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How to respond better to criticism or challenge?
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My line managers are in agreement that I present a natural flair for sales, marketing and personal relationships. I can present engagingly to an audience of 400 persons or more and I can build strong rapport with stakeholders and team members and (dare I say it) am well liked across the company.
That is right up until my work is challenged or I perceive a communication to be critical. I am a big guy, former military, 6 foot 1, 220 pounds, ex boxer so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
If it helps, I imagine being an only child also feeds into the competitiveness of needing to win each engagement.
- How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
work-environment colleagues negotiation conflict conflict-resolution
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
My line managers are in agreement that I present a natural flair for sales, marketing and personal relationships. I can present engagingly to an audience of 400 persons or more and I can build strong rapport with stakeholders and team members and (dare I say it) am well liked across the company.
That is right up until my work is challenged or I perceive a communication to be critical. I am a big guy, former military, 6 foot 1, 220 pounds, ex boxer so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
If it helps, I imagine being an only child also feeds into the competitiveness of needing to win each engagement.
- How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
work-environment colleagues negotiation conflict conflict-resolution
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
1
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
1
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
up vote
12
down vote
favorite
My line managers are in agreement that I present a natural flair for sales, marketing and personal relationships. I can present engagingly to an audience of 400 persons or more and I can build strong rapport with stakeholders and team members and (dare I say it) am well liked across the company.
That is right up until my work is challenged or I perceive a communication to be critical. I am a big guy, former military, 6 foot 1, 220 pounds, ex boxer so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
If it helps, I imagine being an only child also feeds into the competitiveness of needing to win each engagement.
- How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
work-environment colleagues negotiation conflict conflict-resolution
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
My line managers are in agreement that I present a natural flair for sales, marketing and personal relationships. I can present engagingly to an audience of 400 persons or more and I can build strong rapport with stakeholders and team members and (dare I say it) am well liked across the company.
That is right up until my work is challenged or I perceive a communication to be critical. I am a big guy, former military, 6 foot 1, 220 pounds, ex boxer so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
If it helps, I imagine being an only child also feeds into the competitiveness of needing to win each engagement.
- How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
work-environment colleagues negotiation conflict conflict-resolution
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
edited Aug 13 '14 at 14:29
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
96.9k46292449
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
asked Aug 13 '14 at 14:11
Venture2099
476514
476514
1
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
1
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30
suggest improvements |Â
1
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
1
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30
1
1
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
1
1
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30
suggest improvements |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
8
down vote
so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
First, you need to realize constructive criticism is not an attack. It takes practice, don't expect this to become easy.
Simple steps:
- Make your first response to understand what is being said
- Repeat this back to the asker to make sure you understand
- This is not arguing, but simply repeating to understand
- If you can't articulate what is being said to/about you, you need to continue to understand this first
- Do not respond defensively. If this means you need to think without talking, do this (but make sure to say something indicating you are just processing)
- Make sure you keep an open posture and not closed. This can be incredibly difficult to change, so if this is hard, practice practice practice!
There are also tons of books about how to handle interpersonal interactions. How to win friends and influence people is a classic but there are numerous others.
Remember, people don't care what you say - they care how you make them feel.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
2
down vote
How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
When I was younger I had a similar problem. E.g. agressively defending my position in every debate. The problem with my approach is that in business it is often more acceptable to take a laid-back approach to the defense and to strategize your response in a measured way. Here are some tips I've found useful.
- Remember that everyone in a room/meeting/etc was asked to be there because it was felt they have something to contribute. Respect this and never assume that you are the only person in the room who is correct.
- There are usually a number of "right ways" to do something. The debate is normally about the best "right way" and not why one person is completely wrong.
- Anger and aggressiveness are valid debating strategies, but only if used very sparingly. The more times you use aggressive behaviour to get your way, the less effective it will become. If used too often, you become the "angry guy" and people will learn to accept that behaviour and ignore it.
- Sometimes the only way to win a debate is to lose it. If there are two equally promising approaches, but you know that your solution is the only one that will stand the test-of-time, capitulate and offer to assist the other side. Eventually you will have enough influence "in the long run" to implement the best of both plans.
- You can't fight everyone all the time. Instead, pick your battles wisely. To do that, sit down and craft a long-term strategy to implement, and rank your debatables based on whether or not they will further your long-term goals. If they do not, gracefully let the other side win and save your energy for the debates that matter.
- Listening well is a great debating behaviour. But remember, listening doesn't mean crafting the next thing you're going to say. It means paying attention, being an active listener and then asking good questions based on what was said. The more you listen the better your chances of prevailing.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Developing a thick skin doesn't come without being exposed to conflict. I used the early days of the internet to get that ownership of an idea or results out of my blood. Those were the days of real flame wars, where people were GOOD at it. I'd suggest exposing your ideas to ridicule and harassment to learn to manage your physical response.
A good course in debate teaches you to defend both sides of the issue. So, one deflecting tactic is to ask for their remedy to the issue/problem/obstacle. This is to see the perspective they are coming from to object or confront your ideas. There are Socratic Method questions I would use to understand their perspectives.
Since you come from military, you can treat all as a commanding officer. Outside the military, the power dimension of hierarchy drops away. It is influence. I am sure you've read it, but if not, The Art of War by Sun-Tzu is worthy of some time.
Non-verbally, you can sit down to reduce the aggressive or intimidation factor associated with your size. Lower height = lower status. By choosing this tactic, you are giving up higher ground, so to speak.
To close, I am going to share with you my non-committal go-to phrase for complaints. Good to Know. It is the singular best phrase to deflate a perceived attack. Use it, retreat, consider a way to negotiate a solution for both sides and re-package to accommodate other's line of reasoning.
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
suggest improvements |Â
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
8
down vote
so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
First, you need to realize constructive criticism is not an attack. It takes practice, don't expect this to become easy.
Simple steps:
- Make your first response to understand what is being said
- Repeat this back to the asker to make sure you understand
- This is not arguing, but simply repeating to understand
- If you can't articulate what is being said to/about you, you need to continue to understand this first
- Do not respond defensively. If this means you need to think without talking, do this (but make sure to say something indicating you are just processing)
- Make sure you keep an open posture and not closed. This can be incredibly difficult to change, so if this is hard, practice practice practice!
There are also tons of books about how to handle interpersonal interactions. How to win friends and influence people is a classic but there are numerous others.
Remember, people don't care what you say - they care how you make them feel.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
First, you need to realize constructive criticism is not an attack. It takes practice, don't expect this to become easy.
Simple steps:
- Make your first response to understand what is being said
- Repeat this back to the asker to make sure you understand
- This is not arguing, but simply repeating to understand
- If you can't articulate what is being said to/about you, you need to continue to understand this first
- Do not respond defensively. If this means you need to think without talking, do this (but make sure to say something indicating you are just processing)
- Make sure you keep an open posture and not closed. This can be incredibly difficult to change, so if this is hard, practice practice practice!
There are also tons of books about how to handle interpersonal interactions. How to win friends and influence people is a classic but there are numerous others.
Remember, people don't care what you say - they care how you make them feel.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
up vote
8
down vote
so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
First, you need to realize constructive criticism is not an attack. It takes practice, don't expect this to become easy.
Simple steps:
- Make your first response to understand what is being said
- Repeat this back to the asker to make sure you understand
- This is not arguing, but simply repeating to understand
- If you can't articulate what is being said to/about you, you need to continue to understand this first
- Do not respond defensively. If this means you need to think without talking, do this (but make sure to say something indicating you are just processing)
- Make sure you keep an open posture and not closed. This can be incredibly difficult to change, so if this is hard, practice practice practice!
There are also tons of books about how to handle interpersonal interactions. How to win friends and influence people is a classic but there are numerous others.
Remember, people don't care what you say - they care how you make them feel.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
so when I respond adversely it can appear quite aggressive despite me thinking I am just defending my work or department.
First, you need to realize constructive criticism is not an attack. It takes practice, don't expect this to become easy.
Simple steps:
- Make your first response to understand what is being said
- Repeat this back to the asker to make sure you understand
- This is not arguing, but simply repeating to understand
- If you can't articulate what is being said to/about you, you need to continue to understand this first
- Do not respond defensively. If this means you need to think without talking, do this (but make sure to say something indicating you are just processing)
- Make sure you keep an open posture and not closed. This can be incredibly difficult to change, so if this is hard, practice practice practice!
There are also tons of books about how to handle interpersonal interactions. How to win friends and influence people is a classic but there are numerous others.
Remember, people don't care what you say - they care how you make them feel.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
answered Aug 13 '14 at 14:28
Elysian Fields♦
96.9k46292449
96.9k46292449
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
suggest improvements |Â
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
1
1
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
How you repeat it back and seek clarification is critically important. "So you're saying I'm sloppy because of that bug?" is different from "I think you're saying I didn't pay enough attention to details and could have prevented that bug; is that right?". If you concur, could you add a couple examples of good/bad ways to handle this? Thanks.
– Monica Cellio♦
Aug 13 '14 at 19:04
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
First step should be take a deep breath and count to ten.
– HLGEM
Aug 13 '14 at 21:22
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
2
down vote
How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
When I was younger I had a similar problem. E.g. agressively defending my position in every debate. The problem with my approach is that in business it is often more acceptable to take a laid-back approach to the defense and to strategize your response in a measured way. Here are some tips I've found useful.
- Remember that everyone in a room/meeting/etc was asked to be there because it was felt they have something to contribute. Respect this and never assume that you are the only person in the room who is correct.
- There are usually a number of "right ways" to do something. The debate is normally about the best "right way" and not why one person is completely wrong.
- Anger and aggressiveness are valid debating strategies, but only if used very sparingly. The more times you use aggressive behaviour to get your way, the less effective it will become. If used too often, you become the "angry guy" and people will learn to accept that behaviour and ignore it.
- Sometimes the only way to win a debate is to lose it. If there are two equally promising approaches, but you know that your solution is the only one that will stand the test-of-time, capitulate and offer to assist the other side. Eventually you will have enough influence "in the long run" to implement the best of both plans.
- You can't fight everyone all the time. Instead, pick your battles wisely. To do that, sit down and craft a long-term strategy to implement, and rank your debatables based on whether or not they will further your long-term goals. If they do not, gracefully let the other side win and save your energy for the debates that matter.
- Listening well is a great debating behaviour. But remember, listening doesn't mean crafting the next thing you're going to say. It means paying attention, being an active listener and then asking good questions based on what was said. The more you listen the better your chances of prevailing.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
2
down vote
How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
When I was younger I had a similar problem. E.g. agressively defending my position in every debate. The problem with my approach is that in business it is often more acceptable to take a laid-back approach to the defense and to strategize your response in a measured way. Here are some tips I've found useful.
- Remember that everyone in a room/meeting/etc was asked to be there because it was felt they have something to contribute. Respect this and never assume that you are the only person in the room who is correct.
- There are usually a number of "right ways" to do something. The debate is normally about the best "right way" and not why one person is completely wrong.
- Anger and aggressiveness are valid debating strategies, but only if used very sparingly. The more times you use aggressive behaviour to get your way, the less effective it will become. If used too often, you become the "angry guy" and people will learn to accept that behaviour and ignore it.
- Sometimes the only way to win a debate is to lose it. If there are two equally promising approaches, but you know that your solution is the only one that will stand the test-of-time, capitulate and offer to assist the other side. Eventually you will have enough influence "in the long run" to implement the best of both plans.
- You can't fight everyone all the time. Instead, pick your battles wisely. To do that, sit down and craft a long-term strategy to implement, and rank your debatables based on whether or not they will further your long-term goals. If they do not, gracefully let the other side win and save your energy for the debates that matter.
- Listening well is a great debating behaviour. But remember, listening doesn't mean crafting the next thing you're going to say. It means paying attention, being an active listener and then asking good questions based on what was said. The more you listen the better your chances of prevailing.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
When I was younger I had a similar problem. E.g. agressively defending my position in every debate. The problem with my approach is that in business it is often more acceptable to take a laid-back approach to the defense and to strategize your response in a measured way. Here are some tips I've found useful.
- Remember that everyone in a room/meeting/etc was asked to be there because it was felt they have something to contribute. Respect this and never assume that you are the only person in the room who is correct.
- There are usually a number of "right ways" to do something. The debate is normally about the best "right way" and not why one person is completely wrong.
- Anger and aggressiveness are valid debating strategies, but only if used very sparingly. The more times you use aggressive behaviour to get your way, the less effective it will become. If used too often, you become the "angry guy" and people will learn to accept that behaviour and ignore it.
- Sometimes the only way to win a debate is to lose it. If there are two equally promising approaches, but you know that your solution is the only one that will stand the test-of-time, capitulate and offer to assist the other side. Eventually you will have enough influence "in the long run" to implement the best of both plans.
- You can't fight everyone all the time. Instead, pick your battles wisely. To do that, sit down and craft a long-term strategy to implement, and rank your debatables based on whether or not they will further your long-term goals. If they do not, gracefully let the other side win and save your energy for the debates that matter.
- Listening well is a great debating behaviour. But remember, listening doesn't mean crafting the next thing you're going to say. It means paying attention, being an active listener and then asking good questions based on what was said. The more you listen the better your chances of prevailing.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
How can I respond in a manner befitting the corporate environment and not approaching every confrontation as a zero-sum game I need to dominate?
When I was younger I had a similar problem. E.g. agressively defending my position in every debate. The problem with my approach is that in business it is often more acceptable to take a laid-back approach to the defense and to strategize your response in a measured way. Here are some tips I've found useful.
- Remember that everyone in a room/meeting/etc was asked to be there because it was felt they have something to contribute. Respect this and never assume that you are the only person in the room who is correct.
- There are usually a number of "right ways" to do something. The debate is normally about the best "right way" and not why one person is completely wrong.
- Anger and aggressiveness are valid debating strategies, but only if used very sparingly. The more times you use aggressive behaviour to get your way, the less effective it will become. If used too often, you become the "angry guy" and people will learn to accept that behaviour and ignore it.
- Sometimes the only way to win a debate is to lose it. If there are two equally promising approaches, but you know that your solution is the only one that will stand the test-of-time, capitulate and offer to assist the other side. Eventually you will have enough influence "in the long run" to implement the best of both plans.
- You can't fight everyone all the time. Instead, pick your battles wisely. To do that, sit down and craft a long-term strategy to implement, and rank your debatables based on whether or not they will further your long-term goals. If they do not, gracefully let the other side win and save your energy for the debates that matter.
- Listening well is a great debating behaviour. But remember, listening doesn't mean crafting the next thing you're going to say. It means paying attention, being an active listener and then asking good questions based on what was said. The more you listen the better your chances of prevailing.
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
answered Aug 13 '14 at 17:53
Mike Van
2,82021025
2,82021025
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Developing a thick skin doesn't come without being exposed to conflict. I used the early days of the internet to get that ownership of an idea or results out of my blood. Those were the days of real flame wars, where people were GOOD at it. I'd suggest exposing your ideas to ridicule and harassment to learn to manage your physical response.
A good course in debate teaches you to defend both sides of the issue. So, one deflecting tactic is to ask for their remedy to the issue/problem/obstacle. This is to see the perspective they are coming from to object or confront your ideas. There are Socratic Method questions I would use to understand their perspectives.
Since you come from military, you can treat all as a commanding officer. Outside the military, the power dimension of hierarchy drops away. It is influence. I am sure you've read it, but if not, The Art of War by Sun-Tzu is worthy of some time.
Non-verbally, you can sit down to reduce the aggressive or intimidation factor associated with your size. Lower height = lower status. By choosing this tactic, you are giving up higher ground, so to speak.
To close, I am going to share with you my non-committal go-to phrase for complaints. Good to Know. It is the singular best phrase to deflate a perceived attack. Use it, retreat, consider a way to negotiate a solution for both sides and re-package to accommodate other's line of reasoning.
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Developing a thick skin doesn't come without being exposed to conflict. I used the early days of the internet to get that ownership of an idea or results out of my blood. Those were the days of real flame wars, where people were GOOD at it. I'd suggest exposing your ideas to ridicule and harassment to learn to manage your physical response.
A good course in debate teaches you to defend both sides of the issue. So, one deflecting tactic is to ask for their remedy to the issue/problem/obstacle. This is to see the perspective they are coming from to object or confront your ideas. There are Socratic Method questions I would use to understand their perspectives.
Since you come from military, you can treat all as a commanding officer. Outside the military, the power dimension of hierarchy drops away. It is influence. I am sure you've read it, but if not, The Art of War by Sun-Tzu is worthy of some time.
Non-verbally, you can sit down to reduce the aggressive or intimidation factor associated with your size. Lower height = lower status. By choosing this tactic, you are giving up higher ground, so to speak.
To close, I am going to share with you my non-committal go-to phrase for complaints. Good to Know. It is the singular best phrase to deflate a perceived attack. Use it, retreat, consider a way to negotiate a solution for both sides and re-package to accommodate other's line of reasoning.
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
Developing a thick skin doesn't come without being exposed to conflict. I used the early days of the internet to get that ownership of an idea or results out of my blood. Those were the days of real flame wars, where people were GOOD at it. I'd suggest exposing your ideas to ridicule and harassment to learn to manage your physical response.
A good course in debate teaches you to defend both sides of the issue. So, one deflecting tactic is to ask for their remedy to the issue/problem/obstacle. This is to see the perspective they are coming from to object or confront your ideas. There are Socratic Method questions I would use to understand their perspectives.
Since you come from military, you can treat all as a commanding officer. Outside the military, the power dimension of hierarchy drops away. It is influence. I am sure you've read it, but if not, The Art of War by Sun-Tzu is worthy of some time.
Non-verbally, you can sit down to reduce the aggressive or intimidation factor associated with your size. Lower height = lower status. By choosing this tactic, you are giving up higher ground, so to speak.
To close, I am going to share with you my non-committal go-to phrase for complaints. Good to Know. It is the singular best phrase to deflate a perceived attack. Use it, retreat, consider a way to negotiate a solution for both sides and re-package to accommodate other's line of reasoning.
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
Developing a thick skin doesn't come without being exposed to conflict. I used the early days of the internet to get that ownership of an idea or results out of my blood. Those were the days of real flame wars, where people were GOOD at it. I'd suggest exposing your ideas to ridicule and harassment to learn to manage your physical response.
A good course in debate teaches you to defend both sides of the issue. So, one deflecting tactic is to ask for their remedy to the issue/problem/obstacle. This is to see the perspective they are coming from to object or confront your ideas. There are Socratic Method questions I would use to understand their perspectives.
Since you come from military, you can treat all as a commanding officer. Outside the military, the power dimension of hierarchy drops away. It is influence. I am sure you've read it, but if not, The Art of War by Sun-Tzu is worthy of some time.
Non-verbally, you can sit down to reduce the aggressive or intimidation factor associated with your size. Lower height = lower status. By choosing this tactic, you are giving up higher ground, so to speak.
To close, I am going to share with you my non-committal go-to phrase for complaints. Good to Know. It is the singular best phrase to deflate a perceived attack. Use it, retreat, consider a way to negotiate a solution for both sides and re-package to accommodate other's line of reasoning.
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
answered Aug 14 '14 at 2:37
Dutch Driver
192
192
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
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1
Read "How to win friends and influence people". I'm not posting it as an answer because it isn't one really but the book covers a lot about this kind of communication.
– Fiona - myaccessible.website
Aug 13 '14 at 14:26
1
Hi Venture, welcome to The Workplace. I have edited your question slightly to make it more on topic. Requests for lists are generally off topic. If this changes your intent too much feel free to edit your question and clarify!
– Elysian Fields♦
Aug 13 '14 at 14:30