Can there be too much chesed?

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On one hand we are taught that it is good to do Chesed (to do what someone asks you to do (as Rivka did)), on the other hand to be a sucker (frier) (to do everything you're asked to do, especially when the person asking can do it himself) is considered not good.

Are there jewish sources regarding how much chesed is too much?

Or that it is never too much?

middos-character-traits chesed-kindness

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
  – hazoriz
  7 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
  – Al Berko
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
  – Danny Schoemann
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
  – robev
  5 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 4 more comments

up vote
2
down vote

favorite

On one hand we are taught that it is good to do Chesed (to do what someone asks you to do (as Rivka did)), on the other hand to be a sucker (frier) (to do everything you're asked to do, especially when the person asking can do it himself) is considered not good.

Are there jewish sources regarding how much chesed is too much?

Or that it is never too much?

middos-character-traits chesed-kindness

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
  – hazoriz
  7 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
  – Al Berko
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
  – Danny Schoemann
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
  – robev
  5 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 4 more comments

up vote
2
down vote

favorite

up vote
2
down vote

favorite

On one hand we are taught that it is good to do Chesed (to do what someone asks you to do (as Rivka did)), on the other hand to be a sucker (frier) (to do everything you're asked to do, especially when the person asking can do it himself) is considered not good.

Are there jewish sources regarding how much chesed is too much?

Or that it is never too much?

middos-character-traits chesed-kindness

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

On one hand we are taught that it is good to do Chesed (to do what someone asks you to do (as Rivka did)), on the other hand to be a sucker (frier) (to do everything you're asked to do, especially when the person asking can do it himself) is considered not good.

Are there jewish sources regarding how much chesed is too much?

Or that it is never too much?

middos-character-traits chesed-kindness

middos-character-traits chesed-kindness

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

share|improve this question

share|improve this question

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

edited 7 hours ago

Joel K

9,96012071

9,96012071

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

asked 7 hours ago

hazoriz

2,3282835

2,3282835

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
  – hazoriz
  7 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
  – Al Berko
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
  – Danny Schoemann
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
  – robev
  5 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 4 more comments

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
  – hazoriz
  7 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
  – Al Berko
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
  – Danny Schoemann
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
  – robev
  5 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  

Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
– hazoriz
7 hours ago

Did Eliyezer have a vesal to take water himself?
– hazoriz
7 hours ago

1

1

Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
– Al Berko
6 hours ago

Where is your assumption that being "sucker" is not good in Judaism?
– Al Berko
6 hours ago

@AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
– hazoriz
6 hours ago

@AlBerko it is a guess (in the end of my question i wrote "that it is never too much?")
– hazoriz
6 hours ago

I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
– Danny Schoemann
6 hours ago

I don't recall the source, but the Gemilath in Chesed (e.g. Gomel Chasodim Tovim) comes from the same root as to wean - the idea being that the aim of genuine Chesed is to make the recipient independent on the long run. (As in: teach him how to fish). As opposed to Cheshed shel Emeth that hs no such goal.
– Danny Schoemann
6 hours ago

2

2

R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
– robev
5 hours ago

R Tzaddok says too much chessed can lead to it's corruption, manifested as arayos (achoso the Torah calls chessed)
– robev
5 hours ago

 | 
show 4 more comments

2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

up vote
4
down vote

Definitely not:

Mishnah Peah (1,1) we say it daily in the morning prayer:

אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור:

הפאה...וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה.:

These are the things that have no measure: Peah, Bikurim, the appearance-sacrifice, acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah.

---

Regarding the second part of being a sucker (סור מרע):

On the other hand, it is clear that Gmilut Chassadim should not come at expenses of other Mitzvos, so-called מצווה הבא בעבירה. For example, Shlom Bayt, Gezel, davening or other important Mitzvos.

One should also be careful not to bother or humiliate the other with Gmilut Chassadim, as too much of it can be perceived as forced or unwanted.

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
  – Al Berko
  2 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
  – DanF
  28 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

I don't have a source so this may be more suitable as a comment, I'm not sure.

I would say that sometimes there is a conflict between doing someone a kindness (especially if it's doing everything someone asks of you) and maintaining your responsibilities.

Giving a poor person money your family needs to pay rent is an obvious example. But there are more subtle ones, like doing so many kind things that your family rarely sees you, that you are unable to keep up with your schooling, or that you neglect your duties at work and are in danger of losing your job.

Searching sources I did find a Chabad.org article about a very rich man who gave away all his money and possessions so he could live as a poor person. The conclusion was that he certainly did good to a few people but could have done a lot more good in the world had he kept enough money and resources so he still had influence over public policy and so he could make more money to give away later.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

add a comment | 

2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

up vote
4
down vote

Definitely not:

Mishnah Peah (1,1) we say it daily in the morning prayer:

אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור:

הפאה...וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה.:

These are the things that have no measure: Peah, Bikurim, the appearance-sacrifice, acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah.

---

Regarding the second part of being a sucker (סור מרע):

On the other hand, it is clear that Gmilut Chassadim should not come at expenses of other Mitzvos, so-called מצווה הבא בעבירה. For example, Shlom Bayt, Gezel, davening or other important Mitzvos.

One should also be careful not to bother or humiliate the other with Gmilut Chassadim, as too much of it can be perceived as forced or unwanted.

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
  – Al Berko
  2 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
  – DanF
  28 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

Definitely not:

Mishnah Peah (1,1) we say it daily in the morning prayer:

אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור:

הפאה...וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה.:

These are the things that have no measure: Peah, Bikurim, the appearance-sacrifice, acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah.

---

Regarding the second part of being a sucker (סור מרע):

On the other hand, it is clear that Gmilut Chassadim should not come at expenses of other Mitzvos, so-called מצווה הבא בעבירה. For example, Shlom Bayt, Gezel, davening or other important Mitzvos.

One should also be careful not to bother or humiliate the other with Gmilut Chassadim, as too much of it can be perceived as forced or unwanted.

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
  – Al Berko
  2 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
  – DanF
  28 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

up vote
4
down vote

Definitely not:

Mishnah Peah (1,1) we say it daily in the morning prayer:

אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור:

הפאה...וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה.:

These are the things that have no measure: Peah, Bikurim, the appearance-sacrifice, acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah.

---

Regarding the second part of being a sucker (סור מרע):

On the other hand, it is clear that Gmilut Chassadim should not come at expenses of other Mitzvos, so-called מצווה הבא בעבירה. For example, Shlom Bayt, Gezel, davening or other important Mitzvos.

One should also be careful not to bother or humiliate the other with Gmilut Chassadim, as too much of it can be perceived as forced or unwanted.

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

Definitely not:

Mishnah Peah (1,1) we say it daily in the morning prayer:

אלו דברים שאין להם שיעור:

הפאה...וגמילות חסדים ותלמוד תורה.:

These are the things that have no measure: Peah, Bikurim, the appearance-sacrifice, acts of kindness, and the study of the Torah.

---

Regarding the second part of being a sucker (סור מרע):

On the other hand, it is clear that Gmilut Chassadim should not come at expenses of other Mitzvos, so-called מצווה הבא בעבירה. For example, Shlom Bayt, Gezel, davening or other important Mitzvos.

One should also be careful not to bother or humiliate the other with Gmilut Chassadim, as too much of it can be perceived as forced or unwanted.

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited 6 hours ago

edited 6 hours ago

edited 6 hours ago

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

answered 6 hours ago

Al Berko

3,108422

3,108422

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
  – Al Berko
  2 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
  – DanF
  28 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
  – hazoriz
  6 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
  – Al Berko
  2 hours ago
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
  – DanF
  28 mins ago
  

  
  
  
  

Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
– hazoriz
6 hours ago

Addendum to you second pint judaism.stackexchange.com/q/85698/5120
– hazoriz
6 hours ago

@hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
– Al Berko
2 hours ago

@hazoriz I didn't speak of מכיר טובה but one who bothers others too much, what we call חיבוק דוב.
– Al Berko
2 hours ago

Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
– DanF
28 mins ago

Good answer, overall. I think one can explain that the concept of "chessed" refers to someone who extends kindness to others from his own desire to do so. If one feels forced or expects a reciprocal, or is being taken advantage of (assuming that he knows that he is) - these probably don't qualify as "chessed" in the first place.
– DanF
28 mins ago

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

I don't have a source so this may be more suitable as a comment, I'm not sure.

I would say that sometimes there is a conflict between doing someone a kindness (especially if it's doing everything someone asks of you) and maintaining your responsibilities.

Giving a poor person money your family needs to pay rent is an obvious example. But there are more subtle ones, like doing so many kind things that your family rarely sees you, that you are unable to keep up with your schooling, or that you neglect your duties at work and are in danger of losing your job.

Searching sources I did find a Chabad.org article about a very rich man who gave away all his money and possessions so he could live as a poor person. The conclusion was that he certainly did good to a few people but could have done a lot more good in the world had he kept enough money and resources so he still had influence over public policy and so he could make more money to give away later.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

I don't have a source so this may be more suitable as a comment, I'm not sure.

I would say that sometimes there is a conflict between doing someone a kindness (especially if it's doing everything someone asks of you) and maintaining your responsibilities.

Giving a poor person money your family needs to pay rent is an obvious example. But there are more subtle ones, like doing so many kind things that your family rarely sees you, that you are unable to keep up with your schooling, or that you neglect your duties at work and are in danger of losing your job.

Searching sources I did find a Chabad.org article about a very rich man who gave away all his money and possessions so he could live as a poor person. The conclusion was that he certainly did good to a few people but could have done a lot more good in the world had he kept enough money and resources so he still had influence over public policy and so he could make more money to give away later.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

up vote
1
down vote

I don't have a source so this may be more suitable as a comment, I'm not sure.

I would say that sometimes there is a conflict between doing someone a kindness (especially if it's doing everything someone asks of you) and maintaining your responsibilities.

Giving a poor person money your family needs to pay rent is an obvious example. But there are more subtle ones, like doing so many kind things that your family rarely sees you, that you are unable to keep up with your schooling, or that you neglect your duties at work and are in danger of losing your job.

Searching sources I did find a Chabad.org article about a very rich man who gave away all his money and possessions so he could live as a poor person. The conclusion was that he certainly did good to a few people but could have done a lot more good in the world had he kept enough money and resources so he still had influence over public policy and so he could make more money to give away later.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

I don't have a source so this may be more suitable as a comment, I'm not sure.

I would say that sometimes there is a conflict between doing someone a kindness (especially if it's doing everything someone asks of you) and maintaining your responsibilities.

Giving a poor person money your family needs to pay rent is an obvious example. But there are more subtle ones, like doing so many kind things that your family rarely sees you, that you are unable to keep up with your schooling, or that you neglect your duties at work and are in danger of losing your job.

Searching sources I did find a Chabad.org article about a very rich man who gave away all his money and possessions so he could live as a poor person. The conclusion was that he certainly did good to a few people but could have done a lot more good in the world had he kept enough money and resources so he still had influence over public policy and so he could make more money to give away later.

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

answered 1 hour ago

Cyn

2308

2308

add a comment | 

add a comment |