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How can I tell my boyfriend that i don't want him to have female friends?
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I'm Lena (26 years old, Canada). I've meet a great person and wanted him to become my boyfriend. Which did happen and we are happy couple for almost one year. I made one mistake however, i forgot to tell my boyfriend that i don't believe in male-female friendships and i have low tolerance for male-female mates. Because of that i don't have them myself but he has.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's not the case in male-female ones.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
Like i said, man up:
There's no female-male friendship
relationships friendship
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
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up vote
1
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I'm Lena (26 years old, Canada). I've meet a great person and wanted him to become my boyfriend. Which did happen and we are happy couple for almost one year. I made one mistake however, i forgot to tell my boyfriend that i don't believe in male-female friendships and i have low tolerance for male-female mates. Because of that i don't have them myself but he has.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's not the case in male-female ones.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
Like i said, man up:
There's no female-male friendship
relationships friendship
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
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Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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1
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
5
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
3
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago
 |Â
show 9 more comments
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
up vote
1
down vote
favorite
I'm Lena (26 years old, Canada). I've meet a great person and wanted him to become my boyfriend. Which did happen and we are happy couple for almost one year. I made one mistake however, i forgot to tell my boyfriend that i don't believe in male-female friendships and i have low tolerance for male-female mates. Because of that i don't have them myself but he has.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's not the case in male-female ones.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
Like i said, man up:
There's no female-male friendship
relationships friendship
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
New contributor
Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I'm Lena (26 years old, Canada). I've meet a great person and wanted him to become my boyfriend. Which did happen and we are happy couple for almost one year. I made one mistake however, i forgot to tell my boyfriend that i don't believe in male-female friendships and i have low tolerance for male-female mates. Because of that i don't have them myself but he has.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's not the case in male-female ones.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
Like i said, man up:
There's no female-male friendship
relationships friendship
relationships friendship
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
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Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
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Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 23 mins ago
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
New contributor
Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
asked 2 hours ago
Lena2662
163
163
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Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Lena2662 is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
5
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
3
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago
 |Â
show 9 more comments
1
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
5
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
3
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago
1
1
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
5
5
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
3
3
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
1
1
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago
 |Â
show 9 more comments
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
5
down vote
accepted
French male here with the same girlfriend as you described yourself.
I have some female friends, and my girlfriend can't see us together laughing around a drink or chatting on Facebook, liking some of their pictures, etc
From my point of view, I can't completely disagree with you about the impossibility of a male - female friendship. But still, this is a serious lack of trust from you and I consider this as a pure jealousy.
I told my girlfriend it was a serious problem and I told here to manage this problem or we couldn't stay together. Trust is important in a couple, I never cheated, she has to trust me. And I can't be with someone trying to filter people around me just because she's jealous.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
My girlfriend and I had this discussion, she told me she had fears to lose me when she sees me with other females. I told her I considered she was looking for an excuse to her jealousy. I told her to manage this, to decide if she trusts me or not, because I will not filter my friends or people I meet just because of her. Since this discussion she took upon herself and things are getting much better.
My advice would be to have this sort of discussion, be objective, say you're very uncomfortable when you see him with female friends, ask what is the level of " close friendship " he has with his female friends. Depending of the conversation, you should decide if the problem is more on your side with a lack a trust, or on his side with a borderline behaviour with females.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
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1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I think you need to spend more time thinking about what it is you actually want. You probably don't actually want him not to have (female) friends but you're more afraid of him cheating on your or not spending enough time with you. Address these issues directly, for example tell him what you expect and negotiate an amount of time he must spend with you alone.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships
because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's
not the case in male-female ones.
Nobody can control who they attracted to. However, they can control their actions. A person may find another person attractive but not necessarily commit infidelity.
Canada is very diverse and I live here too. What culture are you coming from, which part do you live in?
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
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Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You need to be really careful here not to completely destroy his view of the trust I'm sure he hopes you have in him.
I've been on the receiving end of extreme jealousy and it's awful because all you hear is "I don't trust you" and it's terrible.
You either trust him or you don't.
You've made it very clear it's part of who you are not to allow friendships between people of differing genders and I think you're going to find out this doesn't sit well with him. Or anyone. Unless he's done anything to make you think that over the last year he has been unfaithful please try letting this go.
Sorry to throw this at you but if you love this guy and want the relationship to work then my answer is to work out for yourself what you want and to consider speaking with a counsellor (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help you think differently about this matter.
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
5
down vote
accepted
French male here with the same girlfriend as you described yourself.
I have some female friends, and my girlfriend can't see us together laughing around a drink or chatting on Facebook, liking some of their pictures, etc
From my point of view, I can't completely disagree with you about the impossibility of a male - female friendship. But still, this is a serious lack of trust from you and I consider this as a pure jealousy.
I told my girlfriend it was a serious problem and I told here to manage this problem or we couldn't stay together. Trust is important in a couple, I never cheated, she has to trust me. And I can't be with someone trying to filter people around me just because she's jealous.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
My girlfriend and I had this discussion, she told me she had fears to lose me when she sees me with other females. I told her I considered she was looking for an excuse to her jealousy. I told her to manage this, to decide if she trusts me or not, because I will not filter my friends or people I meet just because of her. Since this discussion she took upon herself and things are getting much better.
My advice would be to have this sort of discussion, be objective, say you're very uncomfortable when you see him with female friends, ask what is the level of " close friendship " he has with his female friends. Depending of the conversation, you should decide if the problem is more on your side with a lack a trust, or on his side with a borderline behaviour with females.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
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Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
accepted
French male here with the same girlfriend as you described yourself.
I have some female friends, and my girlfriend can't see us together laughing around a drink or chatting on Facebook, liking some of their pictures, etc
From my point of view, I can't completely disagree with you about the impossibility of a male - female friendship. But still, this is a serious lack of trust from you and I consider this as a pure jealousy.
I told my girlfriend it was a serious problem and I told here to manage this problem or we couldn't stay together. Trust is important in a couple, I never cheated, she has to trust me. And I can't be with someone trying to filter people around me just because she's jealous.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
My girlfriend and I had this discussion, she told me she had fears to lose me when she sees me with other females. I told her I considered she was looking for an excuse to her jealousy. I told her to manage this, to decide if she trusts me or not, because I will not filter my friends or people I meet just because of her. Since this discussion she took upon herself and things are getting much better.
My advice would be to have this sort of discussion, be objective, say you're very uncomfortable when you see him with female friends, ask what is the level of " close friendship " he has with his female friends. Depending of the conversation, you should decide if the problem is more on your side with a lack a trust, or on his side with a borderline behaviour with females.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
New contributor
Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
accepted
up vote
5
down vote
accepted
French male here with the same girlfriend as you described yourself.
I have some female friends, and my girlfriend can't see us together laughing around a drink or chatting on Facebook, liking some of their pictures, etc
From my point of view, I can't completely disagree with you about the impossibility of a male - female friendship. But still, this is a serious lack of trust from you and I consider this as a pure jealousy.
I told my girlfriend it was a serious problem and I told here to manage this problem or we couldn't stay together. Trust is important in a couple, I never cheated, she has to trust me. And I can't be with someone trying to filter people around me just because she's jealous.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
My girlfriend and I had this discussion, she told me she had fears to lose me when she sees me with other females. I told her I considered she was looking for an excuse to her jealousy. I told her to manage this, to decide if she trusts me or not, because I will not filter my friends or people I meet just because of her. Since this discussion she took upon herself and things are getting much better.
My advice would be to have this sort of discussion, be objective, say you're very uncomfortable when you see him with female friends, ask what is the level of " close friendship " he has with his female friends. Depending of the conversation, you should decide if the problem is more on your side with a lack a trust, or on his side with a borderline behaviour with females.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
New contributor
Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
French male here with the same girlfriend as you described yourself.
I have some female friends, and my girlfriend can't see us together laughing around a drink or chatting on Facebook, liking some of their pictures, etc
From my point of view, I can't completely disagree with you about the impossibility of a male - female friendship. But still, this is a serious lack of trust from you and I consider this as a pure jealousy.
I told my girlfriend it was a serious problem and I told here to manage this problem or we couldn't stay together. Trust is important in a couple, I never cheated, she has to trust me. And I can't be with someone trying to filter people around me just because she's jealous.
I'd like to tell him all of this but i don't know how to approach him and make it simple. Is there a way or it's too late for that and that one mistake i made was too big?
My girlfriend and I had this discussion, she told me she had fears to lose me when she sees me with other females. I told her I considered she was looking for an excuse to her jealousy. I told her to manage this, to decide if she trusts me or not, because I will not filter my friends or people I meet just because of her. Since this discussion she took upon herself and things are getting much better.
My advice would be to have this sort of discussion, be objective, say you're very uncomfortable when you see him with female friends, ask what is the level of " close friendship " he has with his female friends. Depending of the conversation, you should decide if the problem is more on your side with a lack a trust, or on his side with a borderline behaviour with females.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
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Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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edited 2 hours ago
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
New contributor
Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
answered 2 hours ago
Papapouiki
742
742
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Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Papapouiki is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
add a comment |Â
1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
1
1
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
So what exactly is your suggestion to OP? You have shown your reaction to a discussion you and your gf had, are you suggesting OP to have a similar discussion?
– JAD
2 hours ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
Thank you for you answer. That's lack of trust. I trust my boyfriend but I don't trust his female friends.This kind of behaviour is just annoying for me. I know that he will never cheat on me but still i don't want him to have female friends because a lot can go wrong, which is not the problem with male-male ones. I just simply want to avoid that because i experienced a lot of issues with this kind or relationship (both in my case or friend case). Additionaly "we couldn't stay together" this would be end of relationship for me. Stating that me and female friends are equal is inacceptable.
– Lena2662
49 mins ago
1
1
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
@Lena2662 If you trust your boyfriend then that should be the end of the story. It shouldn't matter what intentions women have towards him because you believe he will stay loyal and faithful to you. If you don't believe that then well... you don't trust him.
– Matthew E Cornish
30 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
I will talk to him and be straight i guess. Thanks Papapouiki.
– Lena2662
8 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I think you need to spend more time thinking about what it is you actually want. You probably don't actually want him not to have (female) friends but you're more afraid of him cheating on your or not spending enough time with you. Address these issues directly, for example tell him what you expect and negotiate an amount of time he must spend with you alone.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships
because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's
not the case in male-female ones.
Nobody can control who they attracted to. However, they can control their actions. A person may find another person attractive but not necessarily commit infidelity.
Canada is very diverse and I live here too. What culture are you coming from, which part do you live in?
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
I think you need to spend more time thinking about what it is you actually want. You probably don't actually want him not to have (female) friends but you're more afraid of him cheating on your or not spending enough time with you. Address these issues directly, for example tell him what you expect and negotiate an amount of time he must spend with you alone.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships
because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's
not the case in male-female ones.
Nobody can control who they attracted to. However, they can control their actions. A person may find another person attractive but not necessarily commit infidelity.
Canada is very diverse and I live here too. What culture are you coming from, which part do you live in?
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
I think you need to spend more time thinking about what it is you actually want. You probably don't actually want him not to have (female) friends but you're more afraid of him cheating on your or not spending enough time with you. Address these issues directly, for example tell him what you expect and negotiate an amount of time he must spend with you alone.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships
because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's
not the case in male-female ones.
Nobody can control who they attracted to. However, they can control their actions. A person may find another person attractive but not necessarily commit infidelity.
Canada is very diverse and I live here too. What culture are you coming from, which part do you live in?
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I think you need to spend more time thinking about what it is you actually want. You probably don't actually want him not to have (female) friends but you're more afraid of him cheating on your or not spending enough time with you. Address these issues directly, for example tell him what you expect and negotiate an amount of time he must spend with you alone.
I'd like to tell him that I don't believe in male-female friendships
because true friendship should be without sexual tension and that's
not the case in male-female ones.
Nobody can control who they attracted to. However, they can control their actions. A person may find another person attractive but not necessarily commit infidelity.
Canada is very diverse and I live here too. What culture are you coming from, which part do you live in?
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 19 mins ago
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
answered 25 mins ago
SamW
262
262
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
SamW is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
Wrong, i'm not afraid of cheating but i don't want him to have female friends because such thing doesn't exist. Real men should do manly things and have mostly men as a friends. I also like people who invest their time into valuable relationships not the ones that are hold on a thin string. If you have to control your actions to be someone friends, that's the biggest issue you have. Simple as that.
– Lena2662
20 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I know what you're getting at, but telling him not to have female friends wont solve the problem of him possibly being sexually attracted to other people.
– SamW
11 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
I have no problems with the fact, that he can get sexually attracted to other people but there's no reason to spend time or build relationships with them if you have a partner.
– Lena2662
6 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You need to be really careful here not to completely destroy his view of the trust I'm sure he hopes you have in him.
I've been on the receiving end of extreme jealousy and it's awful because all you hear is "I don't trust you" and it's terrible.
You either trust him or you don't.
You've made it very clear it's part of who you are not to allow friendships between people of differing genders and I think you're going to find out this doesn't sit well with him. Or anyone. Unless he's done anything to make you think that over the last year he has been unfaithful please try letting this go.
Sorry to throw this at you but if you love this guy and want the relationship to work then my answer is to work out for yourself what you want and to consider speaking with a counsellor (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help you think differently about this matter.
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You need to be really careful here not to completely destroy his view of the trust I'm sure he hopes you have in him.
I've been on the receiving end of extreme jealousy and it's awful because all you hear is "I don't trust you" and it's terrible.
You either trust him or you don't.
You've made it very clear it's part of who you are not to allow friendships between people of differing genders and I think you're going to find out this doesn't sit well with him. Or anyone. Unless he's done anything to make you think that over the last year he has been unfaithful please try letting this go.
Sorry to throw this at you but if you love this guy and want the relationship to work then my answer is to work out for yourself what you want and to consider speaking with a counsellor (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help you think differently about this matter.
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
You need to be really careful here not to completely destroy his view of the trust I'm sure he hopes you have in him.
I've been on the receiving end of extreme jealousy and it's awful because all you hear is "I don't trust you" and it's terrible.
You either trust him or you don't.
You've made it very clear it's part of who you are not to allow friendships between people of differing genders and I think you're going to find out this doesn't sit well with him. Or anyone. Unless he's done anything to make you think that over the last year he has been unfaithful please try letting this go.
Sorry to throw this at you but if you love this guy and want the relationship to work then my answer is to work out for yourself what you want and to consider speaking with a counsellor (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help you think differently about this matter.
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
You need to be really careful here not to completely destroy his view of the trust I'm sure he hopes you have in him.
I've been on the receiving end of extreme jealousy and it's awful because all you hear is "I don't trust you" and it's terrible.
You either trust him or you don't.
You've made it very clear it's part of who you are not to allow friendships between people of differing genders and I think you're going to find out this doesn't sit well with him. Or anyone. Unless he's done anything to make you think that over the last year he has been unfaithful please try letting this go.
Sorry to throw this at you but if you love this guy and want the relationship to work then my answer is to work out for yourself what you want and to consider speaking with a counsellor (cognitive behavioural therapy) to help you think differently about this matter.
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
answered just now
Matthew E Cornish
5201110
5201110
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
Lena2662 is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Lena2662 is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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1
Are you open for a discussion from him on this, or are you giving an ultimatum? Personally, I disagree with your view on gender and friendships, and it seems like your boyfriend does as well. You will need to find a middle ground in order for this to work I feel.
– ã•りãÂ’ãªã„告白
2 hours ago
5
Consider if you really need to explain your reasoning for this in the question body. I think the question would be a lot better recieved if you cut the middle paragraph and just left it with your simple objective. People will negatively react to the premise here.
– Magisch
2 hours ago
Hi Lena, welcome on IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether it is too late to tell them and therefore your question is likely to get closed for asking "what should I do?" is off-topic on this stack. You may want to edit your question and remove that part in order to avoid this.
– avazula
1 hour ago
3
How do you know he cannot have a male-female relationship without sexual tension?
– paparazzo
58 mins ago
1
@Lena2662 just curious, if you think there can be no friendship between people with (theoretically) possible sexual tension, can bi-sexual people even have friendships? I have bisexual (and also gay friends) and I don't think it has ever been a problem. They know I'm not interested in them. It's clear. Same with my female friends. But there it's usually a bit riskier to not be misunderstood when doing certain things.
– Mafii
20 mins ago