looking at his eyes and take care of your movements, talk, the way you dress etc perhaps you flirt with him unconsciously. He is testing you, he looks at you sexually and wants to know your limits. Sometimes direct approach doesn't work, he could continue to do it even if you tell him to stop. You need to tell him NO with your body language, with your behavior, with your actions. To really mean it.
But be careful, he could be even more persistent and sexual with you, so you must have patience and be even more persistent than him.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You should be very serious with him, don't joke or smile and avoid him, avoid looking at his eyes and take care of your movements, talk, the way you dress etc perhaps you flirt with him unconsciously. He is testing you, he looks at you sexually and wants to know your limits. Sometimes direct approach doesn't work, he could continue to do it even if you tell him to stop. You need to tell him NO with your body language, with your behavior, with your actions. To really mean it.
But be careful, he could be even more persistent and sexual with you, so you must have patience and be even more persistent than him.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
up vote
-1
down vote
You should be very serious with him, don't joke or smile and avoid him, avoid looking at his eyes and take care of your movements, talk, the way you dress etc perhaps you flirt with him unconsciously. He is testing you, he looks at you sexually and wants to know your limits. Sometimes direct approach doesn't work, he could continue to do it even if you tell him to stop. You need to tell him NO with your body language, with your behavior, with your actions. To really mean it.
But be careful, he could be even more persistent and sexual with you, so you must have patience and be even more persistent than him.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
You should be very serious with him, don't joke or smile and avoid him, avoid looking at his eyes and take care of your movements, talk, the way you dress etc perhaps you flirt with him unconsciously. He is testing you, he looks at you sexually and wants to know your limits. Sometimes direct approach doesn't work, he could continue to do it even if you tell him to stop. You need to tell him NO with your body language, with your behavior, with your actions. To really mean it.
But be careful, he could be even more persistent and sexual with you, so you must have patience and be even more persistent than him.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered yesterday
VL86
254
answered yesterday
VL86
254
254
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
VL86 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
StackExchange.ready(
function ()
StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f107222%2finappropriate-touching-by-a-colleague%23new-answer', 'question_page');
);
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
16
If you don't want any kind of confrontation, you cannot solve this problem.
– Masked Man
Feb 25 at 6:30
5
In which country or region are you? I'm asking because while what your colleague is doing is inapropiate everywhere, the support you might get if you need it is different.
– DarkPurpleShadow
Feb 25 at 8:11
3
To me it seems that he's basically pushing very slowly your limits, and he'll use the basic "you'd never said anything to it so you were fine with it isn't it ?" So you have to speak up. Reporting direct to management when you didn't speak up once at least may backfire (like labelled as a troublemaker) as you didn't try to solve the problem on your own first.
– Walfrat
Feb 26 at 12:19
1
In addition to specific advice on what to do, keep a written diary to document the date/time/location of the occurrences. A diary is a lot harder to refute than listing things from memory.
– Peter M
Feb 26 at 12:33
4
Sometimes a flat "NO" is the best solution. We guys can be pretty clueless, and most of us really don't mean anything bad. Sure, that guy entered creep territory, but a firm "don't touch me" may solve the issue.
– T. Sar
Feb 26 at 15:00