Parents threatened to email the CEO of a company I'm applying for and ask them to not make me an offer [closed]

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I want to quit my PhD and work at a large tech company. My mother is very against that, and she threatened to email the CEO of the company I'm applying for, and ask him not to make me an offer.



How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company? I just got a second round interview at the company, and my mother does not know the CEO personally.







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closed as primarily opinion-based by user9158, mcknz, Masked Man♦, mhoran_psprep, Richard U Sep 6 '16 at 15:07


Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.




















    up vote
    1
    down vote

    favorite












    I want to quit my PhD and work at a large tech company. My mother is very against that, and she threatened to email the CEO of the company I'm applying for, and ask him not to make me an offer.



    How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company? I just got a second round interview at the company, and my mother does not know the CEO personally.







    share|improve this question











    closed as primarily opinion-based by user9158, mcknz, Masked Man♦, mhoran_psprep, Richard U Sep 6 '16 at 15:07


    Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
















      up vote
      1
      down vote

      favorite









      up vote
      1
      down vote

      favorite











      I want to quit my PhD and work at a large tech company. My mother is very against that, and she threatened to email the CEO of the company I'm applying for, and ask him not to make me an offer.



      How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company? I just got a second round interview at the company, and my mother does not know the CEO personally.







      share|improve this question











      I want to quit my PhD and work at a large tech company. My mother is very against that, and she threatened to email the CEO of the company I'm applying for, and ask him not to make me an offer.



      How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company? I just got a second round interview at the company, and my mother does not know the CEO personally.









      share|improve this question










      share|improve this question




      share|improve this question









      asked Aug 28 '16 at 1:47









      user24210

      203




      203




      closed as primarily opinion-based by user9158, mcknz, Masked Man♦, mhoran_psprep, Richard U Sep 6 '16 at 15:07


      Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.






      closed as primarily opinion-based by user9158, mcknz, Masked Man♦, mhoran_psprep, Richard U Sep 6 '16 at 15:07


      Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.






















          5 Answers
          5






          active

          oldest

          votes

















          up vote
          13
          down vote



          accepted










          The threat is very unlikely to work unless you pay attention to it, and let it get in the way of doing your best with the interview.



          It might be better not to discuss your career plans with your mother, or with anyone who might pass them on to her. It is your career, not hers.






          share|improve this answer




























            up vote
            10
            down vote













            If it is a large tech company the CEO likely does not even read his or her own email. CEOs of large companies do not have the time to look through their own email so typically a secretary of some kind screens the email separating out actual business email from everything else. This includes but is not limited to:



            • People trying to get hired by directly asking the CEO

            • People's parents trying to get their son or daughter hired

            • Crazy emails that make no sense

            • Spam that made it past the filters

            • Phishing and spear phishing attacks

            • Death Threats

            So it is highly unlikely that the CEO of the company would ever even get to see any email from your mother. She likely will get a nice precanned email thanking her for her email. Worst case is the email redirects her to HR or Ethics and they take her email seriously and investigate it. If the tech company is a good company they will get your side of the story before making any decisions, at which point you can diffuse the situation by giving a short and simple explanation like you did in the opening question.



            However, despite this specific threat not likely going to materialize into anything meaningful, she can still try and try again using different avenues of attack. As a result you will need to make sure your mother does not get information like your hiring manager's contact information. If you have a chance in casual conversation with your hiring manager either between interviews or after you are hired, make mention that your mom opposed your decision. This can preemptively diffuse a situation before it had a chance to form.



            Another aspect is stalling your mother until after you are hired, since she may give up after you have quit the PhD program. For example: asking your mom to give you some time to do some research on the company. Like checking to see if the company will help pay for PhDs since you may be able to sooth your mother's concerns by telling her this and that even though you are changing paths away from a PhD that there is still a possibility in the future that you can go back to it.



            The ideal solution (if possible) is to go to the source and do everything you can to get your mom to trust you and let you make your own decisions (see Caleb's answer).



            And one last random thing, which goes without saying: Whatever you do, do not quit your PhD until after you have a confirmed offer.






            share|improve this answer






























              up vote
              6
              down vote













              Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her you love her, and you know that she loves you. Tell her you understand her concern and you know she only wants the best for you. And then remind her gently that you're an adult and that this is a decision that you need to make yourself. Point out that the kind of interference she's contemplating isn't likely to bring you closer together.



              For a little levity, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, the "Lucky Suit" episode, with or without your mother.




              How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company?




              Probably not very serious at all. If a company is so spineless in its hiring that it would be swayed by an unknown 3rd party, you should find a better company to work for.






              share|improve this answer



















              • 1




                This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                – Patricia Shanahan
                Aug 28 '16 at 9:25










              • @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                – Caleb
                Aug 28 '16 at 16:06

















              up vote
              1
              down vote













              To assuade your fears:



              The CEO would probably not even read the mail, and delete it without a second look. Even if they would read it, it would only serve to ensure that nothing your mom says to them will ever be taken into any other account then "That crazy lady with whom we have no relation".






              share|improve this answer




























                up vote
                0
                down vote













                The company isn't hiring your mother. Unless she can suggest a serious reason that taking you would be bad for the company, and it's an argument you can't answer, I think her threat is vacuous, having no more significance than if she had written begging them to take you.






                share|improve this answer




























                  5 Answers
                  5






                  active

                  oldest

                  votes








                  5 Answers
                  5






                  active

                  oldest

                  votes









                  active

                  oldest

                  votes






                  active

                  oldest

                  votes








                  up vote
                  13
                  down vote



                  accepted










                  The threat is very unlikely to work unless you pay attention to it, and let it get in the way of doing your best with the interview.



                  It might be better not to discuss your career plans with your mother, or with anyone who might pass them on to her. It is your career, not hers.






                  share|improve this answer

























                    up vote
                    13
                    down vote



                    accepted










                    The threat is very unlikely to work unless you pay attention to it, and let it get in the way of doing your best with the interview.



                    It might be better not to discuss your career plans with your mother, or with anyone who might pass them on to her. It is your career, not hers.






                    share|improve this answer























                      up vote
                      13
                      down vote



                      accepted







                      up vote
                      13
                      down vote



                      accepted






                      The threat is very unlikely to work unless you pay attention to it, and let it get in the way of doing your best with the interview.



                      It might be better not to discuss your career plans with your mother, or with anyone who might pass them on to her. It is your career, not hers.






                      share|improve this answer













                      The threat is very unlikely to work unless you pay attention to it, and let it get in the way of doing your best with the interview.



                      It might be better not to discuss your career plans with your mother, or with anyone who might pass them on to her. It is your career, not hers.







                      share|improve this answer













                      share|improve this answer



                      share|improve this answer











                      answered Aug 28 '16 at 2:15









                      Patricia Shanahan

                      16.2k53256




                      16.2k53256






















                          up vote
                          10
                          down vote













                          If it is a large tech company the CEO likely does not even read his or her own email. CEOs of large companies do not have the time to look through their own email so typically a secretary of some kind screens the email separating out actual business email from everything else. This includes but is not limited to:



                          • People trying to get hired by directly asking the CEO

                          • People's parents trying to get their son or daughter hired

                          • Crazy emails that make no sense

                          • Spam that made it past the filters

                          • Phishing and spear phishing attacks

                          • Death Threats

                          So it is highly unlikely that the CEO of the company would ever even get to see any email from your mother. She likely will get a nice precanned email thanking her for her email. Worst case is the email redirects her to HR or Ethics and they take her email seriously and investigate it. If the tech company is a good company they will get your side of the story before making any decisions, at which point you can diffuse the situation by giving a short and simple explanation like you did in the opening question.



                          However, despite this specific threat not likely going to materialize into anything meaningful, she can still try and try again using different avenues of attack. As a result you will need to make sure your mother does not get information like your hiring manager's contact information. If you have a chance in casual conversation with your hiring manager either between interviews or after you are hired, make mention that your mom opposed your decision. This can preemptively diffuse a situation before it had a chance to form.



                          Another aspect is stalling your mother until after you are hired, since she may give up after you have quit the PhD program. For example: asking your mom to give you some time to do some research on the company. Like checking to see if the company will help pay for PhDs since you may be able to sooth your mother's concerns by telling her this and that even though you are changing paths away from a PhD that there is still a possibility in the future that you can go back to it.



                          The ideal solution (if possible) is to go to the source and do everything you can to get your mom to trust you and let you make your own decisions (see Caleb's answer).



                          And one last random thing, which goes without saying: Whatever you do, do not quit your PhD until after you have a confirmed offer.






                          share|improve this answer



























                            up vote
                            10
                            down vote













                            If it is a large tech company the CEO likely does not even read his or her own email. CEOs of large companies do not have the time to look through their own email so typically a secretary of some kind screens the email separating out actual business email from everything else. This includes but is not limited to:



                            • People trying to get hired by directly asking the CEO

                            • People's parents trying to get their son or daughter hired

                            • Crazy emails that make no sense

                            • Spam that made it past the filters

                            • Phishing and spear phishing attacks

                            • Death Threats

                            So it is highly unlikely that the CEO of the company would ever even get to see any email from your mother. She likely will get a nice precanned email thanking her for her email. Worst case is the email redirects her to HR or Ethics and they take her email seriously and investigate it. If the tech company is a good company they will get your side of the story before making any decisions, at which point you can diffuse the situation by giving a short and simple explanation like you did in the opening question.



                            However, despite this specific threat not likely going to materialize into anything meaningful, she can still try and try again using different avenues of attack. As a result you will need to make sure your mother does not get information like your hiring manager's contact information. If you have a chance in casual conversation with your hiring manager either between interviews or after you are hired, make mention that your mom opposed your decision. This can preemptively diffuse a situation before it had a chance to form.



                            Another aspect is stalling your mother until after you are hired, since she may give up after you have quit the PhD program. For example: asking your mom to give you some time to do some research on the company. Like checking to see if the company will help pay for PhDs since you may be able to sooth your mother's concerns by telling her this and that even though you are changing paths away from a PhD that there is still a possibility in the future that you can go back to it.



                            The ideal solution (if possible) is to go to the source and do everything you can to get your mom to trust you and let you make your own decisions (see Caleb's answer).



                            And one last random thing, which goes without saying: Whatever you do, do not quit your PhD until after you have a confirmed offer.






                            share|improve this answer

























                              up vote
                              10
                              down vote










                              up vote
                              10
                              down vote









                              If it is a large tech company the CEO likely does not even read his or her own email. CEOs of large companies do not have the time to look through their own email so typically a secretary of some kind screens the email separating out actual business email from everything else. This includes but is not limited to:



                              • People trying to get hired by directly asking the CEO

                              • People's parents trying to get their son or daughter hired

                              • Crazy emails that make no sense

                              • Spam that made it past the filters

                              • Phishing and spear phishing attacks

                              • Death Threats

                              So it is highly unlikely that the CEO of the company would ever even get to see any email from your mother. She likely will get a nice precanned email thanking her for her email. Worst case is the email redirects her to HR or Ethics and they take her email seriously and investigate it. If the tech company is a good company they will get your side of the story before making any decisions, at which point you can diffuse the situation by giving a short and simple explanation like you did in the opening question.



                              However, despite this specific threat not likely going to materialize into anything meaningful, she can still try and try again using different avenues of attack. As a result you will need to make sure your mother does not get information like your hiring manager's contact information. If you have a chance in casual conversation with your hiring manager either between interviews or after you are hired, make mention that your mom opposed your decision. This can preemptively diffuse a situation before it had a chance to form.



                              Another aspect is stalling your mother until after you are hired, since she may give up after you have quit the PhD program. For example: asking your mom to give you some time to do some research on the company. Like checking to see if the company will help pay for PhDs since you may be able to sooth your mother's concerns by telling her this and that even though you are changing paths away from a PhD that there is still a possibility in the future that you can go back to it.



                              The ideal solution (if possible) is to go to the source and do everything you can to get your mom to trust you and let you make your own decisions (see Caleb's answer).



                              And one last random thing, which goes without saying: Whatever you do, do not quit your PhD until after you have a confirmed offer.






                              share|improve this answer















                              If it is a large tech company the CEO likely does not even read his or her own email. CEOs of large companies do not have the time to look through their own email so typically a secretary of some kind screens the email separating out actual business email from everything else. This includes but is not limited to:



                              • People trying to get hired by directly asking the CEO

                              • People's parents trying to get their son or daughter hired

                              • Crazy emails that make no sense

                              • Spam that made it past the filters

                              • Phishing and spear phishing attacks

                              • Death Threats

                              So it is highly unlikely that the CEO of the company would ever even get to see any email from your mother. She likely will get a nice precanned email thanking her for her email. Worst case is the email redirects her to HR or Ethics and they take her email seriously and investigate it. If the tech company is a good company they will get your side of the story before making any decisions, at which point you can diffuse the situation by giving a short and simple explanation like you did in the opening question.



                              However, despite this specific threat not likely going to materialize into anything meaningful, she can still try and try again using different avenues of attack. As a result you will need to make sure your mother does not get information like your hiring manager's contact information. If you have a chance in casual conversation with your hiring manager either between interviews or after you are hired, make mention that your mom opposed your decision. This can preemptively diffuse a situation before it had a chance to form.



                              Another aspect is stalling your mother until after you are hired, since she may give up after you have quit the PhD program. For example: asking your mom to give you some time to do some research on the company. Like checking to see if the company will help pay for PhDs since you may be able to sooth your mother's concerns by telling her this and that even though you are changing paths away from a PhD that there is still a possibility in the future that you can go back to it.



                              The ideal solution (if possible) is to go to the source and do everything you can to get your mom to trust you and let you make your own decisions (see Caleb's answer).



                              And one last random thing, which goes without saying: Whatever you do, do not quit your PhD until after you have a confirmed offer.







                              share|improve this answer















                              share|improve this answer



                              share|improve this answer








                              edited Aug 28 '16 at 12:04









                              Philipp

                              20.3k34884




                              20.3k34884











                              answered Aug 28 '16 at 11:33









                              Anketam

                              3,75321134




                              3,75321134




















                                  up vote
                                  6
                                  down vote













                                  Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her you love her, and you know that she loves you. Tell her you understand her concern and you know she only wants the best for you. And then remind her gently that you're an adult and that this is a decision that you need to make yourself. Point out that the kind of interference she's contemplating isn't likely to bring you closer together.



                                  For a little levity, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, the "Lucky Suit" episode, with or without your mother.




                                  How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company?




                                  Probably not very serious at all. If a company is so spineless in its hiring that it would be swayed by an unknown 3rd party, you should find a better company to work for.






                                  share|improve this answer



















                                  • 1




                                    This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                    – Patricia Shanahan
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 9:25










                                  • @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                    – Caleb
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 16:06














                                  up vote
                                  6
                                  down vote













                                  Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her you love her, and you know that she loves you. Tell her you understand her concern and you know she only wants the best for you. And then remind her gently that you're an adult and that this is a decision that you need to make yourself. Point out that the kind of interference she's contemplating isn't likely to bring you closer together.



                                  For a little levity, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, the "Lucky Suit" episode, with or without your mother.




                                  How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company?




                                  Probably not very serious at all. If a company is so spineless in its hiring that it would be swayed by an unknown 3rd party, you should find a better company to work for.






                                  share|improve this answer



















                                  • 1




                                    This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                    – Patricia Shanahan
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 9:25










                                  • @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                    – Caleb
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 16:06












                                  up vote
                                  6
                                  down vote










                                  up vote
                                  6
                                  down vote









                                  Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her you love her, and you know that she loves you. Tell her you understand her concern and you know she only wants the best for you. And then remind her gently that you're an adult and that this is a decision that you need to make yourself. Point out that the kind of interference she's contemplating isn't likely to bring you closer together.



                                  For a little levity, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, the "Lucky Suit" episode, with or without your mother.




                                  How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company?




                                  Probably not very serious at all. If a company is so spineless in its hiring that it would be swayed by an unknown 3rd party, you should find a better company to work for.






                                  share|improve this answer















                                  Sit down and talk to your mother. Tell her you love her, and you know that she loves you. Tell her you understand her concern and you know she only wants the best for you. And then remind her gently that you're an adult and that this is a decision that you need to make yourself. Point out that the kind of interference she's contemplating isn't likely to bring you closer together.



                                  For a little levity, watch Everybody Loves Raymond, the "Lucky Suit" episode, with or without your mother.




                                  How serious of a threat does this present to my candidacy at the company?




                                  Probably not very serious at all. If a company is so spineless in its hiring that it would be swayed by an unknown 3rd party, you should find a better company to work for.







                                  share|improve this answer















                                  share|improve this answer



                                  share|improve this answer








                                  edited Aug 28 '16 at 16:11


























                                  answered Aug 28 '16 at 5:29









                                  Caleb

                                  5,55312531




                                  5,55312531







                                  • 1




                                    This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                    – Patricia Shanahan
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 9:25










                                  • @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                    – Caleb
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 16:06












                                  • 1




                                    This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                    – Patricia Shanahan
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 9:25










                                  • @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                    – Caleb
                                    Aug 28 '16 at 16:06







                                  1




                                  1




                                  This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                  – Patricia Shanahan
                                  Aug 28 '16 at 9:25




                                  This seems to me to be a good response if the mother were giving advice and trying to talk the OP out of the OP's career decision. Threatening to try to sabotage the OP's job application goes way beyond that.
                                  – Patricia Shanahan
                                  Aug 28 '16 at 9:25












                                  @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                  – Caleb
                                  Aug 28 '16 at 16:06




                                  @PatriciaShanahan She's probably only threatening to e-mail the CEO because she feels desperate and powerless to make herself heard. Listening to and acknowledging her feelings could help defuse the situation. Unless she's a control freak who will stop at nothing to maintain power over her kid's life, but if that were the case the OP probably wouldn't have told her anything in the first place.
                                  – Caleb
                                  Aug 28 '16 at 16:06










                                  up vote
                                  1
                                  down vote













                                  To assuade your fears:



                                  The CEO would probably not even read the mail, and delete it without a second look. Even if they would read it, it would only serve to ensure that nothing your mom says to them will ever be taken into any other account then "That crazy lady with whom we have no relation".






                                  share|improve this answer

























                                    up vote
                                    1
                                    down vote













                                    To assuade your fears:



                                    The CEO would probably not even read the mail, and delete it without a second look. Even if they would read it, it would only serve to ensure that nothing your mom says to them will ever be taken into any other account then "That crazy lady with whom we have no relation".






                                    share|improve this answer























                                      up vote
                                      1
                                      down vote










                                      up vote
                                      1
                                      down vote









                                      To assuade your fears:



                                      The CEO would probably not even read the mail, and delete it without a second look. Even if they would read it, it would only serve to ensure that nothing your mom says to them will ever be taken into any other account then "That crazy lady with whom we have no relation".






                                      share|improve this answer













                                      To assuade your fears:



                                      The CEO would probably not even read the mail, and delete it without a second look. Even if they would read it, it would only serve to ensure that nothing your mom says to them will ever be taken into any other account then "That crazy lady with whom we have no relation".







                                      share|improve this answer













                                      share|improve this answer



                                      share|improve this answer











                                      answered Aug 28 '16 at 11:46









                                      Magisch

                                      16.5k134776




                                      16.5k134776




















                                          up vote
                                          0
                                          down vote













                                          The company isn't hiring your mother. Unless she can suggest a serious reason that taking you would be bad for the company, and it's an argument you can't answer, I think her threat is vacuous, having no more significance than if she had written begging them to take you.






                                          share|improve this answer

























                                            up vote
                                            0
                                            down vote













                                            The company isn't hiring your mother. Unless she can suggest a serious reason that taking you would be bad for the company, and it's an argument you can't answer, I think her threat is vacuous, having no more significance than if she had written begging them to take you.






                                            share|improve this answer























                                              up vote
                                              0
                                              down vote










                                              up vote
                                              0
                                              down vote









                                              The company isn't hiring your mother. Unless she can suggest a serious reason that taking you would be bad for the company, and it's an argument you can't answer, I think her threat is vacuous, having no more significance than if she had written begging them to take you.






                                              share|improve this answer













                                              The company isn't hiring your mother. Unless she can suggest a serious reason that taking you would be bad for the company, and it's an argument you can't answer, I think her threat is vacuous, having no more significance than if she had written begging them to take you.







                                              share|improve this answer













                                              share|improve this answer



                                              share|improve this answer











                                              answered Aug 28 '16 at 2:11









                                              keshlam

                                              41.5k1267144




                                              41.5k1267144












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