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Is it best to move on after being harassed at work? [closed]
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If you read my previous posts I've been harassed and mistreated after returning from maternity leave.
How can I stop my colleagues being disrespectful about my personal life choices?
I submitted a formal harassment complaint with documentation to HR (well there was no dedicated HR person just an inexperienced office caretaker ) even after HR tried to down play the issue and put the blame on me. HR was part of the harassment too. They wanted to 'mommy track' me.
Anyways, all I got was a forced apology from the 8 staff members who harassed me. Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated. No men were harassed when they came back from paternity leave.
Now they are very quiet with me and it seems to be settled but because they harassed me I just don't like or trust them too much.
In these situations is it better to just move on?
When I came back from my leave I just wanted to be viewed as a professional coming back rather than 'mommy' but they ruined that for me. I can tolerate working there but it's hard to see a future. They try to be all nice now but it just seems fake. They don't bother with me too much any more.
Every time something comes up I'm going to link it back to the heavy scrutiny they placed on me coming back and being a 'mommy'.
It's quite awkward. Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after maternity leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
professionalism colleagues maternity-leave harassment
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
closed as off-topic by Joe Strazzere, Masked Man♦, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah May 27 '15 at 7:31
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Joe Strazzere, Masked Man, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-5
down vote
favorite
If you read my previous posts I've been harassed and mistreated after returning from maternity leave.
How can I stop my colleagues being disrespectful about my personal life choices?
I submitted a formal harassment complaint with documentation to HR (well there was no dedicated HR person just an inexperienced office caretaker ) even after HR tried to down play the issue and put the blame on me. HR was part of the harassment too. They wanted to 'mommy track' me.
Anyways, all I got was a forced apology from the 8 staff members who harassed me. Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated. No men were harassed when they came back from paternity leave.
Now they are very quiet with me and it seems to be settled but because they harassed me I just don't like or trust them too much.
In these situations is it better to just move on?
When I came back from my leave I just wanted to be viewed as a professional coming back rather than 'mommy' but they ruined that for me. I can tolerate working there but it's hard to see a future. They try to be all nice now but it just seems fake. They don't bother with me too much any more.
Every time something comes up I'm going to link it back to the heavy scrutiny they placed on me coming back and being a 'mommy'.
It's quite awkward. Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after maternity leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
professionalism colleagues maternity-leave harassment
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
closed as off-topic by Joe Strazzere, Masked Man♦, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah May 27 '15 at 7:31
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Joe Strazzere, Masked Man, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah
2
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
5
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
2
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-5
down vote
favorite
up vote
-5
down vote
favorite
If you read my previous posts I've been harassed and mistreated after returning from maternity leave.
How can I stop my colleagues being disrespectful about my personal life choices?
I submitted a formal harassment complaint with documentation to HR (well there was no dedicated HR person just an inexperienced office caretaker ) even after HR tried to down play the issue and put the blame on me. HR was part of the harassment too. They wanted to 'mommy track' me.
Anyways, all I got was a forced apology from the 8 staff members who harassed me. Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated. No men were harassed when they came back from paternity leave.
Now they are very quiet with me and it seems to be settled but because they harassed me I just don't like or trust them too much.
In these situations is it better to just move on?
When I came back from my leave I just wanted to be viewed as a professional coming back rather than 'mommy' but they ruined that for me. I can tolerate working there but it's hard to see a future. They try to be all nice now but it just seems fake. They don't bother with me too much any more.
Every time something comes up I'm going to link it back to the heavy scrutiny they placed on me coming back and being a 'mommy'.
It's quite awkward. Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after maternity leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
professionalism colleagues maternity-leave harassment
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
If you read my previous posts I've been harassed and mistreated after returning from maternity leave.
How can I stop my colleagues being disrespectful about my personal life choices?
I submitted a formal harassment complaint with documentation to HR (well there was no dedicated HR person just an inexperienced office caretaker ) even after HR tried to down play the issue and put the blame on me. HR was part of the harassment too. They wanted to 'mommy track' me.
Anyways, all I got was a forced apology from the 8 staff members who harassed me. Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated. No men were harassed when they came back from paternity leave.
Now they are very quiet with me and it seems to be settled but because they harassed me I just don't like or trust them too much.
In these situations is it better to just move on?
When I came back from my leave I just wanted to be viewed as a professional coming back rather than 'mommy' but they ruined that for me. I can tolerate working there but it's hard to see a future. They try to be all nice now but it just seems fake. They don't bother with me too much any more.
Every time something comes up I'm going to link it back to the heavy scrutiny they placed on me coming back and being a 'mommy'.
It's quite awkward. Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after maternity leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
professionalism colleagues maternity-leave harassment
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
edited Apr 13 '17 at 12:48
Community♦
1
1
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
asked May 26 '15 at 23:12
Kerry
790725
790725
closed as off-topic by Joe Strazzere, Masked Man♦, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah May 27 '15 at 7:31
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Joe Strazzere, Masked Man, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah
closed as off-topic by Joe Strazzere, Masked Man♦, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah May 27 '15 at 7:31
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – Joe Strazzere, Masked Man, scaaahu, gnat, yochannah
2
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
5
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
2
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52
suggest improvements |Â
2
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
5
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
2
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52
2
2
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
5
5
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
2
2
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52
suggest improvements |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It is unfortunate that you are being harassed after returning from maternity leave, given such a leave is a private matter, strictly concerning you and no one else, perhaps save for your direct supervisor. However:
Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after mat leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
This conclusion is extremely far fetched and a classic stereotype. By no means does your experience reflect the work atmosphere of most companies. Most companies know that treating their employees well and maintaining a professional image is in their best business interests. From the whole slew of your old posts, with the common theme of belittlement, disrespect and coworker invasion of privacy, you seem to feel a continuing resentment and are having a hard time letting this experience pass. To answer your next question:
In these situations is it better to just move on?
Yes, definitely
You should have left sooner, as soon as you felt your professional relationship with your coworkers is damaged and has little chance of making amends. It is also time to let bygones be bygones. Having a bitter attitude about the behavior of others, for which you can't control is not helpful to establishing yourself at your new place of work. Growing a thicker skin and realizing you can only control how YOU react to others will do you well in your future career.
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You won, you've got peace and quiet from them. At some point, you need to reset the relationship and let bygones be bygones. There is no need to revisit the issue or any point to revisiting the issue. However, if you are still full of resentment, you might as well make yourself happy and move on.
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
suggest improvements |Â
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
2 Answers
2
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It is unfortunate that you are being harassed after returning from maternity leave, given such a leave is a private matter, strictly concerning you and no one else, perhaps save for your direct supervisor. However:
Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after mat leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
This conclusion is extremely far fetched and a classic stereotype. By no means does your experience reflect the work atmosphere of most companies. Most companies know that treating their employees well and maintaining a professional image is in their best business interests. From the whole slew of your old posts, with the common theme of belittlement, disrespect and coworker invasion of privacy, you seem to feel a continuing resentment and are having a hard time letting this experience pass. To answer your next question:
In these situations is it better to just move on?
Yes, definitely
You should have left sooner, as soon as you felt your professional relationship with your coworkers is damaged and has little chance of making amends. It is also time to let bygones be bygones. Having a bitter attitude about the behavior of others, for which you can't control is not helpful to establishing yourself at your new place of work. Growing a thicker skin and realizing you can only control how YOU react to others will do you well in your future career.
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It is unfortunate that you are being harassed after returning from maternity leave, given such a leave is a private matter, strictly concerning you and no one else, perhaps save for your direct supervisor. However:
Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after mat leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
This conclusion is extremely far fetched and a classic stereotype. By no means does your experience reflect the work atmosphere of most companies. Most companies know that treating their employees well and maintaining a professional image is in their best business interests. From the whole slew of your old posts, with the common theme of belittlement, disrespect and coworker invasion of privacy, you seem to feel a continuing resentment and are having a hard time letting this experience pass. To answer your next question:
In these situations is it better to just move on?
Yes, definitely
You should have left sooner, as soon as you felt your professional relationship with your coworkers is damaged and has little chance of making amends. It is also time to let bygones be bygones. Having a bitter attitude about the behavior of others, for which you can't control is not helpful to establishing yourself at your new place of work. Growing a thicker skin and realizing you can only control how YOU react to others will do you well in your future career.
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It is unfortunate that you are being harassed after returning from maternity leave, given such a leave is a private matter, strictly concerning you and no one else, perhaps save for your direct supervisor. However:
Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after mat leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
This conclusion is extremely far fetched and a classic stereotype. By no means does your experience reflect the work atmosphere of most companies. Most companies know that treating their employees well and maintaining a professional image is in their best business interests. From the whole slew of your old posts, with the common theme of belittlement, disrespect and coworker invasion of privacy, you seem to feel a continuing resentment and are having a hard time letting this experience pass. To answer your next question:
In these situations is it better to just move on?
Yes, definitely
You should have left sooner, as soon as you felt your professional relationship with your coworkers is damaged and has little chance of making amends. It is also time to let bygones be bygones. Having a bitter attitude about the behavior of others, for which you can't control is not helpful to establishing yourself at your new place of work. Growing a thicker skin and realizing you can only control how YOU react to others will do you well in your future career.
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
It is unfortunate that you are being harassed after returning from maternity leave, given such a leave is a private matter, strictly concerning you and no one else, perhaps save for your direct supervisor. However:
Are women always viewed as 'mommy' after mat leave and perhaps may be sidelined in the organization forever?
This conclusion is extremely far fetched and a classic stereotype. By no means does your experience reflect the work atmosphere of most companies. Most companies know that treating their employees well and maintaining a professional image is in their best business interests. From the whole slew of your old posts, with the common theme of belittlement, disrespect and coworker invasion of privacy, you seem to feel a continuing resentment and are having a hard time letting this experience pass. To answer your next question:
In these situations is it better to just move on?
Yes, definitely
You should have left sooner, as soon as you felt your professional relationship with your coworkers is damaged and has little chance of making amends. It is also time to let bygones be bygones. Having a bitter attitude about the behavior of others, for which you can't control is not helpful to establishing yourself at your new place of work. Growing a thicker skin and realizing you can only control how YOU react to others will do you well in your future career.
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
answered May 27 '15 at 0:57
Anthony
5,1611255
5,1611255
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You won, you've got peace and quiet from them. At some point, you need to reset the relationship and let bygones be bygones. There is no need to revisit the issue or any point to revisiting the issue. However, if you are still full of resentment, you might as well make yourself happy and move on.
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
You won, you've got peace and quiet from them. At some point, you need to reset the relationship and let bygones be bygones. There is no need to revisit the issue or any point to revisiting the issue. However, if you are still full of resentment, you might as well make yourself happy and move on.
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
-1
down vote
up vote
-1
down vote
You won, you've got peace and quiet from them. At some point, you need to reset the relationship and let bygones be bygones. There is no need to revisit the issue or any point to revisiting the issue. However, if you are still full of resentment, you might as well make yourself happy and move on.
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
You won, you've got peace and quiet from them. At some point, you need to reset the relationship and let bygones be bygones. There is no need to revisit the issue or any point to revisiting the issue. However, if you are still full of resentment, you might as well make yourself happy and move on.
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 27 '15 at 4:01
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
68.9k7118254
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
suggest improvements |Â
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
4
4
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
I don't think the OP "won". A forced apology is worse than no apology at all. The OP was in a tough situation and there was no easy way out of it, perhaps this is an example of why "going to HR" doesn't solve problems ?
– teego1967
May 29 '15 at 20:33
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
@teego1967 You are looking for perfection. I hope you find it, because I am not looking.
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 29 '15 at 20:43
suggest improvements |Â
2
I have worked with a lot of women coming back from maternity leave and have never seen the kind of treatment you got. That includes at small companies, government agencies, mid-sized companies, and large multinational companies.
– HLGEM
May 27 '15 at 18:00
5
Given that this is the 7th question you've asked about this issue, i'd say it's definitely time to move on.
– piggy
Jun 1 '15 at 8:42
2
With an extensive history of same-topic questions and a volume of responses prior to this latest post, I really think it's time for you to move on. "Well it's better than nothing but I am still angry with all of them and don't feel that anyone really cared about how badly I was treated." - sounds like the issue is now not that they are still being mean, but that you are still feeling angry. Are you asking for advice on how to de-anger yourself? It will depend on your motivation: do you want to keep mulling the issue adding fuel to fire, or put it behind you? It is a choice for you to make.
– A.S
Jun 3 '15 at 13:52