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Why is my motivation letter not successful? [on hold]
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up vote
2
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I have applied for several PhD positions but I was never able to reach to even interview stage. Now I wonder if my motivation letter is strong enough or not. I have written the following letter for a Physics PhD position in a research group. This research group is working on applications of topological materials in spintronics (fancy terms, you can just ignore them if you don't understand them). And I am very much interested to explore this field on applications side. I don't want to miss this PhD.
So, I want to request you to please read my letter of motivation and find what is wrong in it? Why I am not able to get a PhD? Also, as I am not a native English speaker, I would really appreciate if you highlight the grammar mistakes.
My profile:
BS: 3.51/4
MS: 3.8/4
1 publication in well known international journal (impact factor 2.617)
TOEFL: 100
GRE (not taken, as it is not required in Europe)
LETTER OF INTEREST
Dear Prof. X
I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. in Physics program, in which I am
enormously interested. The degree from one of the most prestigious
universities will not only enrich my knowledge but also help me in the
purse of my personal and professional goals.
I am a kind of persons who always dreamt about being the creator of an
extraordinary piece of knowledge that can be used for the preparation
of unbelievable innovations. So, my professional goal is to be a
full-time researcher while my personal goal is to explore and learn an
“idea†on a deep level and get an advanced degree in it.
When I come to know that one of the most exotic phases of matter that
are discovered in recent decade is the topological phase of matter, I
decided to do my research in this field during my MS. My research was
concentrated on developing a method to understand phase transitions
from trivial insulator to a topological insulator. The method which I
developed did not only visualized the phase transitions but also
recovered the well-known Mott-Insulator transition at a finite value
of the interaction. The results of my explorations were highly
appreciated by my supervisor and we decided to write the results in a
research article. This research article was published in the Journal
of Physics: Condensed Matter in Sept 2018.
During my research about this field, I also come to know about the
variants of topological insulator i.e. Haldane’s anomalous quantum
Hall effect and Kane’s quantum spin Hall effect, and the potential of
these matchless phases of matter i.e. resistant-free charge transport,
topological superconductors, and quantum computers. The idea to
harvest these exotic phenomena for the development of science and
technology is what motivates me to get a Ph.D. in this field. And I
know that your research group is extremely active in the field of
Spintronics – a field which is going to take control of the next
generation of electronics. A Ph.D. in this field will help me
understand the potential applications of these materials in next-level
of electronics.
My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated
and innovative at a personal level. In my Bachelor’s degree, I used to
read about different basic level and advance lever research article
and present them to my group of friends. When this action caught sight
of one of our professors, he decided to arrange a poster presentation
competition in the department. It was 2013 when the first departmental
poster presentation was arranged and I was the first person who
presented his poster. This competition became a yearly practice in the
physics department and was arranged in 2014 and 2015. The most
prestigious project that I completed and presented there was a “Dip
Coater†– a mechanical device that can coat any solid material with a
thin (as thin as a micrometer) layer of other metallic or insulator
liquid. My self-motivation can also be visualized by the fact that
even although my main research field has been topological insulators,
I learned density functional theory software (VASP, Wien2K),
entanglement in condensed matter many-body systems, and basics of
DMRG. However, I don’t have any solid source to prove my skills in
these fields. But I helped in the research work of a friend who was
studying β-SiTe in 2D using VASP. It can be verified from the
acknowledgment section of his thesis. Nowadays, I am working on
distinguishing the phases of the interacting Su-Schrieffer-Heeger
model using entanglement spectra.
Since studying at the university, I have been steadily developing
management, communication and presentation skills. These skills were
the reason that I get a job of Lecturer of Physics at the Elite
College of Science (Pakistan). In my one year of this job, I didn’t
only win the Teacher of the year award but also organized one sports
event and coached my class team. In the end, my team won the
tournament of Cricket. My management skills can also be elaborated by
the fact that I was doing two teaching jobs (other was on Stars
Academy of Sciences, Pakistan) and yet I was able to manage my time to
keep myself connected with research. That is how I won an MS
scholarship at Bilkent University.
I am not only motivated for a Ph.D.
in this exciting field but also prepared. I have taken the research
level course about topological phases (PHYS-566). The outline of this
course was pretty much diverse, we started with simple one-dimensional
models like Su-Schrieffer-Heeger model and explored the complex
systems like quantum Spin Hall systems and fractional quantum Hall
systems. This course introduced me with basic concepts and
mathematical techniques (i.e. winding number) of this field and
enhanced my interest to the new levels. Moreover, I know two
programming languages FORTRAN and MATLAB on an advanced level. In my
research work during MS, I used these two languages.
To sum up, I am at the beginning of the road to my professional and
personal goals, but I have already attained a substantial progress in
it. I aspire to start research in your research group in order to
obtain urgently needed research skills to make further progress on
this road. My education, interests, motivation, and skills prove that
I am basically prepared to apply for a Ph.D. program in this
stimulating field.
Yours faithfully,
phd graduate-admissions graduate-school writing
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as off-topic by Herman Toothrot, problemofficer, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815 3 mins ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "“Shopping†questions, which seek recommendations or lists of individual universities, academic programs, publishers, journals, research topics, or similar as an answer or seek an assessment or comparison of such, are off-topic here. (See this post on meta for more information.)" – Herman Toothrot, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
I have applied for several PhD positions but I was never able to reach to even interview stage. Now I wonder if my motivation letter is strong enough or not. I have written the following letter for a Physics PhD position in a research group. This research group is working on applications of topological materials in spintronics (fancy terms, you can just ignore them if you don't understand them). And I am very much interested to explore this field on applications side. I don't want to miss this PhD.
So, I want to request you to please read my letter of motivation and find what is wrong in it? Why I am not able to get a PhD? Also, as I am not a native English speaker, I would really appreciate if you highlight the grammar mistakes.
My profile:
BS: 3.51/4
MS: 3.8/4
1 publication in well known international journal (impact factor 2.617)
TOEFL: 100
GRE (not taken, as it is not required in Europe)
LETTER OF INTEREST
Dear Prof. X
I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. in Physics program, in which I am
enormously interested. The degree from one of the most prestigious
universities will not only enrich my knowledge but also help me in the
purse of my personal and professional goals.
I am a kind of persons who always dreamt about being the creator of an
extraordinary piece of knowledge that can be used for the preparation
of unbelievable innovations. So, my professional goal is to be a
full-time researcher while my personal goal is to explore and learn an
“idea†on a deep level and get an advanced degree in it.
When I come to know that one of the most exotic phases of matter that
are discovered in recent decade is the topological phase of matter, I
decided to do my research in this field during my MS. My research was
concentrated on developing a method to understand phase transitions
from trivial insulator to a topological insulator. The method which I
developed did not only visualized the phase transitions but also
recovered the well-known Mott-Insulator transition at a finite value
of the interaction. The results of my explorations were highly
appreciated by my supervisor and we decided to write the results in a
research article. This research article was published in the Journal
of Physics: Condensed Matter in Sept 2018.
During my research about this field, I also come to know about the
variants of topological insulator i.e. Haldane’s anomalous quantum
Hall effect and Kane’s quantum spin Hall effect, and the potential of
these matchless phases of matter i.e. resistant-free charge transport,
topological superconductors, and quantum computers. The idea to
harvest these exotic phenomena for the development of science and
technology is what motivates me to get a Ph.D. in this field. And I
know that your research group is extremely active in the field of
Spintronics – a field which is going to take control of the next
generation of electronics. A Ph.D. in this field will help me
understand the potential applications of these materials in next-level
of electronics.
My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated
and innovative at a personal level. In my Bachelor’s degree, I used to
read about different basic level and advance lever research article
and present them to my group of friends. When this action caught sight
of one of our professors, he decided to arrange a poster presentation
competition in the department. It was 2013 when the first departmental
poster presentation was arranged and I was the first person who
presented his poster. This competition became a yearly practice in the
physics department and was arranged in 2014 and 2015. The most
prestigious project that I completed and presented there was a “Dip
Coater†– a mechanical device that can coat any solid material with a
thin (as thin as a micrometer) layer of other metallic or insulator
liquid. My self-motivation can also be visualized by the fact that
even although my main research field has been topological insulators,
I learned density functional theory software (VASP, Wien2K),
entanglement in condensed matter many-body systems, and basics of
DMRG. However, I don’t have any solid source to prove my skills in
these fields. But I helped in the research work of a friend who was
studying β-SiTe in 2D using VASP. It can be verified from the
acknowledgment section of his thesis. Nowadays, I am working on
distinguishing the phases of the interacting Su-Schrieffer-Heeger
model using entanglement spectra.
Since studying at the university, I have been steadily developing
management, communication and presentation skills. These skills were
the reason that I get a job of Lecturer of Physics at the Elite
College of Science (Pakistan). In my one year of this job, I didn’t
only win the Teacher of the year award but also organized one sports
event and coached my class team. In the end, my team won the
tournament of Cricket. My management skills can also be elaborated by
the fact that I was doing two teaching jobs (other was on Stars
Academy of Sciences, Pakistan) and yet I was able to manage my time to
keep myself connected with research. That is how I won an MS
scholarship at Bilkent University.
I am not only motivated for a Ph.D.
in this exciting field but also prepared. I have taken the research
level course about topological phases (PHYS-566). The outline of this
course was pretty much diverse, we started with simple one-dimensional
models like Su-Schrieffer-Heeger model and explored the complex
systems like quantum Spin Hall systems and fractional quantum Hall
systems. This course introduced me with basic concepts and
mathematical techniques (i.e. winding number) of this field and
enhanced my interest to the new levels. Moreover, I know two
programming languages FORTRAN and MATLAB on an advanced level. In my
research work during MS, I used these two languages.
To sum up, I am at the beginning of the road to my professional and
personal goals, but I have already attained a substantial progress in
it. I aspire to start research in your research group in order to
obtain urgently needed research skills to make further progress on
this road. My education, interests, motivation, and skills prove that
I am basically prepared to apply for a Ph.D. program in this
stimulating field.
Yours faithfully,
phd graduate-admissions graduate-school writing
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as off-topic by Herman Toothrot, problemofficer, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815 3 mins ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "“Shopping†questions, which seek recommendations or lists of individual universities, academic programs, publishers, journals, research topics, or similar as an answer or seek an assessment or comparison of such, are off-topic here. (See this post on meta for more information.)" – Herman Toothrot, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815
7
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
4
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
1
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
1
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
I have applied for several PhD positions but I was never able to reach to even interview stage. Now I wonder if my motivation letter is strong enough or not. I have written the following letter for a Physics PhD position in a research group. This research group is working on applications of topological materials in spintronics (fancy terms, you can just ignore them if you don't understand them). And I am very much interested to explore this field on applications side. I don't want to miss this PhD.
So, I want to request you to please read my letter of motivation and find what is wrong in it? Why I am not able to get a PhD? Also, as I am not a native English speaker, I would really appreciate if you highlight the grammar mistakes.
My profile:
BS: 3.51/4
MS: 3.8/4
1 publication in well known international journal (impact factor 2.617)
TOEFL: 100
GRE (not taken, as it is not required in Europe)
LETTER OF INTEREST
Dear Prof. X
I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. in Physics program, in which I am
enormously interested. The degree from one of the most prestigious
universities will not only enrich my knowledge but also help me in the
purse of my personal and professional goals.
I am a kind of persons who always dreamt about being the creator of an
extraordinary piece of knowledge that can be used for the preparation
of unbelievable innovations. So, my professional goal is to be a
full-time researcher while my personal goal is to explore and learn an
“idea†on a deep level and get an advanced degree in it.
When I come to know that one of the most exotic phases of matter that
are discovered in recent decade is the topological phase of matter, I
decided to do my research in this field during my MS. My research was
concentrated on developing a method to understand phase transitions
from trivial insulator to a topological insulator. The method which I
developed did not only visualized the phase transitions but also
recovered the well-known Mott-Insulator transition at a finite value
of the interaction. The results of my explorations were highly
appreciated by my supervisor and we decided to write the results in a
research article. This research article was published in the Journal
of Physics: Condensed Matter in Sept 2018.
During my research about this field, I also come to know about the
variants of topological insulator i.e. Haldane’s anomalous quantum
Hall effect and Kane’s quantum spin Hall effect, and the potential of
these matchless phases of matter i.e. resistant-free charge transport,
topological superconductors, and quantum computers. The idea to
harvest these exotic phenomena for the development of science and
technology is what motivates me to get a Ph.D. in this field. And I
know that your research group is extremely active in the field of
Spintronics – a field which is going to take control of the next
generation of electronics. A Ph.D. in this field will help me
understand the potential applications of these materials in next-level
of electronics.
My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated
and innovative at a personal level. In my Bachelor’s degree, I used to
read about different basic level and advance lever research article
and present them to my group of friends. When this action caught sight
of one of our professors, he decided to arrange a poster presentation
competition in the department. It was 2013 when the first departmental
poster presentation was arranged and I was the first person who
presented his poster. This competition became a yearly practice in the
physics department and was arranged in 2014 and 2015. The most
prestigious project that I completed and presented there was a “Dip
Coater†– a mechanical device that can coat any solid material with a
thin (as thin as a micrometer) layer of other metallic or insulator
liquid. My self-motivation can also be visualized by the fact that
even although my main research field has been topological insulators,
I learned density functional theory software (VASP, Wien2K),
entanglement in condensed matter many-body systems, and basics of
DMRG. However, I don’t have any solid source to prove my skills in
these fields. But I helped in the research work of a friend who was
studying β-SiTe in 2D using VASP. It can be verified from the
acknowledgment section of his thesis. Nowadays, I am working on
distinguishing the phases of the interacting Su-Schrieffer-Heeger
model using entanglement spectra.
Since studying at the university, I have been steadily developing
management, communication and presentation skills. These skills were
the reason that I get a job of Lecturer of Physics at the Elite
College of Science (Pakistan). In my one year of this job, I didn’t
only win the Teacher of the year award but also organized one sports
event and coached my class team. In the end, my team won the
tournament of Cricket. My management skills can also be elaborated by
the fact that I was doing two teaching jobs (other was on Stars
Academy of Sciences, Pakistan) and yet I was able to manage my time to
keep myself connected with research. That is how I won an MS
scholarship at Bilkent University.
I am not only motivated for a Ph.D.
in this exciting field but also prepared. I have taken the research
level course about topological phases (PHYS-566). The outline of this
course was pretty much diverse, we started with simple one-dimensional
models like Su-Schrieffer-Heeger model and explored the complex
systems like quantum Spin Hall systems and fractional quantum Hall
systems. This course introduced me with basic concepts and
mathematical techniques (i.e. winding number) of this field and
enhanced my interest to the new levels. Moreover, I know two
programming languages FORTRAN and MATLAB on an advanced level. In my
research work during MS, I used these two languages.
To sum up, I am at the beginning of the road to my professional and
personal goals, but I have already attained a substantial progress in
it. I aspire to start research in your research group in order to
obtain urgently needed research skills to make further progress on
this road. My education, interests, motivation, and skills prove that
I am basically prepared to apply for a Ph.D. program in this
stimulating field.
Yours faithfully,
phd graduate-admissions graduate-school writing
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I have applied for several PhD positions but I was never able to reach to even interview stage. Now I wonder if my motivation letter is strong enough or not. I have written the following letter for a Physics PhD position in a research group. This research group is working on applications of topological materials in spintronics (fancy terms, you can just ignore them if you don't understand them). And I am very much interested to explore this field on applications side. I don't want to miss this PhD.
So, I want to request you to please read my letter of motivation and find what is wrong in it? Why I am not able to get a PhD? Also, as I am not a native English speaker, I would really appreciate if you highlight the grammar mistakes.
My profile:
BS: 3.51/4
MS: 3.8/4
1 publication in well known international journal (impact factor 2.617)
TOEFL: 100
GRE (not taken, as it is not required in Europe)
LETTER OF INTEREST
Dear Prof. X
I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. in Physics program, in which I am
enormously interested. The degree from one of the most prestigious
universities will not only enrich my knowledge but also help me in the
purse of my personal and professional goals.
I am a kind of persons who always dreamt about being the creator of an
extraordinary piece of knowledge that can be used for the preparation
of unbelievable innovations. So, my professional goal is to be a
full-time researcher while my personal goal is to explore and learn an
“idea†on a deep level and get an advanced degree in it.
When I come to know that one of the most exotic phases of matter that
are discovered in recent decade is the topological phase of matter, I
decided to do my research in this field during my MS. My research was
concentrated on developing a method to understand phase transitions
from trivial insulator to a topological insulator. The method which I
developed did not only visualized the phase transitions but also
recovered the well-known Mott-Insulator transition at a finite value
of the interaction. The results of my explorations were highly
appreciated by my supervisor and we decided to write the results in a
research article. This research article was published in the Journal
of Physics: Condensed Matter in Sept 2018.
During my research about this field, I also come to know about the
variants of topological insulator i.e. Haldane’s anomalous quantum
Hall effect and Kane’s quantum spin Hall effect, and the potential of
these matchless phases of matter i.e. resistant-free charge transport,
topological superconductors, and quantum computers. The idea to
harvest these exotic phenomena for the development of science and
technology is what motivates me to get a Ph.D. in this field. And I
know that your research group is extremely active in the field of
Spintronics – a field which is going to take control of the next
generation of electronics. A Ph.D. in this field will help me
understand the potential applications of these materials in next-level
of electronics.
My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated
and innovative at a personal level. In my Bachelor’s degree, I used to
read about different basic level and advance lever research article
and present them to my group of friends. When this action caught sight
of one of our professors, he decided to arrange a poster presentation
competition in the department. It was 2013 when the first departmental
poster presentation was arranged and I was the first person who
presented his poster. This competition became a yearly practice in the
physics department and was arranged in 2014 and 2015. The most
prestigious project that I completed and presented there was a “Dip
Coater†– a mechanical device that can coat any solid material with a
thin (as thin as a micrometer) layer of other metallic or insulator
liquid. My self-motivation can also be visualized by the fact that
even although my main research field has been topological insulators,
I learned density functional theory software (VASP, Wien2K),
entanglement in condensed matter many-body systems, and basics of
DMRG. However, I don’t have any solid source to prove my skills in
these fields. But I helped in the research work of a friend who was
studying β-SiTe in 2D using VASP. It can be verified from the
acknowledgment section of his thesis. Nowadays, I am working on
distinguishing the phases of the interacting Su-Schrieffer-Heeger
model using entanglement spectra.
Since studying at the university, I have been steadily developing
management, communication and presentation skills. These skills were
the reason that I get a job of Lecturer of Physics at the Elite
College of Science (Pakistan). In my one year of this job, I didn’t
only win the Teacher of the year award but also organized one sports
event and coached my class team. In the end, my team won the
tournament of Cricket. My management skills can also be elaborated by
the fact that I was doing two teaching jobs (other was on Stars
Academy of Sciences, Pakistan) and yet I was able to manage my time to
keep myself connected with research. That is how I won an MS
scholarship at Bilkent University.
I am not only motivated for a Ph.D.
in this exciting field but also prepared. I have taken the research
level course about topological phases (PHYS-566). The outline of this
course was pretty much diverse, we started with simple one-dimensional
models like Su-Schrieffer-Heeger model and explored the complex
systems like quantum Spin Hall systems and fractional quantum Hall
systems. This course introduced me with basic concepts and
mathematical techniques (i.e. winding number) of this field and
enhanced my interest to the new levels. Moreover, I know two
programming languages FORTRAN and MATLAB on an advanced level. In my
research work during MS, I used these two languages.
To sum up, I am at the beginning of the road to my professional and
personal goals, but I have already attained a substantial progress in
it. I aspire to start research in your research group in order to
obtain urgently needed research skills to make further progress on
this road. My education, interests, motivation, and skills prove that
I am basically prepared to apply for a Ph.D. program in this
stimulating field.
Yours faithfully,
phd graduate-admissions graduate-school writing
phd graduate-admissions graduate-school writing
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
edited 53 mins ago
Community♦
1
1
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
asked 2 hours ago
Sana Ullah
264
264
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Sana Ullah is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as off-topic by Herman Toothrot, problemofficer, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815 3 mins ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "“Shopping†questions, which seek recommendations or lists of individual universities, academic programs, publishers, journals, research topics, or similar as an answer or seek an assessment or comparison of such, are off-topic here. (See this post on meta for more information.)" – Herman Toothrot, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815
put on hold as off-topic by Herman Toothrot, problemofficer, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815 3 mins ago
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "“Shopping†questions, which seek recommendations or lists of individual universities, academic programs, publishers, journals, research topics, or similar as an answer or seek an assessment or comparison of such, are off-topic here. (See this post on meta for more information.)" – Herman Toothrot, scaaahu, corey979, user3209815
7
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
4
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
1
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
1
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago
 |Â
show 4 more comments
7
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
4
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
1
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
1
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago
7
7
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
4
4
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
1
1
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
1
1
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago
 |Â
show 4 more comments
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
10
down vote
I don't mean to be harsh, but the letter, to me, seems "over the top." If you take out most of the "superlative" adjectives in favor of the facts of the case it will be more convincing. It reads like you need to bolster your case with flowery language rather than the facts. This makes it harder to get the essentials of the case, but also makes the reader wonder if you are overstating the case.
For example, the second paragraph basically says your goal is to be a researcher, but in far too many words.
Likewise the sentence "My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated and innovative at a personal level." is too wordy and actually unneeded. The whole paragraph could be reduced to just a couple of sentences about what you have studied, avoiding all of the self-congratulatory wording.
Such language not only adds to the length it also makes the essentials harder to find while making the reader wonder whether you are overstating your accomplishments. Let the accomplishments stand on their own. Let others praise you in letters, rather than seeming to praise yourself.
While it isn't my field, you do seem to have some solid accomplishments. Put more emphasis on your future goals than praising your past work.
Note that this is just one person's reading. I don't agree with a commenter that the English itself is poor, but the phrasing is "too much".
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I mostly agree with Buffy that the letter is not very effective due to the "over the top" style of language it uses. Personally, there's a good chance I would stop reading at
always dreamt about being the creator of an extraordinary piece of knowledge
I hate this kind of phrasings with the passion of a thousand suns. They tell me literally nothing about you as a person (other than that you sound a bit obnoxious), and are more likely than not a blatant lie anyway. I am so much more inclined to invite people to interviews who say they enjoy doing research (a normal amount), who value the freedom that an academic job grants, or who want to learn how to do good science in order to become a professor or work in a research lab. You don't need to pretend to be Sheldon Cooper. In this letter, there are many similarly over-the-top formulations. Edit them all out. This would also have the advantage of making your letter much shorter, which is good.
That said, I think there are in fact some very good elements in the letter that you should retain. You talk about concrete research you did, and what courses you have done that would make you successful. This is very good, and exactly the kind of information I am looking for. Focus on these aspects. Edit out everything that you cannot support with data or quantify.
Finally, since iayork keeps mentioning the bad grammar: I agree that this is not ideal, but personally the grammar is far away from being so bad as to count as a real red flag. Most people who apply for positions with me are not native speakers, and neither am I. If this is the current basis of English, we will get to a level where we can write a research paper together, and this is what counts for me.
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
10
down vote
I don't mean to be harsh, but the letter, to me, seems "over the top." If you take out most of the "superlative" adjectives in favor of the facts of the case it will be more convincing. It reads like you need to bolster your case with flowery language rather than the facts. This makes it harder to get the essentials of the case, but also makes the reader wonder if you are overstating the case.
For example, the second paragraph basically says your goal is to be a researcher, but in far too many words.
Likewise the sentence "My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated and innovative at a personal level." is too wordy and actually unneeded. The whole paragraph could be reduced to just a couple of sentences about what you have studied, avoiding all of the self-congratulatory wording.
Such language not only adds to the length it also makes the essentials harder to find while making the reader wonder whether you are overstating your accomplishments. Let the accomplishments stand on their own. Let others praise you in letters, rather than seeming to praise yourself.
While it isn't my field, you do seem to have some solid accomplishments. Put more emphasis on your future goals than praising your past work.
Note that this is just one person's reading. I don't agree with a commenter that the English itself is poor, but the phrasing is "too much".
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
10
down vote
I don't mean to be harsh, but the letter, to me, seems "over the top." If you take out most of the "superlative" adjectives in favor of the facts of the case it will be more convincing. It reads like you need to bolster your case with flowery language rather than the facts. This makes it harder to get the essentials of the case, but also makes the reader wonder if you are overstating the case.
For example, the second paragraph basically says your goal is to be a researcher, but in far too many words.
Likewise the sentence "My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated and innovative at a personal level." is too wordy and actually unneeded. The whole paragraph could be reduced to just a couple of sentences about what you have studied, avoiding all of the self-congratulatory wording.
Such language not only adds to the length it also makes the essentials harder to find while making the reader wonder whether you are overstating your accomplishments. Let the accomplishments stand on their own. Let others praise you in letters, rather than seeming to praise yourself.
While it isn't my field, you do seem to have some solid accomplishments. Put more emphasis on your future goals than praising your past work.
Note that this is just one person's reading. I don't agree with a commenter that the English itself is poor, but the phrasing is "too much".
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
10
down vote
up vote
10
down vote
I don't mean to be harsh, but the letter, to me, seems "over the top." If you take out most of the "superlative" adjectives in favor of the facts of the case it will be more convincing. It reads like you need to bolster your case with flowery language rather than the facts. This makes it harder to get the essentials of the case, but also makes the reader wonder if you are overstating the case.
For example, the second paragraph basically says your goal is to be a researcher, but in far too many words.
Likewise the sentence "My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated and innovative at a personal level." is too wordy and actually unneeded. The whole paragraph could be reduced to just a couple of sentences about what you have studied, avoiding all of the self-congratulatory wording.
Such language not only adds to the length it also makes the essentials harder to find while making the reader wonder whether you are overstating your accomplishments. Let the accomplishments stand on their own. Let others praise you in letters, rather than seeming to praise yourself.
While it isn't my field, you do seem to have some solid accomplishments. Put more emphasis on your future goals than praising your past work.
Note that this is just one person's reading. I don't agree with a commenter that the English itself is poor, but the phrasing is "too much".
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
I don't mean to be harsh, but the letter, to me, seems "over the top." If you take out most of the "superlative" adjectives in favor of the facts of the case it will be more convincing. It reads like you need to bolster your case with flowery language rather than the facts. This makes it harder to get the essentials of the case, but also makes the reader wonder if you are overstating the case.
For example, the second paragraph basically says your goal is to be a researcher, but in far too many words.
Likewise the sentence "My ride on the ladder of education has been pretty much self-motivated and innovative at a personal level." is too wordy and actually unneeded. The whole paragraph could be reduced to just a couple of sentences about what you have studied, avoiding all of the self-congratulatory wording.
Such language not only adds to the length it also makes the essentials harder to find while making the reader wonder whether you are overstating your accomplishments. Let the accomplishments stand on their own. Let others praise you in letters, rather than seeming to praise yourself.
While it isn't my field, you do seem to have some solid accomplishments. Put more emphasis on your future goals than praising your past work.
Note that this is just one person's reading. I don't agree with a commenter that the English itself is poor, but the phrasing is "too much".
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
edited 47 mins ago
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
27.5k686146
27.5k686146
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
+1. Additonally statements like I have been steadily developing management, communication and presentation skills are reminiscent of job application statements like I am a team player and my biggest flaw is that I work too much. It has become a cliché and sounds like a mere reiteration of "top 10 skills to have in the 21st century job market". Be specific and say what courses you actually did or what major reasearch experiences you had.
– problemofficer
55 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
@problemofficer, yes, there pare many such examples here. I didn't want to give the whole catalog.
– Buffy
51 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
You don't think the English is poor? You're ok with "I am a kind of persons"? "When I come to know that"? "did not only visualized"? "in next-level of electronics"? You're not doing any favors by giving this bad grammar a pass.
– iayork
27 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
@iayork The grammar is not perfect, but it is almost always clear what OP means. Many non-native applicants do far worse. It also says nothing about their quality as researcher. I don't think that it is a major problem.
– J. Doe
3 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I mostly agree with Buffy that the letter is not very effective due to the "over the top" style of language it uses. Personally, there's a good chance I would stop reading at
always dreamt about being the creator of an extraordinary piece of knowledge
I hate this kind of phrasings with the passion of a thousand suns. They tell me literally nothing about you as a person (other than that you sound a bit obnoxious), and are more likely than not a blatant lie anyway. I am so much more inclined to invite people to interviews who say they enjoy doing research (a normal amount), who value the freedom that an academic job grants, or who want to learn how to do good science in order to become a professor or work in a research lab. You don't need to pretend to be Sheldon Cooper. In this letter, there are many similarly over-the-top formulations. Edit them all out. This would also have the advantage of making your letter much shorter, which is good.
That said, I think there are in fact some very good elements in the letter that you should retain. You talk about concrete research you did, and what courses you have done that would make you successful. This is very good, and exactly the kind of information I am looking for. Focus on these aspects. Edit out everything that you cannot support with data or quantify.
Finally, since iayork keeps mentioning the bad grammar: I agree that this is not ideal, but personally the grammar is far away from being so bad as to count as a real red flag. Most people who apply for positions with me are not native speakers, and neither am I. If this is the current basis of English, we will get to a level where we can write a research paper together, and this is what counts for me.
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I mostly agree with Buffy that the letter is not very effective due to the "over the top" style of language it uses. Personally, there's a good chance I would stop reading at
always dreamt about being the creator of an extraordinary piece of knowledge
I hate this kind of phrasings with the passion of a thousand suns. They tell me literally nothing about you as a person (other than that you sound a bit obnoxious), and are more likely than not a blatant lie anyway. I am so much more inclined to invite people to interviews who say they enjoy doing research (a normal amount), who value the freedom that an academic job grants, or who want to learn how to do good science in order to become a professor or work in a research lab. You don't need to pretend to be Sheldon Cooper. In this letter, there are many similarly over-the-top formulations. Edit them all out. This would also have the advantage of making your letter much shorter, which is good.
That said, I think there are in fact some very good elements in the letter that you should retain. You talk about concrete research you did, and what courses you have done that would make you successful. This is very good, and exactly the kind of information I am looking for. Focus on these aspects. Edit out everything that you cannot support with data or quantify.
Finally, since iayork keeps mentioning the bad grammar: I agree that this is not ideal, but personally the grammar is far away from being so bad as to count as a real red flag. Most people who apply for positions with me are not native speakers, and neither am I. If this is the current basis of English, we will get to a level where we can write a research paper together, and this is what counts for me.
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
I mostly agree with Buffy that the letter is not very effective due to the "over the top" style of language it uses. Personally, there's a good chance I would stop reading at
always dreamt about being the creator of an extraordinary piece of knowledge
I hate this kind of phrasings with the passion of a thousand suns. They tell me literally nothing about you as a person (other than that you sound a bit obnoxious), and are more likely than not a blatant lie anyway. I am so much more inclined to invite people to interviews who say they enjoy doing research (a normal amount), who value the freedom that an academic job grants, or who want to learn how to do good science in order to become a professor or work in a research lab. You don't need to pretend to be Sheldon Cooper. In this letter, there are many similarly over-the-top formulations. Edit them all out. This would also have the advantage of making your letter much shorter, which is good.
That said, I think there are in fact some very good elements in the letter that you should retain. You talk about concrete research you did, and what courses you have done that would make you successful. This is very good, and exactly the kind of information I am looking for. Focus on these aspects. Edit out everything that you cannot support with data or quantify.
Finally, since iayork keeps mentioning the bad grammar: I agree that this is not ideal, but personally the grammar is far away from being so bad as to count as a real red flag. Most people who apply for positions with me are not native speakers, and neither am I. If this is the current basis of English, we will get to a level where we can write a research paper together, and this is what counts for me.
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
I mostly agree with Buffy that the letter is not very effective due to the "over the top" style of language it uses. Personally, there's a good chance I would stop reading at
always dreamt about being the creator of an extraordinary piece of knowledge
I hate this kind of phrasings with the passion of a thousand suns. They tell me literally nothing about you as a person (other than that you sound a bit obnoxious), and are more likely than not a blatant lie anyway. I am so much more inclined to invite people to interviews who say they enjoy doing research (a normal amount), who value the freedom that an academic job grants, or who want to learn how to do good science in order to become a professor or work in a research lab. You don't need to pretend to be Sheldon Cooper. In this letter, there are many similarly over-the-top formulations. Edit them all out. This would also have the advantage of making your letter much shorter, which is good.
That said, I think there are in fact some very good elements in the letter that you should retain. You talk about concrete research you did, and what courses you have done that would make you successful. This is very good, and exactly the kind of information I am looking for. Focus on these aspects. Edit out everything that you cannot support with data or quantify.
Finally, since iayork keeps mentioning the bad grammar: I agree that this is not ideal, but personally the grammar is far away from being so bad as to count as a real red flag. Most people who apply for positions with me are not native speakers, and neither am I. If this is the current basis of English, we will get to a level where we can write a research paper together, and this is what counts for me.
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
answered 17 mins ago
xLeitix
96.6k34230377
96.6k34230377
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
7
For starters, your motivation letter is far too long. They have to skim through many motivation letters. If it doesn't fit on a standard A4 page with letterhead and wide margins, it's too long.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
@gerrit thank you for your comment. I will take this point in consideration while rewriting it.
– Sana Ullah
2 hours ago
4
Just a comment as no time for an answer, I don't think the motivation letter is the most important piece. Skills and experience are. Now most won't have much experience yet, but they'll want to see evidence that you have the skills it takes to do a PhD.
– gerrit
2 hours ago
1
I agree with @gerrit ... to find why your applications are not successful, look at you grades, your GRE scores, your experience. The fault is probably not in your "motivation letter".
– GEdgar
1 hour ago
1
This is not the appropriate place for editing, but I strongly recommend having a native English speaker review your letter. It contains many grammatical errors and phrases that, to a native speaker, are odd or incorrect. Motivation letters are not the most important component of an application but if this is representative of the rest of your application it would be at least a moderate red flag about your English ability and (more important) your attitude - you should not be satisfied with this letter, and it speaks to your judgement in sending it.
– iayork
1 hour ago