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How should I ask people to stop over explaining things?
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Most people that I interact with on a daily/regular basis seem to need to over explain and qualify every statement.
An example would be :
I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive
So far so good, But they will then continue and state:
You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out.
Other examples include:
Telling me I need to click send after writing an email.
Telling me that the kettle will need water in it before i can boil it.
The printer needs switching on first before trying to print.
None of these things are said in passing either, My colleague genuinely asked me "You know the printer needs switching on first before you try to print that?".
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
conversations
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
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Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
 |Â
show 5 more comments
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
Most people that I interact with on a daily/regular basis seem to need to over explain and qualify every statement.
An example would be :
I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive
So far so good, But they will then continue and state:
You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out.
Other examples include:
Telling me I need to click send after writing an email.
Telling me that the kettle will need water in it before i can boil it.
The printer needs switching on first before trying to print.
None of these things are said in passing either, My colleague genuinely asked me "You know the printer needs switching on first before you try to print that?".
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
conversations
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
3
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
1
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
1
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
Most people that I interact with on a daily/regular basis seem to need to over explain and qualify every statement.
An example would be :
I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive
So far so good, But they will then continue and state:
You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out.
Other examples include:
Telling me I need to click send after writing an email.
Telling me that the kettle will need water in it before i can boil it.
The printer needs switching on first before trying to print.
None of these things are said in passing either, My colleague genuinely asked me "You know the printer needs switching on first before you try to print that?".
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
conversations
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Most people that I interact with on a daily/regular basis seem to need to over explain and qualify every statement.
An example would be :
I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive
So far so good, But they will then continue and state:
You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out.
Other examples include:
Telling me I need to click send after writing an email.
Telling me that the kettle will need water in it before i can boil it.
The printer needs switching on first before trying to print.
None of these things are said in passing either, My colleague genuinely asked me "You know the printer needs switching on first before you try to print that?".
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
conversations
conversations
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 4 hours ago
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
asked 5 hours ago
Moz
183
183
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Moz is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
3
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
1
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
1
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
3
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
1
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
1
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago
3
3
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
1
1
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
1
1
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago
 |Â
show 5 more comments
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
accepted
The example you gave reminds me of a similar conversation we've had about phrasing constructive comments on this site ;)
"I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive"
This is a statement of fact. OK, so what?
"You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out."
Aha - they want you to do something about it!
It may seem super obvious to you why they said the first part, but it's not always so. Even (especially?) in relationships, you see the following happen: Person A makes a statement, expecting Person B to understand and fulfill the implied request. Person B doesn't realize this and doesn't do the request. Person A gets upset that they didn't do it. Person B gets upset because "I'm not a mind reader!".
Many of us (myself included) have had this experience, so we've found it to be beneficial to be very clear in our communication. If I want my partner to do the laundry, I don't say "hmm, the laundry basket is getting pretty full", because he's just as likely to say "yep, sure is" and move on to the next thing, and then I'm disappointed when I get home from work and the basket is still full of dirty clothes. Instead, I say "Hey, could you do the laundry today?", making an explicit request (so then he responds yes or no, and there's no surprises when I get home).
Another possible reason, like when your colleague mentioned turning on the printer, is that they have experienced those problems before or seen others tripped up by that, and are trying to save you the trouble. If my coworkers mention a problem that I've dealt with before, I often ask them some basic questions to get to the root of the problem - sometimes even though they're quite experienced and competent, we all overlook things sometimes. As a programmer I do this more often than I like admit - so when a coworker says "you are compiling the right code, yeah?", I know they're asking because we've all done that before!
So that all is to say, it doesn't sound like people aren't saying this out of disdain for you or because they think you're stupid, it's that they're trying to be helpful and clear in their communication. Even if they might not be, it's best to assume good faith in your interactions with others until proven otherwise.
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
Simple responses like "yep!" or "thanks!" are a good way to acknowledge politely. If you were already about to do whatever they suggested, "Yep, already tried that" or "Yep, on it!" conveys that, without getting into details. I do this with my mother in law, who is a bit "Type A" and just likes to give advice. She means well, and I don't want to risk conflict, so my goal is to be appreciative of that over saying "yes, I know how to ..".
Another option is to explain what you have done or thought of, either before or after the comment. Over time they'll learn the extents of your knowledge and realize they don't need to remind you of the basics (if they pay attention, that is.. unfortunately that bit is mostly up to them!). I've had to deal with that starting new jobs before, where it took some time to "prove myself" before the new coworkers figured out what I was experienced with (or not).
In addition, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want to see. For instance, I often preface my basic-level suggestions to coworkers with "This may seem obvious, but have you tried...?". Although it's not direct, they may pick up on these mannerisms and reflect them back to you. It also makes it easier to talk about your issues with how they say things, if you're not doing that behavior yourself.
In all of this, keep a friendly attitude! If they are hurt by your response, they will be less likely to volunteer information in the future, for fear of another bad response. This goes along with assuming good faith. Thank them for their willingness to help you out, even if it's the most obvious thing in the world to you and you already knew it, so they are encouraged to continue contributing in the future.
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
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up vote
1
down vote
Think about it like this: at the end of the day, they're just trying to help and in doing so they're only using their own breath and time. Not to mention there may come a time when you actually need this little extra bit of advice. I know I've genuinely forgotten to turn on the printer before.
So my advice for you is to respond neutrally. I'd simply do whatever it is they're advising and give them a quick "Thanks." or "Good call." or "Yea, I got it." as you start doing it. After all, if it was common sense then you're probably going to do it already, right?
This will acknowledge them and make them feel like they've helped and their advice has been received, while you continue doing the same thing you were already going to do. Everybody wins! And this way, if one day you truly do need their advice, you won't look bad for having gotten upset and turned it down before only to come back begging for it.
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
4
down vote
accepted
The example you gave reminds me of a similar conversation we've had about phrasing constructive comments on this site ;)
"I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive"
This is a statement of fact. OK, so what?
"You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out."
Aha - they want you to do something about it!
It may seem super obvious to you why they said the first part, but it's not always so. Even (especially?) in relationships, you see the following happen: Person A makes a statement, expecting Person B to understand and fulfill the implied request. Person B doesn't realize this and doesn't do the request. Person A gets upset that they didn't do it. Person B gets upset because "I'm not a mind reader!".
Many of us (myself included) have had this experience, so we've found it to be beneficial to be very clear in our communication. If I want my partner to do the laundry, I don't say "hmm, the laundry basket is getting pretty full", because he's just as likely to say "yep, sure is" and move on to the next thing, and then I'm disappointed when I get home from work and the basket is still full of dirty clothes. Instead, I say "Hey, could you do the laundry today?", making an explicit request (so then he responds yes or no, and there's no surprises when I get home).
Another possible reason, like when your colleague mentioned turning on the printer, is that they have experienced those problems before or seen others tripped up by that, and are trying to save you the trouble. If my coworkers mention a problem that I've dealt with before, I often ask them some basic questions to get to the root of the problem - sometimes even though they're quite experienced and competent, we all overlook things sometimes. As a programmer I do this more often than I like admit - so when a coworker says "you are compiling the right code, yeah?", I know they're asking because we've all done that before!
So that all is to say, it doesn't sound like people aren't saying this out of disdain for you or because they think you're stupid, it's that they're trying to be helpful and clear in their communication. Even if they might not be, it's best to assume good faith in your interactions with others until proven otherwise.
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
Simple responses like "yep!" or "thanks!" are a good way to acknowledge politely. If you were already about to do whatever they suggested, "Yep, already tried that" or "Yep, on it!" conveys that, without getting into details. I do this with my mother in law, who is a bit "Type A" and just likes to give advice. She means well, and I don't want to risk conflict, so my goal is to be appreciative of that over saying "yes, I know how to ..".
Another option is to explain what you have done or thought of, either before or after the comment. Over time they'll learn the extents of your knowledge and realize they don't need to remind you of the basics (if they pay attention, that is.. unfortunately that bit is mostly up to them!). I've had to deal with that starting new jobs before, where it took some time to "prove myself" before the new coworkers figured out what I was experienced with (or not).
In addition, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want to see. For instance, I often preface my basic-level suggestions to coworkers with "This may seem obvious, but have you tried...?". Although it's not direct, they may pick up on these mannerisms and reflect them back to you. It also makes it easier to talk about your issues with how they say things, if you're not doing that behavior yourself.
In all of this, keep a friendly attitude! If they are hurt by your response, they will be less likely to volunteer information in the future, for fear of another bad response. This goes along with assuming good faith. Thank them for their willingness to help you out, even if it's the most obvious thing in the world to you and you already knew it, so they are encouraged to continue contributing in the future.
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
accepted
The example you gave reminds me of a similar conversation we've had about phrasing constructive comments on this site ;)
"I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive"
This is a statement of fact. OK, so what?
"You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out."
Aha - they want you to do something about it!
It may seem super obvious to you why they said the first part, but it's not always so. Even (especially?) in relationships, you see the following happen: Person A makes a statement, expecting Person B to understand and fulfill the implied request. Person B doesn't realize this and doesn't do the request. Person A gets upset that they didn't do it. Person B gets upset because "I'm not a mind reader!".
Many of us (myself included) have had this experience, so we've found it to be beneficial to be very clear in our communication. If I want my partner to do the laundry, I don't say "hmm, the laundry basket is getting pretty full", because he's just as likely to say "yep, sure is" and move on to the next thing, and then I'm disappointed when I get home from work and the basket is still full of dirty clothes. Instead, I say "Hey, could you do the laundry today?", making an explicit request (so then he responds yes or no, and there's no surprises when I get home).
Another possible reason, like when your colleague mentioned turning on the printer, is that they have experienced those problems before or seen others tripped up by that, and are trying to save you the trouble. If my coworkers mention a problem that I've dealt with before, I often ask them some basic questions to get to the root of the problem - sometimes even though they're quite experienced and competent, we all overlook things sometimes. As a programmer I do this more often than I like admit - so when a coworker says "you are compiling the right code, yeah?", I know they're asking because we've all done that before!
So that all is to say, it doesn't sound like people aren't saying this out of disdain for you or because they think you're stupid, it's that they're trying to be helpful and clear in their communication. Even if they might not be, it's best to assume good faith in your interactions with others until proven otherwise.
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
Simple responses like "yep!" or "thanks!" are a good way to acknowledge politely. If you were already about to do whatever they suggested, "Yep, already tried that" or "Yep, on it!" conveys that, without getting into details. I do this with my mother in law, who is a bit "Type A" and just likes to give advice. She means well, and I don't want to risk conflict, so my goal is to be appreciative of that over saying "yes, I know how to ..".
Another option is to explain what you have done or thought of, either before or after the comment. Over time they'll learn the extents of your knowledge and realize they don't need to remind you of the basics (if they pay attention, that is.. unfortunately that bit is mostly up to them!). I've had to deal with that starting new jobs before, where it took some time to "prove myself" before the new coworkers figured out what I was experienced with (or not).
In addition, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want to see. For instance, I often preface my basic-level suggestions to coworkers with "This may seem obvious, but have you tried...?". Although it's not direct, they may pick up on these mannerisms and reflect them back to you. It also makes it easier to talk about your issues with how they say things, if you're not doing that behavior yourself.
In all of this, keep a friendly attitude! If they are hurt by your response, they will be less likely to volunteer information in the future, for fear of another bad response. This goes along with assuming good faith. Thank them for their willingness to help you out, even if it's the most obvious thing in the world to you and you already knew it, so they are encouraged to continue contributing in the future.
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
add a comment |Â
up vote
4
down vote
accepted
up vote
4
down vote
accepted
The example you gave reminds me of a similar conversation we've had about phrasing constructive comments on this site ;)
"I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive"
This is a statement of fact. OK, so what?
"You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out."
Aha - they want you to do something about it!
It may seem super obvious to you why they said the first part, but it's not always so. Even (especially?) in relationships, you see the following happen: Person A makes a statement, expecting Person B to understand and fulfill the implied request. Person B doesn't realize this and doesn't do the request. Person A gets upset that they didn't do it. Person B gets upset because "I'm not a mind reader!".
Many of us (myself included) have had this experience, so we've found it to be beneficial to be very clear in our communication. If I want my partner to do the laundry, I don't say "hmm, the laundry basket is getting pretty full", because he's just as likely to say "yep, sure is" and move on to the next thing, and then I'm disappointed when I get home from work and the basket is still full of dirty clothes. Instead, I say "Hey, could you do the laundry today?", making an explicit request (so then he responds yes or no, and there's no surprises when I get home).
Another possible reason, like when your colleague mentioned turning on the printer, is that they have experienced those problems before or seen others tripped up by that, and are trying to save you the trouble. If my coworkers mention a problem that I've dealt with before, I often ask them some basic questions to get to the root of the problem - sometimes even though they're quite experienced and competent, we all overlook things sometimes. As a programmer I do this more often than I like admit - so when a coworker says "you are compiling the right code, yeah?", I know they're asking because we've all done that before!
So that all is to say, it doesn't sound like people aren't saying this out of disdain for you or because they think you're stupid, it's that they're trying to be helpful and clear in their communication. Even if they might not be, it's best to assume good faith in your interactions with others until proven otherwise.
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
Simple responses like "yep!" or "thanks!" are a good way to acknowledge politely. If you were already about to do whatever they suggested, "Yep, already tried that" or "Yep, on it!" conveys that, without getting into details. I do this with my mother in law, who is a bit "Type A" and just likes to give advice. She means well, and I don't want to risk conflict, so my goal is to be appreciative of that over saying "yes, I know how to ..".
Another option is to explain what you have done or thought of, either before or after the comment. Over time they'll learn the extents of your knowledge and realize they don't need to remind you of the basics (if they pay attention, that is.. unfortunately that bit is mostly up to them!). I've had to deal with that starting new jobs before, where it took some time to "prove myself" before the new coworkers figured out what I was experienced with (or not).
In addition, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want to see. For instance, I often preface my basic-level suggestions to coworkers with "This may seem obvious, but have you tried...?". Although it's not direct, they may pick up on these mannerisms and reflect them back to you. It also makes it easier to talk about your issues with how they say things, if you're not doing that behavior yourself.
In all of this, keep a friendly attitude! If they are hurt by your response, they will be less likely to volunteer information in the future, for fear of another bad response. This goes along with assuming good faith. Thank them for their willingness to help you out, even if it's the most obvious thing in the world to you and you already knew it, so they are encouraged to continue contributing in the future.
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
The example you gave reminds me of a similar conversation we've had about phrasing constructive comments on this site ;)
"I`m heading out shortly and your car is blocking the drive"
This is a statement of fact. OK, so what?
"You`ll need to move it out onto the road, If you dont I cant get my car out."
Aha - they want you to do something about it!
It may seem super obvious to you why they said the first part, but it's not always so. Even (especially?) in relationships, you see the following happen: Person A makes a statement, expecting Person B to understand and fulfill the implied request. Person B doesn't realize this and doesn't do the request. Person A gets upset that they didn't do it. Person B gets upset because "I'm not a mind reader!".
Many of us (myself included) have had this experience, so we've found it to be beneficial to be very clear in our communication. If I want my partner to do the laundry, I don't say "hmm, the laundry basket is getting pretty full", because he's just as likely to say "yep, sure is" and move on to the next thing, and then I'm disappointed when I get home from work and the basket is still full of dirty clothes. Instead, I say "Hey, could you do the laundry today?", making an explicit request (so then he responds yes or no, and there's no surprises when I get home).
Another possible reason, like when your colleague mentioned turning on the printer, is that they have experienced those problems before or seen others tripped up by that, and are trying to save you the trouble. If my coworkers mention a problem that I've dealt with before, I often ask them some basic questions to get to the root of the problem - sometimes even though they're quite experienced and competent, we all overlook things sometimes. As a programmer I do this more often than I like admit - so when a coworker says "you are compiling the right code, yeah?", I know they're asking because we've all done that before!
So that all is to say, it doesn't sound like people aren't saying this out of disdain for you or because they think you're stupid, it's that they're trying to be helpful and clear in their communication. Even if they might not be, it's best to assume good faith in your interactions with others until proven otherwise.
How do I kindly explain to these people that I get it, I honestly have thought of whatever they are about to say, but in a way that doesn't deter them for contributing useful observations in the future?
Simple responses like "yep!" or "thanks!" are a good way to acknowledge politely. If you were already about to do whatever they suggested, "Yep, already tried that" or "Yep, on it!" conveys that, without getting into details. I do this with my mother in law, who is a bit "Type A" and just likes to give advice. She means well, and I don't want to risk conflict, so my goal is to be appreciative of that over saying "yes, I know how to ..".
Another option is to explain what you have done or thought of, either before or after the comment. Over time they'll learn the extents of your knowledge and realize they don't need to remind you of the basics (if they pay attention, that is.. unfortunately that bit is mostly up to them!). I've had to deal with that starting new jobs before, where it took some time to "prove myself" before the new coworkers figured out what I was experienced with (or not).
In addition, make sure you're modeling the behavior you want to see. For instance, I often preface my basic-level suggestions to coworkers with "This may seem obvious, but have you tried...?". Although it's not direct, they may pick up on these mannerisms and reflect them back to you. It also makes it easier to talk about your issues with how they say things, if you're not doing that behavior yourself.
In all of this, keep a friendly attitude! If they are hurt by your response, they will be less likely to volunteer information in the future, for fear of another bad response. This goes along with assuming good faith. Thank them for their willingness to help you out, even if it's the most obvious thing in the world to you and you already knew it, so they are encouraged to continue contributing in the future.
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
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answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
answered 2 hours ago
Em C♦
8,73023568
8,73023568
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up vote
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Think about it like this: at the end of the day, they're just trying to help and in doing so they're only using their own breath and time. Not to mention there may come a time when you actually need this little extra bit of advice. I know I've genuinely forgotten to turn on the printer before.
So my advice for you is to respond neutrally. I'd simply do whatever it is they're advising and give them a quick "Thanks." or "Good call." or "Yea, I got it." as you start doing it. After all, if it was common sense then you're probably going to do it already, right?
This will acknowledge them and make them feel like they've helped and their advice has been received, while you continue doing the same thing you were already going to do. Everybody wins! And this way, if one day you truly do need their advice, you won't look bad for having gotten upset and turned it down before only to come back begging for it.
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
Think about it like this: at the end of the day, they're just trying to help and in doing so they're only using their own breath and time. Not to mention there may come a time when you actually need this little extra bit of advice. I know I've genuinely forgotten to turn on the printer before.
So my advice for you is to respond neutrally. I'd simply do whatever it is they're advising and give them a quick "Thanks." or "Good call." or "Yea, I got it." as you start doing it. After all, if it was common sense then you're probably going to do it already, right?
This will acknowledge them and make them feel like they've helped and their advice has been received, while you continue doing the same thing you were already going to do. Everybody wins! And this way, if one day you truly do need their advice, you won't look bad for having gotten upset and turned it down before only to come back begging for it.
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
Think about it like this: at the end of the day, they're just trying to help and in doing so they're only using their own breath and time. Not to mention there may come a time when you actually need this little extra bit of advice. I know I've genuinely forgotten to turn on the printer before.
So my advice for you is to respond neutrally. I'd simply do whatever it is they're advising and give them a quick "Thanks." or "Good call." or "Yea, I got it." as you start doing it. After all, if it was common sense then you're probably going to do it already, right?
This will acknowledge them and make them feel like they've helped and their advice has been received, while you continue doing the same thing you were already going to do. Everybody wins! And this way, if one day you truly do need their advice, you won't look bad for having gotten upset and turned it down before only to come back begging for it.
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
Think about it like this: at the end of the day, they're just trying to help and in doing so they're only using their own breath and time. Not to mention there may come a time when you actually need this little extra bit of advice. I know I've genuinely forgotten to turn on the printer before.
So my advice for you is to respond neutrally. I'd simply do whatever it is they're advising and give them a quick "Thanks." or "Good call." or "Yea, I got it." as you start doing it. After all, if it was common sense then you're probably going to do it already, right?
This will acknowledge them and make them feel like they've helped and their advice has been received, while you continue doing the same thing you were already going to do. Everybody wins! And this way, if one day you truly do need their advice, you won't look bad for having gotten upset and turned it down before only to come back begging for it.
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
answered 3 hours ago
scohe001
9,29072760
9,29072760
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
+1 for that. Particularly the last Paragraph. How do I help people understand what I do and don't need help with If they keep assuming their advice was helpful and that I needed it.? Without being disrespectful to them.
– Moz
2 hours ago
add a comment |Â
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3
@Moz Is there anything wrong with the classic, dry-delivered "Yep." response?
– Onyz
5 hours ago
1
What kind of people? Could you describe the situation in your examples? Btw I know from personal experience that even Nobel prize material professors of quantum physics usually emphasize what they don't know rather than what they do know. The smartest truly know how much they don't understand
– Raditz_35
4 hours ago
@Raditz_35 These are co-workers, friends, family. For an example I asked my colleagues in my office the other day if they wanted anything from the local shop. I was going to head out on my lunch. One said "Don't be daft you cant make it there in half an hour, even if you ran. You'll need to drive there!". I quizzed her on the point and she simply said "But you'll have to drive there!!". I could understand her answer if I had a broken leg or similar but thankfully not, or if she was concerned about the cost of fuel. She just looked at me as is I was missing a glaringly obvious point.
– Moz
3 hours ago
I think you are reading too much into this, it's likely they add that additional information because it's ither something they had a hard time to figure out or that is very often requested anyways.
– Sebastian Proske
3 hours ago
1
So in cases like "the printer needs to be switched on"... is this a shared printer? Is it possible they are just warning you that they switched it off a few minutes ago and you might expect it to be on, but it isn't?
– DaveG
3 hours ago