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Is it acceptable to ask to speak to a potential partner's ex-partners?
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If one is considering entering a relationship with a person who has had previous relationships lasting many years, is it acceptable to ask to speak to their previous partners in order to confirm that the person is being truthful about their previous relationships? Suppose you've met a person online and so you have no real overlap of social circles, no friends in common, etc., and you've been going out for a few weeks or a few months.
relationships
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
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up vote
1
down vote
favorite
If one is considering entering a relationship with a person who has had previous relationships lasting many years, is it acceptable to ask to speak to their previous partners in order to confirm that the person is being truthful about their previous relationships? Suppose you've met a person online and so you have no real overlap of social circles, no friends in common, etc., and you've been going out for a few weeks or a few months.
relationships
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
2
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
2
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
If one is considering entering a relationship with a person who has had previous relationships lasting many years, is it acceptable to ask to speak to their previous partners in order to confirm that the person is being truthful about their previous relationships? Suppose you've met a person online and so you have no real overlap of social circles, no friends in common, etc., and you've been going out for a few weeks or a few months.
relationships
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
If one is considering entering a relationship with a person who has had previous relationships lasting many years, is it acceptable to ask to speak to their previous partners in order to confirm that the person is being truthful about their previous relationships? Suppose you've met a person online and so you have no real overlap of social circles, no friends in common, etc., and you've been going out for a few weeks or a few months.
relationships
relationships
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 4 hours ago
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
asked 4 hours ago
DJG
1062
1062
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
DJG is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
2
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
2
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
2
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
2
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago
2
2
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
2
2
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
That's not a good idea.
What do you imagine this talk to be like?
Hi, I'm DJG, the guy you never met, whom your ex loves now instead of you. I want to talk to you about your failed relationship to see if she lied to me.
Maybe they realized that their love went cold and parted in good terms, but maybe there were fights and affairs and lies. You can never know if her ex tells you the truth or lies to you just to make her life miserable.
The ex-partners of your current partner are non of your buisness. You can talk about them if both of you want to, but contacting them is not accepted in any culture I know of. It's the past of every person that cannot be changed. Someone might have been unfaithfull to the last partner but be absolutely devoted to the current one. Someone might want to keep certain relationships secret because they're embarrassed about it. Someone might not want you to know about a past abusive relationship out of fear you would become just like her ex.
In the end, it's up to you to decide whether you trust her word or not. Take a step back and imagine the new partner of your ex contacting you and asking questions about your past relationship. What would you answer? What would it tell about the new partner?
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
You probably shouldn't ask to speak with previous partners. For a whole bunch of reasons. It's not a good idea. And no matter what you hear, it's not going to be good for your relationship...
Your partner's previous partners will be the most biased source of information. They're all previous partners for a reason. Regardless of the reasons for them being previous partners, their perspective will be different from your partner's. Don't expect them to be telling the same story.
Beyond all of that... Asking them shows a distinct lack of trust. Trust is a key stone in any relationship. Demonstrate that it isn't there and the whole structure will come crashing down around your head.
Unfortunately for us all... I have experience with a context where something similar is common...
In polyamorous relationships it's fairly common to meet your new partners' other partners. And admittedly, a part of that is simply making sure that their other partners' are aware of the situation and are all on board.
(I did say somewhat similar.)
(This is still a terrible idea.)
When meeting a partner's partners' it's generally best not to pry, but rather let the information come out naturally. 'Cause it will, whether you want it to, or not. Focused questions usually won't be necessary. The context of the meeting will get them talking, and no matter what they actually say, the non-verbal cues will tell you most of what you need to know. Are they uncomfortable, reluctant, angry, sad? These things kinda tend to tell you what you actually need to know.
More than that... Knowing how the new partner feels about making introductions... That's something.
(MOST of the reason this is a terrible idea.)
No one wants their new partner to dig around in their previous, failed relationships. Their reaction will only serve to feed your lack of trust. Kinda why current polyamorous relationships are different. There isn't that glairing "failed" part.
On the other hand, some sorts of relationships require meeting and regulary dealing with the ex. A strong for instance would be a partner who has children from a previous relationship. If you're stepping into a step-parent roll, you'll have to to meet, greet, and get to know the previous partner to some degree.
This is the worst possible situation to ask about the nature of their failed relationship.
There's a whole extra layer of raw nerve in the majority of cases. They're auditing you much more than you could them; you're the new potential parent in their kid's life. In this case it is all about the kid. Do not lose sight of that.
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
First of all, it is quite difficult to judge a person with whom you don't have any mutual friend. You don't know his/her social circle, you have not seen personally. Still you want to enter into relationship with that person. You have not given importance to these all things. But you want to know about her/his relationship with ex-partner.
Now, consider follwing 2 scenario,
1) Suppose, consider that you have asked this question to you partner then what is the gurantee that he/she will tell the truth. Even though the mistake was his/her, how come she/he will tell you that previous relationship has broken due to my mistake.
2) Now, think from another side. Suppose, your partner has accepted that in previous relationship that was his/her mistake. Then, Would you like to accept your partner even though she/he is telling you about her mistake and truth about the previous relationship?
So, first of all ask this question to you, and if you still want to accept him/her then don't ask the question which you wanted to ask.
Still you want to ask then ask with polite manner, "If you don't mind Can I ask about your ex-partner?". And before asking this question, confirm her/his mood is good.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
That's not a good idea.
What do you imagine this talk to be like?
Hi, I'm DJG, the guy you never met, whom your ex loves now instead of you. I want to talk to you about your failed relationship to see if she lied to me.
Maybe they realized that their love went cold and parted in good terms, but maybe there were fights and affairs and lies. You can never know if her ex tells you the truth or lies to you just to make her life miserable.
The ex-partners of your current partner are non of your buisness. You can talk about them if both of you want to, but contacting them is not accepted in any culture I know of. It's the past of every person that cannot be changed. Someone might have been unfaithfull to the last partner but be absolutely devoted to the current one. Someone might want to keep certain relationships secret because they're embarrassed about it. Someone might not want you to know about a past abusive relationship out of fear you would become just like her ex.
In the end, it's up to you to decide whether you trust her word or not. Take a step back and imagine the new partner of your ex contacting you and asking questions about your past relationship. What would you answer? What would it tell about the new partner?
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
That's not a good idea.
What do you imagine this talk to be like?
Hi, I'm DJG, the guy you never met, whom your ex loves now instead of you. I want to talk to you about your failed relationship to see if she lied to me.
Maybe they realized that their love went cold and parted in good terms, but maybe there were fights and affairs and lies. You can never know if her ex tells you the truth or lies to you just to make her life miserable.
The ex-partners of your current partner are non of your buisness. You can talk about them if both of you want to, but contacting them is not accepted in any culture I know of. It's the past of every person that cannot be changed. Someone might have been unfaithfull to the last partner but be absolutely devoted to the current one. Someone might want to keep certain relationships secret because they're embarrassed about it. Someone might not want you to know about a past abusive relationship out of fear you would become just like her ex.
In the end, it's up to you to decide whether you trust her word or not. Take a step back and imagine the new partner of your ex contacting you and asking questions about your past relationship. What would you answer? What would it tell about the new partner?
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
up vote
4
down vote
That's not a good idea.
What do you imagine this talk to be like?
Hi, I'm DJG, the guy you never met, whom your ex loves now instead of you. I want to talk to you about your failed relationship to see if she lied to me.
Maybe they realized that their love went cold and parted in good terms, but maybe there were fights and affairs and lies. You can never know if her ex tells you the truth or lies to you just to make her life miserable.
The ex-partners of your current partner are non of your buisness. You can talk about them if both of you want to, but contacting them is not accepted in any culture I know of. It's the past of every person that cannot be changed. Someone might have been unfaithfull to the last partner but be absolutely devoted to the current one. Someone might want to keep certain relationships secret because they're embarrassed about it. Someone might not want you to know about a past abusive relationship out of fear you would become just like her ex.
In the end, it's up to you to decide whether you trust her word or not. Take a step back and imagine the new partner of your ex contacting you and asking questions about your past relationship. What would you answer? What would it tell about the new partner?
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
That's not a good idea.
What do you imagine this talk to be like?
Hi, I'm DJG, the guy you never met, whom your ex loves now instead of you. I want to talk to you about your failed relationship to see if she lied to me.
Maybe they realized that their love went cold and parted in good terms, but maybe there were fights and affairs and lies. You can never know if her ex tells you the truth or lies to you just to make her life miserable.
The ex-partners of your current partner are non of your buisness. You can talk about them if both of you want to, but contacting them is not accepted in any culture I know of. It's the past of every person that cannot be changed. Someone might have been unfaithfull to the last partner but be absolutely devoted to the current one. Someone might want to keep certain relationships secret because they're embarrassed about it. Someone might not want you to know about a past abusive relationship out of fear you would become just like her ex.
In the end, it's up to you to decide whether you trust her word or not. Take a step back and imagine the new partner of your ex contacting you and asking questions about your past relationship. What would you answer? What would it tell about the new partner?
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
edited 4 hours ago
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
answered 4 hours ago
Elmy
3,012726
3,012726
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
add a comment |Â
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
I wouldn't consider doing it behind the prospective partner's back, only out in the open -- and would not ask to do so straightaway, but only after getting to know the person some (see edit to question)
– DJG
4 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
You probably shouldn't ask to speak with previous partners. For a whole bunch of reasons. It's not a good idea. And no matter what you hear, it's not going to be good for your relationship...
Your partner's previous partners will be the most biased source of information. They're all previous partners for a reason. Regardless of the reasons for them being previous partners, their perspective will be different from your partner's. Don't expect them to be telling the same story.
Beyond all of that... Asking them shows a distinct lack of trust. Trust is a key stone in any relationship. Demonstrate that it isn't there and the whole structure will come crashing down around your head.
Unfortunately for us all... I have experience with a context where something similar is common...
In polyamorous relationships it's fairly common to meet your new partners' other partners. And admittedly, a part of that is simply making sure that their other partners' are aware of the situation and are all on board.
(I did say somewhat similar.)
(This is still a terrible idea.)
When meeting a partner's partners' it's generally best not to pry, but rather let the information come out naturally. 'Cause it will, whether you want it to, or not. Focused questions usually won't be necessary. The context of the meeting will get them talking, and no matter what they actually say, the non-verbal cues will tell you most of what you need to know. Are they uncomfortable, reluctant, angry, sad? These things kinda tend to tell you what you actually need to know.
More than that... Knowing how the new partner feels about making introductions... That's something.
(MOST of the reason this is a terrible idea.)
No one wants their new partner to dig around in their previous, failed relationships. Their reaction will only serve to feed your lack of trust. Kinda why current polyamorous relationships are different. There isn't that glairing "failed" part.
On the other hand, some sorts of relationships require meeting and regulary dealing with the ex. A strong for instance would be a partner who has children from a previous relationship. If you're stepping into a step-parent roll, you'll have to to meet, greet, and get to know the previous partner to some degree.
This is the worst possible situation to ask about the nature of their failed relationship.
There's a whole extra layer of raw nerve in the majority of cases. They're auditing you much more than you could them; you're the new potential parent in their kid's life. In this case it is all about the kid. Do not lose sight of that.
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
You probably shouldn't ask to speak with previous partners. For a whole bunch of reasons. It's not a good idea. And no matter what you hear, it's not going to be good for your relationship...
Your partner's previous partners will be the most biased source of information. They're all previous partners for a reason. Regardless of the reasons for them being previous partners, their perspective will be different from your partner's. Don't expect them to be telling the same story.
Beyond all of that... Asking them shows a distinct lack of trust. Trust is a key stone in any relationship. Demonstrate that it isn't there and the whole structure will come crashing down around your head.
Unfortunately for us all... I have experience with a context where something similar is common...
In polyamorous relationships it's fairly common to meet your new partners' other partners. And admittedly, a part of that is simply making sure that their other partners' are aware of the situation and are all on board.
(I did say somewhat similar.)
(This is still a terrible idea.)
When meeting a partner's partners' it's generally best not to pry, but rather let the information come out naturally. 'Cause it will, whether you want it to, or not. Focused questions usually won't be necessary. The context of the meeting will get them talking, and no matter what they actually say, the non-verbal cues will tell you most of what you need to know. Are they uncomfortable, reluctant, angry, sad? These things kinda tend to tell you what you actually need to know.
More than that... Knowing how the new partner feels about making introductions... That's something.
(MOST of the reason this is a terrible idea.)
No one wants their new partner to dig around in their previous, failed relationships. Their reaction will only serve to feed your lack of trust. Kinda why current polyamorous relationships are different. There isn't that glairing "failed" part.
On the other hand, some sorts of relationships require meeting and regulary dealing with the ex. A strong for instance would be a partner who has children from a previous relationship. If you're stepping into a step-parent roll, you'll have to to meet, greet, and get to know the previous partner to some degree.
This is the worst possible situation to ask about the nature of their failed relationship.
There's a whole extra layer of raw nerve in the majority of cases. They're auditing you much more than you could them; you're the new potential parent in their kid's life. In this case it is all about the kid. Do not lose sight of that.
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
You probably shouldn't ask to speak with previous partners. For a whole bunch of reasons. It's not a good idea. And no matter what you hear, it's not going to be good for your relationship...
Your partner's previous partners will be the most biased source of information. They're all previous partners for a reason. Regardless of the reasons for them being previous partners, their perspective will be different from your partner's. Don't expect them to be telling the same story.
Beyond all of that... Asking them shows a distinct lack of trust. Trust is a key stone in any relationship. Demonstrate that it isn't there and the whole structure will come crashing down around your head.
Unfortunately for us all... I have experience with a context where something similar is common...
In polyamorous relationships it's fairly common to meet your new partners' other partners. And admittedly, a part of that is simply making sure that their other partners' are aware of the situation and are all on board.
(I did say somewhat similar.)
(This is still a terrible idea.)
When meeting a partner's partners' it's generally best not to pry, but rather let the information come out naturally. 'Cause it will, whether you want it to, or not. Focused questions usually won't be necessary. The context of the meeting will get them talking, and no matter what they actually say, the non-verbal cues will tell you most of what you need to know. Are they uncomfortable, reluctant, angry, sad? These things kinda tend to tell you what you actually need to know.
More than that... Knowing how the new partner feels about making introductions... That's something.
(MOST of the reason this is a terrible idea.)
No one wants their new partner to dig around in their previous, failed relationships. Their reaction will only serve to feed your lack of trust. Kinda why current polyamorous relationships are different. There isn't that glairing "failed" part.
On the other hand, some sorts of relationships require meeting and regulary dealing with the ex. A strong for instance would be a partner who has children from a previous relationship. If you're stepping into a step-parent roll, you'll have to to meet, greet, and get to know the previous partner to some degree.
This is the worst possible situation to ask about the nature of their failed relationship.
There's a whole extra layer of raw nerve in the majority of cases. They're auditing you much more than you could them; you're the new potential parent in their kid's life. In this case it is all about the kid. Do not lose sight of that.
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
You probably shouldn't ask to speak with previous partners. For a whole bunch of reasons. It's not a good idea. And no matter what you hear, it's not going to be good for your relationship...
Your partner's previous partners will be the most biased source of information. They're all previous partners for a reason. Regardless of the reasons for them being previous partners, their perspective will be different from your partner's. Don't expect them to be telling the same story.
Beyond all of that... Asking them shows a distinct lack of trust. Trust is a key stone in any relationship. Demonstrate that it isn't there and the whole structure will come crashing down around your head.
Unfortunately for us all... I have experience with a context where something similar is common...
In polyamorous relationships it's fairly common to meet your new partners' other partners. And admittedly, a part of that is simply making sure that their other partners' are aware of the situation and are all on board.
(I did say somewhat similar.)
(This is still a terrible idea.)
When meeting a partner's partners' it's generally best not to pry, but rather let the information come out naturally. 'Cause it will, whether you want it to, or not. Focused questions usually won't be necessary. The context of the meeting will get them talking, and no matter what they actually say, the non-verbal cues will tell you most of what you need to know. Are they uncomfortable, reluctant, angry, sad? These things kinda tend to tell you what you actually need to know.
More than that... Knowing how the new partner feels about making introductions... That's something.
(MOST of the reason this is a terrible idea.)
No one wants their new partner to dig around in their previous, failed relationships. Their reaction will only serve to feed your lack of trust. Kinda why current polyamorous relationships are different. There isn't that glairing "failed" part.
On the other hand, some sorts of relationships require meeting and regulary dealing with the ex. A strong for instance would be a partner who has children from a previous relationship. If you're stepping into a step-parent roll, you'll have to to meet, greet, and get to know the previous partner to some degree.
This is the worst possible situation to ask about the nature of their failed relationship.
There's a whole extra layer of raw nerve in the majority of cases. They're auditing you much more than you could them; you're the new potential parent in their kid's life. In this case it is all about the kid. Do not lose sight of that.
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
answered 3 hours ago
apaul
46.5k23158227
46.5k23158227
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
First of all, it is quite difficult to judge a person with whom you don't have any mutual friend. You don't know his/her social circle, you have not seen personally. Still you want to enter into relationship with that person. You have not given importance to these all things. But you want to know about her/his relationship with ex-partner.
Now, consider follwing 2 scenario,
1) Suppose, consider that you have asked this question to you partner then what is the gurantee that he/she will tell the truth. Even though the mistake was his/her, how come she/he will tell you that previous relationship has broken due to my mistake.
2) Now, think from another side. Suppose, your partner has accepted that in previous relationship that was his/her mistake. Then, Would you like to accept your partner even though she/he is telling you about her mistake and truth about the previous relationship?
So, first of all ask this question to you, and if you still want to accept him/her then don't ask the question which you wanted to ask.
Still you want to ask then ask with polite manner, "If you don't mind Can I ask about your ex-partner?". And before asking this question, confirm her/his mood is good.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
First of all, it is quite difficult to judge a person with whom you don't have any mutual friend. You don't know his/her social circle, you have not seen personally. Still you want to enter into relationship with that person. You have not given importance to these all things. But you want to know about her/his relationship with ex-partner.
Now, consider follwing 2 scenario,
1) Suppose, consider that you have asked this question to you partner then what is the gurantee that he/she will tell the truth. Even though the mistake was his/her, how come she/he will tell you that previous relationship has broken due to my mistake.
2) Now, think from another side. Suppose, your partner has accepted that in previous relationship that was his/her mistake. Then, Would you like to accept your partner even though she/he is telling you about her mistake and truth about the previous relationship?
So, first of all ask this question to you, and if you still want to accept him/her then don't ask the question which you wanted to ask.
Still you want to ask then ask with polite manner, "If you don't mind Can I ask about your ex-partner?". And before asking this question, confirm her/his mood is good.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
First of all, it is quite difficult to judge a person with whom you don't have any mutual friend. You don't know his/her social circle, you have not seen personally. Still you want to enter into relationship with that person. You have not given importance to these all things. But you want to know about her/his relationship with ex-partner.
Now, consider follwing 2 scenario,
1) Suppose, consider that you have asked this question to you partner then what is the gurantee that he/she will tell the truth. Even though the mistake was his/her, how come she/he will tell you that previous relationship has broken due to my mistake.
2) Now, think from another side. Suppose, your partner has accepted that in previous relationship that was his/her mistake. Then, Would you like to accept your partner even though she/he is telling you about her mistake and truth about the previous relationship?
So, first of all ask this question to you, and if you still want to accept him/her then don't ask the question which you wanted to ask.
Still you want to ask then ask with polite manner, "If you don't mind Can I ask about your ex-partner?". And before asking this question, confirm her/his mood is good.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
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DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
First of all, it is quite difficult to judge a person with whom you don't have any mutual friend. You don't know his/her social circle, you have not seen personally. Still you want to enter into relationship with that person. You have not given importance to these all things. But you want to know about her/his relationship with ex-partner.
Now, consider follwing 2 scenario,
1) Suppose, consider that you have asked this question to you partner then what is the gurantee that he/she will tell the truth. Even though the mistake was his/her, how come she/he will tell you that previous relationship has broken due to my mistake.
2) Now, think from another side. Suppose, your partner has accepted that in previous relationship that was his/her mistake. Then, Would you like to accept your partner even though she/he is telling you about her mistake and truth about the previous relationship?
So, first of all ask this question to you, and if you still want to accept him/her then don't ask the question which you wanted to ask.
Still you want to ask then ask with polite manner, "If you don't mind Can I ask about your ex-partner?". And before asking this question, confirm her/his mood is good.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 4 hours ago
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
answered 4 hours ago
DDD
18010
18010
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
DDD is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
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DJG is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
DJG is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
DJG is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
DJG is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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2
Primarily opinion based, but no.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Aren’t most questions on this SE primarily opinion-based?
– DJG
4 hours ago
2
Ehh... Somewhat. Still a difference between somewhat opinion based and primarily opinion based. Try asking how to do the thing, rather than whether you should do the thing.
– apaul
4 hours ago
Even if this was not a good way to ged rid of the potentially new partner, ask yourself where this contact to the ex comes from. Would a not truthful person tell you a: a real ex that tells you the truth or b: just someone who tells you whatever the person wants you to know?
– puck
2 hours ago