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I have a friend who got written up at work for behavoral issues. [closed]
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This is the actual write up: Employee A while working mentioned to Employee B that today was the 1 year anniversary of her daughters death. Employee B said that she had heard the story and quickly moved on to business. She made employee A cry.
I have never heard of such a thing. Two things crossed my mind - Employee B was in an awkward position not knowing what to say that would not upset the other employee. And Employee A is in a sensitive state.
Is this really deserving of a write up?
communication
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
closed as off-topic by IDrinkandIKnowThings, The Wandering Dev Manager, Justin Cave, Elysian Fields♦ Sep 28 '15 at 21:39
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – Justin Cave, Elysian Fields
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
-6
down vote
favorite
This is the actual write up: Employee A while working mentioned to Employee B that today was the 1 year anniversary of her daughters death. Employee B said that she had heard the story and quickly moved on to business. She made employee A cry.
I have never heard of such a thing. Two things crossed my mind - Employee B was in an awkward position not knowing what to say that would not upset the other employee. And Employee A is in a sensitive state.
Is this really deserving of a write up?
communication
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
closed as off-topic by IDrinkandIKnowThings, The Wandering Dev Manager, Justin Cave, Elysian Fields♦ Sep 28 '15 at 21:39
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – Justin Cave, Elysian Fields
1
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
2
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
1
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
1
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
4
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
-6
down vote
favorite
up vote
-6
down vote
favorite
This is the actual write up: Employee A while working mentioned to Employee B that today was the 1 year anniversary of her daughters death. Employee B said that she had heard the story and quickly moved on to business. She made employee A cry.
I have never heard of such a thing. Two things crossed my mind - Employee B was in an awkward position not knowing what to say that would not upset the other employee. And Employee A is in a sensitive state.
Is this really deserving of a write up?
communication
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
This is the actual write up: Employee A while working mentioned to Employee B that today was the 1 year anniversary of her daughters death. Employee B said that she had heard the story and quickly moved on to business. She made employee A cry.
I have never heard of such a thing. Two things crossed my mind - Employee B was in an awkward position not knowing what to say that would not upset the other employee. And Employee A is in a sensitive state.
Is this really deserving of a write up?
communication
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
asked Sep 28 '15 at 20:55
Nikki
1
1
closed as off-topic by IDrinkandIKnowThings, The Wandering Dev Manager, Justin Cave, Elysian Fields♦ Sep 28 '15 at 21:39
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – Justin Cave, Elysian Fields
closed as off-topic by IDrinkandIKnowThings, The Wandering Dev Manager, Justin Cave, Elysian Fields♦ Sep 28 '15 at 21:39
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Real questions have answers. Rather than explaining why your situation is terrible, or why your boss/coworker makes you unhappy, explain what you want to do to make it better. For more information, click here." – Justin Cave, Elysian Fields
1
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
2
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
1
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
1
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
4
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44
 |Â
show 4 more comments
1
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
2
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
1
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
1
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
4
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44
1
1
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
2
2
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
1
1
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
1
1
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
4
4
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44
 |Â
show 4 more comments
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
That's pretty much up to whoever wrote employee B up. Obviously they deemed it serious enough. And in terms of morale it could well be, especially if it was a snub in front of others who were all feeling tender-hearted at the time.
In terms of general fairness, it's not possible to answer. Is it fair for employee A to project her personal grief onto others in the workplace and put them in an awkward position? Is employee A in the habit of 'fishing' for sympathy or sharing her life? Is employee B the sort of person who has demonstrated a dislike of being drawn into such conversations. Is there an underlying issue with both or either?
I think it was probably in bad taste but only some managers would deem it worthy of a writeup on the information given. Other managers would have let it slide, and perhaps reprimanded employee B slightly, or even sent employee home to deal with her grief. No way of knowing how individuals would react.
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
suggest improvements |Â
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
1 Answer
1
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
3
down vote
That's pretty much up to whoever wrote employee B up. Obviously they deemed it serious enough. And in terms of morale it could well be, especially if it was a snub in front of others who were all feeling tender-hearted at the time.
In terms of general fairness, it's not possible to answer. Is it fair for employee A to project her personal grief onto others in the workplace and put them in an awkward position? Is employee A in the habit of 'fishing' for sympathy or sharing her life? Is employee B the sort of person who has demonstrated a dislike of being drawn into such conversations. Is there an underlying issue with both or either?
I think it was probably in bad taste but only some managers would deem it worthy of a writeup on the information given. Other managers would have let it slide, and perhaps reprimanded employee B slightly, or even sent employee home to deal with her grief. No way of knowing how individuals would react.
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
3
down vote
That's pretty much up to whoever wrote employee B up. Obviously they deemed it serious enough. And in terms of morale it could well be, especially if it was a snub in front of others who were all feeling tender-hearted at the time.
In terms of general fairness, it's not possible to answer. Is it fair for employee A to project her personal grief onto others in the workplace and put them in an awkward position? Is employee A in the habit of 'fishing' for sympathy or sharing her life? Is employee B the sort of person who has demonstrated a dislike of being drawn into such conversations. Is there an underlying issue with both or either?
I think it was probably in bad taste but only some managers would deem it worthy of a writeup on the information given. Other managers would have let it slide, and perhaps reprimanded employee B slightly, or even sent employee home to deal with her grief. No way of knowing how individuals would react.
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
That's pretty much up to whoever wrote employee B up. Obviously they deemed it serious enough. And in terms of morale it could well be, especially if it was a snub in front of others who were all feeling tender-hearted at the time.
In terms of general fairness, it's not possible to answer. Is it fair for employee A to project her personal grief onto others in the workplace and put them in an awkward position? Is employee A in the habit of 'fishing' for sympathy or sharing her life? Is employee B the sort of person who has demonstrated a dislike of being drawn into such conversations. Is there an underlying issue with both or either?
I think it was probably in bad taste but only some managers would deem it worthy of a writeup on the information given. Other managers would have let it slide, and perhaps reprimanded employee B slightly, or even sent employee home to deal with her grief. No way of knowing how individuals would react.
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
That's pretty much up to whoever wrote employee B up. Obviously they deemed it serious enough. And in terms of morale it could well be, especially if it was a snub in front of others who were all feeling tender-hearted at the time.
In terms of general fairness, it's not possible to answer. Is it fair for employee A to project her personal grief onto others in the workplace and put them in an awkward position? Is employee A in the habit of 'fishing' for sympathy or sharing her life? Is employee B the sort of person who has demonstrated a dislike of being drawn into such conversations. Is there an underlying issue with both or either?
I think it was probably in bad taste but only some managers would deem it worthy of a writeup on the information given. Other managers would have let it slide, and perhaps reprimanded employee B slightly, or even sent employee home to deal with her grief. No way of knowing how individuals would react.
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
edited Sep 28 '15 at 22:04
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
answered Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
Kilisi
94.7k50216377
94.7k50216377
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
suggest improvements |Â
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
You forgot another possibility. If employee A complained that employee B was "insensitive" to her story, then HR would have to write a report but it doesn't necessarily mean someone got into trouble. Saying you heard the story of someone's lost doesn't really show negative or positive remarks and as you said can be taken any way depending on the person.
– Dan
Sep 29 '15 at 17:22
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
I agree, a forced write up because of a complaint is also a possibility
– Kilisi
Sep 29 '15 at 17:26
suggest improvements |Â
1
Who got the write up? Employee A or B?
– R_Kapp
Sep 28 '15 at 20:59
2
Wether or not a business policy or process is fair or not is not something we can really answer. We do not have all of the context and do not know the situation anyway so we really are not in a position to be a good judge.
– IDrinkandIKnowThings
Sep 28 '15 at 21:05
1
Everyone needs to know what to say to an employee who is grieving. It is too late to try to figure it out after you have the encounter. When it first happens a simple," I am so sorry" is usually enough. When it is later like this, you cay something like, "That's difficult, I know the anniversaries are tough. Do you want to talk about it?" Or "Are you Ok? We can reschedule for later if you like." Employee B's response was extremely cruel. It basically discounted Employee A's grief.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:27
1
It's worth knowing that if B's somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, empathizing -- and realizing that they're expected to at least feign sympathy -- may be difficult for them.
– keshlam
Sep 28 '15 at 21:31
4
When a person gets written up for something unusual or unexpected, there is almost always something else going on. Even if the employee thinks the writeup is unfair, he or she needs to understand that the boss is unhappy with probably many things and adjust behavior accordingly.
– HLGEM
Sep 28 '15 at 21:44