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Am I not loyal for my decision to leave? [closed]
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I was employed in a marketing company for three plus years. I learned many valuable things from my advisor even getting to a high position as an advisor myself. The experience has enhanced my portfolio and has also raised my confidence substantially.
The thing was the environment was torture for me. Long and lasting meetings, out of line behaviors, no firing process. The list could go for days. I left recently without notice which I know was a bad move. I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication. I attempted countless time to communicate my problems but was brushed off being told "don't worry, we're just going through that time". That time lasted years. My advisor trusted me so much he appointed me secondary guardian of his only son if something were to happen.
I feel stuck. He says he and I can change up the game and make it happen but I feel burnt out and I fear if I do return the complacency will return as well. The thing is I can't recruit new people and retain them in a n inconsistent environment. So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? Would that be considered disloyal?
job-offer
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
closed as off-topic by Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey Aug 2 '16 at 23:24
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey
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up vote
0
down vote
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I was employed in a marketing company for three plus years. I learned many valuable things from my advisor even getting to a high position as an advisor myself. The experience has enhanced my portfolio and has also raised my confidence substantially.
The thing was the environment was torture for me. Long and lasting meetings, out of line behaviors, no firing process. The list could go for days. I left recently without notice which I know was a bad move. I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication. I attempted countless time to communicate my problems but was brushed off being told "don't worry, we're just going through that time". That time lasted years. My advisor trusted me so much he appointed me secondary guardian of his only son if something were to happen.
I feel stuck. He says he and I can change up the game and make it happen but I feel burnt out and I fear if I do return the complacency will return as well. The thing is I can't recruit new people and retain them in a n inconsistent environment. So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? Would that be considered disloyal?
job-offer
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
closed as off-topic by Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey Aug 2 '16 at 23:24
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey
2
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
5
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
2
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57
 |Â
show 1 more comment
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
up vote
0
down vote
favorite
I was employed in a marketing company for three plus years. I learned many valuable things from my advisor even getting to a high position as an advisor myself. The experience has enhanced my portfolio and has also raised my confidence substantially.
The thing was the environment was torture for me. Long and lasting meetings, out of line behaviors, no firing process. The list could go for days. I left recently without notice which I know was a bad move. I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication. I attempted countless time to communicate my problems but was brushed off being told "don't worry, we're just going through that time". That time lasted years. My advisor trusted me so much he appointed me secondary guardian of his only son if something were to happen.
I feel stuck. He says he and I can change up the game and make it happen but I feel burnt out and I fear if I do return the complacency will return as well. The thing is I can't recruit new people and retain them in a n inconsistent environment. So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? Would that be considered disloyal?
job-offer
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
I was employed in a marketing company for three plus years. I learned many valuable things from my advisor even getting to a high position as an advisor myself. The experience has enhanced my portfolio and has also raised my confidence substantially.
The thing was the environment was torture for me. Long and lasting meetings, out of line behaviors, no firing process. The list could go for days. I left recently without notice which I know was a bad move. I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication. I attempted countless time to communicate my problems but was brushed off being told "don't worry, we're just going through that time". That time lasted years. My advisor trusted me so much he appointed me secondary guardian of his only son if something were to happen.
I feel stuck. He says he and I can change up the game and make it happen but I feel burnt out and I fear if I do return the complacency will return as well. The thing is I can't recruit new people and retain them in a n inconsistent environment. So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? Would that be considered disloyal?
job-offer
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
edited Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
Kate Gregory
104k40230331
104k40230331
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
asked Aug 2 '16 at 16:02
moises
61
61
closed as off-topic by Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey Aug 2 '16 at 23:24
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey
closed as off-topic by Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey Aug 2 '16 at 23:24
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Chris E, nvoigt, IDrinkandIKnowThings, gnat, Michael Grubey
2
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
5
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
2
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57
 |Â
show 1 more comment
2
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
5
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
2
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57
2
2
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
5
5
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
2
2
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57
 |Â
show 1 more comment
2 Answers
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up vote
3
down vote
I don't really think we can tell you how you should feel in your personal relationships and I'd say people will start voting to close this question.
But your advisor should understand that people need to move on in life - a job is not a marriage.
However, not really sure you should have left without giving notice but I suppose that depends on your contract. In any case, there's not much you can do about that now.
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Moises,
I think mistake #1 was promising (maybe much too soon!) your loyalty and dedication to a situation that you couldn't control, and that ultimately began to turn against your benefit. FORGIVE YOURSELF for that. People make mistakes. You're not perfect. The world will keep right on moving whether you make yourself a martyr over these promises, or if you don't.
Now, on staying: the EVIDENCE has shown you that the closer you stay to this situation, the more painful it becomes. This is now like the laws of gravity - if you jump off the roof of your house, it's probably going to hurt. Forget emotion. Forget anyone else being disappointed. Are you seriously going to "jump off the roof"?
Love yourself, bro!!!
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
suggest improvements |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
I don't really think we can tell you how you should feel in your personal relationships and I'd say people will start voting to close this question.
But your advisor should understand that people need to move on in life - a job is not a marriage.
However, not really sure you should have left without giving notice but I suppose that depends on your contract. In any case, there's not much you can do about that now.
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
3
down vote
I don't really think we can tell you how you should feel in your personal relationships and I'd say people will start voting to close this question.
But your advisor should understand that people need to move on in life - a job is not a marriage.
However, not really sure you should have left without giving notice but I suppose that depends on your contract. In any case, there's not much you can do about that now.
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
I don't really think we can tell you how you should feel in your personal relationships and I'd say people will start voting to close this question.
But your advisor should understand that people need to move on in life - a job is not a marriage.
However, not really sure you should have left without giving notice but I suppose that depends on your contract. In any case, there's not much you can do about that now.
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
I don't really think we can tell you how you should feel in your personal relationships and I'd say people will start voting to close this question.
But your advisor should understand that people need to move on in life - a job is not a marriage.
However, not really sure you should have left without giving notice but I suppose that depends on your contract. In any case, there's not much you can do about that now.
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
answered Aug 2 '16 at 16:08
colmde
4,078921
4,078921
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Moises,
I think mistake #1 was promising (maybe much too soon!) your loyalty and dedication to a situation that you couldn't control, and that ultimately began to turn against your benefit. FORGIVE YOURSELF for that. People make mistakes. You're not perfect. The world will keep right on moving whether you make yourself a martyr over these promises, or if you don't.
Now, on staying: the EVIDENCE has shown you that the closer you stay to this situation, the more painful it becomes. This is now like the laws of gravity - if you jump off the roof of your house, it's probably going to hurt. Forget emotion. Forget anyone else being disappointed. Are you seriously going to "jump off the roof"?
Love yourself, bro!!!
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Moises,
I think mistake #1 was promising (maybe much too soon!) your loyalty and dedication to a situation that you couldn't control, and that ultimately began to turn against your benefit. FORGIVE YOURSELF for that. People make mistakes. You're not perfect. The world will keep right on moving whether you make yourself a martyr over these promises, or if you don't.
Now, on staying: the EVIDENCE has shown you that the closer you stay to this situation, the more painful it becomes. This is now like the laws of gravity - if you jump off the roof of your house, it's probably going to hurt. Forget emotion. Forget anyone else being disappointed. Are you seriously going to "jump off the roof"?
Love yourself, bro!!!
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
Moises,
I think mistake #1 was promising (maybe much too soon!) your loyalty and dedication to a situation that you couldn't control, and that ultimately began to turn against your benefit. FORGIVE YOURSELF for that. People make mistakes. You're not perfect. The world will keep right on moving whether you make yourself a martyr over these promises, or if you don't.
Now, on staying: the EVIDENCE has shown you that the closer you stay to this situation, the more painful it becomes. This is now like the laws of gravity - if you jump off the roof of your house, it's probably going to hurt. Forget emotion. Forget anyone else being disappointed. Are you seriously going to "jump off the roof"?
Love yourself, bro!!!
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
Moises,
I think mistake #1 was promising (maybe much too soon!) your loyalty and dedication to a situation that you couldn't control, and that ultimately began to turn against your benefit. FORGIVE YOURSELF for that. People make mistakes. You're not perfect. The world will keep right on moving whether you make yourself a martyr over these promises, or if you don't.
Now, on staying: the EVIDENCE has shown you that the closer you stay to this situation, the more painful it becomes. This is now like the laws of gravity - if you jump off the roof of your house, it's probably going to hurt. Forget emotion. Forget anyone else being disappointed. Are you seriously going to "jump off the roof"?
Love yourself, bro!!!
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
answered Aug 2 '16 at 17:24
Xavier J
26.3k104797
26.3k104797
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
2
obviously your boss and you had some degree of personal relationship. Not returning may strain that relationship but just to rescue a single personal; relationship, you can not send your career and future down the toilet. Unless you really believe things are going to change and change for good, I'd stay on course with my new job, if I were you...
– MelBurslan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:09
I think this is less of a question on loyalty and more of a question on whether you want a good reference. Plus it's unclear what you meant by "I felt ashamed for promising loyalty and dedication?" Did you mean you signed a contract of some sort? If so you must abide by that or face consequences.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:24
"So the two part question is should I return and give it another shot or stay stern and deny the offer and continue on with my new job? " - Reading your question it is unclear if you already found a new job or exactly what your current workplace's "offer" is? If you found a new job I see no reason you should return.
– Dan
Aug 2 '16 at 16:25
5
"should I return and give it another shot" : no.
– WorkerDrone
Aug 2 '16 at 16:33
2
Loyalty cuts both ways. A company that demands more from you than you can at all reasonably give, for an extended period of time, can be respectfully left.
– keshlam
Aug 2 '16 at 17:57