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Is it bad form to turn down a job offer after asking colleagues to give references?
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9
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I am happy at my current job, but I am considering moving to a new job (at a more risky startup). The interviews have all gone well, but I'm not sure about long hours and low pay. I have, however, asked a bunch of former colleagues to give me a reference, and they have all graciously given me glowing reviews. Now, I feel conflicted about turning down the job (though I haven't made up my mind either way).
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried to help me get?
Of course, I think highly of all of these colleagues (which is why I chose them as references) and I would like to remain on good terms with them, in case I need a reference in the future, or if they need mine, or if we end up working together again down the road.
hiring-process references
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
 |Â
show 6 more comments
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
I am happy at my current job, but I am considering moving to a new job (at a more risky startup). The interviews have all gone well, but I'm not sure about long hours and low pay. I have, however, asked a bunch of former colleagues to give me a reference, and they have all graciously given me glowing reviews. Now, I feel conflicted about turning down the job (though I haven't made up my mind either way).
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried to help me get?
Of course, I think highly of all of these colleagues (which is why I chose them as references) and I would like to remain on good terms with them, in case I need a reference in the future, or if they need mine, or if we end up working together again down the road.
hiring-process references
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
2
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
5
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
1
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
2
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
1
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06
 |Â
show 6 more comments
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
I am happy at my current job, but I am considering moving to a new job (at a more risky startup). The interviews have all gone well, but I'm not sure about long hours and low pay. I have, however, asked a bunch of former colleagues to give me a reference, and they have all graciously given me glowing reviews. Now, I feel conflicted about turning down the job (though I haven't made up my mind either way).
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried to help me get?
Of course, I think highly of all of these colleagues (which is why I chose them as references) and I would like to remain on good terms with them, in case I need a reference in the future, or if they need mine, or if we end up working together again down the road.
hiring-process references
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
I am happy at my current job, but I am considering moving to a new job (at a more risky startup). The interviews have all gone well, but I'm not sure about long hours and low pay. I have, however, asked a bunch of former colleagues to give me a reference, and they have all graciously given me glowing reviews. Now, I feel conflicted about turning down the job (though I haven't made up my mind either way).
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried to help me get?
Of course, I think highly of all of these colleagues (which is why I chose them as references) and I would like to remain on good terms with them, in case I need a reference in the future, or if they need mine, or if we end up working together again down the road.
hiring-process references
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
asked Apr 15 '14 at 3:49
references checked
513
513
2
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
5
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
1
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
2
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
1
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06
 |Â
show 6 more comments
2
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
5
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
1
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
2
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
1
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06
2
2
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
5
5
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
1
1
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
2
2
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
1
1
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06
 |Â
show 6 more comments
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
17
down vote
accepted
No nothing wrong in that. They referred you but final decision needs to be taken in terms of your gaining as compare to your current company. If you are not satisfied with the offer you will not accept it. It's very practical thing.
There will be many times you pursue job opportunities that look good at first but over time you realize you aren't interested in. This can occur at any point in the process be it the recruiter interview, technical interview, offer, and even after the time of hire. That said sometimes you'll have professional favors such as references involved. It's nothing wrong as long as it's not a chronic problem. I'm a strong believer in one professional favor per person. You only ask and grant a favor professionally once per person. (Just to mutually avoid abusing connections)
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried
to help me get?
No, certainly not.
This is your job, your career, your life. Just because your friends did you a favor by providing a reference, doesn't mean you are obliged to them such that you should take a job you don't want.
If they are your friends, they may be disappointed, but they will want only what is best for you.
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
No, that is ok. But in the future you should wait with giving references until you are sure you want the job. Usually for me references have been given after the interviews and before salary discussions.
You must remember to write your references to let them know what you decided and why, and also to thank them for their help. A beer at the local pub is generally the agreed upon price for being a reference :)
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
add a comment |Â
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
17
down vote
accepted
No nothing wrong in that. They referred you but final decision needs to be taken in terms of your gaining as compare to your current company. If you are not satisfied with the offer you will not accept it. It's very practical thing.
There will be many times you pursue job opportunities that look good at first but over time you realize you aren't interested in. This can occur at any point in the process be it the recruiter interview, technical interview, offer, and even after the time of hire. That said sometimes you'll have professional favors such as references involved. It's nothing wrong as long as it's not a chronic problem. I'm a strong believer in one professional favor per person. You only ask and grant a favor professionally once per person. (Just to mutually avoid abusing connections)
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
add a comment |Â
up vote
17
down vote
accepted
No nothing wrong in that. They referred you but final decision needs to be taken in terms of your gaining as compare to your current company. If you are not satisfied with the offer you will not accept it. It's very practical thing.
There will be many times you pursue job opportunities that look good at first but over time you realize you aren't interested in. This can occur at any point in the process be it the recruiter interview, technical interview, offer, and even after the time of hire. That said sometimes you'll have professional favors such as references involved. It's nothing wrong as long as it's not a chronic problem. I'm a strong believer in one professional favor per person. You only ask and grant a favor professionally once per person. (Just to mutually avoid abusing connections)
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
add a comment |Â
up vote
17
down vote
accepted
up vote
17
down vote
accepted
No nothing wrong in that. They referred you but final decision needs to be taken in terms of your gaining as compare to your current company. If you are not satisfied with the offer you will not accept it. It's very practical thing.
There will be many times you pursue job opportunities that look good at first but over time you realize you aren't interested in. This can occur at any point in the process be it the recruiter interview, technical interview, offer, and even after the time of hire. That said sometimes you'll have professional favors such as references involved. It's nothing wrong as long as it's not a chronic problem. I'm a strong believer in one professional favor per person. You only ask and grant a favor professionally once per person. (Just to mutually avoid abusing connections)
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
No nothing wrong in that. They referred you but final decision needs to be taken in terms of your gaining as compare to your current company. If you are not satisfied with the offer you will not accept it. It's very practical thing.
There will be many times you pursue job opportunities that look good at first but over time you realize you aren't interested in. This can occur at any point in the process be it the recruiter interview, technical interview, offer, and even after the time of hire. That said sometimes you'll have professional favors such as references involved. It's nothing wrong as long as it's not a chronic problem. I'm a strong believer in one professional favor per person. You only ask and grant a favor professionally once per person. (Just to mutually avoid abusing connections)
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
edited Jun 9 '14 at 13:42
yochannah
4,21462747
4,21462747
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
answered Apr 15 '14 at 5:04
djavaphp
18614
18614
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried
to help me get?
No, certainly not.
This is your job, your career, your life. Just because your friends did you a favor by providing a reference, doesn't mean you are obliged to them such that you should take a job you don't want.
If they are your friends, they may be disappointed, but they will want only what is best for you.
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried
to help me get?
No, certainly not.
This is your job, your career, your life. Just because your friends did you a favor by providing a reference, doesn't mean you are obliged to them such that you should take a job you don't want.
If they are your friends, they may be disappointed, but they will want only what is best for you.
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
add a comment |Â
up vote
13
down vote
up vote
13
down vote
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried
to help me get?
No, certainly not.
This is your job, your career, your life. Just because your friends did you a favor by providing a reference, doesn't mean you are obliged to them such that you should take a job you don't want.
If they are your friends, they may be disappointed, but they will want only what is best for you.
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
Is it rude to my former colleagues to turn down a job that they tried
to help me get?
No, certainly not.
This is your job, your career, your life. Just because your friends did you a favor by providing a reference, doesn't mean you are obliged to them such that you should take a job you don't want.
If they are your friends, they may be disappointed, but they will want only what is best for you.
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
edited Sep 13 '16 at 10:44
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
answered Apr 15 '14 at 10:53
Joe Strazzere
224k107661930
224k107661930
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
No, that is ok. But in the future you should wait with giving references until you are sure you want the job. Usually for me references have been given after the interviews and before salary discussions.
You must remember to write your references to let them know what you decided and why, and also to thank them for their help. A beer at the local pub is generally the agreed upon price for being a reference :)
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
No, that is ok. But in the future you should wait with giving references until you are sure you want the job. Usually for me references have been given after the interviews and before salary discussions.
You must remember to write your references to let them know what you decided and why, and also to thank them for their help. A beer at the local pub is generally the agreed upon price for being a reference :)
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
add a comment |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
No, that is ok. But in the future you should wait with giving references until you are sure you want the job. Usually for me references have been given after the interviews and before salary discussions.
You must remember to write your references to let them know what you decided and why, and also to thank them for their help. A beer at the local pub is generally the agreed upon price for being a reference :)
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
No, that is ok. But in the future you should wait with giving references until you are sure you want the job. Usually for me references have been given after the interviews and before salary discussions.
You must remember to write your references to let them know what you decided and why, and also to thank them for their help. A beer at the local pub is generally the agreed upon price for being a reference :)
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
answered Apr 15 '14 at 7:38
Fredrik
4,33521429
4,33521429
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
add a comment |Â
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
1
1
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
Many times companies will ask for references long before they extend a job offer, in order to make a better hiring decision. As a result, usually you don't know if you'll accept the job by the time you have to provide references.
– panoptical
Apr 15 '14 at 11:21
add a comment |Â
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2
Did they "just give a reference" or did they really go out of their way to possibly introduce you to the company and get involved more than normal to help you get the job?
– user8365
Apr 15 '14 at 12:31
5
If it was rude, no-one would ever apply for more than one job at the same time.
– starsplusplus
Apr 15 '14 at 12:43
1
@starplusplus: that's naive, inefficient and most probably ignorant, too. You HAVE to apply to more than one job at the same time because if they screen you out without notifying you, you'll be waiting and waiting for them to answer before you decide that your job app was a dud and file your next job app.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 15 '14 at 13:49
2
@VietnhiPhuvan - I think that was exactly starplusplus's point.
– aroth
Apr 17 '14 at 10:49
1
@starpluplu: I owe you an apology.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
Apr 17 '14 at 11:06