Mixing
Chit chat with one coworker but not the other
Clash Royale CLAN TAG#URR8PPP
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
In a room of software developers, another dev and myself sometimes chitchat if we find something interesting. With no explicit declaration, we limit the talk to just a few seconds and only if it is really interesting and insightful.
Recently another dev moved into the room and he chit chats way too much. He doesn't share our high standards of importance, and doesn't know when to stop. I don't want him to be a part of our chit-chat routine because he is ruining it Eternal September style. I know that I could just stop chit-chatting with the original coworker, but we both gain insight and learn from our exchanges. I don't want to lose that.
I tried using Instant Messaging for the chit-chat as opposed to speech, but it is too cumbersome, slow, and disruptive: we can't just start and be done in a few seconds. The half-duplex nature kills it.
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
EDIT: To be clear, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
colleagues
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
In a room of software developers, another dev and myself sometimes chitchat if we find something interesting. With no explicit declaration, we limit the talk to just a few seconds and only if it is really interesting and insightful.
Recently another dev moved into the room and he chit chats way too much. He doesn't share our high standards of importance, and doesn't know when to stop. I don't want him to be a part of our chit-chat routine because he is ruining it Eternal September style. I know that I could just stop chit-chatting with the original coworker, but we both gain insight and learn from our exchanges. I don't want to lose that.
I tried using Instant Messaging for the chit-chat as opposed to speech, but it is too cumbersome, slow, and disruptive: we can't just start and be done in a few seconds. The half-duplex nature kills it.
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
EDIT: To be clear, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
colleagues
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
add a comment |Â
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
In a room of software developers, another dev and myself sometimes chitchat if we find something interesting. With no explicit declaration, we limit the talk to just a few seconds and only if it is really interesting and insightful.
Recently another dev moved into the room and he chit chats way too much. He doesn't share our high standards of importance, and doesn't know when to stop. I don't want him to be a part of our chit-chat routine because he is ruining it Eternal September style. I know that I could just stop chit-chatting with the original coworker, but we both gain insight and learn from our exchanges. I don't want to lose that.
I tried using Instant Messaging for the chit-chat as opposed to speech, but it is too cumbersome, slow, and disruptive: we can't just start and be done in a few seconds. The half-duplex nature kills it.
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
EDIT: To be clear, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
colleagues
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
In a room of software developers, another dev and myself sometimes chitchat if we find something interesting. With no explicit declaration, we limit the talk to just a few seconds and only if it is really interesting and insightful.
Recently another dev moved into the room and he chit chats way too much. He doesn't share our high standards of importance, and doesn't know when to stop. I don't want him to be a part of our chit-chat routine because he is ruining it Eternal September style. I know that I could just stop chit-chatting with the original coworker, but we both gain insight and learn from our exchanges. I don't want to lose that.
I tried using Instant Messaging for the chit-chat as opposed to speech, but it is too cumbersome, slow, and disruptive: we can't just start and be done in a few seconds. The half-duplex nature kills it.
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
EDIT: To be clear, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
colleagues
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:39
Community♦
1
1
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
asked Jun 19 '14 at 7:18
dotancohen
863711
863711
add a comment |Â
add a comment |Â
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
Wow, what a depressing question.
To work well you need to work as a team, this requires collaboration. Good collaboration needs people who know and understand each other, part of that is getting to know someone as a person.
Now I'm not advocating that you should be spending your weekends together playing football and having a curry, but a bit of idle chat is good for both your relationships, and for your ability to interact with others (you need to talk to the business to understand your tasks, yes?)
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary, so don't lie to yourself, just tell him. Any reasonable person will ask to be moved to work with some real people.
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary- Truth.
– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
add a comment |Â
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
2
down vote
Wow, what a depressing question.
To work well you need to work as a team, this requires collaboration. Good collaboration needs people who know and understand each other, part of that is getting to know someone as a person.
Now I'm not advocating that you should be spending your weekends together playing football and having a curry, but a bit of idle chat is good for both your relationships, and for your ability to interact with others (you need to talk to the business to understand your tasks, yes?)
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary, so don't lie to yourself, just tell him. Any reasonable person will ask to be moved to work with some real people.
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary- Truth.
– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
Wow, what a depressing question.
To work well you need to work as a team, this requires collaboration. Good collaboration needs people who know and understand each other, part of that is getting to know someone as a person.
Now I'm not advocating that you should be spending your weekends together playing football and having a curry, but a bit of idle chat is good for both your relationships, and for your ability to interact with others (you need to talk to the business to understand your tasks, yes?)
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary, so don't lie to yourself, just tell him. Any reasonable person will ask to be moved to work with some real people.
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary- Truth.
– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
add a comment |Â
up vote
2
down vote
up vote
2
down vote
Wow, what a depressing question.
To work well you need to work as a team, this requires collaboration. Good collaboration needs people who know and understand each other, part of that is getting to know someone as a person.
Now I'm not advocating that you should be spending your weekends together playing football and having a curry, but a bit of idle chat is good for both your relationships, and for your ability to interact with others (you need to talk to the business to understand your tasks, yes?)
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary, so don't lie to yourself, just tell him. Any reasonable person will ask to be moved to work with some real people.
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
Wow, what a depressing question.
To work well you need to work as a team, this requires collaboration. Good collaboration needs people who know and understand each other, part of that is getting to know someone as a person.
Now I'm not advocating that you should be spending your weekends together playing football and having a curry, but a bit of idle chat is good for both your relationships, and for your ability to interact with others (you need to talk to the business to understand your tasks, yes?)
How can I tell one coworker in the same room that we respect him and accept him and we are friends with him, but when we're coding don't bother us even if it appears that we are bothering each other?
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary, so don't lie to yourself, just tell him. Any reasonable person will ask to be moved to work with some real people.
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
answered Jun 19 '14 at 11:46
The Wandering Dev Manager
29.8k956107
29.8k956107
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary- Truth.
– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
add a comment |Â
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary- Truth.
– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary - Truth.– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
You don't respect him or accept him, you aren't friends with him, you don't want to interact with him unless necessary - Truth.– Joel Etherton
Jun 19 '14 at 12:09
2
2
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
Actually, I really do like the guy. It's just that he does not know when to stop talking, and his "wow, this is interesting" threshold is two orders of magnitude below ours'. I don't think that every /. story warrants a discussion, but heartbleed does. When we're not working, such as eating, then I really do take an interest in what he has to say. That doesn't mean that I need to let him interrupt my work several times per day, even if I allow someone else that privilege.
– dotancohen
Jun 19 '14 at 12:49
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
@dotancohen - You should really add that to the question. Because just reading the question I agree with Mark's answer here.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Jun 19 '14 at 13:38
add a comment |Â
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
StackExchange.ready(
function ()
StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fworkplace.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f27525%2fchit-chat-with-one-coworker-but-not-the-other%23new-answer', 'question_page');
);
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Post as a guest
Sign up or log in
StackExchange.ready(function ()
StackExchange.helpers.onClickDraftSave('#login-link');
);
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
Sign up using Google
Sign up using Facebook
Sign up using Email and Password
