Mixing
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Dealing with gossips [closed]
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So, there is one colleague I work with, that I don't get along very well, but we both keep it nice and professional for the sake of work.
The problem is with her friend, another person working in a different department in my company.
I went out a couple of times during lunch with a female friend that works with me (I never went out on lunch with colleagues before), so this girl automatically supposed we were dating and made some comments about us, for instance "Imagine how nasty would be to see them kissing", "are they both virgins" (I'm 25, she's 22), etc.
I got very angry with these comments, when I learnt them (accidentally) so I stopped talking to her, not even greeting her. I am aware now this was a huge mistake. Now, sooner or later the boss will notice, and I am afraid he will ask me what's up with me, since he already knows I don't get along with the other girl. What do i do in this situation?
professionalism ethics
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
closed as primarily opinion-based by jcmeloni, MrFox, ChrisF, gnat, Jan Doggen Jan 7 '14 at 8:35
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
So, there is one colleague I work with, that I don't get along very well, but we both keep it nice and professional for the sake of work.
The problem is with her friend, another person working in a different department in my company.
I went out a couple of times during lunch with a female friend that works with me (I never went out on lunch with colleagues before), so this girl automatically supposed we were dating and made some comments about us, for instance "Imagine how nasty would be to see them kissing", "are they both virgins" (I'm 25, she's 22), etc.
I got very angry with these comments, when I learnt them (accidentally) so I stopped talking to her, not even greeting her. I am aware now this was a huge mistake. Now, sooner or later the boss will notice, and I am afraid he will ask me what's up with me, since he already knows I don't get along with the other girl. What do i do in this situation?
professionalism ethics
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
closed as primarily opinion-based by jcmeloni, MrFox, ChrisF, gnat, Jan Doggen Jan 7 '14 at 8:35
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53
add a comment |Â
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
So, there is one colleague I work with, that I don't get along very well, but we both keep it nice and professional for the sake of work.
The problem is with her friend, another person working in a different department in my company.
I went out a couple of times during lunch with a female friend that works with me (I never went out on lunch with colleagues before), so this girl automatically supposed we were dating and made some comments about us, for instance "Imagine how nasty would be to see them kissing", "are they both virgins" (I'm 25, she's 22), etc.
I got very angry with these comments, when I learnt them (accidentally) so I stopped talking to her, not even greeting her. I am aware now this was a huge mistake. Now, sooner or later the boss will notice, and I am afraid he will ask me what's up with me, since he already knows I don't get along with the other girl. What do i do in this situation?
professionalism ethics
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
So, there is one colleague I work with, that I don't get along very well, but we both keep it nice and professional for the sake of work.
The problem is with her friend, another person working in a different department in my company.
I went out a couple of times during lunch with a female friend that works with me (I never went out on lunch with colleagues before), so this girl automatically supposed we were dating and made some comments about us, for instance "Imagine how nasty would be to see them kissing", "are they both virgins" (I'm 25, she's 22), etc.
I got very angry with these comments, when I learnt them (accidentally) so I stopped talking to her, not even greeting her. I am aware now this was a huge mistake. Now, sooner or later the boss will notice, and I am afraid he will ask me what's up with me, since he already knows I don't get along with the other girl. What do i do in this situation?
professionalism ethics
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
edited Jan 6 '14 at 17:16
FrustratedWithFormsDesigner
10.7k43957
10.7k43957
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
asked Jan 6 '14 at 16:38
user3070069
543
543
closed as primarily opinion-based by jcmeloni, MrFox, ChrisF, gnat, Jan Doggen Jan 7 '14 at 8:35
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
closed as primarily opinion-based by jcmeloni, MrFox, ChrisF, gnat, Jan Doggen Jan 7 '14 at 8:35
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
2
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53
add a comment |Â
2
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53
2
2
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53
add a comment |Â
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
up vote
7
down vote
accepted
You won't go wrong with telling the truth (just perhaps not too much of it) when you're in these situations. If your boss asks why you don't say hello to your coworker, you can say
it's personal. She and a friend gossiped about my personal life and I didn't like that.
Your boss may then say "ok, I can see that" or more likely "you can't let it interfere with your work together" and you can take the advice.
Let me suggest that before your boss notices, you take whatever steps you need to that would ensure your personal feelings don't interfere with your work. These might be any of:
- discuss it with her, tell her you were hurt, and come to a resolution together
- be polite to her and work with her, but never have a personal conversation with her
- go to your boss and complain about her
- pretend it never happened or that you are "over it"; talk to her just as you did before
- talk to someone else about why these comments hurt you, whether the people saying them meant to hurt you or not, and whether you can just shrug them off or not
Without knowing your specific office culture and larger national culture, as well as her relative position within the office, it's hard to suggest which of these is right. But making sure your boss has no reason to ever ask "what's up with you and her?" is definitely the right thing to do.
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
add a comment |Â
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
7
down vote
accepted
You won't go wrong with telling the truth (just perhaps not too much of it) when you're in these situations. If your boss asks why you don't say hello to your coworker, you can say
it's personal. She and a friend gossiped about my personal life and I didn't like that.
Your boss may then say "ok, I can see that" or more likely "you can't let it interfere with your work together" and you can take the advice.
Let me suggest that before your boss notices, you take whatever steps you need to that would ensure your personal feelings don't interfere with your work. These might be any of:
- discuss it with her, tell her you were hurt, and come to a resolution together
- be polite to her and work with her, but never have a personal conversation with her
- go to your boss and complain about her
- pretend it never happened or that you are "over it"; talk to her just as you did before
- talk to someone else about why these comments hurt you, whether the people saying them meant to hurt you or not, and whether you can just shrug them off or not
Without knowing your specific office culture and larger national culture, as well as her relative position within the office, it's hard to suggest which of these is right. But making sure your boss has no reason to ever ask "what's up with you and her?" is definitely the right thing to do.
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
add a comment |Â
up vote
7
down vote
accepted
You won't go wrong with telling the truth (just perhaps not too much of it) when you're in these situations. If your boss asks why you don't say hello to your coworker, you can say
it's personal. She and a friend gossiped about my personal life and I didn't like that.
Your boss may then say "ok, I can see that" or more likely "you can't let it interfere with your work together" and you can take the advice.
Let me suggest that before your boss notices, you take whatever steps you need to that would ensure your personal feelings don't interfere with your work. These might be any of:
- discuss it with her, tell her you were hurt, and come to a resolution together
- be polite to her and work with her, but never have a personal conversation with her
- go to your boss and complain about her
- pretend it never happened or that you are "over it"; talk to her just as you did before
- talk to someone else about why these comments hurt you, whether the people saying them meant to hurt you or not, and whether you can just shrug them off or not
Without knowing your specific office culture and larger national culture, as well as her relative position within the office, it's hard to suggest which of these is right. But making sure your boss has no reason to ever ask "what's up with you and her?" is definitely the right thing to do.
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
add a comment |Â
up vote
7
down vote
accepted
up vote
7
down vote
accepted
You won't go wrong with telling the truth (just perhaps not too much of it) when you're in these situations. If your boss asks why you don't say hello to your coworker, you can say
it's personal. She and a friend gossiped about my personal life and I didn't like that.
Your boss may then say "ok, I can see that" or more likely "you can't let it interfere with your work together" and you can take the advice.
Let me suggest that before your boss notices, you take whatever steps you need to that would ensure your personal feelings don't interfere with your work. These might be any of:
- discuss it with her, tell her you were hurt, and come to a resolution together
- be polite to her and work with her, but never have a personal conversation with her
- go to your boss and complain about her
- pretend it never happened or that you are "over it"; talk to her just as you did before
- talk to someone else about why these comments hurt you, whether the people saying them meant to hurt you or not, and whether you can just shrug them off or not
Without knowing your specific office culture and larger national culture, as well as her relative position within the office, it's hard to suggest which of these is right. But making sure your boss has no reason to ever ask "what's up with you and her?" is definitely the right thing to do.
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
You won't go wrong with telling the truth (just perhaps not too much of it) when you're in these situations. If your boss asks why you don't say hello to your coworker, you can say
it's personal. She and a friend gossiped about my personal life and I didn't like that.
Your boss may then say "ok, I can see that" or more likely "you can't let it interfere with your work together" and you can take the advice.
Let me suggest that before your boss notices, you take whatever steps you need to that would ensure your personal feelings don't interfere with your work. These might be any of:
- discuss it with her, tell her you were hurt, and come to a resolution together
- be polite to her and work with her, but never have a personal conversation with her
- go to your boss and complain about her
- pretend it never happened or that you are "over it"; talk to her just as you did before
- talk to someone else about why these comments hurt you, whether the people saying them meant to hurt you or not, and whether you can just shrug them off or not
Without knowing your specific office culture and larger national culture, as well as her relative position within the office, it's hard to suggest which of these is right. But making sure your boss has no reason to ever ask "what's up with you and her?" is definitely the right thing to do.
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
answered Jan 6 '14 at 19:02
Kate Gregory
105k40232334
105k40232334
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
2
Hi and welcome to Workplace.SE. In this network, rather than only asking for 'what to do', we generally favor questions for 'How and why' to do things a certain way, so I would like to encourage you to take a look into help center and help center, two helpful articles with guidelines on improving not just the overall site quality but the quality of advice you will be getting on your specific question as well. Small edits can go a long way.
– CMW
Jan 6 '14 at 16:53