Mistake for my coworker to respond in kind to his boss?

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Well here we all are, 6 of us at a restaurant. Me and my coworker, call him Chad, are new to the team, both young(in 20s). Our boss looks at Chad and says something like "did you get a haircut?" Then Chad said no, that he just washed and patted it down.

Then, a little unexpectedly, our boss says something like "Did you come to the interview with that goofy hair and unshaven?"

Now, my boss is around 40, and I'm thinking he may be half-testing(or trolling if you know the term). After all, we are both three weeks into the job..

Chad then immediately tells him the famous two-word gutter reply of "F*** you"

Well nobody got hurt thankfully, and the boss played along. But I felt uneasy about it,

I felt like Chad crossed a line there. How casual is too casual?

professionalism employer-relations

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edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

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asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

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  Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
  – tehnyit
  Jun 16 '12 at 11:25
  

  
  
  
  


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  Strange meaning of "in kind"...
  – Nicole
  Jun 17 '12 at 5:50
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
  – pdr
  Jun 17 '12 at 12:14
  

  
  
  
  


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  I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
  – IDrinkandIKnowThings
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:38
  

  
  
  
  


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  @pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
  – Nicole
  Jun 19 '12 at 20:58
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
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Well here we all are, 6 of us at a restaurant. Me and my coworker, call him Chad, are new to the team, both young(in 20s). Our boss looks at Chad and says something like "did you get a haircut?" Then Chad said no, that he just washed and patted it down.

Then, a little unexpectedly, our boss says something like "Did you come to the interview with that goofy hair and unshaven?"

Now, my boss is around 40, and I'm thinking he may be half-testing(or trolling if you know the term). After all, we are both three weeks into the job..

Chad then immediately tells him the famous two-word gutter reply of "F*** you"

Well nobody got hurt thankfully, and the boss played along. But I felt uneasy about it,

I felt like Chad crossed a line there. How casual is too casual?

professionalism employer-relations

share|improve this question

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

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  Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
  – tehnyit
  Jun 16 '12 at 11:25
  

  
  
  
  


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  Strange meaning of "in kind"...
  – Nicole
  Jun 17 '12 at 5:50
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
  – pdr
  Jun 17 '12 at 12:14
  

  
  
  
  


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  I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
  – IDrinkandIKnowThings
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:38
  

  
  
  
  


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  @pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
  – Nicole
  Jun 19 '12 at 20:58
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
15
down vote

favorite

1

up vote
15
down vote

favorite

1

1

Well here we all are, 6 of us at a restaurant. Me and my coworker, call him Chad, are new to the team, both young(in 20s). Our boss looks at Chad and says something like "did you get a haircut?" Then Chad said no, that he just washed and patted it down.

Then, a little unexpectedly, our boss says something like "Did you come to the interview with that goofy hair and unshaven?"

Now, my boss is around 40, and I'm thinking he may be half-testing(or trolling if you know the term). After all, we are both three weeks into the job..

Chad then immediately tells him the famous two-word gutter reply of "F*** you"

Well nobody got hurt thankfully, and the boss played along. But I felt uneasy about it,

I felt like Chad crossed a line there. How casual is too casual?

professionalism employer-relations

share|improve this question

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

Well here we all are, 6 of us at a restaurant. Me and my coworker, call him Chad, are new to the team, both young(in 20s). Our boss looks at Chad and says something like "did you get a haircut?" Then Chad said no, that he just washed and patted it down.

Then, a little unexpectedly, our boss says something like "Did you come to the interview with that goofy hair and unshaven?"

Now, my boss is around 40, and I'm thinking he may be half-testing(or trolling if you know the term). After all, we are both three weeks into the job..

Chad then immediately tells him the famous two-word gutter reply of "F*** you"

Well nobody got hurt thankfully, and the boss played along. But I felt uneasy about it,

I felt like Chad crossed a line there. How casual is too casual?

professionalism employer-relations

share|improve this question

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

share|improve this question

share|improve this question

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

edited Sep 14 '13 at 12:46

Rhys

5,73623558

5,73623558

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

asked Jun 16 '12 at 5:43

Adel

3,571104180

3,571104180

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  Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
  – tehnyit
  Jun 16 '12 at 11:25
  

  
  
  
  


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  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Strange meaning of "in kind"...
  – Nicole
  Jun 17 '12 at 5:50
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
  – pdr
  Jun 17 '12 at 12:14
  

  
  
  
  


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  I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
  – IDrinkandIKnowThings
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:38
  

  
  
  
  


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  @pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
  – Nicole
  Jun 19 '12 at 20:58
  

  
  
  
  

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show 10 more comments

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  Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
  – tehnyit
  Jun 16 '12 at 11:25
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Strange meaning of "in kind"...
  – Nicole
  Jun 17 '12 at 5:50
  

  
  
  
  


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  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
  – pdr
  Jun 17 '12 at 12:14
  

  
  
  
  


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  I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
  – IDrinkandIKnowThings
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:38
  

  
  
  
  


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  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
  – Nicole
  Jun 19 '12 at 20:58
  

  
  
  
  

4

4

Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
– tehnyit
Jun 16 '12 at 11:25

Can you give some information about your boss's body language? Sometimes this is a good sign as to whether he is just goofing around or being serious.
– tehnyit
Jun 16 '12 at 11:25

4

4

Strange meaning of "in kind"...
– Nicole
Jun 17 '12 at 5:50

Strange meaning of "in kind"...
– Nicole
Jun 17 '12 at 5:50

2

2

@scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
– pdr
Jun 17 '12 at 12:14

@scaaahu: My opinion is no different here than it was in the previous question. The boss has the right to take Chad on one side and say "I need you to get your hair cut." As you point out, this was in a public place and in front of everyone. That's very different. But no one is automatically blaming the boss, most of the opinions here rightly point out that context (body-language, tone, etc) is everything, with the boss's comments and Chad's response.
– pdr
Jun 17 '12 at 12:14

10

10

I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 18 '12 at 15:38

I can think of absolutely no situation where at a group lunch telling my boss FU would be acceptable even if we worked together 50 years. Thats not to say that I have not but I was wrong then even if my boss was as well. 2 wrongs do not make a right.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 18 '12 at 15:38

4

4

@pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
– Nicole
Jun 19 '12 at 20:58

@pdr -- Then I think we agree. Your first comment suggested that people get offended at a word. I'm saying it's not the word, it's the tone, context, and meaning. Yes, sometimes get offended at any use of the F word or others, but that is not what this question is about.
– Nicole
Jun 19 '12 at 20:58

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8 Answers
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accepted

I think it depends a lot on the body language and also on the culture.

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Body Language

For instance the same words "Say. Did you get a haircut" seem radically different if one:

half closes one eye, furrows the brow and 'peers' at the person in question (seriously, try it, while saying those words. See! ).

This carries the implied context of "Hey, you look a bit weird or different, what's up with that?".

This actually sets the tone.
However a mature team leader won't bite and will not be sarcastic back. That demonstrates immaturity.

vs.

a big smiling face, eyes opened extra wide and a chuckling comment "Say, did you get a hair cut" implies more of a "oh, you look good, looks you get got a nice haircut, right?"

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Culture

The culture aspect is also very significant. For example, in the UK this kind of banter and sarcastic insulting is extremely commonplace and often a very accepted part of the office culture. Whereas in the US there is far less sarcastic humor in the workplace and people are more conscientious about making comments or remarks that might be misinterpreted without the benefit of humor.

Finally - this mostly just sounds like immaturity and being unprofessional and like folks who have not adjusted from college to a professional workplace (regardless of their age).

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edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

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  +1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
  – pdr
  Jun 16 '12 at 17:35
  

  
  
  
  


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  I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 10:01
  

  
  
  
  


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  No word is world-wide.
  – DistantEcho
  Jun 20 '12 at 14:21
  

  
  
  
  


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  +1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
  – Badger Cat
  Jun 22 '12 at 15:46
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  @Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
  – Dunk
  Jan 2 '13 at 20:07
  

  
  
  
  

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Your co-worker did not respond in kind, he escalated. Whether he went too far or not is really up to your boss, I would say "probably".

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edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

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  That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
  – Adel
  Jun 17 '12 at 18:44
  

  
  
  
  

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Assuming this wasn't just banter, I think Chad is communicating to 'the boss' that he won't tolerate open disrespect just because 'the boss' got there before he did.

Possibly Chad has in demand skills and knows he can find a job where he's not publicly disrespected in front of his peers. Or maybe he figures no job is worth putting up with a 'boss' who is clearly an idiot.

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answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

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  I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 7:05
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
  – jmort253♦
  Jun 17 '12 at 19:42
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:20
  

  
  
  
  


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  @JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 19 '12 at 11:56
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 20 '12 at 15:39
  

  
  
  
  

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Your coworker Chad was put in a difficult situation, and your boss was out of line, but I think it was a mistake to respond the way he did. Making a mistake here is quite understandable, as he was probably feeling uncomfortable, and had little time to think of an optimal response. However, it would have been better to say something like "If you have a problem with my hair, I feel it would be more appropiate to discuss it privately". The advantage here is the it spells out what the boss is doing wrong, and Chad would be seen as merely asserting his rights.

Though I had to spend some time coming up with my suggested response, and revised it twice. It's not really fair to compare that to Chad being put on the spot. So even though I think he made a mistake, I would cut him some slack.

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answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

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  I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
  – Peter
  Aug 1 '12 at 21:17
  
  

  
  
  
  

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I think Chad did cross the line by using the F word in a work environment and especially to his boss.

The Boss should not have addressed the messy hair in a public context but instead should have done so in private if there was an issue with that.

All in all I think they were both unprofessional in their demeanor, but Chad went overboard.

The boss should take him aside later in private and tell Chad that he shouldn't have said what he did about his hair in front of the others and if his hair is an issue let him know. Then he should address Chad's choice of words not being acceptable in the workplace and that both of them should try and do better in the future.

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answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

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If you want to know if this is crossing the line for your own career, then I would suggest that using any obscenity to your boss under any circumstances is a career risky move. Most bosses won't tolerate that and you will either be reprimanded or fired. Even if the boss publicly tolerated it at a team dinner, he is probably looking for signs of anger issues in this guy and he is unlikely to get cut any slack in the workplace. His career is probably already in jeopardy.

This is even more true because from your description you are new employees. Those employees have not yet developed a strong relationship with the boss and the company doesn't have much invested in them and they are simply less valuable and thus much easier to make the decision to fire them rather than tolerate someone who can't hold in his anger in a professional environment. The guy with the in-depth knowledge of the applications and the business domain can simply get away with more than the new guy. He probably also has a better idea of what the boss's sense of humor is and how well something like this said in jest would be taken.

Was the boss inappropriate in bringing up the subject publicly? Yes. However, the co-worker who reacted in anger and way past what is appropriate in the workplace was far worse.

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edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

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up vote
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I think your boss was probably annoyed by the looks of Chad, and he just told him that straight in the face without tact.
So the boss already set the line so I don't think Chad went to far.

If it was in a other situation where to boss told Chad to clean the table or to do the dishes and he would have replied that way he would have gone to far.

Also is in my opinion a situation where you can act this casual, because the boss created this situation himself. Like I already mentioned it depends on the situation, what response is appropriate.

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answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

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  Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:02
  

  
  
  
  


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  Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
  – Jonathan
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:04
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  @scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
  – mariomario
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:19
  

  
  
  
  

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For me he went too far with the four letter word. I have no issue with swearing personally but lots of people do, I tend to look not if a person swears but if they can control that swearing to the appropriate level for the present company.

While the boss might be OK with it, I would suggest that Chad has shown he is not capable of keeping his language to an appropriate level. As mentioned elsewhere, if I were the boss my concern would be that Chad might act in a similar manner with or around customers.

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answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

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8 Answers
8

active

oldest

votes

8 Answers
8

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

up vote
20
down vote



accepted

I think it depends a lot on the body language and also on the culture.

---

Body Language

For instance the same words "Say. Did you get a haircut" seem radically different if one:

half closes one eye, furrows the brow and 'peers' at the person in question (seriously, try it, while saying those words. See! ).

This carries the implied context of "Hey, you look a bit weird or different, what's up with that?".

This actually sets the tone.
However a mature team leader won't bite and will not be sarcastic back. That demonstrates immaturity.

vs.

a big smiling face, eyes opened extra wide and a chuckling comment "Say, did you get a hair cut" implies more of a "oh, you look good, looks you get got a nice haircut, right?"

---

Culture

The culture aspect is also very significant. For example, in the UK this kind of banter and sarcastic insulting is extremely commonplace and often a very accepted part of the office culture. Whereas in the US there is far less sarcastic humor in the workplace and people are more conscientious about making comments or remarks that might be misinterpreted without the benefit of humor.

Finally - this mostly just sounds like immaturity and being unprofessional and like folks who have not adjusted from college to a professional workplace (regardless of their age).

share|improve this answer

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
  – pdr
  Jun 16 '12 at 17:35
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 10:01
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  No word is world-wide.
  – DistantEcho
  Jun 20 '12 at 14:21
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
  – Badger Cat
  Jun 22 '12 at 15:46
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
  – Dunk
  Jan 2 '13 at 20:07
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 3 more comments

up vote
20
down vote



accepted

I think it depends a lot on the body language and also on the culture.

---

Body Language

For instance the same words "Say. Did you get a haircut" seem radically different if one:

half closes one eye, furrows the brow and 'peers' at the person in question (seriously, try it, while saying those words. See! ).

This carries the implied context of "Hey, you look a bit weird or different, what's up with that?".

This actually sets the tone.
However a mature team leader won't bite and will not be sarcastic back. That demonstrates immaturity.

vs.

a big smiling face, eyes opened extra wide and a chuckling comment "Say, did you get a hair cut" implies more of a "oh, you look good, looks you get got a nice haircut, right?"

---

Culture

The culture aspect is also very significant. For example, in the UK this kind of banter and sarcastic insulting is extremely commonplace and often a very accepted part of the office culture. Whereas in the US there is far less sarcastic humor in the workplace and people are more conscientious about making comments or remarks that might be misinterpreted without the benefit of humor.

Finally - this mostly just sounds like immaturity and being unprofessional and like folks who have not adjusted from college to a professional workplace (regardless of their age).

share|improve this answer

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
  – pdr
  Jun 16 '12 at 17:35
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 10:01
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  No word is world-wide.
  – DistantEcho
  Jun 20 '12 at 14:21
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
  – Badger Cat
  Jun 22 '12 at 15:46
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
  – Dunk
  Jan 2 '13 at 20:07
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 3 more comments

up vote
20
down vote



accepted

up vote
20
down vote



accepted

I think it depends a lot on the body language and also on the culture.

---

Body Language

For instance the same words "Say. Did you get a haircut" seem radically different if one:

half closes one eye, furrows the brow and 'peers' at the person in question (seriously, try it, while saying those words. See! ).

This carries the implied context of "Hey, you look a bit weird or different, what's up with that?".

This actually sets the tone.
However a mature team leader won't bite and will not be sarcastic back. That demonstrates immaturity.

vs.

a big smiling face, eyes opened extra wide and a chuckling comment "Say, did you get a hair cut" implies more of a "oh, you look good, looks you get got a nice haircut, right?"

---

Culture

The culture aspect is also very significant. For example, in the UK this kind of banter and sarcastic insulting is extremely commonplace and often a very accepted part of the office culture. Whereas in the US there is far less sarcastic humor in the workplace and people are more conscientious about making comments or remarks that might be misinterpreted without the benefit of humor.

Finally - this mostly just sounds like immaturity and being unprofessional and like folks who have not adjusted from college to a professional workplace (regardless of their age).

share|improve this answer

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

I think it depends a lot on the body language and also on the culture.

---

Body Language

For instance the same words "Say. Did you get a haircut" seem radically different if one:

half closes one eye, furrows the brow and 'peers' at the person in question (seriously, try it, while saying those words. See! ).

This carries the implied context of "Hey, you look a bit weird or different, what's up with that?".

This actually sets the tone.
However a mature team leader won't bite and will not be sarcastic back. That demonstrates immaturity.

vs.

a big smiling face, eyes opened extra wide and a chuckling comment "Say, did you get a hair cut" implies more of a "oh, you look good, looks you get got a nice haircut, right?"

---

Culture

The culture aspect is also very significant. For example, in the UK this kind of banter and sarcastic insulting is extremely commonplace and often a very accepted part of the office culture. Whereas in the US there is far less sarcastic humor in the workplace and people are more conscientious about making comments or remarks that might be misinterpreted without the benefit of humor.

Finally - this mostly just sounds like immaturity and being unprofessional and like folks who have not adjusted from college to a professional workplace (regardless of their age).

share|improve this answer

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

edited Jun 20 '12 at 17:45

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

answered Jun 16 '12 at 13:33

Michael Durrant

9,68122856

9,68122856

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
  – pdr
  Jun 16 '12 at 17:35
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 10:01
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  No word is world-wide.
  – DistantEcho
  Jun 20 '12 at 14:21
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
  – Badger Cat
  Jun 22 '12 at 15:46
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
  – Dunk
  Jan 2 '13 at 20:07
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 3 more comments

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
  – pdr
  Jun 16 '12 at 17:35
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 10:01
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  No word is world-wide.
  – DistantEcho
  Jun 20 '12 at 14:21
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  +1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
  – Badger Cat
  Jun 22 '12 at 15:46
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
  – Dunk
  Jan 2 '13 at 20:07
  

  
  
  
  

2

2

+1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
– pdr
Jun 16 '12 at 17:35

+1 but also the body-language of Chad is important. There are a lot of ways to say any two words, some positively aggressive, some nasty without aggression, some super-defensive and some just plain joking.
– pdr
Jun 16 '12 at 17:35

1

1

I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
– scaaahu
Jun 17 '12 at 10:01

I believe that word is world-wide. If I were the boss, I'd consider firing Chad. Why? Chad used that word to me and chances are he could use that word to the customers. I can afford to lose an employee, I cannot afford to lose a multi-million dollar value customer. Case closed.
– scaaahu
Jun 17 '12 at 10:01

3

3

No word is world-wide.
– DistantEcho
Jun 20 '12 at 14:21

No word is world-wide.
– DistantEcho
Jun 20 '12 at 14:21

2

2

+1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
– Badger Cat
Jun 22 '12 at 15:46

+1 for culture, I work in Germany and the developers here use the f word more than 10 times a day, even with the boss. I have even seen a few giving the finger to the boss.
– Badger Cat
Jun 22 '12 at 15:46

1

1

@Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
– Dunk
Jan 2 '13 at 20:07

@Amicable - So you hate that British Culture alllows people to to be open, honest and be able to joke around without having to worry about every little word they say because they might offend some pansy who chooses to be insulted, have hurt feelings and feel all sorry for their self.
– Dunk
Jan 2 '13 at 20:07

 | 
show 3 more comments

up vote
19
down vote

Your co-worker did not respond in kind, he escalated. Whether he went too far or not is really up to your boss, I would say "probably".

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
  – Adel
  Jun 17 '12 at 18:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
19
down vote

Your co-worker did not respond in kind, he escalated. Whether he went too far or not is really up to your boss, I would say "probably".

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
  – Adel
  Jun 17 '12 at 18:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
19
down vote

up vote
19
down vote

Your co-worker did not respond in kind, he escalated. Whether he went too far or not is really up to your boss, I would say "probably".

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

Your co-worker did not respond in kind, he escalated. Whether he went too far or not is really up to your boss, I would say "probably".

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:26

HLGEM

133k25227489

133k25227489

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

answered Jun 16 '12 at 7:32

jmoreno

7,9271840

7,9271840

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
  – Adel
  Jun 17 '12 at 18:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
  – Adel
  Jun 17 '12 at 18:44
  

  
  
  
  

That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
– Adel
Jun 17 '12 at 18:44

That's a very good point, he did up the ante.
– Adel
Jun 17 '12 at 18:44

add a comment | 

up vote
8
down vote

Assuming this wasn't just banter, I think Chad is communicating to 'the boss' that he won't tolerate open disrespect just because 'the boss' got there before he did.

Possibly Chad has in demand skills and knows he can find a job where he's not publicly disrespected in front of his peers. Or maybe he figures no job is worth putting up with a 'boss' who is clearly an idiot.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 7:05
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
  – jmort253♦
  Jun 17 '12 at 19:42
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:20
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 19 '12 at 11:56
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 20 '12 at 15:39
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
8
down vote

Assuming this wasn't just banter, I think Chad is communicating to 'the boss' that he won't tolerate open disrespect just because 'the boss' got there before he did.

Possibly Chad has in demand skills and knows he can find a job where he's not publicly disrespected in front of his peers. Or maybe he figures no job is worth putting up with a 'boss' who is clearly an idiot.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 7:05
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
  – jmort253♦
  Jun 17 '12 at 19:42
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:20
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 19 '12 at 11:56
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 20 '12 at 15:39
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
8
down vote

up vote
8
down vote

Assuming this wasn't just banter, I think Chad is communicating to 'the boss' that he won't tolerate open disrespect just because 'the boss' got there before he did.

Possibly Chad has in demand skills and knows he can find a job where he's not publicly disrespected in front of his peers. Or maybe he figures no job is worth putting up with a 'boss' who is clearly an idiot.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

Assuming this wasn't just banter, I think Chad is communicating to 'the boss' that he won't tolerate open disrespect just because 'the boss' got there before he did.

Possibly Chad has in demand skills and knows he can find a job where he's not publicly disrespected in front of his peers. Or maybe he figures no job is worth putting up with a 'boss' who is clearly an idiot.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

answered Jun 17 '12 at 3:28

Jim In Texas

3,9851222

3,9851222

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 7:05
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
  – jmort253♦
  Jun 17 '12 at 19:42
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:20
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 19 '12 at 11:56
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 20 '12 at 15:39
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 17 '12 at 7:05
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
  – jmort253♦
  Jun 17 '12 at 19:42
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 18 '12 at 15:20
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 19 '12 at 11:56
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
  – Jim In Texas
  Jun 20 '12 at 15:39
  

  
  
  
  

1

1

I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
– scaaahu
Jun 17 '12 at 7:05

I think Chad showed unprofessionalism to his boss and his customers first, by having goofy hair and unshaven (in OP's words). Later, Chad used that two words to further show his disrespect to his boss.
– scaaahu
Jun 17 '12 at 7:05

4

4

@scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
– jmort253♦
Jun 17 '12 at 19:42

@scaaahu - If you're a good worker and do a good job, who cares what your hair looks like. The comment on the other hand, the f*** you, I do agree may be crossing a line, and while I may have very long hair, I don't see myself crossing such a line with those particular words. :)
– jmort253♦
Jun 17 '12 at 19:42

2

2

@scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
– Jim In Texas
Jun 18 '12 at 15:20

@scaaahu - If this company has a grooming code then that should have been explained in the interview and first day on the job. And even if they were so stupid as to have such a code, the time to correct an employee is NOT at lunch in front of his peers. Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the unprofessional behavior of this pointy haired boss.
– Jim In Texas
Jun 18 '12 at 15:20

@JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
– scaaahu
Jun 19 '12 at 11:56

@JimInTexas, Chad was certainly entitled to respond to the boss with that word? That word is the keyword in the question. Your logic seems to be that Chad can use that word to his boss as long as the boss critisizes his hair size? Again, that word is the key.
– scaaahu
Jun 19 '12 at 11:56

@scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
– Jim In Texas
Jun 20 '12 at 15:39

@scaaahu - I think Chad wanted to make it crystal clear in the strongest possible way that he would not accept the boss's unprofessional behavior. I wouldn't have used 'that word', but I don't blame Chad at all.
– Jim In Texas
Jun 20 '12 at 15:39

add a comment | 

up vote
5
down vote

Your coworker Chad was put in a difficult situation, and your boss was out of line, but I think it was a mistake to respond the way he did. Making a mistake here is quite understandable, as he was probably feeling uncomfortable, and had little time to think of an optimal response. However, it would have been better to say something like "If you have a problem with my hair, I feel it would be more appropiate to discuss it privately". The advantage here is the it spells out what the boss is doing wrong, and Chad would be seen as merely asserting his rights.

Though I had to spend some time coming up with my suggested response, and revised it twice. It's not really fair to compare that to Chad being put on the spot. So even though I think he made a mistake, I would cut him some slack.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

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  I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
  – Peter
  Aug 1 '12 at 21:17
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
5
down vote

Your coworker Chad was put in a difficult situation, and your boss was out of line, but I think it was a mistake to respond the way he did. Making a mistake here is quite understandable, as he was probably feeling uncomfortable, and had little time to think of an optimal response. However, it would have been better to say something like "If you have a problem with my hair, I feel it would be more appropiate to discuss it privately". The advantage here is the it spells out what the boss is doing wrong, and Chad would be seen as merely asserting his rights.

Though I had to spend some time coming up with my suggested response, and revised it twice. It's not really fair to compare that to Chad being put on the spot. So even though I think he made a mistake, I would cut him some slack.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
  – Peter
  Aug 1 '12 at 21:17
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
5
down vote

up vote
5
down vote

Your coworker Chad was put in a difficult situation, and your boss was out of line, but I think it was a mistake to respond the way he did. Making a mistake here is quite understandable, as he was probably feeling uncomfortable, and had little time to think of an optimal response. However, it would have been better to say something like "If you have a problem with my hair, I feel it would be more appropiate to discuss it privately". The advantage here is the it spells out what the boss is doing wrong, and Chad would be seen as merely asserting his rights.

Though I had to spend some time coming up with my suggested response, and revised it twice. It's not really fair to compare that to Chad being put on the spot. So even though I think he made a mistake, I would cut him some slack.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

Your coworker Chad was put in a difficult situation, and your boss was out of line, but I think it was a mistake to respond the way he did. Making a mistake here is quite understandable, as he was probably feeling uncomfortable, and had little time to think of an optimal response. However, it would have been better to say something like "If you have a problem with my hair, I feel it would be more appropiate to discuss it privately". The advantage here is the it spells out what the boss is doing wrong, and Chad would be seen as merely asserting his rights.

Though I had to spend some time coming up with my suggested response, and revised it twice. It's not really fair to compare that to Chad being put on the spot. So even though I think he made a mistake, I would cut him some slack.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:53

JGWeissman

23117

23117

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
  – Peter
  Aug 1 '12 at 21:17
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
  – Peter
  Aug 1 '12 at 21:17
  
  

  
  
  
  

I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
– Peter
Aug 1 '12 at 21:17

I sort of feel like that response would be a bit of an over-reaction, even though there was likely some truth to the comment. I think if I were in that situation I would just laugh it off and try to not take it too seriously.
– Peter
Aug 1 '12 at 21:17

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

I think Chad did cross the line by using the F word in a work environment and especially to his boss.

The Boss should not have addressed the messy hair in a public context but instead should have done so in private if there was an issue with that.

All in all I think they were both unprofessional in their demeanor, but Chad went overboard.

The boss should take him aside later in private and tell Chad that he shouldn't have said what he did about his hair in front of the others and if his hair is an issue let him know. Then he should address Chad's choice of words not being acceptable in the workplace and that both of them should try and do better in the future.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

I think Chad did cross the line by using the F word in a work environment and especially to his boss.

The Boss should not have addressed the messy hair in a public context but instead should have done so in private if there was an issue with that.

All in all I think they were both unprofessional in their demeanor, but Chad went overboard.

The boss should take him aside later in private and tell Chad that he shouldn't have said what he did about his hair in front of the others and if his hair is an issue let him know. Then he should address Chad's choice of words not being acceptable in the workplace and that both of them should try and do better in the future.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

up vote
4
down vote

I think Chad did cross the line by using the F word in a work environment and especially to his boss.

The Boss should not have addressed the messy hair in a public context but instead should have done so in private if there was an issue with that.

All in all I think they were both unprofessional in their demeanor, but Chad went overboard.

The boss should take him aside later in private and tell Chad that he shouldn't have said what he did about his hair in front of the others and if his hair is an issue let him know. Then he should address Chad's choice of words not being acceptable in the workplace and that both of them should try and do better in the future.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

I think Chad did cross the line by using the F word in a work environment and especially to his boss.

The Boss should not have addressed the messy hair in a public context but instead should have done so in private if there was an issue with that.

All in all I think they were both unprofessional in their demeanor, but Chad went overboard.

The boss should take him aside later in private and tell Chad that he shouldn't have said what he did about his hair in front of the others and if his hair is an issue let him know. Then he should address Chad's choice of words not being acceptable in the workplace and that both of them should try and do better in the future.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

answered Jun 19 '12 at 19:08

M3NTA7

411

411

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

If you want to know if this is crossing the line for your own career, then I would suggest that using any obscenity to your boss under any circumstances is a career risky move. Most bosses won't tolerate that and you will either be reprimanded or fired. Even if the boss publicly tolerated it at a team dinner, he is probably looking for signs of anger issues in this guy and he is unlikely to get cut any slack in the workplace. His career is probably already in jeopardy.

This is even more true because from your description you are new employees. Those employees have not yet developed a strong relationship with the boss and the company doesn't have much invested in them and they are simply less valuable and thus much easier to make the decision to fire them rather than tolerate someone who can't hold in his anger in a professional environment. The guy with the in-depth knowledge of the applications and the business domain can simply get away with more than the new guy. He probably also has a better idea of what the boss's sense of humor is and how well something like this said in jest would be taken.

Was the boss inappropriate in bringing up the subject publicly? Yes. However, the co-worker who reacted in anger and way past what is appropriate in the workplace was far worse.

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

If you want to know if this is crossing the line for your own career, then I would suggest that using any obscenity to your boss under any circumstances is a career risky move. Most bosses won't tolerate that and you will either be reprimanded or fired. Even if the boss publicly tolerated it at a team dinner, he is probably looking for signs of anger issues in this guy and he is unlikely to get cut any slack in the workplace. His career is probably already in jeopardy.

This is even more true because from your description you are new employees. Those employees have not yet developed a strong relationship with the boss and the company doesn't have much invested in them and they are simply less valuable and thus much easier to make the decision to fire them rather than tolerate someone who can't hold in his anger in a professional environment. The guy with the in-depth knowledge of the applications and the business domain can simply get away with more than the new guy. He probably also has a better idea of what the boss's sense of humor is and how well something like this said in jest would be taken.

Was the boss inappropriate in bringing up the subject publicly? Yes. However, the co-worker who reacted in anger and way past what is appropriate in the workplace was far worse.

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

add a comment | 

up vote
4
down vote

up vote
4
down vote

If you want to know if this is crossing the line for your own career, then I would suggest that using any obscenity to your boss under any circumstances is a career risky move. Most bosses won't tolerate that and you will either be reprimanded or fired. Even if the boss publicly tolerated it at a team dinner, he is probably looking for signs of anger issues in this guy and he is unlikely to get cut any slack in the workplace. His career is probably already in jeopardy.

This is even more true because from your description you are new employees. Those employees have not yet developed a strong relationship with the boss and the company doesn't have much invested in them and they are simply less valuable and thus much easier to make the decision to fire them rather than tolerate someone who can't hold in his anger in a professional environment. The guy with the in-depth knowledge of the applications and the business domain can simply get away with more than the new guy. He probably also has a better idea of what the boss's sense of humor is and how well something like this said in jest would be taken.

Was the boss inappropriate in bringing up the subject publicly? Yes. However, the co-worker who reacted in anger and way past what is appropriate in the workplace was far worse.

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

If you want to know if this is crossing the line for your own career, then I would suggest that using any obscenity to your boss under any circumstances is a career risky move. Most bosses won't tolerate that and you will either be reprimanded or fired. Even if the boss publicly tolerated it at a team dinner, he is probably looking for signs of anger issues in this guy and he is unlikely to get cut any slack in the workplace. His career is probably already in jeopardy.

This is even more true because from your description you are new employees. Those employees have not yet developed a strong relationship with the boss and the company doesn't have much invested in them and they are simply less valuable and thus much easier to make the decision to fire them rather than tolerate someone who can't hold in his anger in a professional environment. The guy with the in-depth knowledge of the applications and the business domain can simply get away with more than the new guy. He probably also has a better idea of what the boss's sense of humor is and how well something like this said in jest would be taken.

Was the boss inappropriate in bringing up the subject publicly? Yes. However, the co-worker who reacted in anger and way past what is appropriate in the workplace was far worse.

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

edited Dec 31 '12 at 14:28

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jun 20 '12 at 15:08

HLGEM

133k25227489

133k25227489

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

I think your boss was probably annoyed by the looks of Chad, and he just told him that straight in the face without tact.
So the boss already set the line so I don't think Chad went to far.

If it was in a other situation where to boss told Chad to clean the table or to do the dishes and he would have replied that way he would have gone to far.

Also is in my opinion a situation where you can act this casual, because the boss created this situation himself. Like I already mentioned it depends on the situation, what response is appropriate.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

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  Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:02
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
  – Jonathan
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:04
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
  – mariomario
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:19
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

I think your boss was probably annoyed by the looks of Chad, and he just told him that straight in the face without tact.
So the boss already set the line so I don't think Chad went to far.

If it was in a other situation where to boss told Chad to clean the table or to do the dishes and he would have replied that way he would have gone to far.

Also is in my opinion a situation where you can act this casual, because the boss created this situation himself. Like I already mentioned it depends on the situation, what response is appropriate.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:02
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
  – Jonathan
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:04
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
  – mariomario
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:19
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

up vote
2
down vote

I think your boss was probably annoyed by the looks of Chad, and he just told him that straight in the face without tact.
So the boss already set the line so I don't think Chad went to far.

If it was in a other situation where to boss told Chad to clean the table or to do the dishes and he would have replied that way he would have gone to far.

Also is in my opinion a situation where you can act this casual, because the boss created this situation himself. Like I already mentioned it depends on the situation, what response is appropriate.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

I think your boss was probably annoyed by the looks of Chad, and he just told him that straight in the face without tact.
So the boss already set the line so I don't think Chad went to far.

If it was in a other situation where to boss told Chad to clean the table or to do the dishes and he would have replied that way he would have gone to far.

Also is in my opinion a situation where you can act this casual, because the boss created this situation himself. Like I already mentioned it depends on the situation, what response is appropriate.

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

answered Jun 16 '12 at 12:53

mariomario

1293

1293

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:02
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
  – Jonathan
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:04
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
  – mariomario
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:19
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
  – scaaahu
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:02
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
  – Jonathan
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:04
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
  – mariomario
  Jun 16 '12 at 13:19
  

  
  
  
  

1

1

Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
– scaaahu
Jun 16 '12 at 13:02

Obviously, I am too old to be in the work place now. In some places I used to work at, you get fired if your boss ever heard you saying that two words.
– scaaahu
Jun 16 '12 at 13:02

Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
– Jonathan
Jun 16 '12 at 13:04

Maybe it's just me, or maybe I don't understand the situation, but I don't think Chad went far enough. Why would he stay in a job where the boss insults him especially in front of everyone? If this is what his boss is like when he is joking imagine what he is like when he is not joking.
– Jonathan
Jun 16 '12 at 13:04

@scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
– mariomario
Jun 16 '12 at 13:19

@scaaahu Well I think the boss works with more young people so he is probably used to it, and a boss doesn't want to teach new employees how to do stuff again and again. Jonny well maybe Chad has a rent to pay I wouldn't quit that easily if you need the money.
– mariomario
Jun 16 '12 at 13:19

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

For me he went too far with the four letter word. I have no issue with swearing personally but lots of people do, I tend to look not if a person swears but if they can control that swearing to the appropriate level for the present company.

While the boss might be OK with it, I would suggest that Chad has shown he is not capable of keeping his language to an appropriate level. As mentioned elsewhere, if I were the boss my concern would be that Chad might act in a similar manner with or around customers.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

For me he went too far with the four letter word. I have no issue with swearing personally but lots of people do, I tend to look not if a person swears but if they can control that swearing to the appropriate level for the present company.

While the boss might be OK with it, I would suggest that Chad has shown he is not capable of keeping his language to an appropriate level. As mentioned elsewhere, if I were the boss my concern would be that Chad might act in a similar manner with or around customers.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

up vote
2
down vote

For me he went too far with the four letter word. I have no issue with swearing personally but lots of people do, I tend to look not if a person swears but if they can control that swearing to the appropriate level for the present company.

While the boss might be OK with it, I would suggest that Chad has shown he is not capable of keeping his language to an appropriate level. As mentioned elsewhere, if I were the boss my concern would be that Chad might act in a similar manner with or around customers.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

For me he went too far with the four letter word. I have no issue with swearing personally but lots of people do, I tend to look not if a person swears but if they can control that swearing to the appropriate level for the present company.

While the boss might be OK with it, I would suggest that Chad has shown he is not capable of keeping his language to an appropriate level. As mentioned elsewhere, if I were the boss my concern would be that Chad might act in a similar manner with or around customers.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

answered Jan 2 '13 at 14:21

A. Gilfrin

40923

40923

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

 

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