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Will declining my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
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I've been working for this company for 6 months now. When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights, I expected the occasional Friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then. Not the multiple times a week gatherings they are having in reality...
Every week there will be at least 1, usually 2-3 events that take place outside of working hours. I work on a different location on a project with 3 coworkers. Invites will be sent out through email, you have to accept/decline and people will email/bug you if you ignore it. If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phone call to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Aside from the fact that I'm an introvert, I have no desire at all to spend 2 evenings a week with my coworkers, every week. I have enough personal things to fill my week, and frankly I don't want to spend that one night a week I can just stay home with my coworkers, so I cancel most of the time. I've decided I will do at least 1 event a month and even that is somewhat of a burden to me.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company, however. I love my work here, I like my coworkers (during working hours...) and I have an indefinite contract, so I won't be fired any time soon. But I am scared this will negatively influence a promotion or otherwise affect me.
Should I attend all/most gatherings or will declining most likely not influence anything?
work-environment work-life-balance socializing europe netherlands
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
 |Â
show 5 more comments
up vote
49
down vote
favorite
I've been working for this company for 6 months now. When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights, I expected the occasional Friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then. Not the multiple times a week gatherings they are having in reality...
Every week there will be at least 1, usually 2-3 events that take place outside of working hours. I work on a different location on a project with 3 coworkers. Invites will be sent out through email, you have to accept/decline and people will email/bug you if you ignore it. If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phone call to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Aside from the fact that I'm an introvert, I have no desire at all to spend 2 evenings a week with my coworkers, every week. I have enough personal things to fill my week, and frankly I don't want to spend that one night a week I can just stay home with my coworkers, so I cancel most of the time. I've decided I will do at least 1 event a month and even that is somewhat of a burden to me.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company, however. I love my work here, I like my coworkers (during working hours...) and I have an indefinite contract, so I won't be fired any time soon. But I am scared this will negatively influence a promotion or otherwise affect me.
Should I attend all/most gatherings or will declining most likely not influence anything?
work-environment work-life-balance socializing europe netherlands
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
8
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
2
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
1
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
5
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
1
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
up vote
49
down vote
favorite
up vote
49
down vote
favorite
I've been working for this company for 6 months now. When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights, I expected the occasional Friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then. Not the multiple times a week gatherings they are having in reality...
Every week there will be at least 1, usually 2-3 events that take place outside of working hours. I work on a different location on a project with 3 coworkers. Invites will be sent out through email, you have to accept/decline and people will email/bug you if you ignore it. If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phone call to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Aside from the fact that I'm an introvert, I have no desire at all to spend 2 evenings a week with my coworkers, every week. I have enough personal things to fill my week, and frankly I don't want to spend that one night a week I can just stay home with my coworkers, so I cancel most of the time. I've decided I will do at least 1 event a month and even that is somewhat of a burden to me.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company, however. I love my work here, I like my coworkers (during working hours...) and I have an indefinite contract, so I won't be fired any time soon. But I am scared this will negatively influence a promotion or otherwise affect me.
Should I attend all/most gatherings or will declining most likely not influence anything?
work-environment work-life-balance socializing europe netherlands
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
I've been working for this company for 6 months now. When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights, I expected the occasional Friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then. Not the multiple times a week gatherings they are having in reality...
Every week there will be at least 1, usually 2-3 events that take place outside of working hours. I work on a different location on a project with 3 coworkers. Invites will be sent out through email, you have to accept/decline and people will email/bug you if you ignore it. If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phone call to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Aside from the fact that I'm an introvert, I have no desire at all to spend 2 evenings a week with my coworkers, every week. I have enough personal things to fill my week, and frankly I don't want to spend that one night a week I can just stay home with my coworkers, so I cancel most of the time. I've decided I will do at least 1 event a month and even that is somewhat of a burden to me.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company, however. I love my work here, I like my coworkers (during working hours...) and I have an indefinite contract, so I won't be fired any time soon. But I am scared this will negatively influence a promotion or otherwise affect me.
Should I attend all/most gatherings or will declining most likely not influence anything?
work-environment work-life-balance socializing europe netherlands
work-environment work-life-balance socializing europe netherlands
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
edited 48 secs ago
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
asked 19 hours ago
Summer
2,77551731
2,77551731
8
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
2
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
1
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
5
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
1
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
8
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
2
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
1
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
5
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
1
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago
8
8
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
2
2
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
1
1
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
5
5
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
1
1
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
7 Answers
7
active
oldest
votes
up vote
56
down vote
accepted
When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights I expected the occasional friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then.
Did you actually tell them this?
If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phonecall to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Why not during this time say what you thought above? "I'm sorry Bob, when I first started I knew you value these social gatherings, but I did not know it would occur multiple times a week. I simply cannot attend these social gatherings so many times during a week. I can only do once a month."
See what they say. If you say nothing, and simply reject every single social gatherings, then yes, that could negatively impact you because as you said, they value these sort of gatherings.
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
11
down vote
This is just my humble opinion about this, but if canceling these kind of events is going to have a negative influence on your career, I'd consider to search for a new company to work for.
Being "socially active" within the company is not the reason why they hired you. It is something reserved at your sole discretion. You don't have to attend to that events if you don't want to.
If things get worse, you can always say, in a polite way, that attend to social events is not stated on your contract.
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
Sadly if that is their values then not attending will negatively influence a promotion.
What is disappointing is they follow up if you decline. You should be able to just decline. This is your time.
Problem you have here is say you attend 2 / month that may not be good enough. Appears they want 100%.
I say just go 1 / month and if looks like that is going to limit your career then look for another job. 2-3 a week if that is not comfortable to you is just not worth it.
My first job out of college there was an employee club that was dirt cheap. They held 4 nice events a year and almost everyone attended but no one was forced to attend.
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
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up vote
1
down vote
Yes, it will. It 100% will.
You won't have a social network in the company, you won't hear the company gossip, you won't, effectively, be "part of the tribe in the company".
If you want to go into management then you'll really struggle, because management is a more social role than any other (excluding sales).
You'll also make your day-day work harder, as lacking that social network in the company it will be harder for you to reach out to co-workers outside your immediate department for help or advice.
If the company is as social as you say, then should layoffs become necessary, then the person who fits in least will be a viable candidate (along with low-performing people).
Being an introvert isn't a reason to not socialise, by the way. View the socialising as part of your job - perhaps it is an unpleasant one, but then, don't all jobs have their problems? Once a week is a much better target than "once a month", and get to know your team mates. It will help tremendously with career growth - much, much more than being a star performer.
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
1
down vote
This is absolutely something that can affect your career. Gatherings outside the office like this, whether it's lunches, happy hours, or coworkers who carpool together, are places people talk about work and make connections. If you're missing out on these times, your coworkers will be discussing work projects, thinking about new projects and directions, and coming to conclusions without any input from you. That kind of thing means that others really are making contributions that you can't match because you aren't present for these unoficial meetings where work is discussed (and sometimes even carried out).
Besides that, they all know each other better than they know you, including the higher ups. That's a hard barrier to overcome if you ever want promotion.
Aside from that, management might decide that your refusal to attend is down to a poor attitude, and that you just aren't a good candidate for more responsibilities, though that would be a sign of poor management.
How much of these things is true depends entirely on the local culture. But from what you've said, it's a huge part of the company culture. I'd guess that never attending will result in you being overlooked because the people doing the promoting don't know you or your work as well as they know your coworkers, and possibly in others concluding that you're just not a good fit personality wise for that company. You may be able to overcome that by being exceptionally good at networking during the regular workday, but it would be an additional challenge.
My solution in a case like this, where they're adding essentially a full workday's worth of hours to your social schedule each week and it's inconvenient, would be to look for a job with a less demanding social life. It sounds like this company just isn't a good cultural fit for you.
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
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up vote
0
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(First of all, I'm assuming you mean "decline", rather than "cancel"). There are two questions here: will not going hurt your position in the company, and will going help? These are in some sense the same question, but they do have different emphases. The first deals with issues such as your coworkers feelings that you are anti-social, etc., while the second deals with missed opportunities to build stronger bonds with your coworkers.
For the first, you should make an effort to communicate your feelings to your coworkers: tell them that it's a lot of events and you can't make all of them. If you get the feeling that they are still punishing you, you should consider getting another job.
For the second, you just need to accept that the world is full of trade-offs. Pretty much everyone could be making more money. Someone who's putting in a 40-hour week could be doing 60, someone doing 100 could be doing 110. If you're constantly worrying about what more you could be doing to advance your career, you'll go crazy. You need to decide what you value more: your time, or more chances of career advancement. There's nothing wrong with deciding that your preferences are different from your coworkers'. You might want to consider, however, whether there are other jobs where the tradeoff is more favorable for someone with your preferences.
For both, you should ask whether the company can move more of the events to work hours. If they truly think that socializing is important, they should be willing to make time for it.
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
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up vote
0
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You asked 2 different questions. I'm going to answer each of them separately.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company
It will. Groups like this are very political. They want to create bonds and feel included and feel heard, etc etc. They want an environment where socialization equals advancement because socializing is one of their primary skills.
If you don't share those desires and insecurities, they will see you as abnormal. They probably already do. They will think: you don't like them, there's something mentally wrong with you, you're just "making excuses" if you explain you're not drawn to socializing. In their mind, socializing is the norm and anyone who doesn't do it is failing to do what they're supposed to.
Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
No. It will benefit your career. You'll become and outsider and leave. Then you'll find a company filled with reasonable people who don't think work is about chatting constantly and playing politics.
Finding mature people to deal with is the best possible thing you could do for your career.
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
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7 Answers
7
active
oldest
votes
7 Answers
7
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
56
down vote
accepted
When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights I expected the occasional friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then.
Did you actually tell them this?
If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phonecall to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Why not during this time say what you thought above? "I'm sorry Bob, when I first started I knew you value these social gatherings, but I did not know it would occur multiple times a week. I simply cannot attend these social gatherings so many times during a week. I can only do once a month."
See what they say. If you say nothing, and simply reject every single social gatherings, then yes, that could negatively impact you because as you said, they value these sort of gatherings.
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
56
down vote
accepted
When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights I expected the occasional friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then.
Did you actually tell them this?
If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phonecall to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Why not during this time say what you thought above? "I'm sorry Bob, when I first started I knew you value these social gatherings, but I did not know it would occur multiple times a week. I simply cannot attend these social gatherings so many times during a week. I can only do once a month."
See what they say. If you say nothing, and simply reject every single social gatherings, then yes, that could negatively impact you because as you said, they value these sort of gatherings.
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
56
down vote
accepted
up vote
56
down vote
accepted
When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights I expected the occasional friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then.
Did you actually tell them this?
If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phonecall to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Why not during this time say what you thought above? "I'm sorry Bob, when I first started I knew you value these social gatherings, but I did not know it would occur multiple times a week. I simply cannot attend these social gatherings so many times during a week. I can only do once a month."
See what they say. If you say nothing, and simply reject every single social gatherings, then yes, that could negatively impact you because as you said, they value these sort of gatherings.
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
When they said they valued get-togethers and game nights I expected the occasional friday afternoon gathering or a game night every now and then.
Did you actually tell them this?
If you decline, you will also get an email or possibly even a phonecall to tell you how sad it is you're not joining, trying to dig up what your reason is in hopes they can counter it.
Why not during this time say what you thought above? "I'm sorry Bob, when I first started I knew you value these social gatherings, but I did not know it would occur multiple times a week. I simply cannot attend these social gatherings so many times during a week. I can only do once a month."
See what they say. If you say nothing, and simply reject every single social gatherings, then yes, that could negatively impact you because as you said, they value these sort of gatherings.
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
edited 17 hours ago
AdzzzUK
3,0983717
3,0983717
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
answered 19 hours ago
Dan
4,57611121
4,57611121
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
add a comment |Â
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
8
8
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
Can you elaborate a bit on how you think telling them this is likely to turn out? What do you expect they will say, and how should OP respond in each case? Would simply telling them this be likely to prevent it from affecting OP? It seems like it's a core part of the culture, which won't be changed by highlighting the misunderstanding.
– Dukeling
14 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
11
down vote
This is just my humble opinion about this, but if canceling these kind of events is going to have a negative influence on your career, I'd consider to search for a new company to work for.
Being "socially active" within the company is not the reason why they hired you. It is something reserved at your sole discretion. You don't have to attend to that events if you don't want to.
If things get worse, you can always say, in a polite way, that attend to social events is not stated on your contract.
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
11
down vote
This is just my humble opinion about this, but if canceling these kind of events is going to have a negative influence on your career, I'd consider to search for a new company to work for.
Being "socially active" within the company is not the reason why they hired you. It is something reserved at your sole discretion. You don't have to attend to that events if you don't want to.
If things get worse, you can always say, in a polite way, that attend to social events is not stated on your contract.
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
11
down vote
up vote
11
down vote
This is just my humble opinion about this, but if canceling these kind of events is going to have a negative influence on your career, I'd consider to search for a new company to work for.
Being "socially active" within the company is not the reason why they hired you. It is something reserved at your sole discretion. You don't have to attend to that events if you don't want to.
If things get worse, you can always say, in a polite way, that attend to social events is not stated on your contract.
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
This is just my humble opinion about this, but if canceling these kind of events is going to have a negative influence on your career, I'd consider to search for a new company to work for.
Being "socially active" within the company is not the reason why they hired you. It is something reserved at your sole discretion. You don't have to attend to that events if you don't want to.
If things get worse, you can always say, in a polite way, that attend to social events is not stated on your contract.
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
answered 18 hours ago
dev
1707
1707
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
add a comment |Â
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
6
6
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
you're not really answering the question OP asked here, you're just stating they should leave?
– bharal
18 hours ago
4
4
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
@bharal The question asked, "Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?" is basically unanswerable without knowing the exact company, and possibly even division within that company, that the OP works for. Dev is spot on with this advice.
– Kevin
13 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
There is no polite way to say "your social events aren't in my contract". If you're at the point of pulling that particular card, you almost certainly want it to have a bit of a tone anyways. Agreed that OP should be searching elsewhere before that, but ideally this can be resolved much more simply and amicably by just communicating better, like Dan's answer suggests.
– Matthew Read
10 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
Sadly if that is their values then not attending will negatively influence a promotion.
What is disappointing is they follow up if you decline. You should be able to just decline. This is your time.
Problem you have here is say you attend 2 / month that may not be good enough. Appears they want 100%.
I say just go 1 / month and if looks like that is going to limit your career then look for another job. 2-3 a week if that is not comfortable to you is just not worth it.
My first job out of college there was an employee club that was dirt cheap. They held 4 nice events a year and almost everyone attended but no one was forced to attend.
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
Sadly if that is their values then not attending will negatively influence a promotion.
What is disappointing is they follow up if you decline. You should be able to just decline. This is your time.
Problem you have here is say you attend 2 / month that may not be good enough. Appears they want 100%.
I say just go 1 / month and if looks like that is going to limit your career then look for another job. 2-3 a week if that is not comfortable to you is just not worth it.
My first job out of college there was an employee club that was dirt cheap. They held 4 nice events a year and almost everyone attended but no one was forced to attend.
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
up vote
4
down vote
Sadly if that is their values then not attending will negatively influence a promotion.
What is disappointing is they follow up if you decline. You should be able to just decline. This is your time.
Problem you have here is say you attend 2 / month that may not be good enough. Appears they want 100%.
I say just go 1 / month and if looks like that is going to limit your career then look for another job. 2-3 a week if that is not comfortable to you is just not worth it.
My first job out of college there was an employee club that was dirt cheap. They held 4 nice events a year and almost everyone attended but no one was forced to attend.
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
Sadly if that is their values then not attending will negatively influence a promotion.
What is disappointing is they follow up if you decline. You should be able to just decline. This is your time.
Problem you have here is say you attend 2 / month that may not be good enough. Appears they want 100%.
I say just go 1 / month and if looks like that is going to limit your career then look for another job. 2-3 a week if that is not comfortable to you is just not worth it.
My first job out of college there was an employee club that was dirt cheap. They held 4 nice events a year and almost everyone attended but no one was forced to attend.
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
edited 14 hours ago
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
answered 18 hours ago
paparazzo
33.9k657107
33.9k657107
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Yes, it will. It 100% will.
You won't have a social network in the company, you won't hear the company gossip, you won't, effectively, be "part of the tribe in the company".
If you want to go into management then you'll really struggle, because management is a more social role than any other (excluding sales).
You'll also make your day-day work harder, as lacking that social network in the company it will be harder for you to reach out to co-workers outside your immediate department for help or advice.
If the company is as social as you say, then should layoffs become necessary, then the person who fits in least will be a viable candidate (along with low-performing people).
Being an introvert isn't a reason to not socialise, by the way. View the socialising as part of your job - perhaps it is an unpleasant one, but then, don't all jobs have their problems? Once a week is a much better target than "once a month", and get to know your team mates. It will help tremendously with career growth - much, much more than being a star performer.
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
1
down vote
Yes, it will. It 100% will.
You won't have a social network in the company, you won't hear the company gossip, you won't, effectively, be "part of the tribe in the company".
If you want to go into management then you'll really struggle, because management is a more social role than any other (excluding sales).
You'll also make your day-day work harder, as lacking that social network in the company it will be harder for you to reach out to co-workers outside your immediate department for help or advice.
If the company is as social as you say, then should layoffs become necessary, then the person who fits in least will be a viable candidate (along with low-performing people).
Being an introvert isn't a reason to not socialise, by the way. View the socialising as part of your job - perhaps it is an unpleasant one, but then, don't all jobs have their problems? Once a week is a much better target than "once a month", and get to know your team mates. It will help tremendously with career growth - much, much more than being a star performer.
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
Yes, it will. It 100% will.
You won't have a social network in the company, you won't hear the company gossip, you won't, effectively, be "part of the tribe in the company".
If you want to go into management then you'll really struggle, because management is a more social role than any other (excluding sales).
You'll also make your day-day work harder, as lacking that social network in the company it will be harder for you to reach out to co-workers outside your immediate department for help or advice.
If the company is as social as you say, then should layoffs become necessary, then the person who fits in least will be a viable candidate (along with low-performing people).
Being an introvert isn't a reason to not socialise, by the way. View the socialising as part of your job - perhaps it is an unpleasant one, but then, don't all jobs have their problems? Once a week is a much better target than "once a month", and get to know your team mates. It will help tremendously with career growth - much, much more than being a star performer.
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
Yes, it will. It 100% will.
You won't have a social network in the company, you won't hear the company gossip, you won't, effectively, be "part of the tribe in the company".
If you want to go into management then you'll really struggle, because management is a more social role than any other (excluding sales).
You'll also make your day-day work harder, as lacking that social network in the company it will be harder for you to reach out to co-workers outside your immediate department for help or advice.
If the company is as social as you say, then should layoffs become necessary, then the person who fits in least will be a viable candidate (along with low-performing people).
Being an introvert isn't a reason to not socialise, by the way. View the socialising as part of your job - perhaps it is an unpleasant one, but then, don't all jobs have their problems? Once a week is a much better target than "once a month", and get to know your team mates. It will help tremendously with career growth - much, much more than being a star performer.
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
edited 15 hours ago
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
answered 18 hours ago
bharal
12.1k22556
12.1k22556
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
 |Â
show 1 more comment
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
1
1
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
@bharal chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/3060/the-water-cooler
– Summer
17 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
Also +1 for making the suggested edits, much betta.
– Harper
15 hours ago
1
1
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
@Steve I think most of the downvotes predate the edit that removed problematic content.
– Monica Cellio♦
14 hours ago
10
10
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
Being an introvert is a reason to limit the amount of socializing. If I wear myself to a frazzle with social events, I won't be very effective at work.
– David Thornley
12 hours ago
2
2
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
@Steve it's certainly less offensive following the edit, now it's just a poor quality answer
– motosubatsu
10 hours ago
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
1
down vote
This is absolutely something that can affect your career. Gatherings outside the office like this, whether it's lunches, happy hours, or coworkers who carpool together, are places people talk about work and make connections. If you're missing out on these times, your coworkers will be discussing work projects, thinking about new projects and directions, and coming to conclusions without any input from you. That kind of thing means that others really are making contributions that you can't match because you aren't present for these unoficial meetings where work is discussed (and sometimes even carried out).
Besides that, they all know each other better than they know you, including the higher ups. That's a hard barrier to overcome if you ever want promotion.
Aside from that, management might decide that your refusal to attend is down to a poor attitude, and that you just aren't a good candidate for more responsibilities, though that would be a sign of poor management.
How much of these things is true depends entirely on the local culture. But from what you've said, it's a huge part of the company culture. I'd guess that never attending will result in you being overlooked because the people doing the promoting don't know you or your work as well as they know your coworkers, and possibly in others concluding that you're just not a good fit personality wise for that company. You may be able to overcome that by being exceptionally good at networking during the regular workday, but it would be an additional challenge.
My solution in a case like this, where they're adding essentially a full workday's worth of hours to your social schedule each week and it's inconvenient, would be to look for a job with a less demanding social life. It sounds like this company just isn't a good cultural fit for you.
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
This is absolutely something that can affect your career. Gatherings outside the office like this, whether it's lunches, happy hours, or coworkers who carpool together, are places people talk about work and make connections. If you're missing out on these times, your coworkers will be discussing work projects, thinking about new projects and directions, and coming to conclusions without any input from you. That kind of thing means that others really are making contributions that you can't match because you aren't present for these unoficial meetings where work is discussed (and sometimes even carried out).
Besides that, they all know each other better than they know you, including the higher ups. That's a hard barrier to overcome if you ever want promotion.
Aside from that, management might decide that your refusal to attend is down to a poor attitude, and that you just aren't a good candidate for more responsibilities, though that would be a sign of poor management.
How much of these things is true depends entirely on the local culture. But from what you've said, it's a huge part of the company culture. I'd guess that never attending will result in you being overlooked because the people doing the promoting don't know you or your work as well as they know your coworkers, and possibly in others concluding that you're just not a good fit personality wise for that company. You may be able to overcome that by being exceptionally good at networking during the regular workday, but it would be an additional challenge.
My solution in a case like this, where they're adding essentially a full workday's worth of hours to your social schedule each week and it's inconvenient, would be to look for a job with a less demanding social life. It sounds like this company just isn't a good cultural fit for you.
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
This is absolutely something that can affect your career. Gatherings outside the office like this, whether it's lunches, happy hours, or coworkers who carpool together, are places people talk about work and make connections. If you're missing out on these times, your coworkers will be discussing work projects, thinking about new projects and directions, and coming to conclusions without any input from you. That kind of thing means that others really are making contributions that you can't match because you aren't present for these unoficial meetings where work is discussed (and sometimes even carried out).
Besides that, they all know each other better than they know you, including the higher ups. That's a hard barrier to overcome if you ever want promotion.
Aside from that, management might decide that your refusal to attend is down to a poor attitude, and that you just aren't a good candidate for more responsibilities, though that would be a sign of poor management.
How much of these things is true depends entirely on the local culture. But from what you've said, it's a huge part of the company culture. I'd guess that never attending will result in you being overlooked because the people doing the promoting don't know you or your work as well as they know your coworkers, and possibly in others concluding that you're just not a good fit personality wise for that company. You may be able to overcome that by being exceptionally good at networking during the regular workday, but it would be an additional challenge.
My solution in a case like this, where they're adding essentially a full workday's worth of hours to your social schedule each week and it's inconvenient, would be to look for a job with a less demanding social life. It sounds like this company just isn't a good cultural fit for you.
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
This is absolutely something that can affect your career. Gatherings outside the office like this, whether it's lunches, happy hours, or coworkers who carpool together, are places people talk about work and make connections. If you're missing out on these times, your coworkers will be discussing work projects, thinking about new projects and directions, and coming to conclusions without any input from you. That kind of thing means that others really are making contributions that you can't match because you aren't present for these unoficial meetings where work is discussed (and sometimes even carried out).
Besides that, they all know each other better than they know you, including the higher ups. That's a hard barrier to overcome if you ever want promotion.
Aside from that, management might decide that your refusal to attend is down to a poor attitude, and that you just aren't a good candidate for more responsibilities, though that would be a sign of poor management.
How much of these things is true depends entirely on the local culture. But from what you've said, it's a huge part of the company culture. I'd guess that never attending will result in you being overlooked because the people doing the promoting don't know you or your work as well as they know your coworkers, and possibly in others concluding that you're just not a good fit personality wise for that company. You may be able to overcome that by being exceptionally good at networking during the regular workday, but it would be an additional challenge.
My solution in a case like this, where they're adding essentially a full workday's worth of hours to your social schedule each week and it's inconvenient, would be to look for a job with a less demanding social life. It sounds like this company just isn't a good cultural fit for you.
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
answered 13 hours ago
Karen
65845
65845
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
(First of all, I'm assuming you mean "decline", rather than "cancel"). There are two questions here: will not going hurt your position in the company, and will going help? These are in some sense the same question, but they do have different emphases. The first deals with issues such as your coworkers feelings that you are anti-social, etc., while the second deals with missed opportunities to build stronger bonds with your coworkers.
For the first, you should make an effort to communicate your feelings to your coworkers: tell them that it's a lot of events and you can't make all of them. If you get the feeling that they are still punishing you, you should consider getting another job.
For the second, you just need to accept that the world is full of trade-offs. Pretty much everyone could be making more money. Someone who's putting in a 40-hour week could be doing 60, someone doing 100 could be doing 110. If you're constantly worrying about what more you could be doing to advance your career, you'll go crazy. You need to decide what you value more: your time, or more chances of career advancement. There's nothing wrong with deciding that your preferences are different from your coworkers'. You might want to consider, however, whether there are other jobs where the tradeoff is more favorable for someone with your preferences.
For both, you should ask whether the company can move more of the events to work hours. If they truly think that socializing is important, they should be willing to make time for it.
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
(First of all, I'm assuming you mean "decline", rather than "cancel"). There are two questions here: will not going hurt your position in the company, and will going help? These are in some sense the same question, but they do have different emphases. The first deals with issues such as your coworkers feelings that you are anti-social, etc., while the second deals with missed opportunities to build stronger bonds with your coworkers.
For the first, you should make an effort to communicate your feelings to your coworkers: tell them that it's a lot of events and you can't make all of them. If you get the feeling that they are still punishing you, you should consider getting another job.
For the second, you just need to accept that the world is full of trade-offs. Pretty much everyone could be making more money. Someone who's putting in a 40-hour week could be doing 60, someone doing 100 could be doing 110. If you're constantly worrying about what more you could be doing to advance your career, you'll go crazy. You need to decide what you value more: your time, or more chances of career advancement. There's nothing wrong with deciding that your preferences are different from your coworkers'. You might want to consider, however, whether there are other jobs where the tradeoff is more favorable for someone with your preferences.
For both, you should ask whether the company can move more of the events to work hours. If they truly think that socializing is important, they should be willing to make time for it.
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
(First of all, I'm assuming you mean "decline", rather than "cancel"). There are two questions here: will not going hurt your position in the company, and will going help? These are in some sense the same question, but they do have different emphases. The first deals with issues such as your coworkers feelings that you are anti-social, etc., while the second deals with missed opportunities to build stronger bonds with your coworkers.
For the first, you should make an effort to communicate your feelings to your coworkers: tell them that it's a lot of events and you can't make all of them. If you get the feeling that they are still punishing you, you should consider getting another job.
For the second, you just need to accept that the world is full of trade-offs. Pretty much everyone could be making more money. Someone who's putting in a 40-hour week could be doing 60, someone doing 100 could be doing 110. If you're constantly worrying about what more you could be doing to advance your career, you'll go crazy. You need to decide what you value more: your time, or more chances of career advancement. There's nothing wrong with deciding that your preferences are different from your coworkers'. You might want to consider, however, whether there are other jobs where the tradeoff is more favorable for someone with your preferences.
For both, you should ask whether the company can move more of the events to work hours. If they truly think that socializing is important, they should be willing to make time for it.
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
(First of all, I'm assuming you mean "decline", rather than "cancel"). There are two questions here: will not going hurt your position in the company, and will going help? These are in some sense the same question, but they do have different emphases. The first deals with issues such as your coworkers feelings that you are anti-social, etc., while the second deals with missed opportunities to build stronger bonds with your coworkers.
For the first, you should make an effort to communicate your feelings to your coworkers: tell them that it's a lot of events and you can't make all of them. If you get the feeling that they are still punishing you, you should consider getting another job.
For the second, you just need to accept that the world is full of trade-offs. Pretty much everyone could be making more money. Someone who's putting in a 40-hour week could be doing 60, someone doing 100 could be doing 110. If you're constantly worrying about what more you could be doing to advance your career, you'll go crazy. You need to decide what you value more: your time, or more chances of career advancement. There's nothing wrong with deciding that your preferences are different from your coworkers'. You might want to consider, however, whether there are other jobs where the tradeoff is more favorable for someone with your preferences.
For both, you should ask whether the company can move more of the events to work hours. If they truly think that socializing is important, they should be willing to make time for it.
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
answered 12 hours ago
Acccumulation
1,48839
1,48839
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You asked 2 different questions. I'm going to answer each of them separately.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company
It will. Groups like this are very political. They want to create bonds and feel included and feel heard, etc etc. They want an environment where socialization equals advancement because socializing is one of their primary skills.
If you don't share those desires and insecurities, they will see you as abnormal. They probably already do. They will think: you don't like them, there's something mentally wrong with you, you're just "making excuses" if you explain you're not drawn to socializing. In their mind, socializing is the norm and anyone who doesn't do it is failing to do what they're supposed to.
Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
No. It will benefit your career. You'll become and outsider and leave. Then you'll find a company filled with reasonable people who don't think work is about chatting constantly and playing politics.
Finding mature people to deal with is the best possible thing you could do for your career.
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You asked 2 different questions. I'm going to answer each of them separately.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company
It will. Groups like this are very political. They want to create bonds and feel included and feel heard, etc etc. They want an environment where socialization equals advancement because socializing is one of their primary skills.
If you don't share those desires and insecurities, they will see you as abnormal. They probably already do. They will think: you don't like them, there's something mentally wrong with you, you're just "making excuses" if you explain you're not drawn to socializing. In their mind, socializing is the norm and anyone who doesn't do it is failing to do what they're supposed to.
Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
No. It will benefit your career. You'll become and outsider and leave. Then you'll find a company filled with reasonable people who don't think work is about chatting constantly and playing politics.
Finding mature people to deal with is the best possible thing you could do for your career.
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
You asked 2 different questions. I'm going to answer each of them separately.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company
It will. Groups like this are very political. They want to create bonds and feel included and feel heard, etc etc. They want an environment where socialization equals advancement because socializing is one of their primary skills.
If you don't share those desires and insecurities, they will see you as abnormal. They probably already do. They will think: you don't like them, there's something mentally wrong with you, you're just "making excuses" if you explain you're not drawn to socializing. In their mind, socializing is the norm and anyone who doesn't do it is failing to do what they're supposed to.
Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
No. It will benefit your career. You'll become and outsider and leave. Then you'll find a company filled with reasonable people who don't think work is about chatting constantly and playing politics.
Finding mature people to deal with is the best possible thing you could do for your career.
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
You asked 2 different questions. I'm going to answer each of them separately.
I'm scared this will negatively influence my position in the company
It will. Groups like this are very political. They want to create bonds and feel included and feel heard, etc etc. They want an environment where socialization equals advancement because socializing is one of their primary skills.
If you don't share those desires and insecurities, they will see you as abnormal. They probably already do. They will think: you don't like them, there's something mentally wrong with you, you're just "making excuses" if you explain you're not drawn to socializing. In their mind, socializing is the norm and anyone who doesn't do it is failing to do what they're supposed to.
Will cancelling on my company's many social events negatively influence my career?
No. It will benefit your career. You'll become and outsider and leave. Then you'll find a company filled with reasonable people who don't think work is about chatting constantly and playing politics.
Finding mature people to deal with is the best possible thing you could do for your career.
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
answered 2 hours ago
Lycan
2128
2128
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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8
Which country is this in? In the UK "Why would I want to?" would be an adequate sarcastic response, possibly followed by "I have a family", finishing off with "If I do come I can guarantee you won't invite me again".
– Darren Bartrup-Cook
17 hours ago
2
@DarrenBartrup-Cook The Netherlands
– Summer
17 hours ago
1
@user568458 About 40 people in my department that get invited. It's always 2-3 people that initiate and plan and they are the people who will bug people individually. I'd say the party is usually 30 people every time I attend.
– Summer
17 hours ago
5
Do you cancel or decline? I assume the latter. But if you are agreeing to go, and then reneging on that agreement, that's not cool.
– stannius
15 hours ago
1
@Summer: Don't worry about it. Your English is a lot better than our Dutch. However you should edit your question to say "decline" rather than "cancel".
– Martin Bonner
3 mins ago