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How to ask parents to respect my privacy
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So, just yesterday iOS 12 came out for Apple devices. All of my family (including me) use Apple devices faithfully. My dad has used a Mac since they were first commercially available for the public.
iOS 12 has some serious parental control upgrades that will allow my parents to have complete control over everything I do on my iPad. Here is a link to where you can read up on what's new.
I am 16 years old. I don't have any sort of phone yet because I deem myself too young and I don't have the money for one yet. Not owning a phone eliminates most of my problems in this area. Anyway, when I bought my iPad I was too young to work at a real job. I used some birthday money to pay for pamphlets and I walked around and hired myself out as an amateur yard-worker. It was seriously hard work. I handed out 400 pamphlets and only 7 people followed up. I saved up my hard earned money and bought myself a MacBook and an iPad to teach myself how to code.
I don't really have anything to hide anymore but I would appreciate my iPad being my iPad. It seems like it would be unfair for my parents to invade my ownership like this. My parents will most likely (although, we haven't updated yet) take advantage of this new Screen Time feature in iOS 12 and restrict my usage because I have a really bad track record of hiding things.
I will admit, I used to look at things on the internet that people should not look at. Back when iOS 7-9 was still jail-breakable I figured out how to remove all the restrictions my parents had put in place and I could download whatever games or apps I wanted. I got caught doing all these things (Because your sins always find you out) and developed a ton of trust issues with my parents.
That was back when I was really irresponsible and untrustworthy. I feel like I have built a lot of that trust back up. I think it would be unfair for my parents to do this. I don't have a lot going for me. I'm only 16, technically still a minor which means my parents own my devices. I have regretfully proven myself untrustworthy before, which gives them a lot of incentive to invoke some restrictions.
My question is, how can I approach them and ask them to trust me and respect my privacy? I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior. How do I tell my parents this?
united-states parents privacy
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
So, just yesterday iOS 12 came out for Apple devices. All of my family (including me) use Apple devices faithfully. My dad has used a Mac since they were first commercially available for the public.
iOS 12 has some serious parental control upgrades that will allow my parents to have complete control over everything I do on my iPad. Here is a link to where you can read up on what's new.
I am 16 years old. I don't have any sort of phone yet because I deem myself too young and I don't have the money for one yet. Not owning a phone eliminates most of my problems in this area. Anyway, when I bought my iPad I was too young to work at a real job. I used some birthday money to pay for pamphlets and I walked around and hired myself out as an amateur yard-worker. It was seriously hard work. I handed out 400 pamphlets and only 7 people followed up. I saved up my hard earned money and bought myself a MacBook and an iPad to teach myself how to code.
I don't really have anything to hide anymore but I would appreciate my iPad being my iPad. It seems like it would be unfair for my parents to invade my ownership like this. My parents will most likely (although, we haven't updated yet) take advantage of this new Screen Time feature in iOS 12 and restrict my usage because I have a really bad track record of hiding things.
I will admit, I used to look at things on the internet that people should not look at. Back when iOS 7-9 was still jail-breakable I figured out how to remove all the restrictions my parents had put in place and I could download whatever games or apps I wanted. I got caught doing all these things (Because your sins always find you out) and developed a ton of trust issues with my parents.
That was back when I was really irresponsible and untrustworthy. I feel like I have built a lot of that trust back up. I think it would be unfair for my parents to do this. I don't have a lot going for me. I'm only 16, technically still a minor which means my parents own my devices. I have regretfully proven myself untrustworthy before, which gives them a lot of incentive to invoke some restrictions.
My question is, how can I approach them and ask them to trust me and respect my privacy? I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior. How do I tell my parents this?
united-states parents privacy
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
So, just yesterday iOS 12 came out for Apple devices. All of my family (including me) use Apple devices faithfully. My dad has used a Mac since they were first commercially available for the public.
iOS 12 has some serious parental control upgrades that will allow my parents to have complete control over everything I do on my iPad. Here is a link to where you can read up on what's new.
I am 16 years old. I don't have any sort of phone yet because I deem myself too young and I don't have the money for one yet. Not owning a phone eliminates most of my problems in this area. Anyway, when I bought my iPad I was too young to work at a real job. I used some birthday money to pay for pamphlets and I walked around and hired myself out as an amateur yard-worker. It was seriously hard work. I handed out 400 pamphlets and only 7 people followed up. I saved up my hard earned money and bought myself a MacBook and an iPad to teach myself how to code.
I don't really have anything to hide anymore but I would appreciate my iPad being my iPad. It seems like it would be unfair for my parents to invade my ownership like this. My parents will most likely (although, we haven't updated yet) take advantage of this new Screen Time feature in iOS 12 and restrict my usage because I have a really bad track record of hiding things.
I will admit, I used to look at things on the internet that people should not look at. Back when iOS 7-9 was still jail-breakable I figured out how to remove all the restrictions my parents had put in place and I could download whatever games or apps I wanted. I got caught doing all these things (Because your sins always find you out) and developed a ton of trust issues with my parents.
That was back when I was really irresponsible and untrustworthy. I feel like I have built a lot of that trust back up. I think it would be unfair for my parents to do this. I don't have a lot going for me. I'm only 16, technically still a minor which means my parents own my devices. I have regretfully proven myself untrustworthy before, which gives them a lot of incentive to invoke some restrictions.
My question is, how can I approach them and ask them to trust me and respect my privacy? I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior. How do I tell my parents this?
united-states parents privacy
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
So, just yesterday iOS 12 came out for Apple devices. All of my family (including me) use Apple devices faithfully. My dad has used a Mac since they were first commercially available for the public.
iOS 12 has some serious parental control upgrades that will allow my parents to have complete control over everything I do on my iPad. Here is a link to where you can read up on what's new.
I am 16 years old. I don't have any sort of phone yet because I deem myself too young and I don't have the money for one yet. Not owning a phone eliminates most of my problems in this area. Anyway, when I bought my iPad I was too young to work at a real job. I used some birthday money to pay for pamphlets and I walked around and hired myself out as an amateur yard-worker. It was seriously hard work. I handed out 400 pamphlets and only 7 people followed up. I saved up my hard earned money and bought myself a MacBook and an iPad to teach myself how to code.
I don't really have anything to hide anymore but I would appreciate my iPad being my iPad. It seems like it would be unfair for my parents to invade my ownership like this. My parents will most likely (although, we haven't updated yet) take advantage of this new Screen Time feature in iOS 12 and restrict my usage because I have a really bad track record of hiding things.
I will admit, I used to look at things on the internet that people should not look at. Back when iOS 7-9 was still jail-breakable I figured out how to remove all the restrictions my parents had put in place and I could download whatever games or apps I wanted. I got caught doing all these things (Because your sins always find you out) and developed a ton of trust issues with my parents.
That was back when I was really irresponsible and untrustworthy. I feel like I have built a lot of that trust back up. I think it would be unfair for my parents to do this. I don't have a lot going for me. I'm only 16, technically still a minor which means my parents own my devices. I have regretfully proven myself untrustworthy before, which gives them a lot of incentive to invoke some restrictions.
My question is, how can I approach them and ask them to trust me and respect my privacy? I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior. How do I tell my parents this?
united-states parents privacy
united-states parents privacy
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
edited 1 hour ago
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
asked 1 hour ago
E. Huckabee
7761412
7761412
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you.
You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2, which I recommend to develop as an excellent interpersonal skill, is for you to control the narrative.
To do that, you approach them. Acknowledge your mistake. Show how you have changed. Tell them that you have the iPad and want to earn their trust - now how do you do it? And then you (gasp) do it. winning back trust doesn't happen overnight. It takes longer to win it back than it did to lose it, and that's another important interpersonal skill to have - being trustworthy.
You have an excellent beginning here in your question. I'd say just that:
I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior.
Then talk about the initiative you put into this. You did lawn jobs. You saved. Tell them why you don't have a phone. these are mature decisions and should be pointed out.
And then you show them that you can self-regulate. As they see that you've changed, the restrictions should lessen up slowly.
When you talk to them, be calm. Accept their decision. The angrier you are and the more you fight, the less chance you have of winning. If the decision doesn't go your way and you are calm about it, there's a chance of it changing down the road. if you yell and fight, the decision gets a LOT harder to change.
The key to any negotiation is to solve a problem for the other person. Look at the reasons you parents would want to restrict your access, and discuss how you would solve that problem without their needing to do something. Be frank and serious - if you try to patronize them, they'll see through it.
I've got kids of my own and I can tell you this: it's very hard when you have to switch from being an active participant in your kid's life to being a spectator. Some navigate that easier than others do. All your life, they've had to make decisions for you and you're at an age where they can start letting some of those go - but there's a whole (literally) lifetime of them not doing that. So be patient.
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
baldPrussian makes some excellent points. What you need to do is negotiate with your parents to find a mutually beneficial solution, one that gives you additional privacy but gives your parents assurance that you're not doing anything that will affect your health or safety. They are still legally responsible for you and more importantly they love you and don't want you to come to harm.
The best book on negotiating is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury. I suggest you read at least the summary (click here) because mastery of negotiation techniques will demonstrate your maturity in a way that simple words cannot.
The four principles of "Getting to Yes" are:
- separating people from the problem,
- focusing on interests rather than
positions, - generating a variety of options before settling on an
agreement, - insisting that the agreement be based on objective
criteria
"Getting to Yes" has techniques for dealing with obstacles:
- when the other party is more powerful
- when the other party won't use principled negotiation
- when the other party uses dirty tricks
The first of these obstacles is the main one you're dealing with. When the other party is more powerful
the weaker party should concentrate on assessing their best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The authors note that "the reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating."[p. 104] The weaker party should reject agreements that would leave them worse off than their BATNA. Without a clear idea of their BATNA a party is simply negotiating blindly. The BATNA is also key to making the most of existing assets. Power in a negotiation comes from the ability to walk away from negotiations. Thus the party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. Generally, the weaker party can take unilateral steps to improve their alternatives to negotiation. They must identify potential opportunities and take steps to further develop those opportunities. The weaker party will have a better understanding of the negotiation context if they also try to estimate the other side's BATNA. Fisher and Ury conclude that "developing your BATNA thus not only enables you to determine what is a minimally acceptable agreement, it will probably raise that minimum."[p. 111]
For the agreement to be objectively verified, I suggest a technique that was used during the nuclear arms reduction agreements of the 1980s, "Trust but verify." If all else fails, you can suggest to your parents that in return for removing controls on your devices, they can inspect your machine at any time. You will get minute-to-minute privacy in exchange for occasional inspections to verify compliance and you can negotiate the terms of those inspections.
Good luck!
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you.
You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2, which I recommend to develop as an excellent interpersonal skill, is for you to control the narrative.
To do that, you approach them. Acknowledge your mistake. Show how you have changed. Tell them that you have the iPad and want to earn their trust - now how do you do it? And then you (gasp) do it. winning back trust doesn't happen overnight. It takes longer to win it back than it did to lose it, and that's another important interpersonal skill to have - being trustworthy.
You have an excellent beginning here in your question. I'd say just that:
I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior.
Then talk about the initiative you put into this. You did lawn jobs. You saved. Tell them why you don't have a phone. these are mature decisions and should be pointed out.
And then you show them that you can self-regulate. As they see that you've changed, the restrictions should lessen up slowly.
When you talk to them, be calm. Accept their decision. The angrier you are and the more you fight, the less chance you have of winning. If the decision doesn't go your way and you are calm about it, there's a chance of it changing down the road. if you yell and fight, the decision gets a LOT harder to change.
The key to any negotiation is to solve a problem for the other person. Look at the reasons you parents would want to restrict your access, and discuss how you would solve that problem without their needing to do something. Be frank and serious - if you try to patronize them, they'll see through it.
I've got kids of my own and I can tell you this: it's very hard when you have to switch from being an active participant in your kid's life to being a spectator. Some navigate that easier than others do. All your life, they've had to make decisions for you and you're at an age where they can start letting some of those go - but there's a whole (literally) lifetime of them not doing that. So be patient.
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you.
You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2, which I recommend to develop as an excellent interpersonal skill, is for you to control the narrative.
To do that, you approach them. Acknowledge your mistake. Show how you have changed. Tell them that you have the iPad and want to earn their trust - now how do you do it? And then you (gasp) do it. winning back trust doesn't happen overnight. It takes longer to win it back than it did to lose it, and that's another important interpersonal skill to have - being trustworthy.
You have an excellent beginning here in your question. I'd say just that:
I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior.
Then talk about the initiative you put into this. You did lawn jobs. You saved. Tell them why you don't have a phone. these are mature decisions and should be pointed out.
And then you show them that you can self-regulate. As they see that you've changed, the restrictions should lessen up slowly.
When you talk to them, be calm. Accept their decision. The angrier you are and the more you fight, the less chance you have of winning. If the decision doesn't go your way and you are calm about it, there's a chance of it changing down the road. if you yell and fight, the decision gets a LOT harder to change.
The key to any negotiation is to solve a problem for the other person. Look at the reasons you parents would want to restrict your access, and discuss how you would solve that problem without their needing to do something. Be frank and serious - if you try to patronize them, they'll see through it.
I've got kids of my own and I can tell you this: it's very hard when you have to switch from being an active participant in your kid's life to being a spectator. Some navigate that easier than others do. All your life, they've had to make decisions for you and you're at an age where they can start letting some of those go - but there's a whole (literally) lifetime of them not doing that. So be patient.
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you.
You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2, which I recommend to develop as an excellent interpersonal skill, is for you to control the narrative.
To do that, you approach them. Acknowledge your mistake. Show how you have changed. Tell them that you have the iPad and want to earn their trust - now how do you do it? And then you (gasp) do it. winning back trust doesn't happen overnight. It takes longer to win it back than it did to lose it, and that's another important interpersonal skill to have - being trustworthy.
You have an excellent beginning here in your question. I'd say just that:
I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior.
Then talk about the initiative you put into this. You did lawn jobs. You saved. Tell them why you don't have a phone. these are mature decisions and should be pointed out.
And then you show them that you can self-regulate. As they see that you've changed, the restrictions should lessen up slowly.
When you talk to them, be calm. Accept their decision. The angrier you are and the more you fight, the less chance you have of winning. If the decision doesn't go your way and you are calm about it, there's a chance of it changing down the road. if you yell and fight, the decision gets a LOT harder to change.
The key to any negotiation is to solve a problem for the other person. Look at the reasons you parents would want to restrict your access, and discuss how you would solve that problem without their needing to do something. Be frank and serious - if you try to patronize them, they'll see through it.
I've got kids of my own and I can tell you this: it's very hard when you have to switch from being an active participant in your kid's life to being a spectator. Some navigate that easier than others do. All your life, they've had to make decisions for you and you're at an age where they can start letting some of those go - but there's a whole (literally) lifetime of them not doing that. So be patient.
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you.
You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2, which I recommend to develop as an excellent interpersonal skill, is for you to control the narrative.
To do that, you approach them. Acknowledge your mistake. Show how you have changed. Tell them that you have the iPad and want to earn their trust - now how do you do it? And then you (gasp) do it. winning back trust doesn't happen overnight. It takes longer to win it back than it did to lose it, and that's another important interpersonal skill to have - being trustworthy.
You have an excellent beginning here in your question. I'd say just that:
I don't really use my iPad for much. Mostly just school, some gaming with friends, and multi-tasking with my job. I think I do a good job of regulating my own behavior.
Then talk about the initiative you put into this. You did lawn jobs. You saved. Tell them why you don't have a phone. these are mature decisions and should be pointed out.
And then you show them that you can self-regulate. As they see that you've changed, the restrictions should lessen up slowly.
When you talk to them, be calm. Accept their decision. The angrier you are and the more you fight, the less chance you have of winning. If the decision doesn't go your way and you are calm about it, there's a chance of it changing down the road. if you yell and fight, the decision gets a LOT harder to change.
The key to any negotiation is to solve a problem for the other person. Look at the reasons you parents would want to restrict your access, and discuss how you would solve that problem without their needing to do something. Be frank and serious - if you try to patronize them, they'll see through it.
I've got kids of my own and I can tell you this: it's very hard when you have to switch from being an active participant in your kid's life to being a spectator. Some navigate that easier than others do. All your life, they've had to make decisions for you and you're at an age where they can start letting some of those go - but there's a whole (literally) lifetime of them not doing that. So be patient.
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
answered 1 hour ago
baldPrussian
21.3k114779
21.3k114779
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
Fantastic answer! It's not that big of a deal. I don't have anything to hide so It won't affect me much. The problem is, I like being able to do what I want when I want. Its not like I sit around watching YouTube all day. There are certain things I do that I won't be able to do anymore. For instance, I get a text from a friend and I generally like to respond quickly. I wont be able to do that on weekdays anymore. I like being able to play a game while I wait for a download or watch something when Im gearing down for bed. Those things will be removed and I feel like its kind of unfair.
– E. Huckabee
1 hour ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
baldPrussian makes some excellent points. What you need to do is negotiate with your parents to find a mutually beneficial solution, one that gives you additional privacy but gives your parents assurance that you're not doing anything that will affect your health or safety. They are still legally responsible for you and more importantly they love you and don't want you to come to harm.
The best book on negotiating is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury. I suggest you read at least the summary (click here) because mastery of negotiation techniques will demonstrate your maturity in a way that simple words cannot.
The four principles of "Getting to Yes" are:
- separating people from the problem,
- focusing on interests rather than
positions, - generating a variety of options before settling on an
agreement, - insisting that the agreement be based on objective
criteria
"Getting to Yes" has techniques for dealing with obstacles:
- when the other party is more powerful
- when the other party won't use principled negotiation
- when the other party uses dirty tricks
The first of these obstacles is the main one you're dealing with. When the other party is more powerful
the weaker party should concentrate on assessing their best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The authors note that "the reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating."[p. 104] The weaker party should reject agreements that would leave them worse off than their BATNA. Without a clear idea of their BATNA a party is simply negotiating blindly. The BATNA is also key to making the most of existing assets. Power in a negotiation comes from the ability to walk away from negotiations. Thus the party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. Generally, the weaker party can take unilateral steps to improve their alternatives to negotiation. They must identify potential opportunities and take steps to further develop those opportunities. The weaker party will have a better understanding of the negotiation context if they also try to estimate the other side's BATNA. Fisher and Ury conclude that "developing your BATNA thus not only enables you to determine what is a minimally acceptable agreement, it will probably raise that minimum."[p. 111]
For the agreement to be objectively verified, I suggest a technique that was used during the nuclear arms reduction agreements of the 1980s, "Trust but verify." If all else fails, you can suggest to your parents that in return for removing controls on your devices, they can inspect your machine at any time. You will get minute-to-minute privacy in exchange for occasional inspections to verify compliance and you can negotiate the terms of those inspections.
Good luck!
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
baldPrussian makes some excellent points. What you need to do is negotiate with your parents to find a mutually beneficial solution, one that gives you additional privacy but gives your parents assurance that you're not doing anything that will affect your health or safety. They are still legally responsible for you and more importantly they love you and don't want you to come to harm.
The best book on negotiating is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury. I suggest you read at least the summary (click here) because mastery of negotiation techniques will demonstrate your maturity in a way that simple words cannot.
The four principles of "Getting to Yes" are:
- separating people from the problem,
- focusing on interests rather than
positions, - generating a variety of options before settling on an
agreement, - insisting that the agreement be based on objective
criteria
"Getting to Yes" has techniques for dealing with obstacles:
- when the other party is more powerful
- when the other party won't use principled negotiation
- when the other party uses dirty tricks
The first of these obstacles is the main one you're dealing with. When the other party is more powerful
the weaker party should concentrate on assessing their best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The authors note that "the reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating."[p. 104] The weaker party should reject agreements that would leave them worse off than their BATNA. Without a clear idea of their BATNA a party is simply negotiating blindly. The BATNA is also key to making the most of existing assets. Power in a negotiation comes from the ability to walk away from negotiations. Thus the party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. Generally, the weaker party can take unilateral steps to improve their alternatives to negotiation. They must identify potential opportunities and take steps to further develop those opportunities. The weaker party will have a better understanding of the negotiation context if they also try to estimate the other side's BATNA. Fisher and Ury conclude that "developing your BATNA thus not only enables you to determine what is a minimally acceptable agreement, it will probably raise that minimum."[p. 111]
For the agreement to be objectively verified, I suggest a technique that was used during the nuclear arms reduction agreements of the 1980s, "Trust but verify." If all else fails, you can suggest to your parents that in return for removing controls on your devices, they can inspect your machine at any time. You will get minute-to-minute privacy in exchange for occasional inspections to verify compliance and you can negotiate the terms of those inspections.
Good luck!
answered 57 mins ago
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baldPrussian makes some excellent points. What you need to do is negotiate with your parents to find a mutually beneficial solution, one that gives you additional privacy but gives your parents assurance that you're not doing anything that will affect your health or safety. They are still legally responsible for you and more importantly they love you and don't want you to come to harm.
The best book on negotiating is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury. I suggest you read at least the summary (click here) because mastery of negotiation techniques will demonstrate your maturity in a way that simple words cannot.
The four principles of "Getting to Yes" are:
- separating people from the problem,
- focusing on interests rather than
positions, - generating a variety of options before settling on an
agreement, - insisting that the agreement be based on objective
criteria
"Getting to Yes" has techniques for dealing with obstacles:
- when the other party is more powerful
- when the other party won't use principled negotiation
- when the other party uses dirty tricks
The first of these obstacles is the main one you're dealing with. When the other party is more powerful
the weaker party should concentrate on assessing their best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The authors note that "the reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating."[p. 104] The weaker party should reject agreements that would leave them worse off than their BATNA. Without a clear idea of their BATNA a party is simply negotiating blindly. The BATNA is also key to making the most of existing assets. Power in a negotiation comes from the ability to walk away from negotiations. Thus the party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. Generally, the weaker party can take unilateral steps to improve their alternatives to negotiation. They must identify potential opportunities and take steps to further develop those opportunities. The weaker party will have a better understanding of the negotiation context if they also try to estimate the other side's BATNA. Fisher and Ury conclude that "developing your BATNA thus not only enables you to determine what is a minimally acceptable agreement, it will probably raise that minimum."[p. 111]
For the agreement to be objectively verified, I suggest a technique that was used during the nuclear arms reduction agreements of the 1980s, "Trust but verify." If all else fails, you can suggest to your parents that in return for removing controls on your devices, they can inspect your machine at any time. You will get minute-to-minute privacy in exchange for occasional inspections to verify compliance and you can negotiate the terms of those inspections.
Good luck!
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
baldPrussian makes some excellent points. What you need to do is negotiate with your parents to find a mutually beneficial solution, one that gives you additional privacy but gives your parents assurance that you're not doing anything that will affect your health or safety. They are still legally responsible for you and more importantly they love you and don't want you to come to harm.
The best book on negotiating is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury. I suggest you read at least the summary (click here) because mastery of negotiation techniques will demonstrate your maturity in a way that simple words cannot.
The four principles of "Getting to Yes" are:
- separating people from the problem,
- focusing on interests rather than
positions, - generating a variety of options before settling on an
agreement, - insisting that the agreement be based on objective
criteria
"Getting to Yes" has techniques for dealing with obstacles:
- when the other party is more powerful
- when the other party won't use principled negotiation
- when the other party uses dirty tricks
The first of these obstacles is the main one you're dealing with. When the other party is more powerful
the weaker party should concentrate on assessing their best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). The authors note that "the reason you negotiate is to produce something better than the results you can obtain without negotiating."[p. 104] The weaker party should reject agreements that would leave them worse off than their BATNA. Without a clear idea of their BATNA a party is simply negotiating blindly. The BATNA is also key to making the most of existing assets. Power in a negotiation comes from the ability to walk away from negotiations. Thus the party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. Generally, the weaker party can take unilateral steps to improve their alternatives to negotiation. They must identify potential opportunities and take steps to further develop those opportunities. The weaker party will have a better understanding of the negotiation context if they also try to estimate the other side's BATNA. Fisher and Ury conclude that "developing your BATNA thus not only enables you to determine what is a minimally acceptable agreement, it will probably raise that minimum."[p. 111]
For the agreement to be objectively verified, I suggest a technique that was used during the nuclear arms reduction agreements of the 1980s, "Trust but verify." If all else fails, you can suggest to your parents that in return for removing controls on your devices, they can inspect your machine at any time. You will get minute-to-minute privacy in exchange for occasional inspections to verify compliance and you can negotiate the terms of those inspections.
Good luck!
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
answered 57 mins ago
empty
1,052113
1,052113
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