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Crush on a much younger colleague [closed]
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I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on my predicament. I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague (we have been colleagues for about half a year). He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back. We seemed to have a special connection and I blatantly flirted with him.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home that I realised he also liked me in a romantic way. After that night, we acted like nothing had happened, though I could see that he held back a bit, perhaps because he thought he had made a mistake.
I tried to make him feel comfortable by being my normal self, and trying to convey that what happened (his vulnerability that night) was no big deal. He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me and I always try to make him feel comfortable by initiating conversations. It's been a month since the incident and I think we are both beginning to be relaxed in each other's company and trying to return to our old selves.
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year. It is obvious that I like him and he should know that. We both could sense that the crush is mutual and at times we could feel a little awkwardness between us.
My question is, should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way and whether we can stay as good colleagues without the “romantic†element coming between us. I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back. I don't expect a relationship from this, but I do want to let him know that I like him back and perhaps maintain a friendship with him even after I left the workplace.
So should I even discuss what happened that night when he was a bit drunk? Or should we both carry on as if that night never happened, and disappear from each other's life when my work contract ends? He is a really great guy and I would like both of us to be great friends even after I left the workplace when my contract ends.
relationships
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
closed as off-topic by HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man♦, Marv Mills, AndreiROM Mar 2 '16 at 14:37
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man, Marv Mills, AndreiROM
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I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on my predicament. I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague (we have been colleagues for about half a year). He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back. We seemed to have a special connection and I blatantly flirted with him.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home that I realised he also liked me in a romantic way. After that night, we acted like nothing had happened, though I could see that he held back a bit, perhaps because he thought he had made a mistake.
I tried to make him feel comfortable by being my normal self, and trying to convey that what happened (his vulnerability that night) was no big deal. He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me and I always try to make him feel comfortable by initiating conversations. It's been a month since the incident and I think we are both beginning to be relaxed in each other's company and trying to return to our old selves.
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year. It is obvious that I like him and he should know that. We both could sense that the crush is mutual and at times we could feel a little awkwardness between us.
My question is, should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way and whether we can stay as good colleagues without the “romantic†element coming between us. I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back. I don't expect a relationship from this, but I do want to let him know that I like him back and perhaps maintain a friendship with him even after I left the workplace.
So should I even discuss what happened that night when he was a bit drunk? Or should we both carry on as if that night never happened, and disappear from each other's life when my work contract ends? He is a really great guy and I would like both of us to be great friends even after I left the workplace when my contract ends.
relationships
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
closed as off-topic by HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man♦, Marv Mills, AndreiROM Mar 2 '16 at 14:37
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man, Marv Mills, AndreiROM
3
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
1
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
1
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
3
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48
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2
down vote
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up vote
2
down vote
favorite
I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on my predicament. I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague (we have been colleagues for about half a year). He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back. We seemed to have a special connection and I blatantly flirted with him.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home that I realised he also liked me in a romantic way. After that night, we acted like nothing had happened, though I could see that he held back a bit, perhaps because he thought he had made a mistake.
I tried to make him feel comfortable by being my normal self, and trying to convey that what happened (his vulnerability that night) was no big deal. He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me and I always try to make him feel comfortable by initiating conversations. It's been a month since the incident and I think we are both beginning to be relaxed in each other's company and trying to return to our old selves.
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year. It is obvious that I like him and he should know that. We both could sense that the crush is mutual and at times we could feel a little awkwardness between us.
My question is, should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way and whether we can stay as good colleagues without the “romantic†element coming between us. I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back. I don't expect a relationship from this, but I do want to let him know that I like him back and perhaps maintain a friendship with him even after I left the workplace.
So should I even discuss what happened that night when he was a bit drunk? Or should we both carry on as if that night never happened, and disappear from each other's life when my work contract ends? He is a really great guy and I would like both of us to be great friends even after I left the workplace when my contract ends.
relationships
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
I would greatly appreciate any thoughts on my predicament. I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague (we have been colleagues for about half a year). He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back. We seemed to have a special connection and I blatantly flirted with him.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home that I realised he also liked me in a romantic way. After that night, we acted like nothing had happened, though I could see that he held back a bit, perhaps because he thought he had made a mistake.
I tried to make him feel comfortable by being my normal self, and trying to convey that what happened (his vulnerability that night) was no big deal. He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me and I always try to make him feel comfortable by initiating conversations. It's been a month since the incident and I think we are both beginning to be relaxed in each other's company and trying to return to our old selves.
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year. It is obvious that I like him and he should know that. We both could sense that the crush is mutual and at times we could feel a little awkwardness between us.
My question is, should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way and whether we can stay as good colleagues without the “romantic†element coming between us. I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back. I don't expect a relationship from this, but I do want to let him know that I like him back and perhaps maintain a friendship with him even after I left the workplace.
So should I even discuss what happened that night when he was a bit drunk? Or should we both carry on as if that night never happened, and disappear from each other's life when my work contract ends? He is a really great guy and I would like both of us to be great friends even after I left the workplace when my contract ends.
relationships
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
asked Mar 2 '16 at 12:51
S Sarah
2514
2514
closed as off-topic by HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man♦, Marv Mills, AndreiROM Mar 2 '16 at 14:37
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man, Marv Mills, AndreiROM
closed as off-topic by HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man♦, Marv Mills, AndreiROM Mar 2 '16 at 14:37
This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:
- "Questions asking for advice on what to do are not practical answerable questions (e.g. "what job should I take?", or "what skills should I learn?"). Questions should get answers explaining why and how to make a decision, not advice on what to do. For more information, click here." – HorusKol, keshlam, Masked Man, Marv Mills, AndreiROM
3
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
1
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
1
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
3
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48
 |Â
show 1 more comment
3
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
1
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
1
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
3
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48
3
3
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
1
1
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
1
1
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
3
3
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48
 |Â
show 1 more comment
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It in doubt, wait, build a friendship, and let things go where they need to go, rather than trying to force a resolution. This is good advice for all relationships, moreso for office relationships. You're old enough to have learned this ... and to have learned that a crush is not love, and not always even serious interest.
Enjoy the feeling, but leave it there.
(BTW, if something does develop it's likely to be a lot more stable -- and to end politely if it ends -- if it started as a real friendship. I'm on good terms with everyone I've ever dated for just that reason. It's a lesson I wish more folks were taught before hurting themselves.)
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
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I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague...
Don't you remember what Aaliyah taught us?
Age ain't nothing but a number.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home...
That just barely passes the threshold for flirting. In another time, people would view this as "a gentleman helping a lady home".
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year.
Unmarried people who like each other in a romantic way tend to act on those emotions. And since your work contract ends in a year, soon there will be no workplace conflict-of-interest.
In short, what you're experiencing is 100% normal. You should have explore these emotions with your colleague outside of the workplace. Good luck! I hope it works out!
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
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3
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No, absolutely do not tell him.
It is unprofessional. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
It is pointless. You claim that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him anyway. So what is the purpose of confessing your feelings? How do you intend to proceed if it turns out that yes, he does like you?
In addition to the "Don't tell him" advice, I would like to address this statement:
I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back.
At the risk of sounding uncharitable, how much of your current desire to tell him is really due to an altruistic impulse of wanting to make him feel "more confident", rather than just a selfish need for cathartic release?
You assume that he is romantically interested in you, but I honestly don't think you have provided sufficient information in your post to explain how you justifiably came to this conclusion.
He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back.
Being helpful is a sign of professionalism. Perhaps you interpret his helpfulness as an expression of romantic interest partly due to wishful thinking on your end -- you are attracted to him, and you want him to be attracted to you as well. (I am not judging you for this -- it is perfectly normal that when we like someone, we also want to be liked in return.) Ask yourself: If it were some other male co-worker who consistently helps you in a work setting, would you also suspect that he might be infatuated with you?
We seemed to have a special connection
Observe his interactions with other female co-workers. Is there any clear difference between how he socializes with them, and how he socializes with you? (Try to think of concrete examples -- e.g., "He often invites me to have lunch with him alone, but he does not do that with other female co-workers.")
Maybe he is simply a genuinely helpful and charming person who gets along swimmingly with everyone. Can you provide more information on what leads you to believe that you two have a connection that is not only "special", but also very possibly romantic?
and I blatantly flirted with him.
I assume that you did not perceive your flirting to have incurred any negativity from his end. I don't think this is enough to suggest that he likes you in a non-platonic sense. Maybe he did not realize that you were flirting with him. Or maybe he has a non-confrontational personality which makes it difficult for him to ask you to stop, etc.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home
He was drunk. I am not sure you can therefore conclude that
he also liked me in a romantic way.
You observe that
He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me
Maybe he is embarrassed about his drunken behaviour. As for why he is embarrassed, we can only speculate. Maybe he feels bad that he has given you the wrong impression, and now he doesn't know how to gently correct your misunderstanding. Maybe he does like you, and feels horrified that he acted in a way that could potentially ruin your relationship at work. We simply don't know.
I like him and he should know that.
Why should he? There is a difference between "I really want to tell him that I like him" and "He really should know that I like him". I suspect that, consciously or not, you are trying to justify telling him by invoking a reason that makes you sound selfless.
We both could sense that the crush is mutual
Can you provide more information so that we can better judge whether it is likely that you are simply projecting?
Anyway, to summarize:
You should not tell him.
You have not provided enough information to demonstrably prove that yes, he does like you romantically.
If you really cannot resist the urge to tell him, wait until you leave the company. If you two fail to stay in touch after your departure, accept that sometimes life just happens that way -- people enter and exit our lives all the time, and in those instances at least we are still left with wonderful memories to cherish.
Addendum:
In one of your comments, you mentioned that
this guy and I are from different cultures
That compounds the problem of really teasing out his intentions. What seems to you to be infatuation might very well be innocuous friendliness in his culture.
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
 |Â
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It in doubt, wait, build a friendship, and let things go where they need to go, rather than trying to force a resolution. This is good advice for all relationships, moreso for office relationships. You're old enough to have learned this ... and to have learned that a crush is not love, and not always even serious interest.
Enjoy the feeling, but leave it there.
(BTW, if something does develop it's likely to be a lot more stable -- and to end politely if it ends -- if it started as a real friendship. I'm on good terms with everyone I've ever dated for just that reason. It's a lesson I wish more folks were taught before hurting themselves.)
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It in doubt, wait, build a friendship, and let things go where they need to go, rather than trying to force a resolution. This is good advice for all relationships, moreso for office relationships. You're old enough to have learned this ... and to have learned that a crush is not love, and not always even serious interest.
Enjoy the feeling, but leave it there.
(BTW, if something does develop it's likely to be a lot more stable -- and to end politely if it ends -- if it started as a real friendship. I'm on good terms with everyone I've ever dated for just that reason. It's a lesson I wish more folks were taught before hurting themselves.)
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
up vote
6
down vote
accepted
It in doubt, wait, build a friendship, and let things go where they need to go, rather than trying to force a resolution. This is good advice for all relationships, moreso for office relationships. You're old enough to have learned this ... and to have learned that a crush is not love, and not always even serious interest.
Enjoy the feeling, but leave it there.
(BTW, if something does develop it's likely to be a lot more stable -- and to end politely if it ends -- if it started as a real friendship. I'm on good terms with everyone I've ever dated for just that reason. It's a lesson I wish more folks were taught before hurting themselves.)
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
It in doubt, wait, build a friendship, and let things go where they need to go, rather than trying to force a resolution. This is good advice for all relationships, moreso for office relationships. You're old enough to have learned this ... and to have learned that a crush is not love, and not always even serious interest.
Enjoy the feeling, but leave it there.
(BTW, if something does develop it's likely to be a lot more stable -- and to end politely if it ends -- if it started as a real friendship. I'm on good terms with everyone I've ever dated for just that reason. It's a lesson I wish more folks were taught before hurting themselves.)
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
edited Mar 2 '16 at 16:44
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
keshlam
41.5k1267144
41.5k1267144
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
suggest improvements |Â
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
Thank you, Keshlam, for your insights and advice, and putting everything in perspective for me.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:48
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
It may help that I'm in your age range and have had my share of "wouldn't it be nice if" reactions to younger colleagues... Thanks for putting up with my bluntness.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 13:55
1
1
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
Downvotes on the OP's prefered answer... sigh. I'm very aware this isn't Romantic advice. It's real-world advice.
– keshlam
Mar 2 '16 at 16:40
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
5
down vote
I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague...
Don't you remember what Aaliyah taught us?
Age ain't nothing but a number.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home...
That just barely passes the threshold for flirting. In another time, people would view this as "a gentleman helping a lady home".
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year.
Unmarried people who like each other in a romantic way tend to act on those emotions. And since your work contract ends in a year, soon there will be no workplace conflict-of-interest.
In short, what you're experiencing is 100% normal. You should have explore these emotions with your colleague outside of the workplace. Good luck! I hope it works out!
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
5
down vote
I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague...
Don't you remember what Aaliyah taught us?
Age ain't nothing but a number.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home...
That just barely passes the threshold for flirting. In another time, people would view this as "a gentleman helping a lady home".
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year.
Unmarried people who like each other in a romantic way tend to act on those emotions. And since your work contract ends in a year, soon there will be no workplace conflict-of-interest.
In short, what you're experiencing is 100% normal. You should have explore these emotions with your colleague outside of the workplace. Good luck! I hope it works out!
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
5
down vote
up vote
5
down vote
I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague...
Don't you remember what Aaliyah taught us?
Age ain't nothing but a number.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home...
That just barely passes the threshold for flirting. In another time, people would view this as "a gentleman helping a lady home".
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year.
Unmarried people who like each other in a romantic way tend to act on those emotions. And since your work contract ends in a year, soon there will be no workplace conflict-of-interest.
In short, what you're experiencing is 100% normal. You should have explore these emotions with your colleague outside of the workplace. Good luck! I hope it works out!
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
I am a 53-year-old woman. I have a crush on a 26-year-old colleague...
Don't you remember what Aaliyah taught us?
Age ain't nothing but a number.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home...
That just barely passes the threshold for flirting. In another time, people would view this as "a gentleman helping a lady home".
I like him in a romantic way, but have no intention of pursuing a long-term relationship with him as I am much older than him and also my work contract ends in a year.
Unmarried people who like each other in a romantic way tend to act on those emotions. And since your work contract ends in a year, soon there will be no workplace conflict-of-interest.
In short, what you're experiencing is 100% normal. You should have explore these emotions with your colleague outside of the workplace. Good luck! I hope it works out!
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:27
Jim G.
11.8k105373
11.8k105373
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
suggest improvements |Â
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
1
1
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
It's so liberating to know that you feel the same way I do about age being just a number. Thanks for your insights. I neglected to mention that I this guy and I are from different cultures, and I am working in his country and will return to my home country when the contract ends.
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:44
1
1
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Anyone who references Aaliyah here gets a +1 in my book.
– Doyle Lewis
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
suggest improvements |Â
up vote
3
down vote
No, absolutely do not tell him.
It is unprofessional. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
It is pointless. You claim that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him anyway. So what is the purpose of confessing your feelings? How do you intend to proceed if it turns out that yes, he does like you?
In addition to the "Don't tell him" advice, I would like to address this statement:
I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back.
At the risk of sounding uncharitable, how much of your current desire to tell him is really due to an altruistic impulse of wanting to make him feel "more confident", rather than just a selfish need for cathartic release?
You assume that he is romantically interested in you, but I honestly don't think you have provided sufficient information in your post to explain how you justifiably came to this conclusion.
He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back.
Being helpful is a sign of professionalism. Perhaps you interpret his helpfulness as an expression of romantic interest partly due to wishful thinking on your end -- you are attracted to him, and you want him to be attracted to you as well. (I am not judging you for this -- it is perfectly normal that when we like someone, we also want to be liked in return.) Ask yourself: If it were some other male co-worker who consistently helps you in a work setting, would you also suspect that he might be infatuated with you?
We seemed to have a special connection
Observe his interactions with other female co-workers. Is there any clear difference between how he socializes with them, and how he socializes with you? (Try to think of concrete examples -- e.g., "He often invites me to have lunch with him alone, but he does not do that with other female co-workers.")
Maybe he is simply a genuinely helpful and charming person who gets along swimmingly with everyone. Can you provide more information on what leads you to believe that you two have a connection that is not only "special", but also very possibly romantic?
and I blatantly flirted with him.
I assume that you did not perceive your flirting to have incurred any negativity from his end. I don't think this is enough to suggest that he likes you in a non-platonic sense. Maybe he did not realize that you were flirting with him. Or maybe he has a non-confrontational personality which makes it difficult for him to ask you to stop, etc.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home
He was drunk. I am not sure you can therefore conclude that
he also liked me in a romantic way.
You observe that
He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me
Maybe he is embarrassed about his drunken behaviour. As for why he is embarrassed, we can only speculate. Maybe he feels bad that he has given you the wrong impression, and now he doesn't know how to gently correct your misunderstanding. Maybe he does like you, and feels horrified that he acted in a way that could potentially ruin your relationship at work. We simply don't know.
I like him and he should know that.
Why should he? There is a difference between "I really want to tell him that I like him" and "He really should know that I like him". I suspect that, consciously or not, you are trying to justify telling him by invoking a reason that makes you sound selfless.
We both could sense that the crush is mutual
Can you provide more information so that we can better judge whether it is likely that you are simply projecting?
Anyway, to summarize:
You should not tell him.
You have not provided enough information to demonstrably prove that yes, he does like you romantically.
If you really cannot resist the urge to tell him, wait until you leave the company. If you two fail to stay in touch after your departure, accept that sometimes life just happens that way -- people enter and exit our lives all the time, and in those instances at least we are still left with wonderful memories to cherish.
Addendum:
In one of your comments, you mentioned that
this guy and I are from different cultures
That compounds the problem of really teasing out his intentions. What seems to you to be infatuation might very well be innocuous friendliness in his culture.
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
3
down vote
No, absolutely do not tell him.
It is unprofessional. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
It is pointless. You claim that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him anyway. So what is the purpose of confessing your feelings? How do you intend to proceed if it turns out that yes, he does like you?
In addition to the "Don't tell him" advice, I would like to address this statement:
I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back.
At the risk of sounding uncharitable, how much of your current desire to tell him is really due to an altruistic impulse of wanting to make him feel "more confident", rather than just a selfish need for cathartic release?
You assume that he is romantically interested in you, but I honestly don't think you have provided sufficient information in your post to explain how you justifiably came to this conclusion.
He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back.
Being helpful is a sign of professionalism. Perhaps you interpret his helpfulness as an expression of romantic interest partly due to wishful thinking on your end -- you are attracted to him, and you want him to be attracted to you as well. (I am not judging you for this -- it is perfectly normal that when we like someone, we also want to be liked in return.) Ask yourself: If it were some other male co-worker who consistently helps you in a work setting, would you also suspect that he might be infatuated with you?
We seemed to have a special connection
Observe his interactions with other female co-workers. Is there any clear difference between how he socializes with them, and how he socializes with you? (Try to think of concrete examples -- e.g., "He often invites me to have lunch with him alone, but he does not do that with other female co-workers.")
Maybe he is simply a genuinely helpful and charming person who gets along swimmingly with everyone. Can you provide more information on what leads you to believe that you two have a connection that is not only "special", but also very possibly romantic?
and I blatantly flirted with him.
I assume that you did not perceive your flirting to have incurred any negativity from his end. I don't think this is enough to suggest that he likes you in a non-platonic sense. Maybe he did not realize that you were flirting with him. Or maybe he has a non-confrontational personality which makes it difficult for him to ask you to stop, etc.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home
He was drunk. I am not sure you can therefore conclude that
he also liked me in a romantic way.
You observe that
He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me
Maybe he is embarrassed about his drunken behaviour. As for why he is embarrassed, we can only speculate. Maybe he feels bad that he has given you the wrong impression, and now he doesn't know how to gently correct your misunderstanding. Maybe he does like you, and feels horrified that he acted in a way that could potentially ruin your relationship at work. We simply don't know.
I like him and he should know that.
Why should he? There is a difference between "I really want to tell him that I like him" and "He really should know that I like him". I suspect that, consciously or not, you are trying to justify telling him by invoking a reason that makes you sound selfless.
We both could sense that the crush is mutual
Can you provide more information so that we can better judge whether it is likely that you are simply projecting?
Anyway, to summarize:
You should not tell him.
You have not provided enough information to demonstrably prove that yes, he does like you romantically.
If you really cannot resist the urge to tell him, wait until you leave the company. If you two fail to stay in touch after your departure, accept that sometimes life just happens that way -- people enter and exit our lives all the time, and in those instances at least we are still left with wonderful memories to cherish.
Addendum:
In one of your comments, you mentioned that
this guy and I are from different cultures
That compounds the problem of really teasing out his intentions. What seems to you to be infatuation might very well be innocuous friendliness in his culture.
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
 |Â
show 4 more comments
up vote
3
down vote
up vote
3
down vote
No, absolutely do not tell him.
It is unprofessional. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
It is pointless. You claim that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him anyway. So what is the purpose of confessing your feelings? How do you intend to proceed if it turns out that yes, he does like you?
In addition to the "Don't tell him" advice, I would like to address this statement:
I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back.
At the risk of sounding uncharitable, how much of your current desire to tell him is really due to an altruistic impulse of wanting to make him feel "more confident", rather than just a selfish need for cathartic release?
You assume that he is romantically interested in you, but I honestly don't think you have provided sufficient information in your post to explain how you justifiably came to this conclusion.
He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back.
Being helpful is a sign of professionalism. Perhaps you interpret his helpfulness as an expression of romantic interest partly due to wishful thinking on your end -- you are attracted to him, and you want him to be attracted to you as well. (I am not judging you for this -- it is perfectly normal that when we like someone, we also want to be liked in return.) Ask yourself: If it were some other male co-worker who consistently helps you in a work setting, would you also suspect that he might be infatuated with you?
We seemed to have a special connection
Observe his interactions with other female co-workers. Is there any clear difference between how he socializes with them, and how he socializes with you? (Try to think of concrete examples -- e.g., "He often invites me to have lunch with him alone, but he does not do that with other female co-workers.")
Maybe he is simply a genuinely helpful and charming person who gets along swimmingly with everyone. Can you provide more information on what leads you to believe that you two have a connection that is not only "special", but also very possibly romantic?
and I blatantly flirted with him.
I assume that you did not perceive your flirting to have incurred any negativity from his end. I don't think this is enough to suggest that he likes you in a non-platonic sense. Maybe he did not realize that you were flirting with him. Or maybe he has a non-confrontational personality which makes it difficult for him to ask you to stop, etc.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home
He was drunk. I am not sure you can therefore conclude that
he also liked me in a romantic way.
You observe that
He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me
Maybe he is embarrassed about his drunken behaviour. As for why he is embarrassed, we can only speculate. Maybe he feels bad that he has given you the wrong impression, and now he doesn't know how to gently correct your misunderstanding. Maybe he does like you, and feels horrified that he acted in a way that could potentially ruin your relationship at work. We simply don't know.
I like him and he should know that.
Why should he? There is a difference between "I really want to tell him that I like him" and "He really should know that I like him". I suspect that, consciously or not, you are trying to justify telling him by invoking a reason that makes you sound selfless.
We both could sense that the crush is mutual
Can you provide more information so that we can better judge whether it is likely that you are simply projecting?
Anyway, to summarize:
You should not tell him.
You have not provided enough information to demonstrably prove that yes, he does like you romantically.
If you really cannot resist the urge to tell him, wait until you leave the company. If you two fail to stay in touch after your departure, accept that sometimes life just happens that way -- people enter and exit our lives all the time, and in those instances at least we are still left with wonderful memories to cherish.
Addendum:
In one of your comments, you mentioned that
this guy and I are from different cultures
That compounds the problem of really teasing out his intentions. What seems to you to be infatuation might very well be innocuous friendliness in his culture.
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
No, absolutely do not tell him.
It is unprofessional. Keep your professional life and personal life separate.
It is pointless. You claim that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him anyway. So what is the purpose of confessing your feelings? How do you intend to proceed if it turns out that yes, he does like you?
In addition to the "Don't tell him" advice, I would like to address this statement:
I would like to make him feel better and more confident by telling him I like him back.
At the risk of sounding uncharitable, how much of your current desire to tell him is really due to an altruistic impulse of wanting to make him feel "more confident", rather than just a selfish need for cathartic release?
You assume that he is romantically interested in you, but I honestly don't think you have provided sufficient information in your post to explain how you justifiably came to this conclusion.
He is always ready to help me and I was beginning to think that he liked me back.
Being helpful is a sign of professionalism. Perhaps you interpret his helpfulness as an expression of romantic interest partly due to wishful thinking on your end -- you are attracted to him, and you want him to be attracted to you as well. (I am not judging you for this -- it is perfectly normal that when we like someone, we also want to be liked in return.) Ask yourself: If it were some other male co-worker who consistently helps you in a work setting, would you also suspect that he might be infatuated with you?
We seemed to have a special connection
Observe his interactions with other female co-workers. Is there any clear difference between how he socializes with them, and how he socializes with you? (Try to think of concrete examples -- e.g., "He often invites me to have lunch with him alone, but he does not do that with other female co-workers.")
Maybe he is simply a genuinely helpful and charming person who gets along swimmingly with everyone. Can you provide more information on what leads you to believe that you two have a connection that is not only "special", but also very possibly romantic?
and I blatantly flirted with him.
I assume that you did not perceive your flirting to have incurred any negativity from his end. I don't think this is enough to suggest that he likes you in a non-platonic sense. Maybe he did not realize that you were flirting with him. Or maybe he has a non-confrontational personality which makes it difficult for him to ask you to stop, etc.
It wasn’t until a night of partying when he got a bit drunk that he tried to touch my hand and held my hand as he walked me home
He was drunk. I am not sure you can therefore conclude that
he also liked me in a romantic way.
You observe that
He can talk to other colleagues very easily, but seems shy around me
Maybe he is embarrassed about his drunken behaviour. As for why he is embarrassed, we can only speculate. Maybe he feels bad that he has given you the wrong impression, and now he doesn't know how to gently correct your misunderstanding. Maybe he does like you, and feels horrified that he acted in a way that could potentially ruin your relationship at work. We simply don't know.
I like him and he should know that.
Why should he? There is a difference between "I really want to tell him that I like him" and "He really should know that I like him". I suspect that, consciously or not, you are trying to justify telling him by invoking a reason that makes you sound selfless.
We both could sense that the crush is mutual
Can you provide more information so that we can better judge whether it is likely that you are simply projecting?
Anyway, to summarize:
You should not tell him.
You have not provided enough information to demonstrably prove that yes, he does like you romantically.
If you really cannot resist the urge to tell him, wait until you leave the company. If you two fail to stay in touch after your departure, accept that sometimes life just happens that way -- people enter and exit our lives all the time, and in those instances at least we are still left with wonderful memories to cherish.
Addendum:
In one of your comments, you mentioned that
this guy and I are from different cultures
That compounds the problem of really teasing out his intentions. What seems to you to be infatuation might very well be innocuous friendliness in his culture.
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
edited Mar 2 '16 at 14:57
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
answered Mar 2 '16 at 13:38
MY_G
70157
70157
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
 |Â
show 4 more comments
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
Before the "drunken" incident, all the signs that he liked me were there: I caught him looking at me a few times but he shied away when I caught his glances. Sometimes when the occasion was right, we held each other's eyes and smiled. H seems nervous and shy around me when there are people around, but when we are alone, we can laugh and talk easily. He goes the extra mile to help me at work. On the night when he was a bit tipsy, we were both chatting and when I asked him why he wasn't with the other colleagues, he replied that he wanted to be with me. Aren't these signs enough?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:06
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
@SSarah Thanks for the clarification. I suggest that you include this comment in your post.
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:07
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
Thanks for the suggestion! So you still think that I should not tell him? Any further thoughts are appreciated!
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 14:14
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah I think it is important to ask yourself what you want out of this. You say that you do not intend to pursue a romantic relationship with him, but what if he does reciprocate your feelings? Wouldn't it be emotionally difficult to have to work with each other every single day, knowing that you both like each other, but at the same time having to keep things strictly friendly and professional?
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:19
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
@SSarah And if it turns out that you both like each other and decide to pursue a romantic relationship, keep it strictly professional in the work place -- i.e., no public displays of affection (because doing so might alienate your other co-workers, or invite accusations of favoritism, etc.). I understand that it is really hard to keep your feelings to yourself. When we really like somebody, sometimes we just want to shout it out loud from the top of a mountain!
– MY_G
Mar 2 '16 at 14:24
 |Â
show 4 more comments
3
"should I tell him about my feelings and ask him whether he feels the same way" - if you do this, it may come across as if you want to begin a romantic relationship. However, you said in this message that you didn't want to pursue that.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 13:03
1
What do you want to achieve? By not talking to him you'll probably not get the relationship. By doing so, he may be alienated completely, or you might get the relationship. If you wanna remain great friends afterwards, just don't talk to him. My question is: what workplace issue is it that you're trying to navigate?
– rath
Mar 2 '16 at 13:12
Thanks for both your insights. I thought I should tell him directly that I feel the same way towards him to make him feel better and more confident, lest he thinks that I do not return his feelings. Perhaps when my contract ends I could tell him all these suppressed feelings? I just felt that life is too short - when you like someone, you should tell them, right?
– S Sarah
Mar 2 '16 at 13:25
1
You can remain friends after you leave. People can and do stay in touch after leaving an office.
– Brandin
Mar 2 '16 at 14:12
3
How would you have felt if, when you were 26 a 53-year-old male colleague had approached you about romantic feelings? Especially if you did not return the feelings. I think it would be much better to maintain a professional, relationship, no flirting, until you leave. After than you can tell him or not tell him with no pressure on him.
– Patricia Shanahan
Mar 2 '16 at 14:48