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Etiquette for a female PhD student to reject her male supervisor's invitation to meet outside of work
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The role of supervisor is a key role. The relationship between the supervisor and the students should be healthy.
In this context, in India, there is a lot of difference between male and female students. If a male supervisor frequently holds meetings outside of the workplace, male students can participate without any fear while female students cannot.
How does a female student reject the invitations of a male supervisor to meet outside of the workplace (such as in the supervisor's home)? The purpose of the invitation is to discuss the developments or updates in research.
Many incidents like 1,2,3 etc., have occurred and hence female students have to think about their safety but at the same time they still have to work around the supervisor's workload. (He may not get time during his working hours to review his scholar's progress.)
phd advisor etiquette interpersonal-issues gender
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
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add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
The role of supervisor is a key role. The relationship between the supervisor and the students should be healthy.
In this context, in India, there is a lot of difference between male and female students. If a male supervisor frequently holds meetings outside of the workplace, male students can participate without any fear while female students cannot.
How does a female student reject the invitations of a male supervisor to meet outside of the workplace (such as in the supervisor's home)? The purpose of the invitation is to discuss the developments or updates in research.
Many incidents like 1,2,3 etc., have occurred and hence female students have to think about their safety but at the same time they still have to work around the supervisor's workload. (He may not get time during his working hours to review his scholar's progress.)
phd advisor etiquette interpersonal-issues gender
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
up vote
2
down vote
favorite
The role of supervisor is a key role. The relationship between the supervisor and the students should be healthy.
In this context, in India, there is a lot of difference between male and female students. If a male supervisor frequently holds meetings outside of the workplace, male students can participate without any fear while female students cannot.
How does a female student reject the invitations of a male supervisor to meet outside of the workplace (such as in the supervisor's home)? The purpose of the invitation is to discuss the developments or updates in research.
Many incidents like 1,2,3 etc., have occurred and hence female students have to think about their safety but at the same time they still have to work around the supervisor's workload. (He may not get time during his working hours to review his scholar's progress.)
phd advisor etiquette interpersonal-issues gender
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
The role of supervisor is a key role. The relationship between the supervisor and the students should be healthy.
In this context, in India, there is a lot of difference between male and female students. If a male supervisor frequently holds meetings outside of the workplace, male students can participate without any fear while female students cannot.
How does a female student reject the invitations of a male supervisor to meet outside of the workplace (such as in the supervisor's home)? The purpose of the invitation is to discuss the developments or updates in research.
Many incidents like 1,2,3 etc., have occurred and hence female students have to think about their safety but at the same time they still have to work around the supervisor's workload. (He may not get time during his working hours to review his scholar's progress.)
phd advisor etiquette interpersonal-issues gender
phd advisor etiquette interpersonal-issues gender
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
edited 23 mins ago
ff524♦
94.5k42387420
94.5k42387420
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
asked 1 hour ago
hanugm
1394
1394
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
5
down vote
While I know India is not the US (or any other country I am familiar with), but some norms should be universal and a student should not have to subject themselves to things outside the norm. Something like
Dr. Smith, it is nothing against you, but I do not think it sets a good precedent for us to meet under those conditions. Is there a time we can have the meeting at the university?
Now, Dr Smith may get very mad and take it out on you, but if they are the type of person to do that, do you want them as a supervisor, and more importantly, do you want to meet them alone at their home.
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You can work with groups of students to have the university impose certain rules. You can then just use the rules as the "excuse".
You can, perhaps, attend such "gatherings" if you always go with a friend or relative. The friend may be bored, of course, but offers some "cover". In some cultures this is expected, actually.
You can fairly safely attend larger gatherings. Or gatherings in public places.
You can suggest another place to meet when invited. One that feels safe to you. It is probably fine to say that you would "be more comfortable" in the place you suggest.
If you need to work with someone you can't trust, do so electronically, using email and such.
But men aren't entirely safe from predators either, though it is normally a more common problem for women.
If you get "predator vibes" from a professor, work to find someone better and less selfish. Spread the word if you can do so safely. The grapevine can, of course, warn you of the bad actors.
If you do accept an invitation, be sure someone trusted knows where you will be and when you will return. Set a strict time limit on the duration of the meeting - say an hour.
But even if you get good vibes, be vigilant that the relationship doesn't change to one that is less professional.
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
5
down vote
While I know India is not the US (or any other country I am familiar with), but some norms should be universal and a student should not have to subject themselves to things outside the norm. Something like
Dr. Smith, it is nothing against you, but I do not think it sets a good precedent for us to meet under those conditions. Is there a time we can have the meeting at the university?
Now, Dr Smith may get very mad and take it out on you, but if they are the type of person to do that, do you want them as a supervisor, and more importantly, do you want to meet them alone at their home.
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
While I know India is not the US (or any other country I am familiar with), but some norms should be universal and a student should not have to subject themselves to things outside the norm. Something like
Dr. Smith, it is nothing against you, but I do not think it sets a good precedent for us to meet under those conditions. Is there a time we can have the meeting at the university?
Now, Dr Smith may get very mad and take it out on you, but if they are the type of person to do that, do you want them as a supervisor, and more importantly, do you want to meet them alone at their home.
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
up vote
5
down vote
While I know India is not the US (or any other country I am familiar with), but some norms should be universal and a student should not have to subject themselves to things outside the norm. Something like
Dr. Smith, it is nothing against you, but I do not think it sets a good precedent for us to meet under those conditions. Is there a time we can have the meeting at the university?
Now, Dr Smith may get very mad and take it out on you, but if they are the type of person to do that, do you want them as a supervisor, and more importantly, do you want to meet them alone at their home.
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
While I know India is not the US (or any other country I am familiar with), but some norms should be universal and a student should not have to subject themselves to things outside the norm. Something like
Dr. Smith, it is nothing against you, but I do not think it sets a good precedent for us to meet under those conditions. Is there a time we can have the meeting at the university?
Now, Dr Smith may get very mad and take it out on you, but if they are the type of person to do that, do you want them as a supervisor, and more importantly, do you want to meet them alone at their home.
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
edited 49 mins ago
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
answered 58 mins ago
StrongBad♦
79.5k22201400
79.5k22201400
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
add a comment |Â
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
At their home? The question doesn't suggest she was asked to come to his home.
– Azor Ahai
43 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@AzorAhai The original question mentioned their home as an example of an outside place to meet; edits to clean up and streamline the question removed that particular parenthetical. Maybe it should be added back because I think that adds a bit of context. I can't speak for India but for the US I'd see a professor's home and a coffee shop to be completely separate levels of concern.
– Bryan Krause
42 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
@BryanKrause Oh, ok. Obviously that's entirely inappropriate.
– Azor Ahai
41 mins ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You can work with groups of students to have the university impose certain rules. You can then just use the rules as the "excuse".
You can, perhaps, attend such "gatherings" if you always go with a friend or relative. The friend may be bored, of course, but offers some "cover". In some cultures this is expected, actually.
You can fairly safely attend larger gatherings. Or gatherings in public places.
You can suggest another place to meet when invited. One that feels safe to you. It is probably fine to say that you would "be more comfortable" in the place you suggest.
If you need to work with someone you can't trust, do so electronically, using email and such.
But men aren't entirely safe from predators either, though it is normally a more common problem for women.
If you get "predator vibes" from a professor, work to find someone better and less selfish. Spread the word if you can do so safely. The grapevine can, of course, warn you of the bad actors.
If you do accept an invitation, be sure someone trusted knows where you will be and when you will return. Set a strict time limit on the duration of the meeting - say an hour.
But even if you get good vibes, be vigilant that the relationship doesn't change to one that is less professional.
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
You can work with groups of students to have the university impose certain rules. You can then just use the rules as the "excuse".
You can, perhaps, attend such "gatherings" if you always go with a friend or relative. The friend may be bored, of course, but offers some "cover". In some cultures this is expected, actually.
You can fairly safely attend larger gatherings. Or gatherings in public places.
You can suggest another place to meet when invited. One that feels safe to you. It is probably fine to say that you would "be more comfortable" in the place you suggest.
If you need to work with someone you can't trust, do so electronically, using email and such.
But men aren't entirely safe from predators either, though it is normally a more common problem for women.
If you get "predator vibes" from a professor, work to find someone better and less selfish. Spread the word if you can do so safely. The grapevine can, of course, warn you of the bad actors.
If you do accept an invitation, be sure someone trusted knows where you will be and when you will return. Set a strict time limit on the duration of the meeting - say an hour.
But even if you get good vibes, be vigilant that the relationship doesn't change to one that is less professional.
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
You can work with groups of students to have the university impose certain rules. You can then just use the rules as the "excuse".
You can, perhaps, attend such "gatherings" if you always go with a friend or relative. The friend may be bored, of course, but offers some "cover". In some cultures this is expected, actually.
You can fairly safely attend larger gatherings. Or gatherings in public places.
You can suggest another place to meet when invited. One that feels safe to you. It is probably fine to say that you would "be more comfortable" in the place you suggest.
If you need to work with someone you can't trust, do so electronically, using email and such.
But men aren't entirely safe from predators either, though it is normally a more common problem for women.
If you get "predator vibes" from a professor, work to find someone better and less selfish. Spread the word if you can do so safely. The grapevine can, of course, warn you of the bad actors.
If you do accept an invitation, be sure someone trusted knows where you will be and when you will return. Set a strict time limit on the duration of the meeting - say an hour.
But even if you get good vibes, be vigilant that the relationship doesn't change to one that is less professional.
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
You can work with groups of students to have the university impose certain rules. You can then just use the rules as the "excuse".
You can, perhaps, attend such "gatherings" if you always go with a friend or relative. The friend may be bored, of course, but offers some "cover". In some cultures this is expected, actually.
You can fairly safely attend larger gatherings. Or gatherings in public places.
You can suggest another place to meet when invited. One that feels safe to you. It is probably fine to say that you would "be more comfortable" in the place you suggest.
If you need to work with someone you can't trust, do so electronically, using email and such.
But men aren't entirely safe from predators either, though it is normally a more common problem for women.
If you get "predator vibes" from a professor, work to find someone better and less selfish. Spread the word if you can do so safely. The grapevine can, of course, warn you of the bad actors.
If you do accept an invitation, be sure someone trusted knows where you will be and when you will return. Set a strict time limit on the duration of the meeting - say an hour.
But even if you get good vibes, be vigilant that the relationship doesn't change to one that is less professional.
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
edited 44 mins ago
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
answered 59 mins ago
Buffy
24.7k678137
24.7k678137
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
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