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Asking someone you met on a dating site to be friend, because you didn't like them enough to date
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So I met a girl on a dating site. We were talking a bit for few days. But last Saturday, both of us were feeling down, so we decided to meet for a walk on our first date, and later we went to my place, and cuddled (no sex), and fall asleep together.
I think she liked me and probably want a proper relationship. But I felt I didn't like her that much, mostly because of her personality (I find her very different from me, and not the type of person I am looking for). She is also bit bigger than me (in weight), so that also a partly reason.
I want to ask her to be friend (even just platonic) because both of us suffer from loneliness, and together we can help each-other in a foreign country (both of us are expats).
How do I ask her if she like to be just friends without hurting her feelings. I have no good excuse that won't hurt her. Good chances are I will make her feel insecure about her weight.
friends relationships romance
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
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asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
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up vote
3
down vote
favorite
So I met a girl on a dating site. We were talking a bit for few days. But last Saturday, both of us were feeling down, so we decided to meet for a walk on our first date, and later we went to my place, and cuddled (no sex), and fall asleep together.
I think she liked me and probably want a proper relationship. But I felt I didn't like her that much, mostly because of her personality (I find her very different from me, and not the type of person I am looking for). She is also bit bigger than me (in weight), so that also a partly reason.
I want to ask her to be friend (even just platonic) because both of us suffer from loneliness, and together we can help each-other in a foreign country (both of us are expats).
How do I ask her if she like to be just friends without hurting her feelings. I have no good excuse that won't hurt her. Good chances are I will make her feel insecure about her weight.
friends relationships romance
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
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up vote
3
down vote
favorite
up vote
3
down vote
favorite
So I met a girl on a dating site. We were talking a bit for few days. But last Saturday, both of us were feeling down, so we decided to meet for a walk on our first date, and later we went to my place, and cuddled (no sex), and fall asleep together.
I think she liked me and probably want a proper relationship. But I felt I didn't like her that much, mostly because of her personality (I find her very different from me, and not the type of person I am looking for). She is also bit bigger than me (in weight), so that also a partly reason.
I want to ask her to be friend (even just platonic) because both of us suffer from loneliness, and together we can help each-other in a foreign country (both of us are expats).
How do I ask her if she like to be just friends without hurting her feelings. I have no good excuse that won't hurt her. Good chances are I will make her feel insecure about her weight.
friends relationships romance
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
So I met a girl on a dating site. We were talking a bit for few days. But last Saturday, both of us were feeling down, so we decided to meet for a walk on our first date, and later we went to my place, and cuddled (no sex), and fall asleep together.
I think she liked me and probably want a proper relationship. But I felt I didn't like her that much, mostly because of her personality (I find her very different from me, and not the type of person I am looking for). She is also bit bigger than me (in weight), so that also a partly reason.
I want to ask her to be friend (even just platonic) because both of us suffer from loneliness, and together we can help each-other in a foreign country (both of us are expats).
How do I ask her if she like to be just friends without hurting her feelings. I have no good excuse that won't hurt her. Good chances are I will make her feel insecure about her weight.
friends relationships romance
friends relationships romance
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
edited 3 hours ago
Ontamu
4,90931435
4,90931435
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
asked 3 hours ago
Michael Jackson
161
161
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Michael Jackson is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
If she is interested in you romantically, you can not make her your friend without hurting her.
You did not specify how well you know one another, but I am guessing not that well. Then it is not that bad, as it is unlikely that she is truly in love with you or something like that.
Honesty without being rude is the way to go.
Try to be honest and direct about how you did not feel a spark to fire up a relationship, but you did like her and would want to spend time with her. This will, of course, hurt her a little if she wanted your relationship to go further than just friendship.
The important part is not talking around it and make it sound like a "maybe", but to be direct. If you give her hope that you are going to crush later, you are being cruel. It is important not to give false hope.
There are two basic ways this can go down:
- She is hurt and does not want to spend time with you - If that is her reaction when you are honest and friendly, it was unavoidable that her feelings got hurt.
- She is a little hurt, but likes you enough to want to meet you in the future again.
You need to steer clear of mentioning her appearance
If she is likely to be insecure about her appearance, do not mention it at all. If she wants you to elaborate on why you do not want to be with her, talk about how you think your personalities are not compatible for that. But it would be best to avoid that, too.
Make it clear that you like her and would like to spend time with her.
A personal note:
I would recommend not to start anything sexual in a situation like this, if she agrees to being friends. I she suffers from loneliness, too, as you said, then it could help her, but it could also turn into a dependency thing or an almost-relationship (which would be similar to giving false hope).
The only way I see something sexual being okay is if there is in-depth communication about what both of you want from the relationship and find an agreement. That is the best way to prevent hurt feelings on both sides.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
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ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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up vote
1
down vote
I would be honest (as friends should be honest with each other) with her and say that while you do not see yourself getting involved romantically with her, you would love to be her friend because you enjoy her company. You do not have to mention that she is heavier than you; just point out that you are looking for someone more like yourself personality-wise. Then just ask her how she feels and take it from there.
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
add a comment |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
If she is interested in you romantically, you can not make her your friend without hurting her.
You did not specify how well you know one another, but I am guessing not that well. Then it is not that bad, as it is unlikely that she is truly in love with you or something like that.
Honesty without being rude is the way to go.
Try to be honest and direct about how you did not feel a spark to fire up a relationship, but you did like her and would want to spend time with her. This will, of course, hurt her a little if she wanted your relationship to go further than just friendship.
The important part is not talking around it and make it sound like a "maybe", but to be direct. If you give her hope that you are going to crush later, you are being cruel. It is important not to give false hope.
There are two basic ways this can go down:
- She is hurt and does not want to spend time with you - If that is her reaction when you are honest and friendly, it was unavoidable that her feelings got hurt.
- She is a little hurt, but likes you enough to want to meet you in the future again.
You need to steer clear of mentioning her appearance
If she is likely to be insecure about her appearance, do not mention it at all. If she wants you to elaborate on why you do not want to be with her, talk about how you think your personalities are not compatible for that. But it would be best to avoid that, too.
Make it clear that you like her and would like to spend time with her.
A personal note:
I would recommend not to start anything sexual in a situation like this, if she agrees to being friends. I she suffers from loneliness, too, as you said, then it could help her, but it could also turn into a dependency thing or an almost-relationship (which would be similar to giving false hope).
The only way I see something sexual being okay is if there is in-depth communication about what both of you want from the relationship and find an agreement. That is the best way to prevent hurt feelings on both sides.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
If she is interested in you romantically, you can not make her your friend without hurting her.
You did not specify how well you know one another, but I am guessing not that well. Then it is not that bad, as it is unlikely that she is truly in love with you or something like that.
Honesty without being rude is the way to go.
Try to be honest and direct about how you did not feel a spark to fire up a relationship, but you did like her and would want to spend time with her. This will, of course, hurt her a little if she wanted your relationship to go further than just friendship.
The important part is not talking around it and make it sound like a "maybe", but to be direct. If you give her hope that you are going to crush later, you are being cruel. It is important not to give false hope.
There are two basic ways this can go down:
- She is hurt and does not want to spend time with you - If that is her reaction when you are honest and friendly, it was unavoidable that her feelings got hurt.
- She is a little hurt, but likes you enough to want to meet you in the future again.
You need to steer clear of mentioning her appearance
If she is likely to be insecure about her appearance, do not mention it at all. If she wants you to elaborate on why you do not want to be with her, talk about how you think your personalities are not compatible for that. But it would be best to avoid that, too.
Make it clear that you like her and would like to spend time with her.
A personal note:
I would recommend not to start anything sexual in a situation like this, if she agrees to being friends. I she suffers from loneliness, too, as you said, then it could help her, but it could also turn into a dependency thing or an almost-relationship (which would be similar to giving false hope).
The only way I see something sexual being okay is if there is in-depth communication about what both of you want from the relationship and find an agreement. That is the best way to prevent hurt feelings on both sides.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
up vote
6
down vote
up vote
6
down vote
If she is interested in you romantically, you can not make her your friend without hurting her.
You did not specify how well you know one another, but I am guessing not that well. Then it is not that bad, as it is unlikely that she is truly in love with you or something like that.
Honesty without being rude is the way to go.
Try to be honest and direct about how you did not feel a spark to fire up a relationship, but you did like her and would want to spend time with her. This will, of course, hurt her a little if she wanted your relationship to go further than just friendship.
The important part is not talking around it and make it sound like a "maybe", but to be direct. If you give her hope that you are going to crush later, you are being cruel. It is important not to give false hope.
There are two basic ways this can go down:
- She is hurt and does not want to spend time with you - If that is her reaction when you are honest and friendly, it was unavoidable that her feelings got hurt.
- She is a little hurt, but likes you enough to want to meet you in the future again.
You need to steer clear of mentioning her appearance
If she is likely to be insecure about her appearance, do not mention it at all. If she wants you to elaborate on why you do not want to be with her, talk about how you think your personalities are not compatible for that. But it would be best to avoid that, too.
Make it clear that you like her and would like to spend time with her.
A personal note:
I would recommend not to start anything sexual in a situation like this, if she agrees to being friends. I she suffers from loneliness, too, as you said, then it could help her, but it could also turn into a dependency thing or an almost-relationship (which would be similar to giving false hope).
The only way I see something sexual being okay is if there is in-depth communication about what both of you want from the relationship and find an agreement. That is the best way to prevent hurt feelings on both sides.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
If she is interested in you romantically, you can not make her your friend without hurting her.
You did not specify how well you know one another, but I am guessing not that well. Then it is not that bad, as it is unlikely that she is truly in love with you or something like that.
Honesty without being rude is the way to go.
Try to be honest and direct about how you did not feel a spark to fire up a relationship, but you did like her and would want to spend time with her. This will, of course, hurt her a little if she wanted your relationship to go further than just friendship.
The important part is not talking around it and make it sound like a "maybe", but to be direct. If you give her hope that you are going to crush later, you are being cruel. It is important not to give false hope.
There are two basic ways this can go down:
- She is hurt and does not want to spend time with you - If that is her reaction when you are honest and friendly, it was unavoidable that her feelings got hurt.
- She is a little hurt, but likes you enough to want to meet you in the future again.
You need to steer clear of mentioning her appearance
If she is likely to be insecure about her appearance, do not mention it at all. If she wants you to elaborate on why you do not want to be with her, talk about how you think your personalities are not compatible for that. But it would be best to avoid that, too.
Make it clear that you like her and would like to spend time with her.
A personal note:
I would recommend not to start anything sexual in a situation like this, if she agrees to being friends. I she suffers from loneliness, too, as you said, then it could help her, but it could also turn into a dependency thing or an almost-relationship (which would be similar to giving false hope).
The only way I see something sexual being okay is if there is in-depth communication about what both of you want from the relationship and find an agreement. That is the best way to prevent hurt feelings on both sides.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
answered 2 hours ago
ArtificialSoul
541115
541115
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
ArtificialSoul is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I would be honest (as friends should be honest with each other) with her and say that while you do not see yourself getting involved romantically with her, you would love to be her friend because you enjoy her company. You do not have to mention that she is heavier than you; just point out that you are looking for someone more like yourself personality-wise. Then just ask her how she feels and take it from there.
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
I would be honest (as friends should be honest with each other) with her and say that while you do not see yourself getting involved romantically with her, you would love to be her friend because you enjoy her company. You do not have to mention that she is heavier than you; just point out that you are looking for someone more like yourself personality-wise. Then just ask her how she feels and take it from there.
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
add a comment |Â
up vote
1
down vote
up vote
1
down vote
I would be honest (as friends should be honest with each other) with her and say that while you do not see yourself getting involved romantically with her, you would love to be her friend because you enjoy her company. You do not have to mention that she is heavier than you; just point out that you are looking for someone more like yourself personality-wise. Then just ask her how she feels and take it from there.
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
I would be honest (as friends should be honest with each other) with her and say that while you do not see yourself getting involved romantically with her, you would love to be her friend because you enjoy her company. You do not have to mention that she is heavier than you; just point out that you are looking for someone more like yourself personality-wise. Then just ask her how she feels and take it from there.
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
answered 2 hours ago
JCJ
999218
999218
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
Michael Jackson is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Michael Jackson is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Michael Jackson is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Michael Jackson is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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