Reminding someone to do a task that they have forgotten about

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I work in a small team in a smallish company. Every so often, one particular member of the team will say they will do something (typically unrelated to our job such as buying a card for someone who is leaving or moving used mugs from her desk to the dishwasher etc.) but a week later, this task will still not be completed. I have tried to ask remind them to do these tasks with phrases such as "are you getting X or shall I just buy it?" but such phrases are normally shot down with "Don't buy it. Also work on your people skills and be less rude" or "Yeah, I'll do it in a bit"

How do I remind her to do these tasks but without coming across as rude, impatient or passive aggressive?

Also, I found this question, which is similar, but i think only really applies to a closer type of relationship

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

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up vote
4
down vote

favorite

How do I remind her to do these tasks but without coming across as rude, impatient or passive aggressive?

Also, I found this question, which is similar, but i think only really applies to a closer type of relationship

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

New contributor

add a commentÂ |Â

up vote
4
down vote

favorite

How do I remind her to do these tasks but without coming across as rude, impatient or passive aggressive?

Also, I found this question, which is similar, but i think only really applies to a closer type of relationship

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

New contributor

How do I remind her to do these tasks but without coming across as rude, impatient or passive aggressive?

Also, I found this question, which is similar, but i think only really applies to a closer type of relationship

coworkers

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

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asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

New contributor

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

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asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

asked 3 hours ago

HazzaOb

232

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HazzaOb is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

up vote
3
down vote

accepted

are you getting X or shall I just buy it?

I think your coworker may have been rubbed the wrong way by this as she could interpret it negatively in numerous ways:

I'm being accused of not doing my task

I'm being accused of being forgetful

This person thinks they're better than me because they think I need help with something so simple

This person has more time on their hands than me and I resent that

We can't control what other people think but to prevent assumptions, we can define more of our intent and reason(s) for inquiring:

Hey, did you get a card yet? Just want to make sure we get one in time before (person) leaves.

Would you be able to move the mugs to the dishwasher sometime today?

Generally it sounds more polite if you frame your request to look like a favor.

You can also pose a rhetorical question or casual comment depending on your dynamic and her sense of humor to act as a reminder:

I didn't know we had so many mugs

Are these mugs multiplying?

Where are these mugs coming from?

Should we try to be discreet when signing the card?

Wouldn't it be funny if someone just wrote "Happy birthday" in the card?

If she continues to avoid doing the tasks I would avoid intervening if the tasks are small and personal to her (not moving her mugs, her desire to get a card for someone leaving, etc.)

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

1

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

add a commentÂ |Â

up vote
3
down vote

Have you tried putting a deadline on the task, either explicitly or implicitly? Instead of saying "Will you buy a card for someone?", try saying "Will you pick up a card for coworker by Friday?

It sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous.

Story time:

I have used this technique many times in work situations. As a developer, I frequently service requests from non-technical end-users. i.e. "can you add feature X to the application". Once the work is done, I would let them know "hey, I have added it, can you go test it out in Development and let me know if its working for you?" What would happen is I would never get any feedback and/or they would never test the feature. The feature would end up getting pushed to production anyway. To compound matters, they would come back to me weeks and months later saying "feature X didn't work."

In this case, I'm required to have them complete their task, because I can't do it for them. Only they can tell me if the feature is working as they expect.

So, what I started doing is saying things like "hey, feature X is completed. It needs to be tested by Friday or we'll assume you are signing off on it." When I started doing this, I noticed that they would start marking the "due date" in their calendars or otherwise getting back to me fairly quickly, often the same day or the next.

By setting an arbitrary deadline, you are communicating, in no uncertain terms, the time frame in which you expect this task to be completed. In my case, I was also able to communicate the consequence of NOT completing the task within that time frame, which was they would be signing of on something they hadn't tested or even looked at.

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

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2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

2 Answers
2

active

oldest

votes

up vote
3
down vote

accepted

are you getting X or shall I just buy it?

I think your coworker may have been rubbed the wrong way by this as she could interpret it negatively in numerous ways:

I'm being accused of not doing my task

I'm being accused of being forgetful

This person thinks they're better than me because they think I need help with something so simple

This person has more time on their hands than me and I resent that

We can't control what other people think but to prevent assumptions, we can define more of our intent and reason(s) for inquiring:

Hey, did you get a card yet? Just want to make sure we get one in time before (person) leaves.

Would you be able to move the mugs to the dishwasher sometime today?

Generally it sounds more polite if you frame your request to look like a favor.

You can also pose a rhetorical question or casual comment depending on your dynamic and her sense of humor to act as a reminder:

I didn't know we had so many mugs

Are these mugs multiplying?

Where are these mugs coming from?

Should we try to be discreet when signing the card?

Wouldn't it be funny if someone just wrote "Happy birthday" in the card?

If she continues to avoid doing the tasks I would avoid intervening if the tasks are small and personal to her (not moving her mugs, her desire to get a card for someone leaving, etc.)

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

1

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

add a commentÂ |Â

up vote
3
down vote

accepted

are you getting X or shall I just buy it?

I think your coworker may have been rubbed the wrong way by this as she could interpret it negatively in numerous ways:

I'm being accused of not doing my task

I'm being accused of being forgetful

This person thinks they're better than me because they think I need help with something so simple

This person has more time on their hands than me and I resent that

We can't control what other people think but to prevent assumptions, we can define more of our intent and reason(s) for inquiring:

Hey, did you get a card yet? Just want to make sure we get one in time before (person) leaves.

Would you be able to move the mugs to the dishwasher sometime today?

Generally it sounds more polite if you frame your request to look like a favor.

You can also pose a rhetorical question or casual comment depending on your dynamic and her sense of humor to act as a reminder:

I didn't know we had so many mugs

Are these mugs multiplying?

Where are these mugs coming from?

Should we try to be discreet when signing the card?

Wouldn't it be funny if someone just wrote "Happy birthday" in the card?

If she continues to avoid doing the tasks I would avoid intervening if the tasks are small and personal to her (not moving her mugs, her desire to get a card for someone leaving, etc.)

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

1

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

add a commentÂ |Â

up vote
3
down vote

accepted

are you getting X or shall I just buy it?

I think your coworker may have been rubbed the wrong way by this as she could interpret it negatively in numerous ways:

I'm being accused of not doing my task

I'm being accused of being forgetful

This person thinks they're better than me because they think I need help with something so simple

This person has more time on their hands than me and I resent that

We can't control what other people think but to prevent assumptions, we can define more of our intent and reason(s) for inquiring:

Hey, did you get a card yet? Just want to make sure we get one in time before (person) leaves.

Would you be able to move the mugs to the dishwasher sometime today?

Generally it sounds more polite if you frame your request to look like a favor.

You can also pose a rhetorical question or casual comment depending on your dynamic and her sense of humor to act as a reminder:

I didn't know we had so many mugs

Are these mugs multiplying?

Where are these mugs coming from?

Should we try to be discreet when signing the card?

Wouldn't it be funny if someone just wrote "Happy birthday" in the card?

If she continues to avoid doing the tasks I would avoid intervening if the tasks are small and personal to her (not moving her mugs, her desire to get a card for someone leaving, etc.)

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

are you getting X or shall I just buy it?

I think your coworker may have been rubbed the wrong way by this as she could interpret it negatively in numerous ways:

I'm being accused of not doing my task

I'm being accused of being forgetful

This person thinks they're better than me because they think I need help with something so simple

This person has more time on their hands than me and I resent that

We can't control what other people think but to prevent assumptions, we can define more of our intent and reason(s) for inquiring:

Hey, did you get a card yet? Just want to make sure we get one in time before (person) leaves.

Would you be able to move the mugs to the dishwasher sometime today?

Generally it sounds more polite if you frame your request to look like a favor.

You can also pose a rhetorical question or casual comment depending on your dynamic and her sense of humor to act as a reminder:

I didn't know we had so many mugs

Are these mugs multiplying?

Where are these mugs coming from?

Should we try to be discreet when signing the card?

Wouldn't it be funny if someone just wrote "Happy birthday" in the card?

If she continues to avoid doing the tasks I would avoid intervening if the tasks are small and personal to her (not moving her mugs, her desire to get a card for someone leaving, etc.)

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

answered 1 hour ago

aaa

9191315

1

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

add a commentÂ |Â

1

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

I like the concept of defining the intent after asking the question - I'll use that. But personally, I think the first 3 jokes come across as somewhat passive aggressive; they seem too directed towards the person that they start to come across as arrogantly argumentative.
â€“Â HazzaOb
46 mins ago

Defining intent is helpful, as in "we must get the card before person X leaves". I'd also use that for the dishwasher: "the dishwasher is getting full and I'm going to run a load, could you move the mugs in?". It's still going to be a bit annoying, but at least that way it doesn't sound like you are the office police.
â€“Â DaveG
33 mins ago

add a commentÂ |Â

up vote
3
down vote

Have you tried putting a deadline on the task, either explicitly or implicitly? Instead of saying "Will you buy a card for someone?", try saying "Will you pick up a card for coworker by Friday?

It sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous.

Story time:

In this case, I'm required to have them complete their task, because I can't do it for them. Only they can tell me if the feature is working as they expect.

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Â |Â
show 4 more comments

up vote
3
down vote

Have you tried putting a deadline on the task, either explicitly or implicitly? Instead of saying "Will you buy a card for someone?", try saying "Will you pick up a card for coworker by Friday?

It sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous.

Story time:

In this case, I'm required to have them complete their task, because I can't do it for them. Only they can tell me if the feature is working as they expect.

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Â |Â
show 4 more comments

up vote
3
down vote

Have you tried putting a deadline on the task, either explicitly or implicitly? Instead of saying "Will you buy a card for someone?", try saying "Will you pick up a card for coworker by Friday?

It sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous.

Story time:

In this case, I'm required to have them complete their task, because I can't do it for them. Only they can tell me if the feature is working as they expect.

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

Have you tried putting a deadline on the task, either explicitly or implicitly? Instead of saying "Will you buy a card for someone?", try saying "Will you pick up a card for coworker by Friday?

It sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous.

Story time:

In this case, I'm required to have them complete their task, because I can't do it for them. Only they can tell me if the feature is working as they expect.

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

edited 45 mins ago

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

answered 2 hours ago

Eric J

313

New contributor

Eric J is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Â |Â
show 4 more comments

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

I could in some situations, but what if is a task that benefits me directly, that I could also do, but they have said that they would do? Is it not somewhat selfish to say "May you do this by Saturday please?" when I could do it in 2 minutes now?
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

maybe explain a scenario where you ask her to do something you believe you could do in 2 minutes? why ask her if you can do it so quickly?
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Like the mugs scenario i wrote about before; i could easily move put them in the dishwasher, but I feel like it is her responsibility to do so.
â€“Â HazzaOb
1 hour ago

Hi @EricJ, can you elaborate on why you think doing this is a good idea?
â€“Â Noon
1 hour ago

@Noon it sets the expectation that you expect the task will be done in a certain amount of time, instead of leaving it open-ended. It's less ambiguous. This seems especially true in the OPs situation because when he mentions that "a week later, this task will still not be completed", it implies that the OP expected the person would complete the task in less than that amount of time. OP, correct me if that assumption is incorrect.
â€“Â Eric J
1 hour ago

Â |Â
show 4 more comments

HazzaOb is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.

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