How to avoid questions about your/others' sexual orientation in the workplace? [closed]

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I have no problem with being a little rude about this subject outside work but I can't think of a PC answers if this subject came up for discussion in the office.







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closed as unclear what you're asking by Joe Strazzere, gnat, Kent A., mcknz, scaaahu Jun 25 '15 at 5:38


Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.










  • 2




    When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:42






  • 1




    Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
    – Ulkoma
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:45






  • 6




    Just clarifying the question, that's all!
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:55






  • 3




    You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
    – Brandin
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:24






  • 4




    @Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
    – David K
    Jun 24 '15 at 12:33
















up vote
4
down vote

favorite
1












I have no problem with being a little rude about this subject outside work but I can't think of a PC answers if this subject came up for discussion in the office.







share|improve this question












closed as unclear what you're asking by Joe Strazzere, gnat, Kent A., mcknz, scaaahu Jun 25 '15 at 5:38


Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.










  • 2




    When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:42






  • 1




    Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
    – Ulkoma
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:45






  • 6




    Just clarifying the question, that's all!
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:55






  • 3




    You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
    – Brandin
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:24






  • 4




    @Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
    – David K
    Jun 24 '15 at 12:33












up vote
4
down vote

favorite
1









up vote
4
down vote

favorite
1






1





I have no problem with being a little rude about this subject outside work but I can't think of a PC answers if this subject came up for discussion in the office.







share|improve this question












I have no problem with being a little rude about this subject outside work but I can't think of a PC answers if this subject came up for discussion in the office.









share|improve this question











share|improve this question




share|improve this question










asked Jun 24 '15 at 7:08









Ulkoma

1337




1337




closed as unclear what you're asking by Joe Strazzere, gnat, Kent A., mcknz, scaaahu Jun 25 '15 at 5:38


Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.






closed as unclear what you're asking by Joe Strazzere, gnat, Kent A., mcknz, scaaahu Jun 25 '15 at 5:38


Please clarify your specific problem or add additional details to highlight exactly what you need. As it's currently written, it’s hard to tell exactly what you're asking. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.









  • 2




    When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:42






  • 1




    Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
    – Ulkoma
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:45






  • 6




    Just clarifying the question, that's all!
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:55






  • 3




    You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
    – Brandin
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:24






  • 4




    @Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
    – David K
    Jun 24 '15 at 12:33












  • 2




    When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:42






  • 1




    Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
    – Ulkoma
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:45






  • 6




    Just clarifying the question, that's all!
    – Julia Hayward
    Jun 24 '15 at 7:55






  • 3




    You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
    – Brandin
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:24






  • 4




    @Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
    – David K
    Jun 24 '15 at 12:33







2




2




When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
– Julia Hayward
Jun 24 '15 at 7:42




When you say "a little rude" do you mean handling sexually explicit conversation, handling intrusive questioning, handling others being offensive about you, being (deliberately or accidentally) offensive about your colleagues, ...?
– Julia Hayward
Jun 24 '15 at 7:42




1




1




Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
– Ulkoma
Jun 24 '15 at 7:45




Does it matter? I can be little rude outside work but not at work. Rude as in giving answers like "mind your own business"
– Ulkoma
Jun 24 '15 at 7:45




6




6




Just clarifying the question, that's all!
– Julia Hayward
Jun 24 '15 at 7:55




Just clarifying the question, that's all!
– Julia Hayward
Jun 24 '15 at 7:55




3




3




You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
– Brandin
Jun 24 '15 at 9:24




You can be brisk without being rude. For example, just say "No comment." If you look at the person, smile and say this in a friendly tone, you may even be able to emotionally disarm your asker.
– Brandin
Jun 24 '15 at 9:24




4




4




@Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
– David K
Jun 24 '15 at 12:33




@Brandin I would immediately understand that response as "Yes, I'm gay, but shhhh, it's a secret! :-)"
– David K
Jun 24 '15 at 12:33










5 Answers
5






active

oldest

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up vote
8
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accepted










I'd say something along the lines of "why? Does it matter?" and leave the ball hanging in their court. I doubt anyone sensible will consider the response to this question as something they can reasonably answer positively. And once they admit it doesn't matter, you've already moved the conversation on, away from this non-constructive subject.






share|improve this answer
















  • 2




    "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
    – HardScale
    Nov 6 '16 at 0:55

















up vote
23
down vote













In a professional setting, asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation is pretty much always inappropriate. If you don't want to be questioned, then some variation of "it's not an appropriate subject for the office" should suffice. Don't make it about yourself and why you don't want to answer; the questioner would be equally wrong asking anyone.






share|improve this answer
















  • 10




    In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
    – sleske
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:22

















up vote
12
down vote













I agree with Julia Hayward that it's inappropriate to ask at work. I'd suggest a different response, though - "it's not an appropriate subject" may come across as a bit unfriendly.



I'd go with some variation of "Why do you ask?" The response will probably be something along the lines of "Oh, I was just wondering." At that point, you respond only to this last sentence, with e.g. "Oh, OK then" - and then you change the subject. Or you could prolong it a bit with "What made you wonder?" - and whatever they say, you can still respond with "Oh, OK then" and a change of subject.



In other words - turn the question around so that they have to explain why they would even ask that question, and then change the subject.



If they persist after this, that's the time to respond with "No, I didn't answer, because I don't think it's an appropriate subject for the office". At that point their insistence is already well past the point of rudeness.






share|improve this answer
















  • 1




    Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
    – Marv Mills
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:12






  • 5




    @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
    – Jenny D
    Jun 24 '15 at 9:18











  • Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
    – Marv Mills
    Jun 24 '15 at 10:00










  • @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
    – Jenny D
    Jun 24 '15 at 10:52







  • 1




    Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
    – Jenny D
    Jun 24 '15 at 11:07

















up vote
1
down vote













Asking someones sexual orientation is inappropriate in a work context, because it is irrelevant for the job. There is only one industry where asking about someones sexual orientation is work-related, and that is the adult entertainment and sex industry.



And even in that context it should be appropriate to answer questions about your sexual orientation with "I feel [comfortable|not comfortable] to work with [male|female|transexual] [performers|customers|content]" without revealing your actual sexual preference you have in a private context.






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    up vote
    -1
    down vote













    "I'll give you the short answer: the company hires without regard to sexual orientation. If you can't perform your job without knowing my sexual orientation, then you are working in the wrong place"






    share|improve this answer



























      5 Answers
      5






      active

      oldest

      votes








      5 Answers
      5






      active

      oldest

      votes









      active

      oldest

      votes






      active

      oldest

      votes








      up vote
      8
      down vote



      accepted










      I'd say something along the lines of "why? Does it matter?" and leave the ball hanging in their court. I doubt anyone sensible will consider the response to this question as something they can reasonably answer positively. And once they admit it doesn't matter, you've already moved the conversation on, away from this non-constructive subject.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 2




        "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
        – HardScale
        Nov 6 '16 at 0:55














      up vote
      8
      down vote



      accepted










      I'd say something along the lines of "why? Does it matter?" and leave the ball hanging in their court. I doubt anyone sensible will consider the response to this question as something they can reasonably answer positively. And once they admit it doesn't matter, you've already moved the conversation on, away from this non-constructive subject.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 2




        "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
        – HardScale
        Nov 6 '16 at 0:55












      up vote
      8
      down vote



      accepted







      up vote
      8
      down vote



      accepted






      I'd say something along the lines of "why? Does it matter?" and leave the ball hanging in their court. I doubt anyone sensible will consider the response to this question as something they can reasonably answer positively. And once they admit it doesn't matter, you've already moved the conversation on, away from this non-constructive subject.






      share|improve this answer












      I'd say something along the lines of "why? Does it matter?" and leave the ball hanging in their court. I doubt anyone sensible will consider the response to this question as something they can reasonably answer positively. And once they admit it doesn't matter, you've already moved the conversation on, away from this non-constructive subject.







      share|improve this answer












      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer










      answered Jun 24 '15 at 10:40









      gbjbaanb

      2,2261019




      2,2261019







      • 2




        "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
        – HardScale
        Nov 6 '16 at 0:55












      • 2




        "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
        – HardScale
        Nov 6 '16 at 0:55







      2




      2




      "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
      – HardScale
      Nov 6 '16 at 0:55




      "Are you hitting on me?" is my typical response, either expressing eagerness or disgust as the circumstances allow. It can quickly end a curious co-worker's prying, and even a manager has to be careful responding further, as they will open themselves up to a discrimination lawsuit.
      – HardScale
      Nov 6 '16 at 0:55












      up vote
      23
      down vote













      In a professional setting, asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation is pretty much always inappropriate. If you don't want to be questioned, then some variation of "it's not an appropriate subject for the office" should suffice. Don't make it about yourself and why you don't want to answer; the questioner would be equally wrong asking anyone.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 10




        In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
        – sleske
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:22














      up vote
      23
      down vote













      In a professional setting, asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation is pretty much always inappropriate. If you don't want to be questioned, then some variation of "it's not an appropriate subject for the office" should suffice. Don't make it about yourself and why you don't want to answer; the questioner would be equally wrong asking anyone.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 10




        In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
        – sleske
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:22












      up vote
      23
      down vote










      up vote
      23
      down vote









      In a professional setting, asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation is pretty much always inappropriate. If you don't want to be questioned, then some variation of "it's not an appropriate subject for the office" should suffice. Don't make it about yourself and why you don't want to answer; the questioner would be equally wrong asking anyone.






      share|improve this answer












      In a professional setting, asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation is pretty much always inappropriate. If you don't want to be questioned, then some variation of "it's not an appropriate subject for the office" should suffice. Don't make it about yourself and why you don't want to answer; the questioner would be equally wrong asking anyone.







      share|improve this answer












      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer










      answered Jun 24 '15 at 7:55









      Julia Hayward

      12k53438




      12k53438







      • 10




        In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
        – sleske
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:22












      • 10




        In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
        – sleske
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:22







      10




      10




      In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
      – sleske
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:22




      In my mind, "asking unprompted about someone's sexual orientation" is pretty much always inappropriate, period - even in a private setting. Not everyone wants to share this, and that should be respected.
      – sleske
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:22










      up vote
      12
      down vote













      I agree with Julia Hayward that it's inappropriate to ask at work. I'd suggest a different response, though - "it's not an appropriate subject" may come across as a bit unfriendly.



      I'd go with some variation of "Why do you ask?" The response will probably be something along the lines of "Oh, I was just wondering." At that point, you respond only to this last sentence, with e.g. "Oh, OK then" - and then you change the subject. Or you could prolong it a bit with "What made you wonder?" - and whatever they say, you can still respond with "Oh, OK then" and a change of subject.



      In other words - turn the question around so that they have to explain why they would even ask that question, and then change the subject.



      If they persist after this, that's the time to respond with "No, I didn't answer, because I don't think it's an appropriate subject for the office". At that point their insistence is already well past the point of rudeness.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 1




        Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:12






      • 5




        @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:18











      • Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:00










      • @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:52







      • 1




        Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 11:07














      up vote
      12
      down vote













      I agree with Julia Hayward that it's inappropriate to ask at work. I'd suggest a different response, though - "it's not an appropriate subject" may come across as a bit unfriendly.



      I'd go with some variation of "Why do you ask?" The response will probably be something along the lines of "Oh, I was just wondering." At that point, you respond only to this last sentence, with e.g. "Oh, OK then" - and then you change the subject. Or you could prolong it a bit with "What made you wonder?" - and whatever they say, you can still respond with "Oh, OK then" and a change of subject.



      In other words - turn the question around so that they have to explain why they would even ask that question, and then change the subject.



      If they persist after this, that's the time to respond with "No, I didn't answer, because I don't think it's an appropriate subject for the office". At that point their insistence is already well past the point of rudeness.






      share|improve this answer
















      • 1




        Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:12






      • 5




        @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:18











      • Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:00










      • @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:52







      • 1




        Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 11:07












      up vote
      12
      down vote










      up vote
      12
      down vote









      I agree with Julia Hayward that it's inappropriate to ask at work. I'd suggest a different response, though - "it's not an appropriate subject" may come across as a bit unfriendly.



      I'd go with some variation of "Why do you ask?" The response will probably be something along the lines of "Oh, I was just wondering." At that point, you respond only to this last sentence, with e.g. "Oh, OK then" - and then you change the subject. Or you could prolong it a bit with "What made you wonder?" - and whatever they say, you can still respond with "Oh, OK then" and a change of subject.



      In other words - turn the question around so that they have to explain why they would even ask that question, and then change the subject.



      If they persist after this, that's the time to respond with "No, I didn't answer, because I don't think it's an appropriate subject for the office". At that point their insistence is already well past the point of rudeness.






      share|improve this answer












      I agree with Julia Hayward that it's inappropriate to ask at work. I'd suggest a different response, though - "it's not an appropriate subject" may come across as a bit unfriendly.



      I'd go with some variation of "Why do you ask?" The response will probably be something along the lines of "Oh, I was just wondering." At that point, you respond only to this last sentence, with e.g. "Oh, OK then" - and then you change the subject. Or you could prolong it a bit with "What made you wonder?" - and whatever they say, you can still respond with "Oh, OK then" and a change of subject.



      In other words - turn the question around so that they have to explain why they would even ask that question, and then change the subject.



      If they persist after this, that's the time to respond with "No, I didn't answer, because I don't think it's an appropriate subject for the office". At that point their insistence is already well past the point of rudeness.







      share|improve this answer












      share|improve this answer



      share|improve this answer










      answered Jun 24 '15 at 8:15









      Jenny D

      4,2721633




      4,2721633







      • 1




        Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:12






      • 5




        @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:18











      • Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:00










      • @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:52







      • 1




        Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 11:07












      • 1




        Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:12






      • 5




        @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 9:18











      • Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
        – Marv Mills
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:00










      • @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 10:52







      • 1




        Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
        – Jenny D
        Jun 24 '15 at 11:07







      1




      1




      Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
      – Marv Mills
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:12




      Seems a little passive-aggressive to me. If the entire subject is inappropriate (and I agree it is) then there is no need to get into any kind of discussion or tactical avoidance mechanism. You can just state that you think it is an inappropriate subject- you don't have to be harsh or rude about it, but stating it sets the correct boundaries IMO
      – Marv Mills
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:12




      5




      5




      @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:18





      @MarvMills I believe this is a matter of cultural differences - one person's "clear and straight" is another person's "rude", and one person's "polite" is another person's "passive-agressive" or "weaselly".
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 9:18













      Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
      – Marv Mills
      Jun 24 '15 at 10:00




      Agreed. But where you are setting boundaries of appropriate behaviour I think that "clear and straight" trumps personal or cultural sensibilities. Someone finding this impolite is far less important than that person knowing where the boundaries are.
      – Marv Mills
      Jun 24 '15 at 10:00












      @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 10:52





      @MarvMills I prefer setting the boundaries in a polite manner, saving the rudeness until the person has stepped over them after being politely informed of where they are. YMMV.
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 10:52





      1




      1




      Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 11:07




      Asking people why they want to know is one way of setting the boundary - IMO a polite one. In the workplace, I place a higher value on keeping things on the polite side than I might in my personal life. And yes, this discussion is a splendid example of how people raised in different cultures don't agree on what is polite.
      – Jenny D
      Jun 24 '15 at 11:07










      up vote
      1
      down vote













      Asking someones sexual orientation is inappropriate in a work context, because it is irrelevant for the job. There is only one industry where asking about someones sexual orientation is work-related, and that is the adult entertainment and sex industry.



      And even in that context it should be appropriate to answer questions about your sexual orientation with "I feel [comfortable|not comfortable] to work with [male|female|transexual] [performers|customers|content]" without revealing your actual sexual preference you have in a private context.






      share|improve this answer


























        up vote
        1
        down vote













        Asking someones sexual orientation is inappropriate in a work context, because it is irrelevant for the job. There is only one industry where asking about someones sexual orientation is work-related, and that is the adult entertainment and sex industry.



        And even in that context it should be appropriate to answer questions about your sexual orientation with "I feel [comfortable|not comfortable] to work with [male|female|transexual] [performers|customers|content]" without revealing your actual sexual preference you have in a private context.






        share|improve this answer
























          up vote
          1
          down vote










          up vote
          1
          down vote









          Asking someones sexual orientation is inappropriate in a work context, because it is irrelevant for the job. There is only one industry where asking about someones sexual orientation is work-related, and that is the adult entertainment and sex industry.



          And even in that context it should be appropriate to answer questions about your sexual orientation with "I feel [comfortable|not comfortable] to work with [male|female|transexual] [performers|customers|content]" without revealing your actual sexual preference you have in a private context.






          share|improve this answer














          Asking someones sexual orientation is inappropriate in a work context, because it is irrelevant for the job. There is only one industry where asking about someones sexual orientation is work-related, and that is the adult entertainment and sex industry.



          And even in that context it should be appropriate to answer questions about your sexual orientation with "I feel [comfortable|not comfortable] to work with [male|female|transexual] [performers|customers|content]" without revealing your actual sexual preference you have in a private context.







          share|improve this answer














          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer








          edited Jun 24 '15 at 12:48

























          answered Jun 24 '15 at 12:43









          Philipp

          20.3k34884




          20.3k34884




















              up vote
              -1
              down vote













              "I'll give you the short answer: the company hires without regard to sexual orientation. If you can't perform your job without knowing my sexual orientation, then you are working in the wrong place"






              share|improve this answer
























                up vote
                -1
                down vote













                "I'll give you the short answer: the company hires without regard to sexual orientation. If you can't perform your job without knowing my sexual orientation, then you are working in the wrong place"






                share|improve this answer






















                  up vote
                  -1
                  down vote










                  up vote
                  -1
                  down vote









                  "I'll give you the short answer: the company hires without regard to sexual orientation. If you can't perform your job without knowing my sexual orientation, then you are working in the wrong place"






                  share|improve this answer












                  "I'll give you the short answer: the company hires without regard to sexual orientation. If you can't perform your job without knowing my sexual orientation, then you are working in the wrong place"







                  share|improve this answer












                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer










                  answered Jun 24 '15 at 10:11









                  Vietnhi Phuvan

                  68.9k7118254




                  68.9k7118254












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