What to do when I can't work with a colleague [closed]

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I have a major personality clash with one of my colleagues. We both get along pretty well with the rest of the team, but we both have strong opinions and disagree frequently. The problem has been getting worse since he joined the team a year ago. We now have full-on arguments on a weekly basis, and I am not able to participate in any discussion with him as he continually talks over me.



I know I am quite "outspoken" as our boss puts it. I have tried to tone down how I present my opinions and to give this guy more opportunity to say his piece, but this has not changed his behaviour. I have also attempted to talk with him about it, but he does not seem to think that it is a problem. Our boss is somewhat aware of the issue but has a lot of other responsibilities and generally expects us to sort out our own problems.



I have concluded that I am no longer able to work with my colleague, as I am not comfortable interacting with him (or even interacting with other team members in his presence), we are disrupting the rest of the team, and the situation is beginning to affect my mental health.



I am brainstorming the options that I have available to address the problem. I've come up with a few ideas:



  • Resign

  • Ask for a transfer to another team

  • Ask for a reallocation of duties so that I don't have to interact with this colleague as much

Are there any other solutions to resolve the situation that I could consider?



EDIT: To clarify, I am looking for the options that I should consider after all efforts to resolve the issue directly with my colleague have failed. I realise that it takes two to tango and I assume that since he gets along well enough with everyone else that there must be some fault on my side, but at this point I have been trying harder to get along with him for several months and the situation is escalating so I have decided that some other action is necessary.




colleagues team




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closed as off-topic by gnat, Jan Doggen, Michael Grubey, Telastyn, user8365 Nov 3 '14 at 11:26


This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave these specific reasons:


  • "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Jan Doggen, Telastyn

  • "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – gnat, Michael Grubey

If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.












  • He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:13










  • Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:23











  • Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:29
















up vote
9
down vote

favorite












I have a major personality clash with one of my colleagues. We both get along pretty well with the rest of the team, but we both have strong opinions and disagree frequently. The problem has been getting worse since he joined the team a year ago. We now have full-on arguments on a weekly basis, and I am not able to participate in any discussion with him as he continually talks over me.



I know I am quite "outspoken" as our boss puts it. I have tried to tone down how I present my opinions and to give this guy more opportunity to say his piece, but this has not changed his behaviour. I have also attempted to talk with him about it, but he does not seem to think that it is a problem. Our boss is somewhat aware of the issue but has a lot of other responsibilities and generally expects us to sort out our own problems.



I have concluded that I am no longer able to work with my colleague, as I am not comfortable interacting with him (or even interacting with other team members in his presence), we are disrupting the rest of the team, and the situation is beginning to affect my mental health.



I am brainstorming the options that I have available to address the problem. I've come up with a few ideas:



  • Resign

  • Ask for a transfer to another team

  • Ask for a reallocation of duties so that I don't have to interact with this colleague as much

Are there any other solutions to resolve the situation that I could consider?



EDIT: To clarify, I am looking for the options that I should consider after all efforts to resolve the issue directly with my colleague have failed. I realise that it takes two to tango and I assume that since he gets along well enough with everyone else that there must be some fault on my side, but at this point I have been trying harder to get along with him for several months and the situation is escalating so I have decided that some other action is necessary.




colleagues team




share|improve this question














closed as off-topic by gnat, Jan Doggen, Michael Grubey, Telastyn, user8365 Nov 3 '14 at 11:26


This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave these specific reasons:


  • "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Jan Doggen, Telastyn

  • "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – gnat, Michael Grubey

If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.












  • He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:13










  • Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:23











  • Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:29












up vote
9
down vote

favorite









up vote
9
down vote

favorite











I have a major personality clash with one of my colleagues. We both get along pretty well with the rest of the team, but we both have strong opinions and disagree frequently. The problem has been getting worse since he joined the team a year ago. We now have full-on arguments on a weekly basis, and I am not able to participate in any discussion with him as he continually talks over me.



I know I am quite "outspoken" as our boss puts it. I have tried to tone down how I present my opinions and to give this guy more opportunity to say his piece, but this has not changed his behaviour. I have also attempted to talk with him about it, but he does not seem to think that it is a problem. Our boss is somewhat aware of the issue but has a lot of other responsibilities and generally expects us to sort out our own problems.



I have concluded that I am no longer able to work with my colleague, as I am not comfortable interacting with him (or even interacting with other team members in his presence), we are disrupting the rest of the team, and the situation is beginning to affect my mental health.



I am brainstorming the options that I have available to address the problem. I've come up with a few ideas:



  • Resign

  • Ask for a transfer to another team

  • Ask for a reallocation of duties so that I don't have to interact with this colleague as much

Are there any other solutions to resolve the situation that I could consider?



EDIT: To clarify, I am looking for the options that I should consider after all efforts to resolve the issue directly with my colleague have failed. I realise that it takes two to tango and I assume that since he gets along well enough with everyone else that there must be some fault on my side, but at this point I have been trying harder to get along with him for several months and the situation is escalating so I have decided that some other action is necessary.




colleagues team




share|improve this question














I have a major personality clash with one of my colleagues. We both get along pretty well with the rest of the team, but we both have strong opinions and disagree frequently. The problem has been getting worse since he joined the team a year ago. We now have full-on arguments on a weekly basis, and I am not able to participate in any discussion with him as he continually talks over me.



I know I am quite "outspoken" as our boss puts it. I have tried to tone down how I present my opinions and to give this guy more opportunity to say his piece, but this has not changed his behaviour. I have also attempted to talk with him about it, but he does not seem to think that it is a problem. Our boss is somewhat aware of the issue but has a lot of other responsibilities and generally expects us to sort out our own problems.



I have concluded that I am no longer able to work with my colleague, as I am not comfortable interacting with him (or even interacting with other team members in his presence), we are disrupting the rest of the team, and the situation is beginning to affect my mental health.



I am brainstorming the options that I have available to address the problem. I've come up with a few ideas:



  • Resign

  • Ask for a transfer to another team

  • Ask for a reallocation of duties so that I don't have to interact with this colleague as much

Are there any other solutions to resolve the situation that I could consider?



EDIT: To clarify, I am looking for the options that I should consider after all efforts to resolve the issue directly with my colleague have failed. I realise that it takes two to tango and I assume that since he gets along well enough with everyone else that there must be some fault on my side, but at this point I have been trying harder to get along with him for several months and the situation is escalating so I have decided that some other action is necessary.





colleagues team





share|improve this question













share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited Nov 1 '14 at 3:01

























asked Oct 31 '14 at 3:31









user12345

49114




49114




closed as off-topic by gnat, Jan Doggen, Michael Grubey, Telastyn, user8365 Nov 3 '14 at 11:26


This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave these specific reasons:


  • "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Jan Doggen, Telastyn

  • "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – gnat, Michael Grubey

If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.




closed as off-topic by gnat, Jan Doggen, Michael Grubey, Telastyn, user8365 Nov 3 '14 at 11:26


This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave these specific reasons:


  • "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Jan Doggen, Telastyn

  • "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – gnat, Michael Grubey

If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.











  • He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:13










  • Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:23











  • Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:29
















  • He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:13










  • Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:23











  • Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
    – cartina
    Nov 3 '14 at 9:29















He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
– Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
Nov 1 '14 at 12:13




He thinks he has won over you. Ask your boss who of you is captain, and gets the deciding vote. If it is you, good for you, if it is him, live with it.
– Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
Nov 1 '14 at 12:13












Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
– cartina
Nov 3 '14 at 9:23





Avoid verbal communication with him. Communicate using emails for official work. If he interferes while you are talking to someone else, do not give response. Simply behave as if he does not exist if there is no official work involved. Avoid talking even looking at him. Silence is the biggest weapon. You can not win him with argument. Practice this for one month. Make it difficult and awkward for him to talk to you. Your response is what he feeds on. He may be a sociopath. You can google articles on how to deal with sociapaths.
– cartina
Nov 3 '14 at 9:23













Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
– cartina
Nov 3 '14 at 9:29




Avoid expressing your views on anything in office. Give neutral or politically correct answers.
– cartina
Nov 3 '14 at 9:29










6 Answers
6






active

oldest

votes

















up vote
12
down vote













Long time ago, I had serious problems (similar to yours) with a colleague. I talked to my boss and asked to transfer to another team.



My boss said he can do so, but he asked me a question: what if you have problem with another colleague in another team, are you going to transfer again?



I went back to my desk and gave it a serious thought. I decided to stay with the team and worked with that colleague. It turned out that it wasn't that bad and we finished that project and went to different places afterwards.



My advice to you: try to work with that colleague and give him and yourself another chance. Try your best. If it does not work out, then transfer to another team.



It's hard to tell from the description of the problems you have with your colleague. Is it really his problem? Or yours? Or both should take responsibility? If you have some share of the responsibilities, you need to correct your behavior. Otherwise, you will have problems with other people whose personality is similar to your colleague's. In other words, you will keep having problems in your workplace. There are all kinds of people in the workplaces.



Your next option would be reallocation of duties or even resign. I would not do so unless there are other reasons, for example, a so-so job, bad boss, bad work environment, bad company, poor pay etc. It's not worth it to quit a job just because of a hard-to-work-with colleague.






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  • 3




    Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
    – mrtnrdl
    Oct 31 '14 at 9:45










  • @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
    – scaaahu
    Nov 1 '14 at 8:29






  • 1




    @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
    – theGreenCabbage
    Nov 1 '14 at 15:26

















up vote
2
down vote













The first thing that I would try to do is set up a meeting between your manager, your colleague, and yourself. That way, you can prove that you have made a serious effort to fix the problem. Your manager can also act as a moderator and keep all the egos in check and make sure that everyone has a chance to speak (no talking over each other).



No matter how busy your manager is, there is nothing more important for him than to ensure that his team is working effectively. If he knows there is a problem and that the teams performance is suffering, then he needs to fix it.



It would be a good idea to sit down with your manager before the meeting just to clarify what you want his role to be. Tell him you want him to moderate the meeting, not take sides, make sure everyone gets to say their piece, and keep everything honest and friendly. Make sure you aren't bad mouthing your co-worker during this setup meeting.



If you do this, and still nothing improves, then at least your manager knows that you tried to work things out.



I would also closely analyze my own behaviour. I know you "have tried to tone down" your personality, but a great man (do you have to be human to be a man?) once said "Do, or do not; there is no try". Be honest with yourself; is there a reason he is acting this way? Does he feel bullied by you trying to force your opinion on him and the team? If so, he might just be trying to stand up for himself. Are you talking badly about him behind his back? If so, he might have heard about it and is trying to defend himself. Are you over reacting to someone who has the same personality as you? My experience is that "outspoken" people sometimes get too big of an ego and then over react when someone else doesn't share their opinion and disagrees with them.



I would be very careful about completely blaming the other person in this situation. If your manager knows about the problem but is acting uninterested, it might be because he thinks you have some degree of fault in the whole affair.



Also, bring your co-worker a coffee one morning. An act of pure, honest, genuine friendship is hard to be mad at...






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  • 2




    Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
    – Eric
    Oct 31 '14 at 19:28










  • I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:19










  • I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
    – Peter Maidens
    Nov 3 '14 at 17:50


















up vote
2
down vote













When I was VERY early in my career I faced a somewhat similar situation.



I had a colleague who I was hired on to work with. When we first started working together everything was pretty good, we had strongly opposing views on the world, but we tended to respect each other's view and rather than argue, we would philosophically debate our perspectives.



Well there became competition at work because I had effectively taken over his job as he was lazy and constantly passed his work my way. At that time our situation was a lot like yours. Arguments ensued, the office became pretty hostile, etc. (I wasn't an arguementive person, but I also don't let people accuse me of things I hadn't done)



I made it a point to bring things to my boss in the clear. I explained things between myself and the colleague had degraded badly, and that I was doing what I could to mitigate the problem, but ultimately something had to happen as it was getting worse.



My boss found ways to mitigate things, albeit I'd say only partially successfully, but it ended up being enough as eventually my colleague decided to go with the nuclear option and tried to plant evidence to get me fired. It backfired, and he was fired on the spot.



So my advice, let your boss know exactly what's going on and let him or her know you will do what you can to help, but the problem is a mutual one between you and your colleague and you believe outside mitigation is necessary to make it a tenable situation. (Let your boss decide move you to another dept, move the colleague, fire you, fire the colleague, come up with some kind of mitigation strategy, etc.)



Sure you could get fired... but if your considering quitting that's not that big a deal.






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    up vote
    -2
    down vote













    From my own experience:



    It is really important to make workplace comfortable. First of all, don’t make enemies or don’t fuel them. Most of the problems would resolved if we are open to accept our mistakes & honest criticism made by others.



    What do you expect from him, it is better you start giving to him. You will see the difference.



    Appreciate your colleague for his good work or for the good suggestions he has contributed in your team discussion. Discuss with him about your opinions and ask his suggestions before even you present them to your team. Use his name in team meetings, ex: I should thank Mr.xxx for his great ideas, etc.



    Do not preoccupied with the past incidence. Smile at him, wish him these little things will make huge difference. It is better if you both become family friends.






    share|improve this answer
















    • 2




      "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
      – Denis Kniazhev
      Nov 1 '14 at 9:10

















    up vote
    -2
    down vote













    Another idea not mentioned yet, text taken from Psychology wiki:




    One of the concepts found in corporate executive office politics is called being "kicked upstairs". This is when an unliked or underperforming executive in charge of some portion of a corporation, is said to have been promoted (and might report then to the person his current boss is reporting to), yet is given only a small amount of responsibility, if any. This may be viewed as either punishment or damage control.




    Basically praise his work and insight and get him transfered as a treat, not as punishment. Alaska would be a good destination if you have offices there.






    share|improve this answer






















    • The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
      – DJohnM
      Nov 3 '14 at 0:10

















    up vote
    -8
    down vote













    I hate working with people i don't like. This is a great opportunity (i mean, after your leave) for personal growth, and an excellent learning opportunity about working with difficult people.



    If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby. Nothing much further to do, you can leave or transfer or get him fired somehow. Personally, in a toxic situation, i'd advise you leave the company.



    Transferring to another team you're still going to run into him, and people are going to be all "oh, you're the one that hated the guy" and who knows how it will play down.



    What I'm saying is it isn't a full solution, you need to put this behind you, not have some antagonist lurking like a lurker.



    If there isn't a very very real reason to stay at your company (fast promotion track you won't get elsewhere, massive bonus/stock options) it is best to bounce. Your manager sounds way over his or her head, they should realistically be trying to resolve this, not having employees feel terrible.



    In one or two years, you'll wonder why you cared about this decision and you'll be back happy and focused. But until that time **** fuggedabout that guy.






    share|improve this answer


















    • 3




      Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
      – Elysian Fields♦
      Oct 31 '14 at 15:56






    • 2




      "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
      – Peter Maidens
      Oct 31 '14 at 18:05






    • 2




      My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
      – Peter Maidens
      Oct 31 '14 at 18:26






    • 2




      You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
      – Peter Maidens
      Oct 31 '14 at 18:27







    • 2




      Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
      – jmort253♦
      Nov 1 '14 at 21:14









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    6 Answers
    6






    active

    oldest

    votes








    6 Answers
    6






    active

    oldest

    votes









    active

    oldest

    votes






    active

    oldest

    votes








    up vote
    12
    down vote













    Long time ago, I had serious problems (similar to yours) with a colleague. I talked to my boss and asked to transfer to another team.



    My boss said he can do so, but he asked me a question: what if you have problem with another colleague in another team, are you going to transfer again?



    I went back to my desk and gave it a serious thought. I decided to stay with the team and worked with that colleague. It turned out that it wasn't that bad and we finished that project and went to different places afterwards.



    My advice to you: try to work with that colleague and give him and yourself another chance. Try your best. If it does not work out, then transfer to another team.



    It's hard to tell from the description of the problems you have with your colleague. Is it really his problem? Or yours? Or both should take responsibility? If you have some share of the responsibilities, you need to correct your behavior. Otherwise, you will have problems with other people whose personality is similar to your colleague's. In other words, you will keep having problems in your workplace. There are all kinds of people in the workplaces.



    Your next option would be reallocation of duties or even resign. I would not do so unless there are other reasons, for example, a so-so job, bad boss, bad work environment, bad company, poor pay etc. It's not worth it to quit a job just because of a hard-to-work-with colleague.






    share|improve this answer


















    • 3




      Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
      – mrtnrdl
      Oct 31 '14 at 9:45










    • @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
      – scaaahu
      Nov 1 '14 at 8:29






    • 1




      @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
      – theGreenCabbage
      Nov 1 '14 at 15:26














    up vote
    12
    down vote













    Long time ago, I had serious problems (similar to yours) with a colleague. I talked to my boss and asked to transfer to another team.



    My boss said he can do so, but he asked me a question: what if you have problem with another colleague in another team, are you going to transfer again?



    I went back to my desk and gave it a serious thought. I decided to stay with the team and worked with that colleague. It turned out that it wasn't that bad and we finished that project and went to different places afterwards.



    My advice to you: try to work with that colleague and give him and yourself another chance. Try your best. If it does not work out, then transfer to another team.



    It's hard to tell from the description of the problems you have with your colleague. Is it really his problem? Or yours? Or both should take responsibility? If you have some share of the responsibilities, you need to correct your behavior. Otherwise, you will have problems with other people whose personality is similar to your colleague's. In other words, you will keep having problems in your workplace. There are all kinds of people in the workplaces.



    Your next option would be reallocation of duties or even resign. I would not do so unless there are other reasons, for example, a so-so job, bad boss, bad work environment, bad company, poor pay etc. It's not worth it to quit a job just because of a hard-to-work-with colleague.






    share|improve this answer


















    • 3




      Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
      – mrtnrdl
      Oct 31 '14 at 9:45










    • @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
      – scaaahu
      Nov 1 '14 at 8:29






    • 1




      @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
      – theGreenCabbage
      Nov 1 '14 at 15:26












    up vote
    12
    down vote










    up vote
    12
    down vote









    Long time ago, I had serious problems (similar to yours) with a colleague. I talked to my boss and asked to transfer to another team.



    My boss said he can do so, but he asked me a question: what if you have problem with another colleague in another team, are you going to transfer again?



    I went back to my desk and gave it a serious thought. I decided to stay with the team and worked with that colleague. It turned out that it wasn't that bad and we finished that project and went to different places afterwards.



    My advice to you: try to work with that colleague and give him and yourself another chance. Try your best. If it does not work out, then transfer to another team.



    It's hard to tell from the description of the problems you have with your colleague. Is it really his problem? Or yours? Or both should take responsibility? If you have some share of the responsibilities, you need to correct your behavior. Otherwise, you will have problems with other people whose personality is similar to your colleague's. In other words, you will keep having problems in your workplace. There are all kinds of people in the workplaces.



    Your next option would be reallocation of duties or even resign. I would not do so unless there are other reasons, for example, a so-so job, bad boss, bad work environment, bad company, poor pay etc. It's not worth it to quit a job just because of a hard-to-work-with colleague.






    share|improve this answer














    Long time ago, I had serious problems (similar to yours) with a colleague. I talked to my boss and asked to transfer to another team.



    My boss said he can do so, but he asked me a question: what if you have problem with another colleague in another team, are you going to transfer again?



    I went back to my desk and gave it a serious thought. I decided to stay with the team and worked with that colleague. It turned out that it wasn't that bad and we finished that project and went to different places afterwards.



    My advice to you: try to work with that colleague and give him and yourself another chance. Try your best. If it does not work out, then transfer to another team.



    It's hard to tell from the description of the problems you have with your colleague. Is it really his problem? Or yours? Or both should take responsibility? If you have some share of the responsibilities, you need to correct your behavior. Otherwise, you will have problems with other people whose personality is similar to your colleague's. In other words, you will keep having problems in your workplace. There are all kinds of people in the workplaces.



    Your next option would be reallocation of duties or even resign. I would not do so unless there are other reasons, for example, a so-so job, bad boss, bad work environment, bad company, poor pay etc. It's not worth it to quit a job just because of a hard-to-work-with colleague.







    share|improve this answer














    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer








    edited Nov 1 '14 at 8:17

























    answered Oct 31 '14 at 6:15









    scaaahu

    6,60953144




    6,60953144







    • 3




      Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
      – mrtnrdl
      Oct 31 '14 at 9:45










    • @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
      – scaaahu
      Nov 1 '14 at 8:29






    • 1




      @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
      – theGreenCabbage
      Nov 1 '14 at 15:26












    • 3




      Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
      – mrtnrdl
      Oct 31 '14 at 9:45










    • @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
      – scaaahu
      Nov 1 '14 at 8:29






    • 1




      @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
      – theGreenCabbage
      Nov 1 '14 at 15:26







    3




    3




    Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
    – mrtnrdl
    Oct 31 '14 at 9:45




    Your boss is a wise man. In the end it's work that has to be done. Personal 'feelings' should not hinder your ability to solve problems. You can't dodge all the people in the work you don't like - so grow and become a better person yourself.
    – mrtnrdl
    Oct 31 '14 at 9:45












    @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
    – scaaahu
    Nov 1 '14 at 8:29




    @user12345 I had edited my answer in response to your edit. Then I saw another user already suggested it to you, i.e. talk to your boss. I agree with the comment below it, it's a nuclear option. It's not something I would really suggest. Therefore, I back it out. You can see my edit hisory if you are interested in it
    – scaaahu
    Nov 1 '14 at 8:29




    1




    1




    @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
    – theGreenCabbage
    Nov 1 '14 at 15:26




    @scaaahu As someone on co-op right now, this is a very wise answer. I thank you and your boss for the knowledge.
    – theGreenCabbage
    Nov 1 '14 at 15:26












    up vote
    2
    down vote













    The first thing that I would try to do is set up a meeting between your manager, your colleague, and yourself. That way, you can prove that you have made a serious effort to fix the problem. Your manager can also act as a moderator and keep all the egos in check and make sure that everyone has a chance to speak (no talking over each other).



    No matter how busy your manager is, there is nothing more important for him than to ensure that his team is working effectively. If he knows there is a problem and that the teams performance is suffering, then he needs to fix it.



    It would be a good idea to sit down with your manager before the meeting just to clarify what you want his role to be. Tell him you want him to moderate the meeting, not take sides, make sure everyone gets to say their piece, and keep everything honest and friendly. Make sure you aren't bad mouthing your co-worker during this setup meeting.



    If you do this, and still nothing improves, then at least your manager knows that you tried to work things out.



    I would also closely analyze my own behaviour. I know you "have tried to tone down" your personality, but a great man (do you have to be human to be a man?) once said "Do, or do not; there is no try". Be honest with yourself; is there a reason he is acting this way? Does he feel bullied by you trying to force your opinion on him and the team? If so, he might just be trying to stand up for himself. Are you talking badly about him behind his back? If so, he might have heard about it and is trying to defend himself. Are you over reacting to someone who has the same personality as you? My experience is that "outspoken" people sometimes get too big of an ego and then over react when someone else doesn't share their opinion and disagrees with them.



    I would be very careful about completely blaming the other person in this situation. If your manager knows about the problem but is acting uninterested, it might be because he thinks you have some degree of fault in the whole affair.



    Also, bring your co-worker a coffee one morning. An act of pure, honest, genuine friendship is hard to be mad at...






    share|improve this answer
















    • 2




      Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
      – Eric
      Oct 31 '14 at 19:28










    • I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
      – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
      Nov 1 '14 at 12:19










    • I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
      – Peter Maidens
      Nov 3 '14 at 17:50















    up vote
    2
    down vote













    The first thing that I would try to do is set up a meeting between your manager, your colleague, and yourself. That way, you can prove that you have made a serious effort to fix the problem. Your manager can also act as a moderator and keep all the egos in check and make sure that everyone has a chance to speak (no talking over each other).



    No matter how busy your manager is, there is nothing more important for him than to ensure that his team is working effectively. If he knows there is a problem and that the teams performance is suffering, then he needs to fix it.



    It would be a good idea to sit down with your manager before the meeting just to clarify what you want his role to be. Tell him you want him to moderate the meeting, not take sides, make sure everyone gets to say their piece, and keep everything honest and friendly. Make sure you aren't bad mouthing your co-worker during this setup meeting.



    If you do this, and still nothing improves, then at least your manager knows that you tried to work things out.



    I would also closely analyze my own behaviour. I know you "have tried to tone down" your personality, but a great man (do you have to be human to be a man?) once said "Do, or do not; there is no try". Be honest with yourself; is there a reason he is acting this way? Does he feel bullied by you trying to force your opinion on him and the team? If so, he might just be trying to stand up for himself. Are you talking badly about him behind his back? If so, he might have heard about it and is trying to defend himself. Are you over reacting to someone who has the same personality as you? My experience is that "outspoken" people sometimes get too big of an ego and then over react when someone else doesn't share their opinion and disagrees with them.



    I would be very careful about completely blaming the other person in this situation. If your manager knows about the problem but is acting uninterested, it might be because he thinks you have some degree of fault in the whole affair.



    Also, bring your co-worker a coffee one morning. An act of pure, honest, genuine friendship is hard to be mad at...






    share|improve this answer
















    • 2




      Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
      – Eric
      Oct 31 '14 at 19:28










    • I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
      – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
      Nov 1 '14 at 12:19










    • I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
      – Peter Maidens
      Nov 3 '14 at 17:50













    up vote
    2
    down vote










    up vote
    2
    down vote









    The first thing that I would try to do is set up a meeting between your manager, your colleague, and yourself. That way, you can prove that you have made a serious effort to fix the problem. Your manager can also act as a moderator and keep all the egos in check and make sure that everyone has a chance to speak (no talking over each other).



    No matter how busy your manager is, there is nothing more important for him than to ensure that his team is working effectively. If he knows there is a problem and that the teams performance is suffering, then he needs to fix it.



    It would be a good idea to sit down with your manager before the meeting just to clarify what you want his role to be. Tell him you want him to moderate the meeting, not take sides, make sure everyone gets to say their piece, and keep everything honest and friendly. Make sure you aren't bad mouthing your co-worker during this setup meeting.



    If you do this, and still nothing improves, then at least your manager knows that you tried to work things out.



    I would also closely analyze my own behaviour. I know you "have tried to tone down" your personality, but a great man (do you have to be human to be a man?) once said "Do, or do not; there is no try". Be honest with yourself; is there a reason he is acting this way? Does he feel bullied by you trying to force your opinion on him and the team? If so, he might just be trying to stand up for himself. Are you talking badly about him behind his back? If so, he might have heard about it and is trying to defend himself. Are you over reacting to someone who has the same personality as you? My experience is that "outspoken" people sometimes get too big of an ego and then over react when someone else doesn't share their opinion and disagrees with them.



    I would be very careful about completely blaming the other person in this situation. If your manager knows about the problem but is acting uninterested, it might be because he thinks you have some degree of fault in the whole affair.



    Also, bring your co-worker a coffee one morning. An act of pure, honest, genuine friendship is hard to be mad at...






    share|improve this answer












    The first thing that I would try to do is set up a meeting between your manager, your colleague, and yourself. That way, you can prove that you have made a serious effort to fix the problem. Your manager can also act as a moderator and keep all the egos in check and make sure that everyone has a chance to speak (no talking over each other).



    No matter how busy your manager is, there is nothing more important for him than to ensure that his team is working effectively. If he knows there is a problem and that the teams performance is suffering, then he needs to fix it.



    It would be a good idea to sit down with your manager before the meeting just to clarify what you want his role to be. Tell him you want him to moderate the meeting, not take sides, make sure everyone gets to say their piece, and keep everything honest and friendly. Make sure you aren't bad mouthing your co-worker during this setup meeting.



    If you do this, and still nothing improves, then at least your manager knows that you tried to work things out.



    I would also closely analyze my own behaviour. I know you "have tried to tone down" your personality, but a great man (do you have to be human to be a man?) once said "Do, or do not; there is no try". Be honest with yourself; is there a reason he is acting this way? Does he feel bullied by you trying to force your opinion on him and the team? If so, he might just be trying to stand up for himself. Are you talking badly about him behind his back? If so, he might have heard about it and is trying to defend himself. Are you over reacting to someone who has the same personality as you? My experience is that "outspoken" people sometimes get too big of an ego and then over react when someone else doesn't share their opinion and disagrees with them.



    I would be very careful about completely blaming the other person in this situation. If your manager knows about the problem but is acting uninterested, it might be because he thinks you have some degree of fault in the whole affair.



    Also, bring your co-worker a coffee one morning. An act of pure, honest, genuine friendship is hard to be mad at...







    share|improve this answer












    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer










    answered Oct 31 '14 at 18:49









    Peter Maidens

    1233




    1233







    • 2




      Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
      – Eric
      Oct 31 '14 at 19:28










    • I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
      – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
      Nov 1 '14 at 12:19










    • I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
      – Peter Maidens
      Nov 3 '14 at 17:50













    • 2




      Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
      – Eric
      Oct 31 '14 at 19:28










    • I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
      – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
      Nov 1 '14 at 12:19










    • I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
      – Peter Maidens
      Nov 3 '14 at 17:50








    2




    2




    Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
    – Eric
    Oct 31 '14 at 19:28




    Bringing the boss into the discussion is like the nuclear option. It sends the message that you want an official record of your attempt to resolve the problem. Your boss may appreciate it but it's quite possible your coworker will not. If possible, I would try to get your coworker to agree that things could be better between you and then think together about how that could happen, possibly by having your boss mediate or offer outside suggestions.
    – Eric
    Oct 31 '14 at 19:28












    I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:19




    I think you should pursue other options first before involving your boss - you might improve your inter-person skills.
    – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
    Nov 1 '14 at 12:19












    I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
    – Peter Maidens
    Nov 3 '14 at 17:50





    I agree that my solution is nuclear. Thorbjorn The problem is that it seems he already has "pursued other options", but his co-worker refuses to address the problem. Eric, That was pretty much what I was getting at. You want to have a meeting where you discuss how to improve things with your co-worker, and just have your boss there as a mediator.
    – Peter Maidens
    Nov 3 '14 at 17:50











    up vote
    2
    down vote













    When I was VERY early in my career I faced a somewhat similar situation.



    I had a colleague who I was hired on to work with. When we first started working together everything was pretty good, we had strongly opposing views on the world, but we tended to respect each other's view and rather than argue, we would philosophically debate our perspectives.



    Well there became competition at work because I had effectively taken over his job as he was lazy and constantly passed his work my way. At that time our situation was a lot like yours. Arguments ensued, the office became pretty hostile, etc. (I wasn't an arguementive person, but I also don't let people accuse me of things I hadn't done)



    I made it a point to bring things to my boss in the clear. I explained things between myself and the colleague had degraded badly, and that I was doing what I could to mitigate the problem, but ultimately something had to happen as it was getting worse.



    My boss found ways to mitigate things, albeit I'd say only partially successfully, but it ended up being enough as eventually my colleague decided to go with the nuclear option and tried to plant evidence to get me fired. It backfired, and he was fired on the spot.



    So my advice, let your boss know exactly what's going on and let him or her know you will do what you can to help, but the problem is a mutual one between you and your colleague and you believe outside mitigation is necessary to make it a tenable situation. (Let your boss decide move you to another dept, move the colleague, fire you, fire the colleague, come up with some kind of mitigation strategy, etc.)



    Sure you could get fired... but if your considering quitting that's not that big a deal.






    share|improve this answer
























      up vote
      2
      down vote













      When I was VERY early in my career I faced a somewhat similar situation.



      I had a colleague who I was hired on to work with. When we first started working together everything was pretty good, we had strongly opposing views on the world, but we tended to respect each other's view and rather than argue, we would philosophically debate our perspectives.



      Well there became competition at work because I had effectively taken over his job as he was lazy and constantly passed his work my way. At that time our situation was a lot like yours. Arguments ensued, the office became pretty hostile, etc. (I wasn't an arguementive person, but I also don't let people accuse me of things I hadn't done)



      I made it a point to bring things to my boss in the clear. I explained things between myself and the colleague had degraded badly, and that I was doing what I could to mitigate the problem, but ultimately something had to happen as it was getting worse.



      My boss found ways to mitigate things, albeit I'd say only partially successfully, but it ended up being enough as eventually my colleague decided to go with the nuclear option and tried to plant evidence to get me fired. It backfired, and he was fired on the spot.



      So my advice, let your boss know exactly what's going on and let him or her know you will do what you can to help, but the problem is a mutual one between you and your colleague and you believe outside mitigation is necessary to make it a tenable situation. (Let your boss decide move you to another dept, move the colleague, fire you, fire the colleague, come up with some kind of mitigation strategy, etc.)



      Sure you could get fired... but if your considering quitting that's not that big a deal.






      share|improve this answer






















        up vote
        2
        down vote










        up vote
        2
        down vote









        When I was VERY early in my career I faced a somewhat similar situation.



        I had a colleague who I was hired on to work with. When we first started working together everything was pretty good, we had strongly opposing views on the world, but we tended to respect each other's view and rather than argue, we would philosophically debate our perspectives.



        Well there became competition at work because I had effectively taken over his job as he was lazy and constantly passed his work my way. At that time our situation was a lot like yours. Arguments ensued, the office became pretty hostile, etc. (I wasn't an arguementive person, but I also don't let people accuse me of things I hadn't done)



        I made it a point to bring things to my boss in the clear. I explained things between myself and the colleague had degraded badly, and that I was doing what I could to mitigate the problem, but ultimately something had to happen as it was getting worse.



        My boss found ways to mitigate things, albeit I'd say only partially successfully, but it ended up being enough as eventually my colleague decided to go with the nuclear option and tried to plant evidence to get me fired. It backfired, and he was fired on the spot.



        So my advice, let your boss know exactly what's going on and let him or her know you will do what you can to help, but the problem is a mutual one between you and your colleague and you believe outside mitigation is necessary to make it a tenable situation. (Let your boss decide move you to another dept, move the colleague, fire you, fire the colleague, come up with some kind of mitigation strategy, etc.)



        Sure you could get fired... but if your considering quitting that's not that big a deal.






        share|improve this answer












        When I was VERY early in my career I faced a somewhat similar situation.



        I had a colleague who I was hired on to work with. When we first started working together everything was pretty good, we had strongly opposing views on the world, but we tended to respect each other's view and rather than argue, we would philosophically debate our perspectives.



        Well there became competition at work because I had effectively taken over his job as he was lazy and constantly passed his work my way. At that time our situation was a lot like yours. Arguments ensued, the office became pretty hostile, etc. (I wasn't an arguementive person, but I also don't let people accuse me of things I hadn't done)



        I made it a point to bring things to my boss in the clear. I explained things between myself and the colleague had degraded badly, and that I was doing what I could to mitigate the problem, but ultimately something had to happen as it was getting worse.



        My boss found ways to mitigate things, albeit I'd say only partially successfully, but it ended up being enough as eventually my colleague decided to go with the nuclear option and tried to plant evidence to get me fired. It backfired, and he was fired on the spot.



        So my advice, let your boss know exactly what's going on and let him or her know you will do what you can to help, but the problem is a mutual one between you and your colleague and you believe outside mitigation is necessary to make it a tenable situation. (Let your boss decide move you to another dept, move the colleague, fire you, fire the colleague, come up with some kind of mitigation strategy, etc.)



        Sure you could get fired... but if your considering quitting that's not that big a deal.







        share|improve this answer












        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer










        answered Oct 31 '14 at 20:08









        RualStorge

        9,5372231




        9,5372231




















            up vote
            -2
            down vote













            From my own experience:



            It is really important to make workplace comfortable. First of all, don’t make enemies or don’t fuel them. Most of the problems would resolved if we are open to accept our mistakes & honest criticism made by others.



            What do you expect from him, it is better you start giving to him. You will see the difference.



            Appreciate your colleague for his good work or for the good suggestions he has contributed in your team discussion. Discuss with him about your opinions and ask his suggestions before even you present them to your team. Use his name in team meetings, ex: I should thank Mr.xxx for his great ideas, etc.



            Do not preoccupied with the past incidence. Smile at him, wish him these little things will make huge difference. It is better if you both become family friends.






            share|improve this answer
















            • 2




              "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
              – Denis Kniazhev
              Nov 1 '14 at 9:10














            up vote
            -2
            down vote













            From my own experience:



            It is really important to make workplace comfortable. First of all, don’t make enemies or don’t fuel them. Most of the problems would resolved if we are open to accept our mistakes & honest criticism made by others.



            What do you expect from him, it is better you start giving to him. You will see the difference.



            Appreciate your colleague for his good work or for the good suggestions he has contributed in your team discussion. Discuss with him about your opinions and ask his suggestions before even you present them to your team. Use his name in team meetings, ex: I should thank Mr.xxx for his great ideas, etc.



            Do not preoccupied with the past incidence. Smile at him, wish him these little things will make huge difference. It is better if you both become family friends.






            share|improve this answer
















            • 2




              "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
              – Denis Kniazhev
              Nov 1 '14 at 9:10












            up vote
            -2
            down vote










            up vote
            -2
            down vote









            From my own experience:



            It is really important to make workplace comfortable. First of all, don’t make enemies or don’t fuel them. Most of the problems would resolved if we are open to accept our mistakes & honest criticism made by others.



            What do you expect from him, it is better you start giving to him. You will see the difference.



            Appreciate your colleague for his good work or for the good suggestions he has contributed in your team discussion. Discuss with him about your opinions and ask his suggestions before even you present them to your team. Use his name in team meetings, ex: I should thank Mr.xxx for his great ideas, etc.



            Do not preoccupied with the past incidence. Smile at him, wish him these little things will make huge difference. It is better if you both become family friends.






            share|improve this answer












            From my own experience:



            It is really important to make workplace comfortable. First of all, don’t make enemies or don’t fuel them. Most of the problems would resolved if we are open to accept our mistakes & honest criticism made by others.



            What do you expect from him, it is better you start giving to him. You will see the difference.



            Appreciate your colleague for his good work or for the good suggestions he has contributed in your team discussion. Discuss with him about your opinions and ask his suggestions before even you present them to your team. Use his name in team meetings, ex: I should thank Mr.xxx for his great ideas, etc.



            Do not preoccupied with the past incidence. Smile at him, wish him these little things will make huge difference. It is better if you both become family friends.







            share|improve this answer












            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer










            answered Oct 31 '14 at 9:24









            Analyst

            53




            53







            • 2




              "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
              – Denis Kniazhev
              Nov 1 '14 at 9:10












            • 2




              "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
              – Denis Kniazhev
              Nov 1 '14 at 9:10







            2




            2




            "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
            – Denis Kniazhev
            Nov 1 '14 at 9:10




            "Becoming family friends" sounds like a bit too radical solution
            – Denis Kniazhev
            Nov 1 '14 at 9:10










            up vote
            -2
            down vote













            Another idea not mentioned yet, text taken from Psychology wiki:




            One of the concepts found in corporate executive office politics is called being "kicked upstairs". This is when an unliked or underperforming executive in charge of some portion of a corporation, is said to have been promoted (and might report then to the person his current boss is reporting to), yet is given only a small amount of responsibility, if any. This may be viewed as either punishment or damage control.




            Basically praise his work and insight and get him transfered as a treat, not as punishment. Alaska would be a good destination if you have offices there.






            share|improve this answer






















            • The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
              – DJohnM
              Nov 3 '14 at 0:10














            up vote
            -2
            down vote













            Another idea not mentioned yet, text taken from Psychology wiki:




            One of the concepts found in corporate executive office politics is called being "kicked upstairs". This is when an unliked or underperforming executive in charge of some portion of a corporation, is said to have been promoted (and might report then to the person his current boss is reporting to), yet is given only a small amount of responsibility, if any. This may be viewed as either punishment or damage control.




            Basically praise his work and insight and get him transfered as a treat, not as punishment. Alaska would be a good destination if you have offices there.






            share|improve this answer






















            • The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
              – DJohnM
              Nov 3 '14 at 0:10












            up vote
            -2
            down vote










            up vote
            -2
            down vote









            Another idea not mentioned yet, text taken from Psychology wiki:




            One of the concepts found in corporate executive office politics is called being "kicked upstairs". This is when an unliked or underperforming executive in charge of some portion of a corporation, is said to have been promoted (and might report then to the person his current boss is reporting to), yet is given only a small amount of responsibility, if any. This may be viewed as either punishment or damage control.




            Basically praise his work and insight and get him transfered as a treat, not as punishment. Alaska would be a good destination if you have offices there.






            share|improve this answer














            Another idea not mentioned yet, text taken from Psychology wiki:




            One of the concepts found in corporate executive office politics is called being "kicked upstairs". This is when an unliked or underperforming executive in charge of some portion of a corporation, is said to have been promoted (and might report then to the person his current boss is reporting to), yet is given only a small amount of responsibility, if any. This may be viewed as either punishment or damage control.




            Basically praise his work and insight and get him transfered as a treat, not as punishment. Alaska would be a good destination if you have offices there.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited Nov 2 '14 at 19:05









            JMK

            728614




            728614










            answered Nov 1 '14 at 3:08









            user29164

            111




            111











            • The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
              – DJohnM
              Nov 3 '14 at 0:10
















            • The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
              – DJohnM
              Nov 3 '14 at 0:10















            The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
            – DJohnM
            Nov 3 '14 at 0:10




            The term for such a move is either a "percussive sublimation" or a "lateral arabesque" See The Peter Principle...
            – DJohnM
            Nov 3 '14 at 0:10










            up vote
            -8
            down vote













            I hate working with people i don't like. This is a great opportunity (i mean, after your leave) for personal growth, and an excellent learning opportunity about working with difficult people.



            If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby. Nothing much further to do, you can leave or transfer or get him fired somehow. Personally, in a toxic situation, i'd advise you leave the company.



            Transferring to another team you're still going to run into him, and people are going to be all "oh, you're the one that hated the guy" and who knows how it will play down.



            What I'm saying is it isn't a full solution, you need to put this behind you, not have some antagonist lurking like a lurker.



            If there isn't a very very real reason to stay at your company (fast promotion track you won't get elsewhere, massive bonus/stock options) it is best to bounce. Your manager sounds way over his or her head, they should realistically be trying to resolve this, not having employees feel terrible.



            In one or two years, you'll wonder why you cared about this decision and you'll be back happy and focused. But until that time **** fuggedabout that guy.






            share|improve this answer


















            • 3




              Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
              – Elysian Fields♦
              Oct 31 '14 at 15:56






            • 2




              "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:05






            • 2




              My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:26






            • 2




              You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:27







            • 2




              Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
              – jmort253♦
              Nov 1 '14 at 21:14














            up vote
            -8
            down vote













            I hate working with people i don't like. This is a great opportunity (i mean, after your leave) for personal growth, and an excellent learning opportunity about working with difficult people.



            If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby. Nothing much further to do, you can leave or transfer or get him fired somehow. Personally, in a toxic situation, i'd advise you leave the company.



            Transferring to another team you're still going to run into him, and people are going to be all "oh, you're the one that hated the guy" and who knows how it will play down.



            What I'm saying is it isn't a full solution, you need to put this behind you, not have some antagonist lurking like a lurker.



            If there isn't a very very real reason to stay at your company (fast promotion track you won't get elsewhere, massive bonus/stock options) it is best to bounce. Your manager sounds way over his or her head, they should realistically be trying to resolve this, not having employees feel terrible.



            In one or two years, you'll wonder why you cared about this decision and you'll be back happy and focused. But until that time **** fuggedabout that guy.






            share|improve this answer


















            • 3




              Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
              – Elysian Fields♦
              Oct 31 '14 at 15:56






            • 2




              "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:05






            • 2




              My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:26






            • 2




              You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:27







            • 2




              Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
              – jmort253♦
              Nov 1 '14 at 21:14












            up vote
            -8
            down vote










            up vote
            -8
            down vote









            I hate working with people i don't like. This is a great opportunity (i mean, after your leave) for personal growth, and an excellent learning opportunity about working with difficult people.



            If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby. Nothing much further to do, you can leave or transfer or get him fired somehow. Personally, in a toxic situation, i'd advise you leave the company.



            Transferring to another team you're still going to run into him, and people are going to be all "oh, you're the one that hated the guy" and who knows how it will play down.



            What I'm saying is it isn't a full solution, you need to put this behind you, not have some antagonist lurking like a lurker.



            If there isn't a very very real reason to stay at your company (fast promotion track you won't get elsewhere, massive bonus/stock options) it is best to bounce. Your manager sounds way over his or her head, they should realistically be trying to resolve this, not having employees feel terrible.



            In one or two years, you'll wonder why you cared about this decision and you'll be back happy and focused. But until that time **** fuggedabout that guy.






            share|improve this answer














            I hate working with people i don't like. This is a great opportunity (i mean, after your leave) for personal growth, and an excellent learning opportunity about working with difficult people.



            If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby. Nothing much further to do, you can leave or transfer or get him fired somehow. Personally, in a toxic situation, i'd advise you leave the company.



            Transferring to another team you're still going to run into him, and people are going to be all "oh, you're the one that hated the guy" and who knows how it will play down.



            What I'm saying is it isn't a full solution, you need to put this behind you, not have some antagonist lurking like a lurker.



            If there isn't a very very real reason to stay at your company (fast promotion track you won't get elsewhere, massive bonus/stock options) it is best to bounce. Your manager sounds way over his or her head, they should realistically be trying to resolve this, not having employees feel terrible.



            In one or two years, you'll wonder why you cared about this decision and you'll be back happy and focused. But until that time **** fuggedabout that guy.







            share|improve this answer














            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer








            edited Oct 31 '14 at 19:26









            pacoverflow

            644513




            644513










            answered Oct 31 '14 at 4:02









            bharal

            11.3k22453




            11.3k22453







            • 3




              Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
              – Elysian Fields♦
              Oct 31 '14 at 15:56






            • 2




              "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:05






            • 2




              My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:26






            • 2




              You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:27







            • 2




              Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
              – jmort253♦
              Nov 1 '14 at 21:14












            • 3




              Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
              – Elysian Fields♦
              Oct 31 '14 at 15:56






            • 2




              "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:05






            • 2




              My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:26






            • 2




              You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
              – Peter Maidens
              Oct 31 '14 at 18:27







            • 2




              Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
              – jmort253♦
              Nov 1 '14 at 21:14







            3




            3




            Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
            – Elysian Fields♦
            Oct 31 '14 at 15:56




            Hi, this is a bit harsh - can you edit it to make it a bit more appropriate for a professional site? Thanks.
            – Elysian Fields♦
            Oct 31 '14 at 15:56




            2




            2




            "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:05




            "If you've brought it up and he's been a baby about it, then he's a baby." Just to clarify, I would say that if you confront him like this, it is far more likely that you are the one being the baby.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:05




            2




            2




            My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:26




            My point is that calling him a baby is not a mature move. Someone that is trying to solve the problem does start by insulting the other person. I totally agree that the OP should talk to the individual, but keep the insults out of it.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:26




            2




            2




            You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:27





            You are also completely blaming the other person. Remember, the OP can only present one side of the story. The mature thing to do is analyze your own behaviour in addition to the other person's.
            – Peter Maidens
            Oct 31 '14 at 18:27





            2




            2




            Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
            – jmort253♦
            Nov 1 '14 at 21:14




            Thanks to those who edited out the profanity, including the author of this post. Remember that we're a site for professionals, and the content we post should reflect this. See the help center "be nice" section for more details and guidance on what we expect from those in our community.
            – jmort253♦
            Nov 1 '14 at 21:14





            protected by Community♦ Nov 1 '14 at 3:08



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