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How would you answer a person who says to you “I would encourage you� [closed]
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I have a teammate from another department who can tell me something like "I would encourage you to do this or this". Honestly, I don't need him to encourage me but I also don't want to be very direct with him on one side, and on the other side I don't want to him to say thing like this. I thought one day to make it a fun and say next time something like "Thanks, I really like when people encourage me..." in a fun way, but still trying to develop a better approach to handle this. How would you handle this situation? What would you respond?
professionalism communication
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
closed as primarily opinion-based by gnat, DarkCygnus, OldPadawan, Alec, jcmack Aug 13 at 20:09
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
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up vote
-8
down vote
favorite
I have a teammate from another department who can tell me something like "I would encourage you to do this or this". Honestly, I don't need him to encourage me but I also don't want to be very direct with him on one side, and on the other side I don't want to him to say thing like this. I thought one day to make it a fun and say next time something like "Thanks, I really like when people encourage me..." in a fun way, but still trying to develop a better approach to handle this. How would you handle this situation? What would you respond?
professionalism communication
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
closed as primarily opinion-based by gnat, DarkCygnus, OldPadawan, Alec, jcmack Aug 13 at 20:09
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
5
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
2
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
-8
down vote
favorite
up vote
-8
down vote
favorite
I have a teammate from another department who can tell me something like "I would encourage you to do this or this". Honestly, I don't need him to encourage me but I also don't want to be very direct with him on one side, and on the other side I don't want to him to say thing like this. I thought one day to make it a fun and say next time something like "Thanks, I really like when people encourage me..." in a fun way, but still trying to develop a better approach to handle this. How would you handle this situation? What would you respond?
professionalism communication
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
I have a teammate from another department who can tell me something like "I would encourage you to do this or this". Honestly, I don't need him to encourage me but I also don't want to be very direct with him on one side, and on the other side I don't want to him to say thing like this. I thought one day to make it a fun and say next time something like "Thanks, I really like when people encourage me..." in a fun way, but still trying to develop a better approach to handle this. How would you handle this situation? What would you respond?
professionalism communication
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
edited Aug 7 at 14:12
Twyxz
3,19421543
3,19421543
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
asked Aug 7 at 14:10
Dan
1,1182416
1,1182416
closed as primarily opinion-based by gnat, DarkCygnus, OldPadawan, Alec, jcmack Aug 13 at 20:09
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
closed as primarily opinion-based by gnat, DarkCygnus, OldPadawan, Alec, jcmack Aug 13 at 20:09
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
5
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
2
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19
 |Â
show 1 more comment
5
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
2
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19
5
5
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
2
2
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19
 |Â
show 1 more comment
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
13
down vote
You're misinterpreting the word "encourage", so don't take that meaning literally.
By
I'd encourage you to x/y/z
The real meaning is
I'd suggest that you try x/y/z
You're not really being encouraged at all, it's just a figure of speech.
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
Particularly in the UK, "I would encourage you to do X" isn't usually a pleasantry, but a thinly veiled "you really should do this", often with a subtext of "...or y might happen". I think you're misinterpreting the message being given by the sounds of it.
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
"I don't want to him to say thing like this."
Why is this?
Also, why is he saying things?
If I said that I'd mean "I don't have any authority over you, I want to make that 100% clear; I'm not bossing you. But here's a hint based on my experience". I'd then expect you to a) think about what I said, because I have experience, and b) make your own judgement because you are the professional in charge of this.
If I then said it every week I'd probably have given up on you and be sending a message to the other people in the meeting, "I don't think this guy knows what he's doing". I might be right, or wrong.
You can't easily stop people giving you advice. You can make clear afterwards what actually happened and who the credit should go to.
What counts is what you got done.
"Following X's advice I did Y and now it works" - you get some credit, so does X. Which is fair.
"I first tried X's idea but it didn't work because Z. Then I did Y" also fair.
"I didn't bother with X's idea because it's obvious nonsense, I just went straight to doing Y" Do not say this. Anyone who knows will appreciate it anyway if you say "I did Y".
Until you have an established reputation because you did things and they worked, just say politely "Thanks for the suggestion, X, I'll follow that up". Afterwards you can still be polite about how your idea worked and his didn't.
TL;DR - 1) consider he might have a point. 2) Having considered and decided he doesn't have a point, still be courteous. Results are what matter. 3) Sometimes people don't appreciate 2 so politely and professionally push that point if people don't notice. "I got it done" gets respect. "I think X is annoying, personally" means nothing.
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
add a comment |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
13
down vote
You're misinterpreting the word "encourage", so don't take that meaning literally.
By
I'd encourage you to x/y/z
The real meaning is
I'd suggest that you try x/y/z
You're not really being encouraged at all, it's just a figure of speech.
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
You're misinterpreting the word "encourage", so don't take that meaning literally.
By
I'd encourage you to x/y/z
The real meaning is
I'd suggest that you try x/y/z
You're not really being encouraged at all, it's just a figure of speech.
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
up vote
13
down vote
You're misinterpreting the word "encourage", so don't take that meaning literally.
By
I'd encourage you to x/y/z
The real meaning is
I'd suggest that you try x/y/z
You're not really being encouraged at all, it's just a figure of speech.
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
You're misinterpreting the word "encourage", so don't take that meaning literally.
By
I'd encourage you to x/y/z
The real meaning is
I'd suggest that you try x/y/z
You're not really being encouraged at all, it's just a figure of speech.
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
answered Aug 7 at 14:14
Snow♦
50.1k44166211
50.1k44166211
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
Particularly in the UK, "I would encourage you to do X" isn't usually a pleasantry, but a thinly veiled "you really should do this", often with a subtext of "...or y might happen". I think you're misinterpreting the message being given by the sounds of it.
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
Particularly in the UK, "I would encourage you to do X" isn't usually a pleasantry, but a thinly veiled "you really should do this", often with a subtext of "...or y might happen". I think you're misinterpreting the message being given by the sounds of it.
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
up vote
6
down vote
Particularly in the UK, "I would encourage you to do X" isn't usually a pleasantry, but a thinly veiled "you really should do this", often with a subtext of "...or y might happen". I think you're misinterpreting the message being given by the sounds of it.
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
Particularly in the UK, "I would encourage you to do X" isn't usually a pleasantry, but a thinly veiled "you really should do this", often with a subtext of "...or y might happen". I think you're misinterpreting the message being given by the sounds of it.
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
answered Aug 7 at 17:25
ZeLobster
612
612
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
"I don't want to him to say thing like this."
Why is this?
Also, why is he saying things?
If I said that I'd mean "I don't have any authority over you, I want to make that 100% clear; I'm not bossing you. But here's a hint based on my experience". I'd then expect you to a) think about what I said, because I have experience, and b) make your own judgement because you are the professional in charge of this.
If I then said it every week I'd probably have given up on you and be sending a message to the other people in the meeting, "I don't think this guy knows what he's doing". I might be right, or wrong.
You can't easily stop people giving you advice. You can make clear afterwards what actually happened and who the credit should go to.
What counts is what you got done.
"Following X's advice I did Y and now it works" - you get some credit, so does X. Which is fair.
"I first tried X's idea but it didn't work because Z. Then I did Y" also fair.
"I didn't bother with X's idea because it's obvious nonsense, I just went straight to doing Y" Do not say this. Anyone who knows will appreciate it anyway if you say "I did Y".
Until you have an established reputation because you did things and they worked, just say politely "Thanks for the suggestion, X, I'll follow that up". Afterwards you can still be polite about how your idea worked and his didn't.
TL;DR - 1) consider he might have a point. 2) Having considered and decided he doesn't have a point, still be courteous. Results are what matter. 3) Sometimes people don't appreciate 2 so politely and professionally push that point if people don't notice. "I got it done" gets respect. "I think X is annoying, personally" means nothing.
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
"I don't want to him to say thing like this."
Why is this?
Also, why is he saying things?
If I said that I'd mean "I don't have any authority over you, I want to make that 100% clear; I'm not bossing you. But here's a hint based on my experience". I'd then expect you to a) think about what I said, because I have experience, and b) make your own judgement because you are the professional in charge of this.
If I then said it every week I'd probably have given up on you and be sending a message to the other people in the meeting, "I don't think this guy knows what he's doing". I might be right, or wrong.
You can't easily stop people giving you advice. You can make clear afterwards what actually happened and who the credit should go to.
What counts is what you got done.
"Following X's advice I did Y and now it works" - you get some credit, so does X. Which is fair.
"I first tried X's idea but it didn't work because Z. Then I did Y" also fair.
"I didn't bother with X's idea because it's obvious nonsense, I just went straight to doing Y" Do not say this. Anyone who knows will appreciate it anyway if you say "I did Y".
Until you have an established reputation because you did things and they worked, just say politely "Thanks for the suggestion, X, I'll follow that up". Afterwards you can still be polite about how your idea worked and his didn't.
TL;DR - 1) consider he might have a point. 2) Having considered and decided he doesn't have a point, still be courteous. Results are what matter. 3) Sometimes people don't appreciate 2 so politely and professionally push that point if people don't notice. "I got it done" gets respect. "I think X is annoying, personally" means nothing.
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
"I don't want to him to say thing like this."
Why is this?
Also, why is he saying things?
If I said that I'd mean "I don't have any authority over you, I want to make that 100% clear; I'm not bossing you. But here's a hint based on my experience". I'd then expect you to a) think about what I said, because I have experience, and b) make your own judgement because you are the professional in charge of this.
If I then said it every week I'd probably have given up on you and be sending a message to the other people in the meeting, "I don't think this guy knows what he's doing". I might be right, or wrong.
You can't easily stop people giving you advice. You can make clear afterwards what actually happened and who the credit should go to.
What counts is what you got done.
"Following X's advice I did Y and now it works" - you get some credit, so does X. Which is fair.
"I first tried X's idea but it didn't work because Z. Then I did Y" also fair.
"I didn't bother with X's idea because it's obvious nonsense, I just went straight to doing Y" Do not say this. Anyone who knows will appreciate it anyway if you say "I did Y".
Until you have an established reputation because you did things and they worked, just say politely "Thanks for the suggestion, X, I'll follow that up". Afterwards you can still be polite about how your idea worked and his didn't.
TL;DR - 1) consider he might have a point. 2) Having considered and decided he doesn't have a point, still be courteous. Results are what matter. 3) Sometimes people don't appreciate 2 so politely and professionally push that point if people don't notice. "I got it done" gets respect. "I think X is annoying, personally" means nothing.
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
"I don't want to him to say thing like this."
Why is this?
Also, why is he saying things?
If I said that I'd mean "I don't have any authority over you, I want to make that 100% clear; I'm not bossing you. But here's a hint based on my experience". I'd then expect you to a) think about what I said, because I have experience, and b) make your own judgement because you are the professional in charge of this.
If I then said it every week I'd probably have given up on you and be sending a message to the other people in the meeting, "I don't think this guy knows what he's doing". I might be right, or wrong.
You can't easily stop people giving you advice. You can make clear afterwards what actually happened and who the credit should go to.
What counts is what you got done.
"Following X's advice I did Y and now it works" - you get some credit, so does X. Which is fair.
"I first tried X's idea but it didn't work because Z. Then I did Y" also fair.
"I didn't bother with X's idea because it's obvious nonsense, I just went straight to doing Y" Do not say this. Anyone who knows will appreciate it anyway if you say "I did Y".
Until you have an established reputation because you did things and they worked, just say politely "Thanks for the suggestion, X, I'll follow that up". Afterwards you can still be polite about how your idea worked and his didn't.
TL;DR - 1) consider he might have a point. 2) Having considered and decided he doesn't have a point, still be courteous. Results are what matter. 3) Sometimes people don't appreciate 2 so politely and professionally push that point if people don't notice. "I got it done" gets respect. "I think X is annoying, personally" means nothing.
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
answered Aug 13 at 16:42
lessthanideal
1362
1362
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
5
What is actually the problem with them saying "I would encourage you"?
– Philip Kendall
Aug 7 at 14:14
2
It's not a suggestion, it's a warning. Give a smart-alec reply and you'll find out just how serious a warning it is.
– Richard U
Aug 7 at 15:43
I don't want to him to say thing like this Why? It's not clear to me why you don't want your co-worker using that phrase.
– BSMP
Aug 7 at 16:13
"I would encourage you to" == "If I were you" == "I would suggest that you" == "You should consider"
– jcmack
Aug 7 at 18:26
@jcmack It's beyond just a suggestion, it's a strong suggestion.
– Eric
Aug 8 at 11:19