Mixing
How to deal with a coworker who uses sensuality and attractiveness to get favors and other things done at work?
Clash Royale CLAN TAG#URR8PPP
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
up vote
31
down vote
favorite
I work at a fast-growing tech startup where most employees are between 25 and 35, so the culture is very young and casual.
A department that works closely with my team recently hired an intern. She is very attractive and sensual (almost flirty) when communicates with other male coworkers. She gets many work-related favors done by others even though they are not documented or agreed processes. Her manager left the company and she somehow managed to get all her responsibilities, which left other more experienced members of her team quite disappointed. I have also noticed how she is now showing a bossy attitude towards them.
A few days ago she had asked some favors from some of my all-male team members, and they offered to help her even though they usually don't have time to give favors to other teams (and they normally don't just agree to do a favor to someone). I reprimanded my subordinates and told them not to spend any second helping her unless I approve it.
I am a young man as well, but try to be egalitarian in the way I manage my team and processes. On the one hand I don't want to favor someone just because they are more sensual and attractive (regardless of their gender of course), and I especially don't want such behaviors to affect processes. But on the other hand I am also afraid of creating a rift with the rising star of the company who is popular in this male-dominated, somewhat testosterone-driven startup environment.
On paper, I have everything to prove that I am right to force her into the official channels, but given our company size and culture, I am no longer sure whether that is the right approach from a political point of view.
And as a manager, I must worry about politics, so my question is how to handle this situation.
professionalism company-culture politics
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
31
down vote
favorite
I work at a fast-growing tech startup where most employees are between 25 and 35, so the culture is very young and casual.
A department that works closely with my team recently hired an intern. She is very attractive and sensual (almost flirty) when communicates with other male coworkers. She gets many work-related favors done by others even though they are not documented or agreed processes. Her manager left the company and she somehow managed to get all her responsibilities, which left other more experienced members of her team quite disappointed. I have also noticed how she is now showing a bossy attitude towards them.
A few days ago she had asked some favors from some of my all-male team members, and they offered to help her even though they usually don't have time to give favors to other teams (and they normally don't just agree to do a favor to someone). I reprimanded my subordinates and told them not to spend any second helping her unless I approve it.
I am a young man as well, but try to be egalitarian in the way I manage my team and processes. On the one hand I don't want to favor someone just because they are more sensual and attractive (regardless of their gender of course), and I especially don't want such behaviors to affect processes. But on the other hand I am also afraid of creating a rift with the rising star of the company who is popular in this male-dominated, somewhat testosterone-driven startup environment.
On paper, I have everything to prove that I am right to force her into the official channels, but given our company size and culture, I am no longer sure whether that is the right approach from a political point of view.
And as a manager, I must worry about politics, so my question is how to handle this situation.
professionalism company-culture politics
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
1
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
31
down vote
favorite
up vote
31
down vote
favorite
I work at a fast-growing tech startup where most employees are between 25 and 35, so the culture is very young and casual.
A department that works closely with my team recently hired an intern. She is very attractive and sensual (almost flirty) when communicates with other male coworkers. She gets many work-related favors done by others even though they are not documented or agreed processes. Her manager left the company and she somehow managed to get all her responsibilities, which left other more experienced members of her team quite disappointed. I have also noticed how she is now showing a bossy attitude towards them.
A few days ago she had asked some favors from some of my all-male team members, and they offered to help her even though they usually don't have time to give favors to other teams (and they normally don't just agree to do a favor to someone). I reprimanded my subordinates and told them not to spend any second helping her unless I approve it.
I am a young man as well, but try to be egalitarian in the way I manage my team and processes. On the one hand I don't want to favor someone just because they are more sensual and attractive (regardless of their gender of course), and I especially don't want such behaviors to affect processes. But on the other hand I am also afraid of creating a rift with the rising star of the company who is popular in this male-dominated, somewhat testosterone-driven startup environment.
On paper, I have everything to prove that I am right to force her into the official channels, but given our company size and culture, I am no longer sure whether that is the right approach from a political point of view.
And as a manager, I must worry about politics, so my question is how to handle this situation.
professionalism company-culture politics
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
I work at a fast-growing tech startup where most employees are between 25 and 35, so the culture is very young and casual.
A department that works closely with my team recently hired an intern. She is very attractive and sensual (almost flirty) when communicates with other male coworkers. She gets many work-related favors done by others even though they are not documented or agreed processes. Her manager left the company and she somehow managed to get all her responsibilities, which left other more experienced members of her team quite disappointed. I have also noticed how she is now showing a bossy attitude towards them.
A few days ago she had asked some favors from some of my all-male team members, and they offered to help her even though they usually don't have time to give favors to other teams (and they normally don't just agree to do a favor to someone). I reprimanded my subordinates and told them not to spend any second helping her unless I approve it.
I am a young man as well, but try to be egalitarian in the way I manage my team and processes. On the one hand I don't want to favor someone just because they are more sensual and attractive (regardless of their gender of course), and I especially don't want such behaviors to affect processes. But on the other hand I am also afraid of creating a rift with the rising star of the company who is popular in this male-dominated, somewhat testosterone-driven startup environment.
On paper, I have everything to prove that I am right to force her into the official channels, but given our company size and culture, I am no longer sure whether that is the right approach from a political point of view.
And as a manager, I must worry about politics, so my question is how to handle this situation.
professionalism company-culture politics
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
edited Aug 1 '15 at 16:38
Rhys
5,73623558
5,73623558
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
asked Aug 1 '15 at 9:28
aRarerError
17126
17126
1
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18
suggest improvements |Â
1
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18
1
1
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18
suggest improvements |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
39
down vote
The first part of @gnasher's answer is absolutely correct. But what you need to address as a manager is your team, meeting your goals and managing your risks.
If this person is causing issues to your team, then you absolutely need to address that. Get her to go through the proper channels by talking to your team and make sure that it's clearly understood that they need to direct any requests to you, and to her that she needs to do the same or she is putting your team's work at risk.
Beyond that, it's really not your issue or responsibility. You can encourage them, but let the other managers manage their own risks, and ensure that you and your team are following process and meeting your targets.
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
 |Â
show 10 more comments
up vote
25
down vote
The problem in my opinion is not how she's subverting the process, but that you and your team are allowing it to happen. I've worked at a number of smaller firms, and the attitude that any type of process is bad because it makes you inflexible ends up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Work with your team to create a reasonable process to prioritize and assign tasks, then communicate it and its benefits to the rest of the organization. Whatever process you have now doesn't have the support of your team, or they wouldn't be going around it. Either they don't understand the benefit or they aren't very clear about what the process is or the process is just too burdensome.
Be willing to be the "bad cop" and let your team be the "good cop". When someone tries to go around the process, your team should refer them to you for an exception, but they can also be accommodating by offering to help move the request through your process. You have to be the only one that can allow someone to bypass the normal work flow, so that you can manage your team's workload and make sure the right resources are being applied to the right project at the right time.
It's not going to be fun at first. I think if your team starts experiencing predictable workloads and can get things completed without being pulled in seven different directions at once, they'll start helping ensure the process is followed. If your process isn't benefitting them in some way, they will be willing to go around it for a pretty girl's attention no matter what you do.
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
8
down vote
I'd say this is very simple. You see one of your team members helping her, which comes out of your work budget, so you walk up to both of them, ask your team member what he is doing, why he is doing it, then you ask him whether you told him to do this, and when he says "No", you say "Ok then. You stop right now, go back to your work, and when Mrs. Princess wants any favours done, you send your straight to me. Understood? " And to Mrs. Princess: "If you want work done for you by my team, you come to me. Understood?"
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
suggest improvements |Â
StackExchange.ready(function ()
$("#show-editor-button input, #show-editor-button button").click(function ()
var showEditor = function()
$("#show-editor-button").hide();
$("#post-form").removeClass("dno");
StackExchange.editor.finallyInit();
;
var useFancy = $(this).data('confirm-use-fancy');
if(useFancy == 'True')
var popupTitle = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-title');
var popupBody = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-body');
var popupAccept = $(this).data('confirm-fancy-accept-button');
$(this).loadPopup(
url: '/post/self-answer-popup',
loaded: function(popup)
var pTitle = $(popup).find('h2');
var pBody = $(popup).find('.popup-body');
var pSubmit = $(popup).find('.popup-submit');
pTitle.text(popupTitle);
pBody.html(popupBody);
pSubmit.val(popupAccept).click(showEditor);
)
else
var confirmText = $(this).data('confirm-text');
if (confirmText ? confirm(confirmText) : true)
showEditor();
);
);
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
39
down vote
The first part of @gnasher's answer is absolutely correct. But what you need to address as a manager is your team, meeting your goals and managing your risks.
If this person is causing issues to your team, then you absolutely need to address that. Get her to go through the proper channels by talking to your team and make sure that it's clearly understood that they need to direct any requests to you, and to her that she needs to do the same or she is putting your team's work at risk.
Beyond that, it's really not your issue or responsibility. You can encourage them, but let the other managers manage their own risks, and ensure that you and your team are following process and meeting your targets.
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
 |Â
show 10 more comments
up vote
39
down vote
The first part of @gnasher's answer is absolutely correct. But what you need to address as a manager is your team, meeting your goals and managing your risks.
If this person is causing issues to your team, then you absolutely need to address that. Get her to go through the proper channels by talking to your team and make sure that it's clearly understood that they need to direct any requests to you, and to her that she needs to do the same or she is putting your team's work at risk.
Beyond that, it's really not your issue or responsibility. You can encourage them, but let the other managers manage their own risks, and ensure that you and your team are following process and meeting your targets.
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
 |Â
show 10 more comments
up vote
39
down vote
up vote
39
down vote
The first part of @gnasher's answer is absolutely correct. But what you need to address as a manager is your team, meeting your goals and managing your risks.
If this person is causing issues to your team, then you absolutely need to address that. Get her to go through the proper channels by talking to your team and make sure that it's clearly understood that they need to direct any requests to you, and to her that she needs to do the same or she is putting your team's work at risk.
Beyond that, it's really not your issue or responsibility. You can encourage them, but let the other managers manage their own risks, and ensure that you and your team are following process and meeting your targets.
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
The first part of @gnasher's answer is absolutely correct. But what you need to address as a manager is your team, meeting your goals and managing your risks.
If this person is causing issues to your team, then you absolutely need to address that. Get her to go through the proper channels by talking to your team and make sure that it's clearly understood that they need to direct any requests to you, and to her that she needs to do the same or she is putting your team's work at risk.
Beyond that, it's really not your issue or responsibility. You can encourage them, but let the other managers manage their own risks, and ensure that you and your team are following process and meeting your targets.
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
1
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:47
Jane S♦
40.8k17125159
40.8k17125159
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
 |Â
show 10 more comments
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
3
3
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
I would just add that, if made through proper channels, her requests should be handled on exactly the same basis as any request from another group.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:07
3
3
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
@PatriciaShanahan Completely agree. Stay professional, do your job, manage your team :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 13:08
5
5
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
@samarasa - That's not an ego problem. A manager is responsible for the productivity of the team they manage. If an external request is made outside of the manager's approval, then that is improper. There is no "ego" about it. A manager should set and enforce clear expectations of work assignments and the procedures for accepting them as a department.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 17:43
3
3
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
All conjectures wrong - the actual problem is I have a strong value/moral aversion against her type of behavior in the workplace (using sex or sexuality to get work done) and that it directly affects my team and the company I work in.
– aRarerError
Aug 1 '15 at 19:25
3
3
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
@aRarerError - Personally, I agree with you. Practically, it happens. I've seen it happen too often. Two pieces of advice I can share with you: 1) Use procedure to stymie her manipulations of your team. 2) It is truly gratifying to watch the train wreck when their looks fade.
– Wesley Long
Aug 1 '15 at 19:47
 |Â
show 10 more comments
up vote
25
down vote
The problem in my opinion is not how she's subverting the process, but that you and your team are allowing it to happen. I've worked at a number of smaller firms, and the attitude that any type of process is bad because it makes you inflexible ends up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Work with your team to create a reasonable process to prioritize and assign tasks, then communicate it and its benefits to the rest of the organization. Whatever process you have now doesn't have the support of your team, or they wouldn't be going around it. Either they don't understand the benefit or they aren't very clear about what the process is or the process is just too burdensome.
Be willing to be the "bad cop" and let your team be the "good cop". When someone tries to go around the process, your team should refer them to you for an exception, but they can also be accommodating by offering to help move the request through your process. You have to be the only one that can allow someone to bypass the normal work flow, so that you can manage your team's workload and make sure the right resources are being applied to the right project at the right time.
It's not going to be fun at first. I think if your team starts experiencing predictable workloads and can get things completed without being pulled in seven different directions at once, they'll start helping ensure the process is followed. If your process isn't benefitting them in some way, they will be willing to go around it for a pretty girl's attention no matter what you do.
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
25
down vote
The problem in my opinion is not how she's subverting the process, but that you and your team are allowing it to happen. I've worked at a number of smaller firms, and the attitude that any type of process is bad because it makes you inflexible ends up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Work with your team to create a reasonable process to prioritize and assign tasks, then communicate it and its benefits to the rest of the organization. Whatever process you have now doesn't have the support of your team, or they wouldn't be going around it. Either they don't understand the benefit or they aren't very clear about what the process is or the process is just too burdensome.
Be willing to be the "bad cop" and let your team be the "good cop". When someone tries to go around the process, your team should refer them to you for an exception, but they can also be accommodating by offering to help move the request through your process. You have to be the only one that can allow someone to bypass the normal work flow, so that you can manage your team's workload and make sure the right resources are being applied to the right project at the right time.
It's not going to be fun at first. I think if your team starts experiencing predictable workloads and can get things completed without being pulled in seven different directions at once, they'll start helping ensure the process is followed. If your process isn't benefitting them in some way, they will be willing to go around it for a pretty girl's attention no matter what you do.
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
25
down vote
up vote
25
down vote
The problem in my opinion is not how she's subverting the process, but that you and your team are allowing it to happen. I've worked at a number of smaller firms, and the attitude that any type of process is bad because it makes you inflexible ends up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Work with your team to create a reasonable process to prioritize and assign tasks, then communicate it and its benefits to the rest of the organization. Whatever process you have now doesn't have the support of your team, or they wouldn't be going around it. Either they don't understand the benefit or they aren't very clear about what the process is or the process is just too burdensome.
Be willing to be the "bad cop" and let your team be the "good cop". When someone tries to go around the process, your team should refer them to you for an exception, but they can also be accommodating by offering to help move the request through your process. You have to be the only one that can allow someone to bypass the normal work flow, so that you can manage your team's workload and make sure the right resources are being applied to the right project at the right time.
It's not going to be fun at first. I think if your team starts experiencing predictable workloads and can get things completed without being pulled in seven different directions at once, they'll start helping ensure the process is followed. If your process isn't benefitting them in some way, they will be willing to go around it for a pretty girl's attention no matter what you do.
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
The problem in my opinion is not how she's subverting the process, but that you and your team are allowing it to happen. I've worked at a number of smaller firms, and the attitude that any type of process is bad because it makes you inflexible ends up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
Work with your team to create a reasonable process to prioritize and assign tasks, then communicate it and its benefits to the rest of the organization. Whatever process you have now doesn't have the support of your team, or they wouldn't be going around it. Either they don't understand the benefit or they aren't very clear about what the process is or the process is just too burdensome.
Be willing to be the "bad cop" and let your team be the "good cop". When someone tries to go around the process, your team should refer them to you for an exception, but they can also be accommodating by offering to help move the request through your process. You have to be the only one that can allow someone to bypass the normal work flow, so that you can manage your team's workload and make sure the right resources are being applied to the right project at the right time.
It's not going to be fun at first. I think if your team starts experiencing predictable workloads and can get things completed without being pulled in seven different directions at once, they'll start helping ensure the process is followed. If your process isn't benefitting them in some way, they will be willing to go around it for a pretty girl's attention no matter what you do.
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
answered Aug 1 '15 at 17:01
ColleenV
2,752928
2,752928
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
 |Â
show 4 more comments
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
1
1
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
Best answer here. The others are too confrontational. You highlight the emphasis the OP should have in a good way: "I need to manage my team's workload. We have a process to do that." And as you say, it doesn't have to be an onerous process. It can be simple and lightweight. As long as it means that the OP hears and can deny requests from other teams, it does it's job. One thing to add: don't be antagonistic to the problem person over this. If they have a legitimate need for your team to do something, then it's to the company's benefit that you arrange for it.
– jpmc26
Aug 2 '15 at 9:21
4
4
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
@jpmc26 Thanks, while the alleged behavior of the woman annoys me to no end, I don't think it's productive to address it directly. When it stops working for her, she'll stop doing it.
– ColleenV
Aug 2 '15 at 12:16
1
1
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
@aRarerError That's your problem in a nutshell - there are no processes. I understand the resistance the folks in start-ups have to creating them, but if you don't, you can't manage the work effectively and stuff like this happens. You can create a process that your team will buy into if you involve them in its creation.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:10
1
1
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
@aRarerError How can you being effective at managing your workload hamper other teams? It sounds like the processes you're thinking of are too onerous. It doesn't have to be complicated, just documented.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 0:26
2
2
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
@aRarerError Wow she's really intimidated you. If you don't believe that you are working with rational people that will recognize good management practices then maybe you should look for another position.If this is a startup and the management is going to punish you for being effective because it annoys one woman, they aren't going to be successful.
– ColleenV
Aug 3 '15 at 12:21
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
8
down vote
I'd say this is very simple. You see one of your team members helping her, which comes out of your work budget, so you walk up to both of them, ask your team member what he is doing, why he is doing it, then you ask him whether you told him to do this, and when he says "No", you say "Ok then. You stop right now, go back to your work, and when Mrs. Princess wants any favours done, you send your straight to me. Understood? " And to Mrs. Princess: "If you want work done for you by my team, you come to me. Understood?"
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
I'd say this is very simple. You see one of your team members helping her, which comes out of your work budget, so you walk up to both of them, ask your team member what he is doing, why he is doing it, then you ask him whether you told him to do this, and when he says "No", you say "Ok then. You stop right now, go back to your work, and when Mrs. Princess wants any favours done, you send your straight to me. Understood? " And to Mrs. Princess: "If you want work done for you by my team, you come to me. Understood?"
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
up vote
8
down vote
I'd say this is very simple. You see one of your team members helping her, which comes out of your work budget, so you walk up to both of them, ask your team member what he is doing, why he is doing it, then you ask him whether you told him to do this, and when he says "No", you say "Ok then. You stop right now, go back to your work, and when Mrs. Princess wants any favours done, you send your straight to me. Understood? " And to Mrs. Princess: "If you want work done for you by my team, you come to me. Understood?"
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
I'd say this is very simple. You see one of your team members helping her, which comes out of your work budget, so you walk up to both of them, ask your team member what he is doing, why he is doing it, then you ask him whether you told him to do this, and when he says "No", you say "Ok then. You stop right now, go back to your work, and when Mrs. Princess wants any favours done, you send your straight to me. Understood? " And to Mrs. Princess: "If you want work done for you by my team, you come to me. Understood?"
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
edited Apr 8 '16 at 23:03
cat
205111
205111
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
answered Aug 1 '15 at 12:02
gnasher729
71k31131222
71k31131222
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
suggest improvements |Â
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
24
24
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
You had me until your edit to include your second paragraph. What you do is you encourage the others to also make sure their staff account for their time appropriately. Don't try to undermine someone, or it will backfire on you. Play it by the book, and encourage other managers to make her do the same. If she's a rising star, she'll still shine. If not, well, that will become apparent too :)
– Jane S♦
Aug 1 '15 at 12:12
3
3
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
As a less confrontational alternative to the first paragraph, remind your team in general of the need to refer requests from other teams through proper channels. That can be done by e-mail or during a team meeting.
– Patricia Shanahan
Aug 1 '15 at 13:10
4
4
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
First paragraph isn't so bad. Second paragraph is disgusting
– Rein Henrichs
Aug 4 '15 at 14:56
6
6
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
Calling someone "Mrs. Princess" in the workplace is inappropriate. And admonishing a subordinate in front of a person they supposedly like may get them to become defensive. If you want your subordinate to follow your directions, be as respectful as possible in your request, phrase your request in the positive, and if you're worried about your subordinate deviating again in the future, wait until you're alone with him to fully address the breach in protocol. The same goes with the woman in question. Making a coworker lose face in front of another coworker can really backfire on you.
– Stephan Branczyk
Apr 9 '16 at 3:12
suggest improvements |Â
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
StackExchange.ready(
function ()
StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f50490%2fhow-to-deal-with-a-coworker-who-uses-sensuality-and-attractiveness-to-get-favors%23new-answer', 'question_page');
);
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
1
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat.
– jmort253♦
Aug 7 '15 at 17:18