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How to handle a manager who thinks I will leave the company
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I work in a team of 8 persons. I'm happy with my job and I'm not looking for a new position at the moment. However, my manager thinks that I will resign in the near future and this is becoming a big problem.
The background:
Two weeks ago, my manager asked me for a personal talk (which is quite unusual). He asked me if I had any problems lately and if there is anything that I do not like about the company at the moment. He was quite insistent but when I asked about that he became evasive. As far as I know, I was the only person who had such a talk.
Similar talks continued over the following days, and my manager suddenly became very interested in what I'm doing, asking me if I wanted other projects, other team members... He then instructed me to instruct some of my colleagues so they could replace me "if you should be ill or something". When I told him that everything is fine, he behaved as if he didn't believe me and went away sighing. Last week, a coworker told me confidentially that my manager thinks I will leave the company soon and that he (manager) is asking my colleagues if they have information about that.
I have no idea why my manager would think I'll leave. Given his behavior (and my very good performance reviews) I don't think that he will get rid of me in any way.
The whole thing is becoming a problem for me because
- A big project is coming up and it was planned that I be the project lead. If my manager thinks I'm leaving, he will select someone else.
- My company in general and my manager as well have pretty strong feelings about people who leave. You get the most boring jobs available. Any benefit that is not in your contract is revoked (e.g. access to company parking space). Getting payed days off becomes almost impossible. In general, people on notice are treated badly. (I work in Germany, my notice period would be four weeks and the employer cannot just fire you after you resign.) Even if I did not resign I'm afraid that this will happen to me.
My question:
How can I approach my manager, given that I officially do not know that he thinks I'm quitting?
Is there anything I can do to show him that I'm happy at my current position?
resignation manager
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
I work in a team of 8 persons. I'm happy with my job and I'm not looking for a new position at the moment. However, my manager thinks that I will resign in the near future and this is becoming a big problem.
The background:
Two weeks ago, my manager asked me for a personal talk (which is quite unusual). He asked me if I had any problems lately and if there is anything that I do not like about the company at the moment. He was quite insistent but when I asked about that he became evasive. As far as I know, I was the only person who had such a talk.
Similar talks continued over the following days, and my manager suddenly became very interested in what I'm doing, asking me if I wanted other projects, other team members... He then instructed me to instruct some of my colleagues so they could replace me "if you should be ill or something". When I told him that everything is fine, he behaved as if he didn't believe me and went away sighing. Last week, a coworker told me confidentially that my manager thinks I will leave the company soon and that he (manager) is asking my colleagues if they have information about that.
I have no idea why my manager would think I'll leave. Given his behavior (and my very good performance reviews) I don't think that he will get rid of me in any way.
The whole thing is becoming a problem for me because
- A big project is coming up and it was planned that I be the project lead. If my manager thinks I'm leaving, he will select someone else.
- My company in general and my manager as well have pretty strong feelings about people who leave. You get the most boring jobs available. Any benefit that is not in your contract is revoked (e.g. access to company parking space). Getting payed days off becomes almost impossible. In general, people on notice are treated badly. (I work in Germany, my notice period would be four weeks and the employer cannot just fire you after you resign.) Even if I did not resign I'm afraid that this will happen to me.
My question:
How can I approach my manager, given that I officially do not know that he thinks I'm quitting?
Is there anything I can do to show him that I'm happy at my current position?
resignation manager
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
4
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
1
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
up vote
9
down vote
favorite
I work in a team of 8 persons. I'm happy with my job and I'm not looking for a new position at the moment. However, my manager thinks that I will resign in the near future and this is becoming a big problem.
The background:
Two weeks ago, my manager asked me for a personal talk (which is quite unusual). He asked me if I had any problems lately and if there is anything that I do not like about the company at the moment. He was quite insistent but when I asked about that he became evasive. As far as I know, I was the only person who had such a talk.
Similar talks continued over the following days, and my manager suddenly became very interested in what I'm doing, asking me if I wanted other projects, other team members... He then instructed me to instruct some of my colleagues so they could replace me "if you should be ill or something". When I told him that everything is fine, he behaved as if he didn't believe me and went away sighing. Last week, a coworker told me confidentially that my manager thinks I will leave the company soon and that he (manager) is asking my colleagues if they have information about that.
I have no idea why my manager would think I'll leave. Given his behavior (and my very good performance reviews) I don't think that he will get rid of me in any way.
The whole thing is becoming a problem for me because
- A big project is coming up and it was planned that I be the project lead. If my manager thinks I'm leaving, he will select someone else.
- My company in general and my manager as well have pretty strong feelings about people who leave. You get the most boring jobs available. Any benefit that is not in your contract is revoked (e.g. access to company parking space). Getting payed days off becomes almost impossible. In general, people on notice are treated badly. (I work in Germany, my notice period would be four weeks and the employer cannot just fire you after you resign.) Even if I did not resign I'm afraid that this will happen to me.
My question:
How can I approach my manager, given that I officially do not know that he thinks I'm quitting?
Is there anything I can do to show him that I'm happy at my current position?
resignation manager
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
I work in a team of 8 persons. I'm happy with my job and I'm not looking for a new position at the moment. However, my manager thinks that I will resign in the near future and this is becoming a big problem.
The background:
Two weeks ago, my manager asked me for a personal talk (which is quite unusual). He asked me if I had any problems lately and if there is anything that I do not like about the company at the moment. He was quite insistent but when I asked about that he became evasive. As far as I know, I was the only person who had such a talk.
Similar talks continued over the following days, and my manager suddenly became very interested in what I'm doing, asking me if I wanted other projects, other team members... He then instructed me to instruct some of my colleagues so they could replace me "if you should be ill or something". When I told him that everything is fine, he behaved as if he didn't believe me and went away sighing. Last week, a coworker told me confidentially that my manager thinks I will leave the company soon and that he (manager) is asking my colleagues if they have information about that.
I have no idea why my manager would think I'll leave. Given his behavior (and my very good performance reviews) I don't think that he will get rid of me in any way.
The whole thing is becoming a problem for me because
- A big project is coming up and it was planned that I be the project lead. If my manager thinks I'm leaving, he will select someone else.
- My company in general and my manager as well have pretty strong feelings about people who leave. You get the most boring jobs available. Any benefit that is not in your contract is revoked (e.g. access to company parking space). Getting payed days off becomes almost impossible. In general, people on notice are treated badly. (I work in Germany, my notice period would be four weeks and the employer cannot just fire you after you resign.) Even if I did not resign I'm afraid that this will happen to me.
My question:
How can I approach my manager, given that I officially do not know that he thinks I'm quitting?
Is there anything I can do to show him that I'm happy at my current position?
resignation manager
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
edited May 24 '15 at 19:54
yochannah
4,21462747
4,21462747
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
asked May 24 '15 at 19:15
r.ams
793716
793716
4
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
1
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50
suggest improvements |Â
4
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
1
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50
4
4
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
1
1
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50
suggest improvements |Â
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
14
down vote
accepted
There is a risk that he's hinting that you might want to start looking before a "resource action" takes place. He'll never admit it if so.
If you don't want to move, I'd try hitting him with :
I get the impression that you're unsatisfied with my performance. What
can I do to fix that?
or
What criteria do I need to work on in order to get promoted to the
next level?
Either says clearly that you're still thinking about a career with the current employer... and hopefully gets him on record as saying you're doing fine so they can't claim they have cause to fire you.
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
You state that you are excited about being the lead in the new project. Tell him the exact same thing. In your case I see no drawbacks in being honest:
Hi :manager, since your behavior towards me has changed these past few weeks, I get the impression you believe I am looking for a job elsewhere. To be frank, this is not true. As a matter of fact I'm very excited to be given the opportunity as the project lead. I'm very happy to be employed here and it would be a great miss if you would interpret my behavior in the wrong way. As such I hope we can be straightforward with each other.
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You simply tell your manager point-blank that you are happy with your job and that you have no intention of quitting. But if he treats you as if you are quitting, then he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit.
Having said that, whether your manager believes you when you say you are not quiting, that's his problem. You don't care what he believes or does not believe as long as he doesn't make it into YOUR problem.
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
suggest improvements |Â
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
14
down vote
accepted
There is a risk that he's hinting that you might want to start looking before a "resource action" takes place. He'll never admit it if so.
If you don't want to move, I'd try hitting him with :
I get the impression that you're unsatisfied with my performance. What
can I do to fix that?
or
What criteria do I need to work on in order to get promoted to the
next level?
Either says clearly that you're still thinking about a career with the current employer... and hopefully gets him on record as saying you're doing fine so they can't claim they have cause to fire you.
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
14
down vote
accepted
There is a risk that he's hinting that you might want to start looking before a "resource action" takes place. He'll never admit it if so.
If you don't want to move, I'd try hitting him with :
I get the impression that you're unsatisfied with my performance. What
can I do to fix that?
or
What criteria do I need to work on in order to get promoted to the
next level?
Either says clearly that you're still thinking about a career with the current employer... and hopefully gets him on record as saying you're doing fine so they can't claim they have cause to fire you.
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
14
down vote
accepted
up vote
14
down vote
accepted
There is a risk that he's hinting that you might want to start looking before a "resource action" takes place. He'll never admit it if so.
If you don't want to move, I'd try hitting him with :
I get the impression that you're unsatisfied with my performance. What
can I do to fix that?
or
What criteria do I need to work on in order to get promoted to the
next level?
Either says clearly that you're still thinking about a career with the current employer... and hopefully gets him on record as saying you're doing fine so they can't claim they have cause to fire you.
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
There is a risk that he's hinting that you might want to start looking before a "resource action" takes place. He'll never admit it if so.
If you don't want to move, I'd try hitting him with :
I get the impression that you're unsatisfied with my performance. What
can I do to fix that?
or
What criteria do I need to work on in order to get promoted to the
next level?
Either says clearly that you're still thinking about a career with the current employer... and hopefully gets him on record as saying you're doing fine so they can't claim they have cause to fire you.
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
edited May 25 '15 at 12:34
Llopis
1441415
1441415
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
answered May 25 '15 at 3:20
keshlam
41.5k1267144
41.5k1267144
suggest improvements |Â
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
You state that you are excited about being the lead in the new project. Tell him the exact same thing. In your case I see no drawbacks in being honest:
Hi :manager, since your behavior towards me has changed these past few weeks, I get the impression you believe I am looking for a job elsewhere. To be frank, this is not true. As a matter of fact I'm very excited to be given the opportunity as the project lead. I'm very happy to be employed here and it would be a great miss if you would interpret my behavior in the wrong way. As such I hope we can be straightforward with each other.
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
You state that you are excited about being the lead in the new project. Tell him the exact same thing. In your case I see no drawbacks in being honest:
Hi :manager, since your behavior towards me has changed these past few weeks, I get the impression you believe I am looking for a job elsewhere. To be frank, this is not true. As a matter of fact I'm very excited to be given the opportunity as the project lead. I'm very happy to be employed here and it would be a great miss if you would interpret my behavior in the wrong way. As such I hope we can be straightforward with each other.
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
8
down vote
up vote
8
down vote
You state that you are excited about being the lead in the new project. Tell him the exact same thing. In your case I see no drawbacks in being honest:
Hi :manager, since your behavior towards me has changed these past few weeks, I get the impression you believe I am looking for a job elsewhere. To be frank, this is not true. As a matter of fact I'm very excited to be given the opportunity as the project lead. I'm very happy to be employed here and it would be a great miss if you would interpret my behavior in the wrong way. As such I hope we can be straightforward with each other.
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
You state that you are excited about being the lead in the new project. Tell him the exact same thing. In your case I see no drawbacks in being honest:
Hi :manager, since your behavior towards me has changed these past few weeks, I get the impression you believe I am looking for a job elsewhere. To be frank, this is not true. As a matter of fact I'm very excited to be given the opportunity as the project lead. I'm very happy to be employed here and it would be a great miss if you would interpret my behavior in the wrong way. As such I hope we can be straightforward with each other.
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
answered May 25 '15 at 6:39
Luceos
4531512
4531512
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
suggest improvements |Â
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
On the other hand, your manager thinking you're planning to resign can be a good negotiating position, provided of course, there is not an upcoming lay off approaching.
– Brandon
May 8 '16 at 13:18
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You simply tell your manager point-blank that you are happy with your job and that you have no intention of quitting. But if he treats you as if you are quitting, then he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit.
Having said that, whether your manager believes you when you say you are not quiting, that's his problem. You don't care what he believes or does not believe as long as he doesn't make it into YOUR problem.
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
0
down vote
You simply tell your manager point-blank that you are happy with your job and that you have no intention of quitting. But if he treats you as if you are quitting, then he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit.
Having said that, whether your manager believes you when you say you are not quiting, that's his problem. You don't care what he believes or does not believe as long as he doesn't make it into YOUR problem.
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
You simply tell your manager point-blank that you are happy with your job and that you have no intention of quitting. But if he treats you as if you are quitting, then he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit.
Having said that, whether your manager believes you when you say you are not quiting, that's his problem. You don't care what he believes or does not believe as long as he doesn't make it into YOUR problem.
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
You simply tell your manager point-blank that you are happy with your job and that you have no intention of quitting. But if he treats you as if you are quitting, then he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit.
Having said that, whether your manager believes you when you say you are not quiting, that's his problem. You don't care what he believes or does not believe as long as he doesn't make it into YOUR problem.
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
answered May 25 '15 at 10:04
Vietnhi Phuvan
68.9k7118254
68.9k7118254
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
suggest improvements |Â
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
2
2
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
If your manager thinks you're quitting, and doesn't believe you when you say you're not, then you most definitely do have a problem as well.
– jpatokal
May 25 '15 at 12:46
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
@ipatokalYour comment is already covered in my answer: "he'll make it much more likely that you'll quit"
– Vietnhi Phuvan
May 25 '15 at 14:21
suggest improvements |Â
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4
I'm not making this an answer beacuse I have only your written text to go on, but it smells as if he wants you to go, or knows that a decision has been made to let you go. From now on I would keep a copy of all correspondence off-premises.
– Jan Doggen
May 25 '15 at 12:27
1
Honestly, why can't "leave the company for real" be an answer? If your boss is such a rumor-monger, and so pessimistic, I wonder how many other problems you would face down the line? He is now adamant in his mind that you are leaving based on the flimsy evidence of you telling him about something you do not like about the company despite him pushing you into saying it. If he doesn't know how to handle criticism, he shouldn't be asking for it (and neither should he be a manager, for that matter ... but well, Dilbert Principle and Peter Principle).
– Masked Man♦
May 25 '15 at 16:50