Why are romantic relationships with someone who works under you discouraged?

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I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other employees.

I know romantic relationships with people who work under you are discouraged, however why are they discouraged?

work-environment relationships

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edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

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asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

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  Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
  – Rachel
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:18
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
  – Mark Allen
  Jan 11 '13 at 1:03
  

  
  
  
  


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  Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
  – AndSoYouCode
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:45
  

  
  
  
  


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  I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:15
  

  
  
  
  


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  Now 6 months later have you found out?
  – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
  Jul 10 '13 at 13:47
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
42
down vote

favorite

11

I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other employees.

I know romantic relationships with people who work under you are discouraged, however why are they discouraged?

work-environment relationships

share|improve this question

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
  – Rachel
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:18
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
  – Mark Allen
  Jan 11 '13 at 1:03
  

  
  
  
  


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  Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
  – AndSoYouCode
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:45
  

  
  
  
  


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  I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:15
  

  
  
  
  


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  Now 6 months later have you found out?
  – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
  Jul 10 '13 at 13:47
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 7 more comments

up vote
42
down vote

favorite

11

up vote
42
down vote

favorite

11

11

I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other employees.

I know romantic relationships with people who work under you are discouraged, however why are they discouraged?

work-environment relationships

share|improve this question

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

I run a small company and am wondering what the consequences are of starting up a romantic relationship with one of my employees, and how it will affect my business and relationship with other employees.

I know romantic relationships with people who work under you are discouraged, however why are they discouraged?

work-environment relationships

share|improve this question

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

share|improve this question

share|improve this question

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

edited Jan 10 '13 at 15:17

Rachel

6,14184268

6,14184268

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

asked Jan 10 '13 at 14:19

Dave M

223133

223133

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  Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
  – Rachel
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:18
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
  – Mark Allen
  Jan 11 '13 at 1:03
  

  
  
  
  


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  Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
  – AndSoYouCode
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:45
  

  
  
  
  


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  I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:15
  

  
  
  
  


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  5
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Now 6 months later have you found out?
  – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
  Jul 10 '13 at 13:47
  

  
  
  
  

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show 7 more comments

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  Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
  – Rachel
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:18
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
  – Mark Allen
  Jan 11 '13 at 1:03
  

  
  
  
  


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  Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
  – AndSoYouCode
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:45
  

  
  
  
  


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  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:15
  

  
  
  
  


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  5
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Now 6 months later have you found out?
  – Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
  Jul 10 '13 at 13:47
  

  
  
  
  

3

3

Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
– Rachel
Jan 10 '13 at 15:18

Hi Dave, I've modified your question to address the concerns raised by @Chad, and have voted to reopen it. If I've changed it too much from your original question, feel free to edit it further or roll back the changes.
– Rachel
Jan 10 '13 at 15:18

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That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
– Mark Allen
Jan 11 '13 at 1:03

That's easy and it can be answered in three words (so I won't post it as an actual answer) "Conflict of interest".
– Mark Allen
Jan 11 '13 at 1:03

3

3

Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
– AndSoYouCode
Jan 11 '13 at 7:45

Even if you are "sure" that you can handle things professionally and keep work and social life separated. Don't forget that a relationship consists of two people.
– AndSoYouCode
Jan 11 '13 at 7:45

4

4

I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
– MrFox
Jan 11 '13 at 16:15

I knew this PhD guy once. His wife was also a PhD in the same field. They met and started dating when she was studying under him. How could THAT go wrong, right? They probably broke all sorts of university regulations and crossed a bunch of boundaries. But hey, happily married with 2 kids. Like everythign else in life this is a riks/benefit tradeoff. Dating subordinates is almost always a bad idea, except when it's a great idea.
– MrFox
Jan 11 '13 at 16:15

5

5

Now 6 months later have you found out?
– Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
Jul 10 '13 at 13:47

Now 6 months later have you found out?
– Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen
Jul 10 '13 at 13:47

 | 
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12 Answers
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It is a very risky business. Other employees may end up resentful and there will be a drop of productivity if so. Likely you will treat her differently than the others such as giving her information that she in her current position should not have, refusing to see her performance problems, etc. Likely she will act differently, letting others know she is privileged and that they had better not disagree with her.

I have worked several places where the boss was dating one of the employees and in two out of three cases, it was a cancer in the workplace. In the third case, the couple were able to totally keep their relationship out of the workplace but that meant no displays of affection (or worse closing the office door and having sex where the other employees could hear you), no special treatment in favor of the employee(in fact her promotions got held up and she was held to a much higher standard than the rest of the team), no insider information, and no acting as if you were more important because you were having an affair with the boss. In the worst case, the company lost several valuable employees because they couldn't stand to be managed by the secretary the CEO promoted to be the Project Manager because he was having an affair with her. In the end she lost her job too because he married someone else.

Ok let's be blunt and share some of the negative consequences I have personally experienced or observed from bosses dating their subordinates:

• I have seen people promoted over qualifed people to jobs they were
  neither qualified for nor good at.


• I have seen an unsatisfactory performance appraisal (which was
  well-deserved) be changed to an Outstanding


• I have seen more qualifed people quit rather than work for the
  unqualifed person promoted over them


• I have seen a co-worker flash her sexual parts in a meeting after she
  and the boss had had a fight. To say this made everyone else in the room uncomfortable is a mild understatement.


• I have heard them having sex in his office during work hours which
  made for very uncomfortable meetings later on the same offce.


• I have seen a subordinate who had no business knowing about a
  performance issue with another employee, come to work and brag about
  how she knew and how much trouble the other person would be in.


• I have seen bad suggestions implemented because they came from the
  person who was in the relationship even though all the entire rest of
  the staff objected to the decision. BTW some of these decisions lost
  the company a good deal of money.


• I have seen the entire staff complain to higher managers about a
  problem which the couple involved vehemently denied was happening. The couple almost always thinks their relationship is causing no issues whatsoever.


• I have seen the workplace become absolutely toxic when the
  relationship breaks up until the subordinate finds a another job or
  is fired.


• I have seen clients be appalled at the unprofessional behavior a
  person in a relationship exhibited in front of them and the manager
  not care to fix the problem because it would disrupt his social life.

If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start.

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edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

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  It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:50
  

  
  
  
  


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  I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
  – Adam V
  Jan 10 '13 at 17:23
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
  – Konerak
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:58
  

  
  
  
  


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  @Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
  – HLGEM
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:13
  

  
  
  
  


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  @DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
  – psr
  Jan 11 '13 at 20:03
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
42
down vote

Dating an employee is a bad idea for several reasons:

1. Once it's out that you're dating, anything positive that you do for this employee can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




2. If you break up, anything bad that happens to her can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




3. It can bring non-work-related issues into the office

In short, there's a reason that many large companies explicitly state in their employee handbooks that supervisors can't date the employees they supervise, and if you run the company, you supervise everyone.

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answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

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  I would change the can appear to will appear.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:51
  

  
  
  
  


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  I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
  – JAGAnalyst
  Jan 18 '13 at 19:11
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  – JustinC
  Jul 11 '13 at 18:42
  

  
  
  
  

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down vote

It's very simple. Dating someone who reports to you creates obvious conflicts between personal interests and business obligations. Every action you take regarding your romantic partner will be suspect. Worst of all, the subordinate party may feel pressure to continue the relationship for fear of consequences in the workplace. For that reason, most US companies prohibit romantic relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate.

Even attempting to initiate such a relationship creates problems. The subordinate may reasonably believe that rejecting the invitation will have adverse consequences at work.

Relationships between colleagues may be OK, but could still cause problems if one party has a higher position in the company, due to the influence the more senior person may have with the junior's supervisor.

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answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

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  Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 19:17
  

  
  
  
  


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  @HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
  – Lie Ryan
  Jan 11 '13 at 11:15
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  @HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:10
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
14
down vote

Ask yourself "how many people have I dated in my life?"

lets say you've dated 10 people. Since you are again dating, this indicated that at least, your success rate at finding a permanent partner are less than 10%.

How many of those relationships ended badly or turned ugly?
Lets say its 3/10. for a 30% chance of it turning ugly.

So in other words... There's at least a 90% chance it wont work out and a 30% chance it will turn ugly. Adjust these statistics to your own personal experience. Chances are, however you slice it, you are making a gamble and you do not have the edge.

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answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

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up vote
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As it was once explained to me by a lawyer some time back.

In the US dating in the workplace potentially falls under the case law of sexual harassment. The issue is basically the following:

• 2 of the companies employees are dating or even possibly get married working for the same company


• Then they break it off or divorce.


• Once that happens one of the parties involved can claim sexual harassment against the other and under some state and federal statutes the company may be held liable.

Given that potential scenario the companies discourage dating in the workplace to the point of making it a cause for firing an employee.

The dating of employees within the company is usually allowed by a special dispensation from Human Resources after a consultation with lawyers. And usually involves some paperwork to protect the company from scenario I described above.

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edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

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  Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
  – Sam
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:56
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  @vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
  – Karlson
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:08
  

  
  
  
  


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  Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
  – D.W.
  Jan 17 '13 at 22:33
  
  

  
  
  
  


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  @D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
  – Karlson
  Jan 18 '13 at 2:44
  

  
  
  
  


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  @Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
  – D.W.
  Jan 18 '13 at 3:45
  
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
6
down vote

It's a bad idea because you cannot represent the organization's business interests properly in your role as boss, with respect to that person. You are likely to favor that person regardless of their performance in their job.

Since you run this small company, this might not be a problem. Your company, your rules, right?

But suppose you ran a very large company. Would you want your lower level managers supervising people who are their significant others? Or nephews, nieces, cousins, ...?

There is a word for this: nepotism.

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answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

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up vote
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You mentioned "I run a small company". Means you may be the founder/Chairman. You are the person most respected in the company. By falling in love / having romantic relationship (sounds cheap, I'm sorry if it hurts you) may end up losing your prestige, dignity, respect. Because if you are in love and want to date and get married that will be great. But just "Romantic relationship which wont la(u)st long I won't recommend you to go on with such a decision.

1. By losing respect, the value for your voice ll go down and to get optimum productivity you ll have to force the employees.


2. You may earn lots of people to speak and spread rumors about you... that's nonsense.


3. lot more to say.

To maintain your value in organization, if you still have a huge crush on her, ask her out for a date and tell her things, if you have good thoughts get her a good job in some other company using your contacts. Then you can date her, she will like you for your gentleness.

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edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

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  @gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
  – Sakthivel
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:35
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
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down vote

I'm gonna be very honest and serious with you on this one. It's highly unlikely that the situation will have a good ending. There is a chance but it's a very small chance that things will not end up catastrophically for both or either of you.

A certain level of unprofessionalism will be displayed by one or both of you, which will disturb the workplace and might cause problems with your clients.

Please accept this as a very sincerer advice. Looking at the wording of your original question, I'm almost certain that you will display unprofessional behaviour and in turn cause disturbance in the workplace.

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answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

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  Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
  – Dave M
  Jan 11 '13 at 22:44
  

  
  
  
  

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up vote
2
down vote

The OP is asking why it is bad between subordinates, not why it is bad at the work place. The issue is one of perception. Many will perceive that the relationship is not one of mutual, personal romance. But instead a relationship based on leveraging company opportunities and company money for manager's dating opportunities.

If you think that having a poor perception of both your company and your relationship with this person is acceptable, then go for it. Otherwise try to tackle the whole not dating your subordinates lifestyle first, to at least look like you don't need to leverage your ownership/managerial position for dating.

Lastly, keep in mind that some people do come into companies with the open mindedness of dating their coworkers. Others already have relationships or established dating lives or do not want to date anyone. There are many different perspectives and differences in the workplace. Bare that in mind. Someone people only want to work for your company for money making opportunities only, and will see this as a poor decision. They do want to see you happy in your dating life, but they don't want to see their firm's reputation suffer because they have families/wives they need to provide for. Try to think about all those decisions BEFORE you think about your situation. It's not an easy one to make.

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edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

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up vote
1
down vote

I'm surprised that no-one has cover the power differential yet.

How can you be 100% certain that your subordinate shares your feelings?

Because if they don't, and you approach them, the subordinate may rightly think that saying no could harm them professionally. The reason why employer/subordinate as well as teacher/student relationships are frowned upon is they can easily be seen that the senior person is taking advantage of their position. If pressured to enter a relationship or even just hearing your advances can be considered sexual harassment in most jurisdictions.

Regardless of what you think, you hold a position of power over your staff and you must respect that. Unfortunately, what you need to do is nothing. Don't bring it up... at all. Even mentioning that you had considered it can cause tension. Your feelings are your problem, and should be professional enough to not make your staff subject to unwanted advances.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

There are some good answers here from the company point of view, but look at it from the human point of view, too:

1) Do you really know the other person is interested in you, or is it just a shared interest in the type of work that you do? I know I leave a great deal of my personal interests in the parking lot when I arrive to work. I focus on my work and ensuring that I am supporting my coworkers and meeting my objectives. I don't bring much else. Since you are a business owner, I imagine you are much the same. Your employee may also be the same, meaning everything you see about them "lines up" with you, but you are both (likely) leaving a huge amount of who you are outside the workplace unexamined. How do you even know you would be compatible?

2) You have authority over the other person at work. How could you ever have a relationship of equals when you have power over their means to make a living? The power dynamic in a relationship can get really messed up if there is a disparity in income between the two. You are the income source for the other person. How could you ever hope to have an equal, balanced relationship?

3) What happens if they get a good job offer from a competitor? You would feel personally betrayed if they took it. They would be resentful if they didn't take it because of this relationship.

4) Their relationships with their coworkers at the office would be devastated. No one would ever have a "gripe session" about the company with them. No one would trust them with any confidence, believing (and rightfully so) they were more loyal to you than anyone else. I'm sure you're the world's greatest boss, but running a business means making your employees unhappy in order to satisfy your customers. That's why you have to pay employees in the first place. Would you avoid giving them difficult assignments or "problem" customers in order to safeguard your relationship. Maybe not consciously, but it would happen.

5) You would never evaluate them equally, again. "Bob" is always late, so you discipline him. Your interest is always late, but you cut them some slack because you took them out the evening before and you feel it's partially your fault. Bob isn't getting a fair shake.

Look at it from the relationship side, and not just the company side.

Now, the only way to fix this is to not work at the same company. Who has to leave and who gets to stay? Who gets to pick? In your case, you and the company are the same thing, but not so in most situations.

Say I'm a rock-star senior salesman, been in the biz 20 years and have 5 or 6 million in annual sales that I bring in. You're an inside sales rep who answers to me supporting my customers. We get serious, and it becomes a problem in the workplace. You would have a hard time finding another job in a slow economy, but I can hop over to "Brand X" and bring at least 2 million in sales with me. Brand X says, "Great. Welcome aboard." The first company now just lost a good salesman, $2 million in business, and has an inside sales rep with questionable loyalties that "cost" them all of the above. How do you think your chances of promotion are, now?

That's why intra-office dating is never a good idea. Working with a spouse is another potential disaster, but for entirely different reasons.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

In the case of two people who happen to be employed by the same company, but don't have any work relationship, it's mostly Ok, at least as long as their relationship is fine, and even after that, if they manage to separate cleanly - which many people manage to do, and if one or both can't, then you had troublesome people anyway. The exception is companies that are very security conscious, for example a bank, which may have lots of protections against crooked employees, but not against two crooked employees working together.

In the case of supervisor and subordinate: That is asking for serious trouble, because that supervisor is always in danger of giving preferential treatment to their relationship, which then will cause trouble for everyone involved and around them. So a company will try to split them up. Which will hamper someone's career. Which is Ok-ish if you are getting married (I would still have married my wife if it had cost one of us our jobs, and she would have married me), but for a fresh relationship that is very bad.

In the case of company owner and subordinate: For the subordinate it's a very dangerous game. Worse than supervisor and subordinate, because there is no HR or boss stopping the company owner, if things go wrong. For the boss it's a huge opportunity to demonstrate either that he or she is a decent human being, or that he or she is no such thing. Either way. The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee leaves the company will be (1) very unfair and (2) very, very bad for morale. (In the case of supervisor: supervisor dates subordinate / supervisor and subordinate split up / supervisor tries to get subordinate fired / supervisor loses his job is probably good for morale). The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee stays and is permanently grumpy isn't good either. So this should only be done if both sides are really, really sure that this is the one.

On the other hand, if two people seriously want to be in a relationship, their jobs shouldn't stop them. In that case you both do your best to stay professional while persuing your relationship, and accept the consequences.

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

add a comment | 

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12 Answers
12

active

oldest

votes

12 Answers
12

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

active

oldest

votes

up vote
71
down vote

It is a very risky business. Other employees may end up resentful and there will be a drop of productivity if so. Likely you will treat her differently than the others such as giving her information that she in her current position should not have, refusing to see her performance problems, etc. Likely she will act differently, letting others know she is privileged and that they had better not disagree with her.

I have worked several places where the boss was dating one of the employees and in two out of three cases, it was a cancer in the workplace. In the third case, the couple were able to totally keep their relationship out of the workplace but that meant no displays of affection (or worse closing the office door and having sex where the other employees could hear you), no special treatment in favor of the employee(in fact her promotions got held up and she was held to a much higher standard than the rest of the team), no insider information, and no acting as if you were more important because you were having an affair with the boss. In the worst case, the company lost several valuable employees because they couldn't stand to be managed by the secretary the CEO promoted to be the Project Manager because he was having an affair with her. In the end she lost her job too because he married someone else.

Ok let's be blunt and share some of the negative consequences I have personally experienced or observed from bosses dating their subordinates:

• I have seen people promoted over qualifed people to jobs they were
  neither qualified for nor good at.


• I have seen an unsatisfactory performance appraisal (which was
  well-deserved) be changed to an Outstanding


• I have seen more qualifed people quit rather than work for the
  unqualifed person promoted over them


• I have seen a co-worker flash her sexual parts in a meeting after she
  and the boss had had a fight. To say this made everyone else in the room uncomfortable is a mild understatement.


• I have heard them having sex in his office during work hours which
  made for very uncomfortable meetings later on the same offce.


• I have seen a subordinate who had no business knowing about a
  performance issue with another employee, come to work and brag about
  how she knew and how much trouble the other person would be in.


• I have seen bad suggestions implemented because they came from the
  person who was in the relationship even though all the entire rest of
  the staff objected to the decision. BTW some of these decisions lost
  the company a good deal of money.


• I have seen the entire staff complain to higher managers about a
  problem which the couple involved vehemently denied was happening. The couple almost always thinks their relationship is causing no issues whatsoever.


• I have seen the workplace become absolutely toxic when the
  relationship breaks up until the subordinate finds a another job or
  is fired.


• I have seen clients be appalled at the unprofessional behavior a
  person in a relationship exhibited in front of them and the manager
  not care to fix the problem because it would disrupt his social life.

If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start.

share|improve this answer

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

• 
  
  
  

  
  6
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:50
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  11
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
  – Adam V
  Jan 10 '13 at 17:23
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  15
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
  – Konerak
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:58
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
  – HLGEM
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:13
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  13
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
  – psr
  Jan 11 '13 at 20:03
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 8 more comments

up vote
71
down vote

It is a very risky business. Other employees may end up resentful and there will be a drop of productivity if so. Likely you will treat her differently than the others such as giving her information that she in her current position should not have, refusing to see her performance problems, etc. Likely she will act differently, letting others know she is privileged and that they had better not disagree with her.

I have worked several places where the boss was dating one of the employees and in two out of three cases, it was a cancer in the workplace. In the third case, the couple were able to totally keep their relationship out of the workplace but that meant no displays of affection (or worse closing the office door and having sex where the other employees could hear you), no special treatment in favor of the employee(in fact her promotions got held up and she was held to a much higher standard than the rest of the team), no insider information, and no acting as if you were more important because you were having an affair with the boss. In the worst case, the company lost several valuable employees because they couldn't stand to be managed by the secretary the CEO promoted to be the Project Manager because he was having an affair with her. In the end she lost her job too because he married someone else.

Ok let's be blunt and share some of the negative consequences I have personally experienced or observed from bosses dating their subordinates:

• I have seen people promoted over qualifed people to jobs they were
  neither qualified for nor good at.


• I have seen an unsatisfactory performance appraisal (which was
  well-deserved) be changed to an Outstanding


• I have seen more qualifed people quit rather than work for the
  unqualifed person promoted over them


• I have seen a co-worker flash her sexual parts in a meeting after she
  and the boss had had a fight. To say this made everyone else in the room uncomfortable is a mild understatement.


• I have heard them having sex in his office during work hours which
  made for very uncomfortable meetings later on the same offce.


• I have seen a subordinate who had no business knowing about a
  performance issue with another employee, come to work and brag about
  how she knew and how much trouble the other person would be in.


• I have seen bad suggestions implemented because they came from the
  person who was in the relationship even though all the entire rest of
  the staff objected to the decision. BTW some of these decisions lost
  the company a good deal of money.


• I have seen the entire staff complain to higher managers about a
  problem which the couple involved vehemently denied was happening. The couple almost always thinks their relationship is causing no issues whatsoever.


• I have seen the workplace become absolutely toxic when the
  relationship breaks up until the subordinate finds a another job or
  is fired.


• I have seen clients be appalled at the unprofessional behavior a
  person in a relationship exhibited in front of them and the manager
  not care to fix the problem because it would disrupt his social life.

If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start.

share|improve this answer

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

• 
  
  
  

  
  6
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:50
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  11
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
  – Adam V
  Jan 10 '13 at 17:23
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  15
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
  – Konerak
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:58
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
  – HLGEM
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:13
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  13
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
  – psr
  Jan 11 '13 at 20:03
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 8 more comments

up vote
71
down vote

up vote
71
down vote

It is a very risky business. Other employees may end up resentful and there will be a drop of productivity if so. Likely you will treat her differently than the others such as giving her information that she in her current position should not have, refusing to see her performance problems, etc. Likely she will act differently, letting others know she is privileged and that they had better not disagree with her.

I have worked several places where the boss was dating one of the employees and in two out of three cases, it was a cancer in the workplace. In the third case, the couple were able to totally keep their relationship out of the workplace but that meant no displays of affection (or worse closing the office door and having sex where the other employees could hear you), no special treatment in favor of the employee(in fact her promotions got held up and she was held to a much higher standard than the rest of the team), no insider information, and no acting as if you were more important because you were having an affair with the boss. In the worst case, the company lost several valuable employees because they couldn't stand to be managed by the secretary the CEO promoted to be the Project Manager because he was having an affair with her. In the end she lost her job too because he married someone else.

Ok let's be blunt and share some of the negative consequences I have personally experienced or observed from bosses dating their subordinates:

• I have seen people promoted over qualifed people to jobs they were
  neither qualified for nor good at.


• I have seen an unsatisfactory performance appraisal (which was
  well-deserved) be changed to an Outstanding


• I have seen more qualifed people quit rather than work for the
  unqualifed person promoted over them


• I have seen a co-worker flash her sexual parts in a meeting after she
  and the boss had had a fight. To say this made everyone else in the room uncomfortable is a mild understatement.


• I have heard them having sex in his office during work hours which
  made for very uncomfortable meetings later on the same offce.


• I have seen a subordinate who had no business knowing about a
  performance issue with another employee, come to work and brag about
  how she knew and how much trouble the other person would be in.


• I have seen bad suggestions implemented because they came from the
  person who was in the relationship even though all the entire rest of
  the staff objected to the decision. BTW some of these decisions lost
  the company a good deal of money.


• I have seen the entire staff complain to higher managers about a
  problem which the couple involved vehemently denied was happening. The couple almost always thinks their relationship is causing no issues whatsoever.


• I have seen the workplace become absolutely toxic when the
  relationship breaks up until the subordinate finds a another job or
  is fired.


• I have seen clients be appalled at the unprofessional behavior a
  person in a relationship exhibited in front of them and the manager
  not care to fix the problem because it would disrupt his social life.

If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start.

share|improve this answer

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

It is a very risky business. Other employees may end up resentful and there will be a drop of productivity if so. Likely you will treat her differently than the others such as giving her information that she in her current position should not have, refusing to see her performance problems, etc. Likely she will act differently, letting others know she is privileged and that they had better not disagree with her.

I have worked several places where the boss was dating one of the employees and in two out of three cases, it was a cancer in the workplace. In the third case, the couple were able to totally keep their relationship out of the workplace but that meant no displays of affection (or worse closing the office door and having sex where the other employees could hear you), no special treatment in favor of the employee(in fact her promotions got held up and she was held to a much higher standard than the rest of the team), no insider information, and no acting as if you were more important because you were having an affair with the boss. In the worst case, the company lost several valuable employees because they couldn't stand to be managed by the secretary the CEO promoted to be the Project Manager because he was having an affair with her. In the end she lost her job too because he married someone else.

Ok let's be blunt and share some of the negative consequences I have personally experienced or observed from bosses dating their subordinates:

• I have seen people promoted over qualifed people to jobs they were
  neither qualified for nor good at.


• I have seen an unsatisfactory performance appraisal (which was
  well-deserved) be changed to an Outstanding


• I have seen more qualifed people quit rather than work for the
  unqualifed person promoted over them


• I have seen a co-worker flash her sexual parts in a meeting after she
  and the boss had had a fight. To say this made everyone else in the room uncomfortable is a mild understatement.


• I have heard them having sex in his office during work hours which
  made for very uncomfortable meetings later on the same offce.


• I have seen a subordinate who had no business knowing about a
  performance issue with another employee, come to work and brag about
  how she knew and how much trouble the other person would be in.


• I have seen bad suggestions implemented because they came from the
  person who was in the relationship even though all the entire rest of
  the staff objected to the decision. BTW some of these decisions lost
  the company a good deal of money.


• I have seen the entire staff complain to higher managers about a
  problem which the couple involved vehemently denied was happening. The couple almost always thinks their relationship is causing no issues whatsoever.


• I have seen the workplace become absolutely toxic when the
  relationship breaks up until the subordinate finds a another job or
  is fired.


• I have seen clients be appalled at the unprofessional behavior a
  person in a relationship exhibited in front of them and the manager
  not care to fix the problem because it would disrupt his social life.

If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start.

share|improve this answer

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

edited Jul 10 '13 at 13:55

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

HLGEM

133k25227489

133k25227489

• 
  
  
  

  
  6
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:50
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  11
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
  – Adam V
  Jan 10 '13 at 17:23
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  15
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
  – Konerak
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:58
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
  – HLGEM
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:13
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  13
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
  – psr
  Jan 11 '13 at 20:03
  

  
  
  
  

 | 
show 8 more comments

• 
  
  
  

  
  6
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:50
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  11
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
  – Adam V
  Jan 10 '13 at 17:23
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  15
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
  – Konerak
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:58
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  3
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
  – HLGEM
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:13
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  13
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
  – psr
  Jan 11 '13 at 20:03
  

  
  
  
  

6

6

It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 15:50

It is risky, it is far less likely to work than not to work. It takes a special amount of ability to separate work from home and to treat the person differntly in each situation. Very few people have the ability to do that in my experience. Clearly though you want to be told, "Go for it". Sorry, my advice is there are plenty of people who don't work for you to date.
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 15:50

11

11

I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
– Adam V
Jan 10 '13 at 17:23

I would +1 this just for the last line: "If you truly want a relationship with this person the best thing you can do is find him/her another better job in a different company before you start." The entire answer is excellent. Keep the personal and professional separate by not allowing there to be crossover.
– Adam V
Jan 10 '13 at 17:23

15

15

Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
– Konerak
Jan 11 '13 at 7:58

Just because he's Dave and he's asking about a romantic relationship, doesn't necessarily mean the other party is a her...
– Konerak
Jan 11 '13 at 7:58

3

3

@Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
– HLGEM
Jan 11 '13 at 15:13

@Konerak, that is true, I just used the pronouns for the most common scenario. And hey womena are expected to be fine with people using he to describe them, so men shouldn't be insulted when it goes the other way either, should they?
– HLGEM
Jan 11 '13 at 15:13

13

13

@DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
– psr
Jan 11 '13 at 20:03

@DaveM - Dave, Dave, Dave. If you are interpreting this answer as saying "it can work in some cases" then you are hearing what you want to hear right now. Which means you aren't sounding like someone with an exceptional ability to pull something like this off.
– psr
Jan 11 '13 at 20:03

 | 
show 8 more comments

up vote
42
down vote

Dating an employee is a bad idea for several reasons:

1. Once it's out that you're dating, anything positive that you do for this employee can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




2. If you break up, anything bad that happens to her can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




3. It can bring non-work-related issues into the office

In short, there's a reason that many large companies explicitly state in their employee handbooks that supervisors can't date the employees they supervise, and if you run the company, you supervise everyone.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

• 
  
  
  

  
  14
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would change the can appear to will appear.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:51
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
  – JAGAnalyst
  Jan 18 '13 at 19:11
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  – JustinC
  Jul 11 '13 at 18:42
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
42
down vote

Dating an employee is a bad idea for several reasons:

1. Once it's out that you're dating, anything positive that you do for this employee can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




2. If you break up, anything bad that happens to her can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




3. It can bring non-work-related issues into the office

In short, there's a reason that many large companies explicitly state in their employee handbooks that supervisors can't date the employees they supervise, and if you run the company, you supervise everyone.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

• 
  
  
  

  
  14
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would change the can appear to will appear.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:51
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
  – JAGAnalyst
  Jan 18 '13 at 19:11
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  – JustinC
  Jul 11 '13 at 18:42
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
42
down vote

up vote
42
down vote

Dating an employee is a bad idea for several reasons:

1. Once it's out that you're dating, anything positive that you do for this employee can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




2. If you break up, anything bad that happens to her can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




3. It can bring non-work-related issues into the office

In short, there's a reason that many large companies explicitly state in their employee handbooks that supervisors can't date the employees they supervise, and if you run the company, you supervise everyone.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

Dating an employee is a bad idea for several reasons:

1. Once it's out that you're dating, anything positive that you do for this employee can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




2. If you break up, anything bad that happens to her can appear to be based on non-work-related reasons




3. It can bring non-work-related issues into the office

In short, there's a reason that many large companies explicitly state in their employee handbooks that supervisors can't date the employees they supervise, and if you run the company, you supervise everyone.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

answered Jan 10 '13 at 14:32

Adam V

7,95722844

7,95722844

• 
  
  
  

  
  14
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would change the can appear to will appear.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:51
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
  – JAGAnalyst
  Jan 18 '13 at 19:11
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  – JustinC
  Jul 11 '13 at 18:42
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  14
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would change the can appear to will appear.
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 15:51
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
  – JAGAnalyst
  Jan 18 '13 at 19:11
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
  – JustinC
  Jul 11 '13 at 18:42
  

  
  
  
  

14

14

I would change the can appear to will appear.
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 15:51

I would change the can appear to will appear.
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 15:51

2

2

I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
– JAGAnalyst
Jan 18 '13 at 19:11

I would also add that in some types of jobs, having partners who are dating or married in particular roles can enable a number of internal control problems that could cause substantial injury to the company. For example, when one partner handles revenue/expense accounting and the other handles cash inflow/outlay. The
– JAGAnalyst
Jan 18 '13 at 19:11

If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
– JustinC
Jul 11 '13 at 18:42

If you do something nice for someone, it can always appear to them or others as if it was instigated for non-work reasons. No good deed ever goes unpunished.
– JustinC
Jul 11 '13 at 18:42

add a comment | 

up vote
21
down vote

It's very simple. Dating someone who reports to you creates obvious conflicts between personal interests and business obligations. Every action you take regarding your romantic partner will be suspect. Worst of all, the subordinate party may feel pressure to continue the relationship for fear of consequences in the workplace. For that reason, most US companies prohibit romantic relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate.

Even attempting to initiate such a relationship creates problems. The subordinate may reasonably believe that rejecting the invitation will have adverse consequences at work.

Relationships between colleagues may be OK, but could still cause problems if one party has a higher position in the company, due to the influence the more senior person may have with the junior's supervisor.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 19:17
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
  – Lie Ryan
  Jan 11 '13 at 11:15
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:10
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
21
down vote

It's very simple. Dating someone who reports to you creates obvious conflicts between personal interests and business obligations. Every action you take regarding your romantic partner will be suspect. Worst of all, the subordinate party may feel pressure to continue the relationship for fear of consequences in the workplace. For that reason, most US companies prohibit romantic relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate.

Even attempting to initiate such a relationship creates problems. The subordinate may reasonably believe that rejecting the invitation will have adverse consequences at work.

Relationships between colleagues may be OK, but could still cause problems if one party has a higher position in the company, due to the influence the more senior person may have with the junior's supervisor.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 19:17
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
  – Lie Ryan
  Jan 11 '13 at 11:15
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:10
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
21
down vote

up vote
21
down vote

It's very simple. Dating someone who reports to you creates obvious conflicts between personal interests and business obligations. Every action you take regarding your romantic partner will be suspect. Worst of all, the subordinate party may feel pressure to continue the relationship for fear of consequences in the workplace. For that reason, most US companies prohibit romantic relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate.

Even attempting to initiate such a relationship creates problems. The subordinate may reasonably believe that rejecting the invitation will have adverse consequences at work.

Relationships between colleagues may be OK, but could still cause problems if one party has a higher position in the company, due to the influence the more senior person may have with the junior's supervisor.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

It's very simple. Dating someone who reports to you creates obvious conflicts between personal interests and business obligations. Every action you take regarding your romantic partner will be suspect. Worst of all, the subordinate party may feel pressure to continue the relationship for fear of consequences in the workplace. For that reason, most US companies prohibit romantic relationships between a supervisor and a subordinate.

Even attempting to initiate such a relationship creates problems. The subordinate may reasonably believe that rejecting the invitation will have adverse consequences at work.

Relationships between colleagues may be OK, but could still cause problems if one party has a higher position in the company, due to the influence the more senior person may have with the junior's supervisor.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

answered Jan 10 '13 at 17:40

kevin cline

15.6k43861

15.6k43861

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 19:17
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
  – Lie Ryan
  Jan 11 '13 at 11:15
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:10
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  2
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
  – HLGEM
  Jan 10 '13 at 19:17
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
  – Lie Ryan
  Jan 11 '13 at 11:15
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
  – MrFox
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:10
  

  
  
  
  

2

2

Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 19:17

Yes I forgot to say that. The person can feel at risk of losing her job if he asks her out and she isn't interested or if she wants out and he doesn't. (you could of course use different sets of personal pronouns, this is just the most common scenario of the supervisor being male and the subordinate being female.)
– HLGEM
Jan 10 '13 at 19:17

1

1

@HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
– Lie Ryan
Jan 11 '13 at 11:15

@HLGEM: damn political correctness :-)
– Lie Ryan
Jan 11 '13 at 11:15

@HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
– MrFox
Jan 11 '13 at 16:10

@HLGEM Trying using "s/he" - it's awesome!
– MrFox
Jan 11 '13 at 16:10

add a comment | 

up vote
14
down vote

Ask yourself "how many people have I dated in my life?"

lets say you've dated 10 people. Since you are again dating, this indicated that at least, your success rate at finding a permanent partner are less than 10%.

How many of those relationships ended badly or turned ugly?
Lets say its 3/10. for a 30% chance of it turning ugly.

So in other words... There's at least a 90% chance it wont work out and a 30% chance it will turn ugly. Adjust these statistics to your own personal experience. Chances are, however you slice it, you are making a gamble and you do not have the edge.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

add a comment | 

up vote
14
down vote

Ask yourself "how many people have I dated in my life?"

lets say you've dated 10 people. Since you are again dating, this indicated that at least, your success rate at finding a permanent partner are less than 10%.

How many of those relationships ended badly or turned ugly?
Lets say its 3/10. for a 30% chance of it turning ugly.

So in other words... There's at least a 90% chance it wont work out and a 30% chance it will turn ugly. Adjust these statistics to your own personal experience. Chances are, however you slice it, you are making a gamble and you do not have the edge.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

add a comment | 

up vote
14
down vote

up vote
14
down vote

Ask yourself "how many people have I dated in my life?"

lets say you've dated 10 people. Since you are again dating, this indicated that at least, your success rate at finding a permanent partner are less than 10%.

How many of those relationships ended badly or turned ugly?
Lets say its 3/10. for a 30% chance of it turning ugly.

So in other words... There's at least a 90% chance it wont work out and a 30% chance it will turn ugly. Adjust these statistics to your own personal experience. Chances are, however you slice it, you are making a gamble and you do not have the edge.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

Ask yourself "how many people have I dated in my life?"

lets say you've dated 10 people. Since you are again dating, this indicated that at least, your success rate at finding a permanent partner are less than 10%.

How many of those relationships ended badly or turned ugly?
Lets say its 3/10. for a 30% chance of it turning ugly.

So in other words... There's at least a 90% chance it wont work out and a 30% chance it will turn ugly. Adjust these statistics to your own personal experience. Chances are, however you slice it, you are making a gamble and you do not have the edge.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

answered Jan 10 '13 at 23:08

Scott Stevens

28114

28114

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
9
down vote

As it was once explained to me by a lawyer some time back.

In the US dating in the workplace potentially falls under the case law of sexual harassment. The issue is basically the following:

• 2 of the companies employees are dating or even possibly get married working for the same company


• Then they break it off or divorce.


• Once that happens one of the parties involved can claim sexual harassment against the other and under some state and federal statutes the company may be held liable.

Given that potential scenario the companies discourage dating in the workplace to the point of making it a cause for firing an employee.

The dating of employees within the company is usually allowed by a special dispensation from Human Resources after a consultation with lawyers. And usually involves some paperwork to protect the company from scenario I described above.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
  – Sam
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:56
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
  – Karlson
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:08
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
  – D.W.
  Jan 17 '13 at 22:33
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
  – Karlson
  Jan 18 '13 at 2:44
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
  – D.W.
  Jan 18 '13 at 3:45
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
9
down vote

As it was once explained to me by a lawyer some time back.

In the US dating in the workplace potentially falls under the case law of sexual harassment. The issue is basically the following:

• 2 of the companies employees are dating or even possibly get married working for the same company


• Then they break it off or divorce.


• Once that happens one of the parties involved can claim sexual harassment against the other and under some state and federal statutes the company may be held liable.

Given that potential scenario the companies discourage dating in the workplace to the point of making it a cause for firing an employee.

The dating of employees within the company is usually allowed by a special dispensation from Human Resources after a consultation with lawyers. And usually involves some paperwork to protect the company from scenario I described above.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
  – Sam
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:56
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
  – Karlson
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:08
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
  – D.W.
  Jan 17 '13 at 22:33
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
  – Karlson
  Jan 18 '13 at 2:44
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
  – D.W.
  Jan 18 '13 at 3:45
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
9
down vote

up vote
9
down vote

As it was once explained to me by a lawyer some time back.

In the US dating in the workplace potentially falls under the case law of sexual harassment. The issue is basically the following:

• 2 of the companies employees are dating or even possibly get married working for the same company


• Then they break it off or divorce.


• Once that happens one of the parties involved can claim sexual harassment against the other and under some state and federal statutes the company may be held liable.

Given that potential scenario the companies discourage dating in the workplace to the point of making it a cause for firing an employee.

The dating of employees within the company is usually allowed by a special dispensation from Human Resources after a consultation with lawyers. And usually involves some paperwork to protect the company from scenario I described above.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

As it was once explained to me by a lawyer some time back.

In the US dating in the workplace potentially falls under the case law of sexual harassment. The issue is basically the following:

• 2 of the companies employees are dating or even possibly get married working for the same company


• Then they break it off or divorce.


• Once that happens one of the parties involved can claim sexual harassment against the other and under some state and federal statutes the company may be held liable.

Given that potential scenario the companies discourage dating in the workplace to the point of making it a cause for firing an employee.

The dating of employees within the company is usually allowed by a special dispensation from Human Resources after a consultation with lawyers. And usually involves some paperwork to protect the company from scenario I described above.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

edited Jan 10 '13 at 16:33

ChrisF

8,56423957

8,56423957

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

answered Jan 10 '13 at 15:55

Karlson

1,45911227

1,45911227

• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
  – Sam
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:56
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
  – Karlson
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:08
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
  – D.W.
  Jan 17 '13 at 22:33
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
  – Karlson
  Jan 18 '13 at 2:44
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
  – D.W.
  Jan 18 '13 at 3:45
  
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  4
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
  – Sam
  Jan 11 '13 at 15:56
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
  – Karlson
  Jan 11 '13 at 16:08
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  1
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
  – D.W.
  Jan 17 '13 at 22:33
  
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
  – Karlson
  Jan 18 '13 at 2:44
  

  
  
  
  


• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
  – D.W.
  Jan 18 '13 at 3:45
  
  

  
  
  
  

4

4

Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
– Sam
Jan 11 '13 at 15:56

Dear [grumpy HR manager]. I want to go out with Jane tonight. And I would want to inform you that... uhhmmmm, I would want to kiss her. Can you please give me a [special dispensation] for this? Thank you! I may come back again later...
– Sam
Jan 11 '13 at 15:56

1

1

@vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
– Karlson
Jan 11 '13 at 16:08

@vasile Welcome to the murky legal world. :) Happy dating! :)
– Karlson
Jan 11 '13 at 16:08

1

1

Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
– D.W.
Jan 17 '13 at 22:33

Karlson, thank you for sharing this response, however, I am skeptical whether this is an accurate statement of the law. I note that you have no citations to reputable sources, and you yourself are not a legal expert, which to me makes the answer of dubious reliability. (It may be accurate to say that "one of the parties can claim sexual harassment", but anyone can claim anything at any time. That doesn't mean the employer will actually be held liable.) I would advise against relying upon a second-hand description of legal advice someone once received.
– D.W.
Jan 17 '13 at 22:33

@D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
– Karlson
Jan 18 '13 at 2:44

@D.W. ahmcp.com/articles/liability_harassment.html, twc.state.tx.us/news/efte/harassment_minimizing_liability.html, www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html
– Karlson
Jan 18 '13 at 2:44

@Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
– D.W.
Jan 18 '13 at 3:45

@Karlson, those are very nice links, but they don't contradict anything I wrote. Bottom line: this is not a simple subject, and people should generally be wary of taking legal advice based upon answers here. I suspect you are not qualified to give legal advice, and taking legal advice based upon someone's second-hand recollection of what a lawyer once told them is not a wonderful idea, either. (I'm sure there is some truth to your answer, but my understanding is that the situation is a bit more complex than your answer indicates.)
– D.W.
Jan 18 '13 at 3:45

add a comment | 

up vote
6
down vote

It's a bad idea because you cannot represent the organization's business interests properly in your role as boss, with respect to that person. You are likely to favor that person regardless of their performance in their job.

Since you run this small company, this might not be a problem. Your company, your rules, right?

But suppose you ran a very large company. Would you want your lower level managers supervising people who are their significant others? Or nephews, nieces, cousins, ...?

There is a word for this: nepotism.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

add a comment | 

up vote
6
down vote

It's a bad idea because you cannot represent the organization's business interests properly in your role as boss, with respect to that person. You are likely to favor that person regardless of their performance in their job.

Since you run this small company, this might not be a problem. Your company, your rules, right?

But suppose you ran a very large company. Would you want your lower level managers supervising people who are their significant others? Or nephews, nieces, cousins, ...?

There is a word for this: nepotism.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

add a comment | 

up vote
6
down vote

up vote
6
down vote

It's a bad idea because you cannot represent the organization's business interests properly in your role as boss, with respect to that person. You are likely to favor that person regardless of their performance in their job.

Since you run this small company, this might not be a problem. Your company, your rules, right?

But suppose you ran a very large company. Would you want your lower level managers supervising people who are their significant others? Or nephews, nieces, cousins, ...?

There is a word for this: nepotism.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

It's a bad idea because you cannot represent the organization's business interests properly in your role as boss, with respect to that person. You are likely to favor that person regardless of their performance in their job.

Since you run this small company, this might not be a problem. Your company, your rules, right?

But suppose you ran a very large company. Would you want your lower level managers supervising people who are their significant others? Or nephews, nieces, cousins, ...?

There is a word for this: nepotism.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

answered Jan 10 '13 at 22:29

Kaz

2,183910

2,183910

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

You mentioned "I run a small company". Means you may be the founder/Chairman. You are the person most respected in the company. By falling in love / having romantic relationship (sounds cheap, I'm sorry if it hurts you) may end up losing your prestige, dignity, respect. Because if you are in love and want to date and get married that will be great. But just "Romantic relationship which wont la(u)st long I won't recommend you to go on with such a decision.

1. By losing respect, the value for your voice ll go down and to get optimum productivity you ll have to force the employees.


2. You may earn lots of people to speak and spread rumors about you... that's nonsense.


3. lot more to say.

To maintain your value in organization, if you still have a huge crush on her, ask her out for a date and tell her things, if you have good thoughts get her a good job in some other company using your contacts. Then you can date her, she will like you for your gentleness.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
  – Sakthivel
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:35
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

You mentioned "I run a small company". Means you may be the founder/Chairman. You are the person most respected in the company. By falling in love / having romantic relationship (sounds cheap, I'm sorry if it hurts you) may end up losing your prestige, dignity, respect. Because if you are in love and want to date and get married that will be great. But just "Romantic relationship which wont la(u)st long I won't recommend you to go on with such a decision.

1. By losing respect, the value for your voice ll go down and to get optimum productivity you ll have to force the employees.


2. You may earn lots of people to speak and spread rumors about you... that's nonsense.


3. lot more to say.

To maintain your value in organization, if you still have a huge crush on her, ask her out for a date and tell her things, if you have good thoughts get her a good job in some other company using your contacts. Then you can date her, she will like you for your gentleness.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
  – Sakthivel
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:35
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

up vote
2
down vote

You mentioned "I run a small company". Means you may be the founder/Chairman. You are the person most respected in the company. By falling in love / having romantic relationship (sounds cheap, I'm sorry if it hurts you) may end up losing your prestige, dignity, respect. Because if you are in love and want to date and get married that will be great. But just "Romantic relationship which wont la(u)st long I won't recommend you to go on with such a decision.

1. By losing respect, the value for your voice ll go down and to get optimum productivity you ll have to force the employees.


2. You may earn lots of people to speak and spread rumors about you... that's nonsense.


3. lot more to say.

To maintain your value in organization, if you still have a huge crush on her, ask her out for a date and tell her things, if you have good thoughts get her a good job in some other company using your contacts. Then you can date her, she will like you for your gentleness.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

You mentioned "I run a small company". Means you may be the founder/Chairman. You are the person most respected in the company. By falling in love / having romantic relationship (sounds cheap, I'm sorry if it hurts you) may end up losing your prestige, dignity, respect. Because if you are in love and want to date and get married that will be great. But just "Romantic relationship which wont la(u)st long I won't recommend you to go on with such a decision.

1. By losing respect, the value for your voice ll go down and to get optimum productivity you ll have to force the employees.


2. You may earn lots of people to speak and spread rumors about you... that's nonsense.


3. lot more to say.

To maintain your value in organization, if you still have a huge crush on her, ask her out for a date and tell her things, if you have good thoughts get her a good job in some other company using your contacts. Then you can date her, she will like you for your gentleness.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

edited Jan 11 '13 at 7:13

gnat

3,23273066

3,23273066

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

answered Jan 11 '13 at 7:03

Sakthivel

1345

1345

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
  – Sakthivel
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:35
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  @gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
  – Sakthivel
  Jan 11 '13 at 7:35
  

  
  
  
  

@gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
– Sakthivel
Jan 11 '13 at 7:35

@gnat : Thanks for your concern :-)
– Sakthivel
Jan 11 '13 at 7:35

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

I'm gonna be very honest and serious with you on this one. It's highly unlikely that the situation will have a good ending. There is a chance but it's a very small chance that things will not end up catastrophically for both or either of you.

A certain level of unprofessionalism will be displayed by one or both of you, which will disturb the workplace and might cause problems with your clients.

Please accept this as a very sincerer advice. Looking at the wording of your original question, I'm almost certain that you will display unprofessional behaviour and in turn cause disturbance in the workplace.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
  – Dave M
  Jan 11 '13 at 22:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

I'm gonna be very honest and serious with you on this one. It's highly unlikely that the situation will have a good ending. There is a chance but it's a very small chance that things will not end up catastrophically for both or either of you.

A certain level of unprofessionalism will be displayed by one or both of you, which will disturb the workplace and might cause problems with your clients.

Please accept this as a very sincerer advice. Looking at the wording of your original question, I'm almost certain that you will display unprofessional behaviour and in turn cause disturbance in the workplace.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
  – Dave M
  Jan 11 '13 at 22:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

up vote
2
down vote

I'm gonna be very honest and serious with you on this one. It's highly unlikely that the situation will have a good ending. There is a chance but it's a very small chance that things will not end up catastrophically for both or either of you.

A certain level of unprofessionalism will be displayed by one or both of you, which will disturb the workplace and might cause problems with your clients.

Please accept this as a very sincerer advice. Looking at the wording of your original question, I'm almost certain that you will display unprofessional behaviour and in turn cause disturbance in the workplace.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

I'm gonna be very honest and serious with you on this one. It's highly unlikely that the situation will have a good ending. There is a chance but it's a very small chance that things will not end up catastrophically for both or either of you.

A certain level of unprofessionalism will be displayed by one or both of you, which will disturb the workplace and might cause problems with your clients.

Please accept this as a very sincerer advice. Looking at the wording of your original question, I'm almost certain that you will display unprofessional behaviour and in turn cause disturbance in the workplace.

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

answered Jan 11 '13 at 14:24

Addi

311

311

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
  – Dave M
  Jan 11 '13 at 22:44
  

  
  
  
  

add a comment | 

• 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  

  
  Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
  – Dave M
  Jan 11 '13 at 22:44
  

  
  
  
  

Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
– Dave M
Jan 11 '13 at 22:44

Thanks @addi for yor answer. However, I'm curious that what exactly made you think that I would cause disturbance and unprofessional behaviour?
– Dave M
Jan 11 '13 at 22:44

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

The OP is asking why it is bad between subordinates, not why it is bad at the work place. The issue is one of perception. Many will perceive that the relationship is not one of mutual, personal romance. But instead a relationship based on leveraging company opportunities and company money for manager's dating opportunities.

If you think that having a poor perception of both your company and your relationship with this person is acceptable, then go for it. Otherwise try to tackle the whole not dating your subordinates lifestyle first, to at least look like you don't need to leverage your ownership/managerial position for dating.

Lastly, keep in mind that some people do come into companies with the open mindedness of dating their coworkers. Others already have relationships or established dating lives or do not want to date anyone. There are many different perspectives and differences in the workplace. Bare that in mind. Someone people only want to work for your company for money making opportunities only, and will see this as a poor decision. They do want to see you happy in your dating life, but they don't want to see their firm's reputation suffer because they have families/wives they need to provide for. Try to think about all those decisions BEFORE you think about your situation. It's not an easy one to make.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

The OP is asking why it is bad between subordinates, not why it is bad at the work place. The issue is one of perception. Many will perceive that the relationship is not one of mutual, personal romance. But instead a relationship based on leveraging company opportunities and company money for manager's dating opportunities.

If you think that having a poor perception of both your company and your relationship with this person is acceptable, then go for it. Otherwise try to tackle the whole not dating your subordinates lifestyle first, to at least look like you don't need to leverage your ownership/managerial position for dating.

Lastly, keep in mind that some people do come into companies with the open mindedness of dating their coworkers. Others already have relationships or established dating lives or do not want to date anyone. There are many different perspectives and differences in the workplace. Bare that in mind. Someone people only want to work for your company for money making opportunities only, and will see this as a poor decision. They do want to see you happy in your dating life, but they don't want to see their firm's reputation suffer because they have families/wives they need to provide for. Try to think about all those decisions BEFORE you think about your situation. It's not an easy one to make.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

add a comment | 

up vote
2
down vote

up vote
2
down vote

The OP is asking why it is bad between subordinates, not why it is bad at the work place. The issue is one of perception. Many will perceive that the relationship is not one of mutual, personal romance. But instead a relationship based on leveraging company opportunities and company money for manager's dating opportunities.

If you think that having a poor perception of both your company and your relationship with this person is acceptable, then go for it. Otherwise try to tackle the whole not dating your subordinates lifestyle first, to at least look like you don't need to leverage your ownership/managerial position for dating.

Lastly, keep in mind that some people do come into companies with the open mindedness of dating their coworkers. Others already have relationships or established dating lives or do not want to date anyone. There are many different perspectives and differences in the workplace. Bare that in mind. Someone people only want to work for your company for money making opportunities only, and will see this as a poor decision. They do want to see you happy in your dating life, but they don't want to see their firm's reputation suffer because they have families/wives they need to provide for. Try to think about all those decisions BEFORE you think about your situation. It's not an easy one to make.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

The OP is asking why it is bad between subordinates, not why it is bad at the work place. The issue is one of perception. Many will perceive that the relationship is not one of mutual, personal romance. But instead a relationship based on leveraging company opportunities and company money for manager's dating opportunities.

If you think that having a poor perception of both your company and your relationship with this person is acceptable, then go for it. Otherwise try to tackle the whole not dating your subordinates lifestyle first, to at least look like you don't need to leverage your ownership/managerial position for dating.

Lastly, keep in mind that some people do come into companies with the open mindedness of dating their coworkers. Others already have relationships or established dating lives or do not want to date anyone. There are many different perspectives and differences in the workplace. Bare that in mind. Someone people only want to work for your company for money making opportunities only, and will see this as a poor decision. They do want to see you happy in your dating life, but they don't want to see their firm's reputation suffer because they have families/wives they need to provide for. Try to think about all those decisions BEFORE you think about your situation. It's not an easy one to make.

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

edited Jan 18 '13 at 7:38

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

answered Jan 18 '13 at 7:31

Zombies

1316

1316

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

I'm surprised that no-one has cover the power differential yet.

How can you be 100% certain that your subordinate shares your feelings?

Because if they don't, and you approach them, the subordinate may rightly think that saying no could harm them professionally. The reason why employer/subordinate as well as teacher/student relationships are frowned upon is they can easily be seen that the senior person is taking advantage of their position. If pressured to enter a relationship or even just hearing your advances can be considered sexual harassment in most jurisdictions.

Regardless of what you think, you hold a position of power over your staff and you must respect that. Unfortunately, what you need to do is nothing. Don't bring it up... at all. Even mentioning that you had considered it can cause tension. Your feelings are your problem, and should be professional enough to not make your staff subject to unwanted advances.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

I'm surprised that no-one has cover the power differential yet.

How can you be 100% certain that your subordinate shares your feelings?

Because if they don't, and you approach them, the subordinate may rightly think that saying no could harm them professionally. The reason why employer/subordinate as well as teacher/student relationships are frowned upon is they can easily be seen that the senior person is taking advantage of their position. If pressured to enter a relationship or even just hearing your advances can be considered sexual harassment in most jurisdictions.

Regardless of what you think, you hold a position of power over your staff and you must respect that. Unfortunately, what you need to do is nothing. Don't bring it up... at all. Even mentioning that you had considered it can cause tension. Your feelings are your problem, and should be professional enough to not make your staff subject to unwanted advances.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

add a comment | 

up vote
1
down vote

up vote
1
down vote

I'm surprised that no-one has cover the power differential yet.

How can you be 100% certain that your subordinate shares your feelings?

Because if they don't, and you approach them, the subordinate may rightly think that saying no could harm them professionally. The reason why employer/subordinate as well as teacher/student relationships are frowned upon is they can easily be seen that the senior person is taking advantage of their position. If pressured to enter a relationship or even just hearing your advances can be considered sexual harassment in most jurisdictions.

Regardless of what you think, you hold a position of power over your staff and you must respect that. Unfortunately, what you need to do is nothing. Don't bring it up... at all. Even mentioning that you had considered it can cause tension. Your feelings are your problem, and should be professional enough to not make your staff subject to unwanted advances.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

I'm surprised that no-one has cover the power differential yet.

How can you be 100% certain that your subordinate shares your feelings?

Because if they don't, and you approach them, the subordinate may rightly think that saying no could harm them professionally. The reason why employer/subordinate as well as teacher/student relationships are frowned upon is they can easily be seen that the senior person is taking advantage of their position. If pressured to enter a relationship or even just hearing your advances can be considered sexual harassment in most jurisdictions.

Regardless of what you think, you hold a position of power over your staff and you must respect that. Unfortunately, what you need to do is nothing. Don't bring it up... at all. Even mentioning that you had considered it can cause tension. Your feelings are your problem, and should be professional enough to not make your staff subject to unwanted advances.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

answered Jul 11 '13 at 2:00

user9158

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

There are some good answers here from the company point of view, but look at it from the human point of view, too:

1) Do you really know the other person is interested in you, or is it just a shared interest in the type of work that you do? I know I leave a great deal of my personal interests in the parking lot when I arrive to work. I focus on my work and ensuring that I am supporting my coworkers and meeting my objectives. I don't bring much else. Since you are a business owner, I imagine you are much the same. Your employee may also be the same, meaning everything you see about them "lines up" with you, but you are both (likely) leaving a huge amount of who you are outside the workplace unexamined. How do you even know you would be compatible?

2) You have authority over the other person at work. How could you ever have a relationship of equals when you have power over their means to make a living? The power dynamic in a relationship can get really messed up if there is a disparity in income between the two. You are the income source for the other person. How could you ever hope to have an equal, balanced relationship?

3) What happens if they get a good job offer from a competitor? You would feel personally betrayed if they took it. They would be resentful if they didn't take it because of this relationship.

4) Their relationships with their coworkers at the office would be devastated. No one would ever have a "gripe session" about the company with them. No one would trust them with any confidence, believing (and rightfully so) they were more loyal to you than anyone else. I'm sure you're the world's greatest boss, but running a business means making your employees unhappy in order to satisfy your customers. That's why you have to pay employees in the first place. Would you avoid giving them difficult assignments or "problem" customers in order to safeguard your relationship. Maybe not consciously, but it would happen.

5) You would never evaluate them equally, again. "Bob" is always late, so you discipline him. Your interest is always late, but you cut them some slack because you took them out the evening before and you feel it's partially your fault. Bob isn't getting a fair shake.

Look at it from the relationship side, and not just the company side.

Now, the only way to fix this is to not work at the same company. Who has to leave and who gets to stay? Who gets to pick? In your case, you and the company are the same thing, but not so in most situations.

Say I'm a rock-star senior salesman, been in the biz 20 years and have 5 or 6 million in annual sales that I bring in. You're an inside sales rep who answers to me supporting my customers. We get serious, and it becomes a problem in the workplace. You would have a hard time finding another job in a slow economy, but I can hop over to "Brand X" and bring at least 2 million in sales with me. Brand X says, "Great. Welcome aboard." The first company now just lost a good salesman, $2 million in business, and has an inside sales rep with questionable loyalties that "cost" them all of the above. How do you think your chances of promotion are, now?

That's why intra-office dating is never a good idea. Working with a spouse is another potential disaster, but for entirely different reasons.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

There are some good answers here from the company point of view, but look at it from the human point of view, too:

1) Do you really know the other person is interested in you, or is it just a shared interest in the type of work that you do? I know I leave a great deal of my personal interests in the parking lot when I arrive to work. I focus on my work and ensuring that I am supporting my coworkers and meeting my objectives. I don't bring much else. Since you are a business owner, I imagine you are much the same. Your employee may also be the same, meaning everything you see about them "lines up" with you, but you are both (likely) leaving a huge amount of who you are outside the workplace unexamined. How do you even know you would be compatible?

2) You have authority over the other person at work. How could you ever have a relationship of equals when you have power over their means to make a living? The power dynamic in a relationship can get really messed up if there is a disparity in income between the two. You are the income source for the other person. How could you ever hope to have an equal, balanced relationship?

3) What happens if they get a good job offer from a competitor? You would feel personally betrayed if they took it. They would be resentful if they didn't take it because of this relationship.

4) Their relationships with their coworkers at the office would be devastated. No one would ever have a "gripe session" about the company with them. No one would trust them with any confidence, believing (and rightfully so) they were more loyal to you than anyone else. I'm sure you're the world's greatest boss, but running a business means making your employees unhappy in order to satisfy your customers. That's why you have to pay employees in the first place. Would you avoid giving them difficult assignments or "problem" customers in order to safeguard your relationship. Maybe not consciously, but it would happen.

5) You would never evaluate them equally, again. "Bob" is always late, so you discipline him. Your interest is always late, but you cut them some slack because you took them out the evening before and you feel it's partially your fault. Bob isn't getting a fair shake.

Look at it from the relationship side, and not just the company side.

Now, the only way to fix this is to not work at the same company. Who has to leave and who gets to stay? Who gets to pick? In your case, you and the company are the same thing, but not so in most situations.

Say I'm a rock-star senior salesman, been in the biz 20 years and have 5 or 6 million in annual sales that I bring in. You're an inside sales rep who answers to me supporting my customers. We get serious, and it becomes a problem in the workplace. You would have a hard time finding another job in a slow economy, but I can hop over to "Brand X" and bring at least 2 million in sales with me. Brand X says, "Great. Welcome aboard." The first company now just lost a good salesman, $2 million in business, and has an inside sales rep with questionable loyalties that "cost" them all of the above. How do you think your chances of promotion are, now?

That's why intra-office dating is never a good idea. Working with a spouse is another potential disaster, but for entirely different reasons.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

up vote
0
down vote

There are some good answers here from the company point of view, but look at it from the human point of view, too:

1) Do you really know the other person is interested in you, or is it just a shared interest in the type of work that you do? I know I leave a great deal of my personal interests in the parking lot when I arrive to work. I focus on my work and ensuring that I am supporting my coworkers and meeting my objectives. I don't bring much else. Since you are a business owner, I imagine you are much the same. Your employee may also be the same, meaning everything you see about them "lines up" with you, but you are both (likely) leaving a huge amount of who you are outside the workplace unexamined. How do you even know you would be compatible?

2) You have authority over the other person at work. How could you ever have a relationship of equals when you have power over their means to make a living? The power dynamic in a relationship can get really messed up if there is a disparity in income between the two. You are the income source for the other person. How could you ever hope to have an equal, balanced relationship?

3) What happens if they get a good job offer from a competitor? You would feel personally betrayed if they took it. They would be resentful if they didn't take it because of this relationship.

4) Their relationships with their coworkers at the office would be devastated. No one would ever have a "gripe session" about the company with them. No one would trust them with any confidence, believing (and rightfully so) they were more loyal to you than anyone else. I'm sure you're the world's greatest boss, but running a business means making your employees unhappy in order to satisfy your customers. That's why you have to pay employees in the first place. Would you avoid giving them difficult assignments or "problem" customers in order to safeguard your relationship. Maybe not consciously, but it would happen.

5) You would never evaluate them equally, again. "Bob" is always late, so you discipline him. Your interest is always late, but you cut them some slack because you took them out the evening before and you feel it's partially your fault. Bob isn't getting a fair shake.

Look at it from the relationship side, and not just the company side.

Now, the only way to fix this is to not work at the same company. Who has to leave and who gets to stay? Who gets to pick? In your case, you and the company are the same thing, but not so in most situations.

Say I'm a rock-star senior salesman, been in the biz 20 years and have 5 or 6 million in annual sales that I bring in. You're an inside sales rep who answers to me supporting my customers. We get serious, and it becomes a problem in the workplace. You would have a hard time finding another job in a slow economy, but I can hop over to "Brand X" and bring at least 2 million in sales with me. Brand X says, "Great. Welcome aboard." The first company now just lost a good salesman, $2 million in business, and has an inside sales rep with questionable loyalties that "cost" them all of the above. How do you think your chances of promotion are, now?

That's why intra-office dating is never a good idea. Working with a spouse is another potential disaster, but for entirely different reasons.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

There are some good answers here from the company point of view, but look at it from the human point of view, too:

1) Do you really know the other person is interested in you, or is it just a shared interest in the type of work that you do? I know I leave a great deal of my personal interests in the parking lot when I arrive to work. I focus on my work and ensuring that I am supporting my coworkers and meeting my objectives. I don't bring much else. Since you are a business owner, I imagine you are much the same. Your employee may also be the same, meaning everything you see about them "lines up" with you, but you are both (likely) leaving a huge amount of who you are outside the workplace unexamined. How do you even know you would be compatible?

2) You have authority over the other person at work. How could you ever have a relationship of equals when you have power over their means to make a living? The power dynamic in a relationship can get really messed up if there is a disparity in income between the two. You are the income source for the other person. How could you ever hope to have an equal, balanced relationship?

3) What happens if they get a good job offer from a competitor? You would feel personally betrayed if they took it. They would be resentful if they didn't take it because of this relationship.

4) Their relationships with their coworkers at the office would be devastated. No one would ever have a "gripe session" about the company with them. No one would trust them with any confidence, believing (and rightfully so) they were more loyal to you than anyone else. I'm sure you're the world's greatest boss, but running a business means making your employees unhappy in order to satisfy your customers. That's why you have to pay employees in the first place. Would you avoid giving them difficult assignments or "problem" customers in order to safeguard your relationship. Maybe not consciously, but it would happen.

5) You would never evaluate them equally, again. "Bob" is always late, so you discipline him. Your interest is always late, but you cut them some slack because you took them out the evening before and you feel it's partially your fault. Bob isn't getting a fair shake.

Look at it from the relationship side, and not just the company side.

Now, the only way to fix this is to not work at the same company. Who has to leave and who gets to stay? Who gets to pick? In your case, you and the company are the same thing, but not so in most situations.

Say I'm a rock-star senior salesman, been in the biz 20 years and have 5 or 6 million in annual sales that I bring in. You're an inside sales rep who answers to me supporting my customers. We get serious, and it becomes a problem in the workplace. You would have a hard time finding another job in a slow economy, but I can hop over to "Brand X" and bring at least 2 million in sales with me. Brand X says, "Great. Welcome aboard." The first company now just lost a good salesman, $2 million in business, and has an inside sales rep with questionable loyalties that "cost" them all of the above. How do you think your chances of promotion are, now?

That's why intra-office dating is never a good idea. Working with a spouse is another potential disaster, but for entirely different reasons.

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

answered Jul 11 '13 at 23:54

Wesley Long

45.1k15100161

45.1k15100161

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

In the case of two people who happen to be employed by the same company, but don't have any work relationship, it's mostly Ok, at least as long as their relationship is fine, and even after that, if they manage to separate cleanly - which many people manage to do, and if one or both can't, then you had troublesome people anyway. The exception is companies that are very security conscious, for example a bank, which may have lots of protections against crooked employees, but not against two crooked employees working together.

In the case of supervisor and subordinate: That is asking for serious trouble, because that supervisor is always in danger of giving preferential treatment to their relationship, which then will cause trouble for everyone involved and around them. So a company will try to split them up. Which will hamper someone's career. Which is Ok-ish if you are getting married (I would still have married my wife if it had cost one of us our jobs, and she would have married me), but for a fresh relationship that is very bad.

In the case of company owner and subordinate: For the subordinate it's a very dangerous game. Worse than supervisor and subordinate, because there is no HR or boss stopping the company owner, if things go wrong. For the boss it's a huge opportunity to demonstrate either that he or she is a decent human being, or that he or she is no such thing. Either way. The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee leaves the company will be (1) very unfair and (2) very, very bad for morale. (In the case of supervisor: supervisor dates subordinate / supervisor and subordinate split up / supervisor tries to get subordinate fired / supervisor loses his job is probably good for morale). The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee stays and is permanently grumpy isn't good either. So this should only be done if both sides are really, really sure that this is the one.

On the other hand, if two people seriously want to be in a relationship, their jobs shouldn't stop them. In that case you both do your best to stay professional while persuing your relationship, and accept the consequences.

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

In the case of two people who happen to be employed by the same company, but don't have any work relationship, it's mostly Ok, at least as long as their relationship is fine, and even after that, if they manage to separate cleanly - which many people manage to do, and if one or both can't, then you had troublesome people anyway. The exception is companies that are very security conscious, for example a bank, which may have lots of protections against crooked employees, but not against two crooked employees working together.

In the case of supervisor and subordinate: That is asking for serious trouble, because that supervisor is always in danger of giving preferential treatment to their relationship, which then will cause trouble for everyone involved and around them. So a company will try to split them up. Which will hamper someone's career. Which is Ok-ish if you are getting married (I would still have married my wife if it had cost one of us our jobs, and she would have married me), but for a fresh relationship that is very bad.

In the case of company owner and subordinate: For the subordinate it's a very dangerous game. Worse than supervisor and subordinate, because there is no HR or boss stopping the company owner, if things go wrong. For the boss it's a huge opportunity to demonstrate either that he or she is a decent human being, or that he or she is no such thing. Either way. The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee leaves the company will be (1) very unfair and (2) very, very bad for morale. (In the case of supervisor: supervisor dates subordinate / supervisor and subordinate split up / supervisor tries to get subordinate fired / supervisor loses his job is probably good for morale). The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee stays and is permanently grumpy isn't good either. So this should only be done if both sides are really, really sure that this is the one.

On the other hand, if two people seriously want to be in a relationship, their jobs shouldn't stop them. In that case you both do your best to stay professional while persuing your relationship, and accept the consequences.

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

add a comment | 

up vote
0
down vote

up vote
0
down vote

In the case of two people who happen to be employed by the same company, but don't have any work relationship, it's mostly Ok, at least as long as their relationship is fine, and even after that, if they manage to separate cleanly - which many people manage to do, and if one or both can't, then you had troublesome people anyway. The exception is companies that are very security conscious, for example a bank, which may have lots of protections against crooked employees, but not against two crooked employees working together.

In the case of supervisor and subordinate: That is asking for serious trouble, because that supervisor is always in danger of giving preferential treatment to their relationship, which then will cause trouble for everyone involved and around them. So a company will try to split them up. Which will hamper someone's career. Which is Ok-ish if you are getting married (I would still have married my wife if it had cost one of us our jobs, and she would have married me), but for a fresh relationship that is very bad.

In the case of company owner and subordinate: For the subordinate it's a very dangerous game. Worse than supervisor and subordinate, because there is no HR or boss stopping the company owner, if things go wrong. For the boss it's a huge opportunity to demonstrate either that he or she is a decent human being, or that he or she is no such thing. Either way. The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee leaves the company will be (1) very unfair and (2) very, very bad for morale. (In the case of supervisor: supervisor dates subordinate / supervisor and subordinate split up / supervisor tries to get subordinate fired / supervisor loses his job is probably good for morale). The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee stays and is permanently grumpy isn't good either. So this should only be done if both sides are really, really sure that this is the one.

On the other hand, if two people seriously want to be in a relationship, their jobs shouldn't stop them. In that case you both do your best to stay professional while persuing your relationship, and accept the consequences.

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

In the case of two people who happen to be employed by the same company, but don't have any work relationship, it's mostly Ok, at least as long as their relationship is fine, and even after that, if they manage to separate cleanly - which many people manage to do, and if one or both can't, then you had troublesome people anyway. The exception is companies that are very security conscious, for example a bank, which may have lots of protections against crooked employees, but not against two crooked employees working together.

In the case of supervisor and subordinate: That is asking for serious trouble, because that supervisor is always in danger of giving preferential treatment to their relationship, which then will cause trouble for everyone involved and around them. So a company will try to split them up. Which will hamper someone's career. Which is Ok-ish if you are getting married (I would still have married my wife if it had cost one of us our jobs, and she would have married me), but for a fresh relationship that is very bad.

In the case of company owner and subordinate: For the subordinate it's a very dangerous game. Worse than supervisor and subordinate, because there is no HR or boss stopping the company owner, if things go wrong. For the boss it's a huge opportunity to demonstrate either that he or she is a decent human being, or that he or she is no such thing. Either way. The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee leaves the company will be (1) very unfair and (2) very, very bad for morale. (In the case of supervisor: supervisor dates subordinate / supervisor and subordinate split up / supervisor tries to get subordinate fired / supervisor loses his job is probably good for morale). The sequence owner dates employee / owner and employee split up / employee stays and is permanently grumpy isn't good either. So this should only be done if both sides are really, really sure that this is the one.

On the other hand, if two people seriously want to be in a relationship, their jobs shouldn't stop them. In that case you both do your best to stay professional while persuing your relationship, and accept the consequences.

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

share|improve this answer

share|improve this answer

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

answered May 21 '17 at 18:50

gnasher729

71.8k31134225

71.8k31134225

add a comment | 

add a comment | 

 

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