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How to respond to someone who wants to know my dark side and wild things that I have done?
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I met a person online. Both of us 35.
After some conversation I asked him the kind of books he prefers. He told me that he reads dark books which I won't like. I guessed "crime/ghosts", he said no. Then I got curious to know what does dark mean and asked him to give example. He told me he likes "Penthouse forums" and reading about sadistic side of humans. One side dominating the other vulnerable one in sexual terms.
Some time later he asked me to tell him my dark side. Then he asked me to tell me the wildest thing I have done. I asked him if he has asked in reference to the books he reads. He replied he knows I am not too sexual since I usually talk about specifics and sexuality is not black & white etc.
How to respond to someone who wants to know my dark side and wild things that I have done when I don't understand what he wants to know exactly?
Moreover, when someone asks and tells such things what does it usually mean? What should be expected from such people and conversations?
We are from India. India has a conservative culture regarding females and wild things(whatever that means).
india online-interaction
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
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Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
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up vote
7
down vote
favorite
I met a person online. Both of us 35.
After some conversation I asked him the kind of books he prefers. He told me that he reads dark books which I won't like. I guessed "crime/ghosts", he said no. Then I got curious to know what does dark mean and asked him to give example. He told me he likes "Penthouse forums" and reading about sadistic side of humans. One side dominating the other vulnerable one in sexual terms.
Some time later he asked me to tell him my dark side. Then he asked me to tell me the wildest thing I have done. I asked him if he has asked in reference to the books he reads. He replied he knows I am not too sexual since I usually talk about specifics and sexuality is not black & white etc.
How to respond to someone who wants to know my dark side and wild things that I have done when I don't understand what he wants to know exactly?
Moreover, when someone asks and tells such things what does it usually mean? What should be expected from such people and conversations?
We are from India. India has a conservative culture regarding females and wild things(whatever that means).
india online-interaction
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
7
down vote
favorite
up vote
7
down vote
favorite
I met a person online. Both of us 35.
After some conversation I asked him the kind of books he prefers. He told me that he reads dark books which I won't like. I guessed "crime/ghosts", he said no. Then I got curious to know what does dark mean and asked him to give example. He told me he likes "Penthouse forums" and reading about sadistic side of humans. One side dominating the other vulnerable one in sexual terms.
Some time later he asked me to tell him my dark side. Then he asked me to tell me the wildest thing I have done. I asked him if he has asked in reference to the books he reads. He replied he knows I am not too sexual since I usually talk about specifics and sexuality is not black & white etc.
How to respond to someone who wants to know my dark side and wild things that I have done when I don't understand what he wants to know exactly?
Moreover, when someone asks and tells such things what does it usually mean? What should be expected from such people and conversations?
We are from India. India has a conservative culture regarding females and wild things(whatever that means).
india online-interaction
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I met a person online. Both of us 35.
After some conversation I asked him the kind of books he prefers. He told me that he reads dark books which I won't like. I guessed "crime/ghosts", he said no. Then I got curious to know what does dark mean and asked him to give example. He told me he likes "Penthouse forums" and reading about sadistic side of humans. One side dominating the other vulnerable one in sexual terms.
Some time later he asked me to tell him my dark side. Then he asked me to tell me the wildest thing I have done. I asked him if he has asked in reference to the books he reads. He replied he knows I am not too sexual since I usually talk about specifics and sexuality is not black & white etc.
How to respond to someone who wants to know my dark side and wild things that I have done when I don't understand what he wants to know exactly?
Moreover, when someone asks and tells such things what does it usually mean? What should be expected from such people and conversations?
We are from India. India has a conservative culture regarding females and wild things(whatever that means).
india online-interaction
india online-interaction
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 6 hours ago
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
asked 7 hours ago
Aquarius_Girl
13814
13814
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago
add a comment |Â
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
12
down vote
I can only tell from my experience.
When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like that.
My advice is to stay away from those people (unless you want to talk about stuff like that) and block them, if possible.
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
Short answer to your question of how to respond: never respond to a question that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Getting to know someone does involve asking them questions. In fact if someone talks more about themselves than they ask about you, something isn't quite right. But there is another extreme, and I think you are seeing this here.
If a person wants you to reveal specific things (eg "dark" thoughts, or something sexual) rather than asking you open questions, they are not showing an interest in your likes and dislikes - they are trying to lead you down a very specific path, and that is a form of manipulation. Don't fall for it!
I don't think this has anything to do with your country or culture. I am very concerned that this man might be looking for someone else to share his "dark" side with. If you really have no concept of what that means, the question you should really be asking is not "what does that mean", but rather "do I really want to know??"
This may sound extreme, but he has mentioned an interest in sadism, and history is full of infamous couples who have carried out sadistic murders together. He might be the next Fred West looking for his Rose. You should consider severing all communication and putting measures in place to protect yourself.
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to:
"I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?"
He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively inexperienced and doesn't know better. He's looking for someone who's into the things that he's into. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Some tact would probably help him, but some people prefer the direct approach. (Different strokes for different folks.)
Effectively he wants to know if you're a kinkster, and/or if you'd like to to explore that with him. If you have an interest in BDSM and are interested in discussing it with him, go for it. If not, then don't.
As an aside...
There's a really very diverse bunch of folks who identify as "kinky" the vast majority are perfectly normal people, who just like particular things sexually. The overwhelming majority are not mentally ill, deranged, or dangerous in the slightest. In fact one could easily argue that affirmative consent was common in the kink community years, if not decades, before it reached mainstream culture.
(Of course there are weirdos in any group, just saying that like any group the weirdos are the exception and not the rule)
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
12
down vote
I can only tell from my experience.
When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like that.
My advice is to stay away from those people (unless you want to talk about stuff like that) and block them, if possible.
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
add a comment |Â
up vote
12
down vote
I can only tell from my experience.
When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like that.
My advice is to stay away from those people (unless you want to talk about stuff like that) and block them, if possible.
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
add a comment |Â
up vote
12
down vote
up vote
12
down vote
I can only tell from my experience.
When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like that.
My advice is to stay away from those people (unless you want to talk about stuff like that) and block them, if possible.
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
I can only tell from my experience.
When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like that.
My advice is to stay away from those people (unless you want to talk about stuff like that) and block them, if possible.
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
edited 6 hours ago
A J♦
6,52882846
6,52882846
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
answered 6 hours ago
undefined
698113
698113
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
Short answer to your question of how to respond: never respond to a question that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Getting to know someone does involve asking them questions. In fact if someone talks more about themselves than they ask about you, something isn't quite right. But there is another extreme, and I think you are seeing this here.
If a person wants you to reveal specific things (eg "dark" thoughts, or something sexual) rather than asking you open questions, they are not showing an interest in your likes and dislikes - they are trying to lead you down a very specific path, and that is a form of manipulation. Don't fall for it!
I don't think this has anything to do with your country or culture. I am very concerned that this man might be looking for someone else to share his "dark" side with. If you really have no concept of what that means, the question you should really be asking is not "what does that mean", but rather "do I really want to know??"
This may sound extreme, but he has mentioned an interest in sadism, and history is full of infamous couples who have carried out sadistic murders together. He might be the next Fred West looking for his Rose. You should consider severing all communication and putting measures in place to protect yourself.
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
Short answer to your question of how to respond: never respond to a question that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Getting to know someone does involve asking them questions. In fact if someone talks more about themselves than they ask about you, something isn't quite right. But there is another extreme, and I think you are seeing this here.
If a person wants you to reveal specific things (eg "dark" thoughts, or something sexual) rather than asking you open questions, they are not showing an interest in your likes and dislikes - they are trying to lead you down a very specific path, and that is a form of manipulation. Don't fall for it!
I don't think this has anything to do with your country or culture. I am very concerned that this man might be looking for someone else to share his "dark" side with. If you really have no concept of what that means, the question you should really be asking is not "what does that mean", but rather "do I really want to know??"
This may sound extreme, but he has mentioned an interest in sadism, and history is full of infamous couples who have carried out sadistic murders together. He might be the next Fred West looking for his Rose. You should consider severing all communication and putting measures in place to protect yourself.
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
up vote
5
down vote
Short answer to your question of how to respond: never respond to a question that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Getting to know someone does involve asking them questions. In fact if someone talks more about themselves than they ask about you, something isn't quite right. But there is another extreme, and I think you are seeing this here.
If a person wants you to reveal specific things (eg "dark" thoughts, or something sexual) rather than asking you open questions, they are not showing an interest in your likes and dislikes - they are trying to lead you down a very specific path, and that is a form of manipulation. Don't fall for it!
I don't think this has anything to do with your country or culture. I am very concerned that this man might be looking for someone else to share his "dark" side with. If you really have no concept of what that means, the question you should really be asking is not "what does that mean", but rather "do I really want to know??"
This may sound extreme, but he has mentioned an interest in sadism, and history is full of infamous couples who have carried out sadistic murders together. He might be the next Fred West looking for his Rose. You should consider severing all communication and putting measures in place to protect yourself.
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
Short answer to your question of how to respond: never respond to a question that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Getting to know someone does involve asking them questions. In fact if someone talks more about themselves than they ask about you, something isn't quite right. But there is another extreme, and I think you are seeing this here.
If a person wants you to reveal specific things (eg "dark" thoughts, or something sexual) rather than asking you open questions, they are not showing an interest in your likes and dislikes - they are trying to lead you down a very specific path, and that is a form of manipulation. Don't fall for it!
I don't think this has anything to do with your country or culture. I am very concerned that this man might be looking for someone else to share his "dark" side with. If you really have no concept of what that means, the question you should really be asking is not "what does that mean", but rather "do I really want to know??"
This may sound extreme, but he has mentioned an interest in sadism, and history is full of infamous couples who have carried out sadistic murders together. He might be the next Fred West looking for his Rose. You should consider severing all communication and putting measures in place to protect yourself.
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
edited 5 hours ago
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
answered 5 hours ago
Astralbee
19.3k34581
19.3k34581
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to:
"I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?"
He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively inexperienced and doesn't know better. He's looking for someone who's into the things that he's into. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Some tact would probably help him, but some people prefer the direct approach. (Different strokes for different folks.)
Effectively he wants to know if you're a kinkster, and/or if you'd like to to explore that with him. If you have an interest in BDSM and are interested in discussing it with him, go for it. If not, then don't.
As an aside...
There's a really very diverse bunch of folks who identify as "kinky" the vast majority are perfectly normal people, who just like particular things sexually. The overwhelming majority are not mentally ill, deranged, or dangerous in the slightest. In fact one could easily argue that affirmative consent was common in the kink community years, if not decades, before it reached mainstream culture.
(Of course there are weirdos in any group, just saying that like any group the weirdos are the exception and not the rule)
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to:
"I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?"
He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively inexperienced and doesn't know better. He's looking for someone who's into the things that he's into. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Some tact would probably help him, but some people prefer the direct approach. (Different strokes for different folks.)
Effectively he wants to know if you're a kinkster, and/or if you'd like to to explore that with him. If you have an interest in BDSM and are interested in discussing it with him, go for it. If not, then don't.
As an aside...
There's a really very diverse bunch of folks who identify as "kinky" the vast majority are perfectly normal people, who just like particular things sexually. The overwhelming majority are not mentally ill, deranged, or dangerous in the slightest. In fact one could easily argue that affirmative consent was common in the kink community years, if not decades, before it reached mainstream culture.
(Of course there are weirdos in any group, just saying that like any group the weirdos are the exception and not the rule)
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to:
"I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?"
He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively inexperienced and doesn't know better. He's looking for someone who's into the things that he's into. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Some tact would probably help him, but some people prefer the direct approach. (Different strokes for different folks.)
Effectively he wants to know if you're a kinkster, and/or if you'd like to to explore that with him. If you have an interest in BDSM and are interested in discussing it with him, go for it. If not, then don't.
As an aside...
There's a really very diverse bunch of folks who identify as "kinky" the vast majority are perfectly normal people, who just like particular things sexually. The overwhelming majority are not mentally ill, deranged, or dangerous in the slightest. In fact one could easily argue that affirmative consent was common in the kink community years, if not decades, before it reached mainstream culture.
(Of course there are weirdos in any group, just saying that like any group the weirdos are the exception and not the rule)
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to:
"I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?"
He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively inexperienced and doesn't know better. He's looking for someone who's into the things that he's into. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Some tact would probably help him, but some people prefer the direct approach. (Different strokes for different folks.)
Effectively he wants to know if you're a kinkster, and/or if you'd like to to explore that with him. If you have an interest in BDSM and are interested in discussing it with him, go for it. If not, then don't.
As an aside...
There's a really very diverse bunch of folks who identify as "kinky" the vast majority are perfectly normal people, who just like particular things sexually. The overwhelming majority are not mentally ill, deranged, or dangerous in the slightest. In fact one could easily argue that affirmative consent was common in the kink community years, if not decades, before it reached mainstream culture.
(Of course there are weirdos in any group, just saying that like any group the weirdos are the exception and not the rule)
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
answered 14 mins ago
apaul
45.6k23154223
45.6k23154223
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Aquarius_Girl is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. Please avoid extended discussion in the comments. Use the linked chatroom for this purpose. Comments added below this post will be deleted.
– A J♦
6 hours ago